It was dark and windy as I slid open the door of the Hogwarts Express. The wind was howling, and made my already messy hair even more chaotic than usual. I ran my fingers through it without even thinking about it, and glanced back at the short redhead behind me. As soon as my hazel eyes met her green, she quickly looked down, at anything but me, I was sure. We hadn’t spoken a word since she translated Arabelle’s last sentence, and it was beginning to eat me up. I craved contact with her, whether it was having an actual conversation, which did actually occur from time to time, or having her scream at me, which seemed to occur more. Having her completely ignore me was complete torture.
And yet, I could think of nothing to say to her. This entire situation was extremely awkward, and all I wanted to do was explain everything to her, but I couldn’t make the words come out of my mouth. Drawing a blank, I stepped down off of the train, and began helping the new students off. Lily did the same on the other side of me, smiling brightly to the younger children, although the familiar sparkle that usually illuminated her emerald orbs was absent. Her eyes were cold.
My stomach squirmed a bit, but I ignored it and put my focus on getting everyone off of the train.
It took about fifteen minutes to get all of the excited students off the train, and at that point they were all crowded together on the platform, the older ones confidently making their way towards the carriages, and the First Years standing around, looking confused. I could see Hagrid’s towering frame approaching in the distance, and sighed in relief. Soon I would be able to get in a warm carriage, out of the biting wind. I pitied the poor First Years who had to cross the lake in this weather.
“James!” I heard Hagrid roar as he approached me.
I turned and smiled. “Hey, Hagrid.”
“Yeh made Head Boy! Great job, I knew yeh had it in yeh!” he exclaimed in an eager voice, clapping me on the back.
“Thanks, Hagrid,” I replied, doing my best to act cheerful. It seemed as though my mood was beginning to emulate Lily’s.
“Who got Head Girl, then?” he asked, scanning the crowd around us. His black eyes twinkled merrily as they landed on his other favorite student. “Lily?”
“Yeah,” I replied monotonously, my act instantly crumbling as soon as he mentioned her name.
He raised an eyebrow. “Yeh don’ seem too excited. Aren’ yeh lookin’ forward to spendin all that time with her?” Hagrid, along with the rest of the world, was well aware of how I felt about Lily.
I shrugged, and he gave me a suspicious look, but said nothing else about it.
After a few more minutes of rounding up the First Years who had attempted to get into a carriage, Lily and I pointed them in Hagrid’s direction, and began heading back to the carriages.
“Oi!” came Hagrid’s booming voice behind us. “Would you two mind helpin’ me keep this lot from killin’ each other out there? They seem rowdier than usual this year…”
“Sure, Hagrid,” Lily replied, though she didn’t seem too thrilled by the prospect. Neither was I, for that matter. The clouds seemed to be turning darker by the second, and thunder was beginning to rumble in the distance.
I groaned, and Lily narrowed her eyes at me. “Don’t act like you’re the only one who doesn’t want to do this, James,” she said. “I don’t fancy crossing the lake in this weather either, but it’s our duty as the Heads to help in any way that they ask us.”
“Lily, I know,” I said calmly, attempting to get back in her good graces. “I wasn’t going to complain.”
She gave me a doubtful stare, but said nothing more. As she turned to start heading for the lake, I grabbed her arm.
“Wait, Lily,” I said, pulling her back.
“What?” she sighed, pulling out of my grasp. Our eyes locked, and the iciness in her gaze melted. I was determined to tell her what was really going on.
“I need to explain something to you. I’m not supposed to tell anyone about this, but you have to know -”
“Jamie!”
I winced as Arabelle’s silky voice drifted into my ear. She latched onto my arm, and kissed my cheek. “Come, you will show me to my boat, no?”
The frost immediately reappeared in Lily’s eyes, and she turned and walked away without a second glance. Arabelle watched her retreating figure and smiled triumphantly.
“Come on, Jamie, wheech boat shall we get een?”
XXX
As I climbed into the boat Arabelle picked out, I wondered vaguely to myself what I had done to receive this kind of punishment. Had I gotten away with murder in a past life, and now I was paying the price? Glancing over at my bride-to-be, who was currently studying her nails in a bored fashion, I figured it had to be that or something much worse. All of the other students were gazing around in wonder and awe at their surroundings, amazed that they were actually here, actually entering Hogwarts, the best wizarding school in the world! And then there was Arabelle, who was more interested in her cuticles than the fact that she was presently crossing the Great Lake. What a bloody fun life this was going to be for me.
Fighting the urge to just push the petite blonde out of the boat, I turned my attention to my surroundings. I had never thought that I would cross the lake again, at least not like this. Even though the conditions were miserable, and the company was even worse, I figured I might as well enjoy it while it lasted. It wasn’t every day that someone got to relive their first day of Hogwarts.
Without even thinking about it, I started to look around for the Head Girl. It didn’t take long to locate her fiery red hair, even through the veil of drizzling rain. She was about three boats to the right of me, sitting in between Pierre and Arienne. Arienne was wearing an expression that mirrored her older sister’s, a fusion of exasperation and boredom. Lily and Pierre were talking and laughing, and I felt a stab of jealousy tear through me as he wiped a raindrop off of her cheek, and she smiled up at him in thanks.
Why did he get to be friends with her so quickly? It had taken me years to get to the point we were at now, which was saying hello in the halls, and having short conversations in the Great Hall. Of course, that was after I had been trying desperately to make up for years of senseless pranking. I supposed Pierre had the advantage of never making her hair flash different colors throughout the day… But I still felt as though that was unfair. I had only been eleven at the time! Sirius and I had been pranking anything that moved, with Remus and Peter laughing in the background. We were young, stupid, and immature, and I admitted that, and I had apologized so many times that I lost count. By Third Year I had started to fancy her a bit, so I stopped pranking her at once and set my sights on the Slytherins instead. And yet I knew it would still never be the same. She was always going to remember me as that little git that tried to get her attention by making her homework zoom around the room, just out of reach. And then there was Pierre, starting off with a clean slate, and using that veela charm to his full advantage, I was sure.
I sighed, and felt a small hand rub my back comfortingly. “What ees wrong, Jamie?” Arabelle asked, concern reflecting in her azure eyes.
“Nothing,” I said, maneuvering out of her reach. “I was just looking around, since no one’s talking.” It was true, too. We weren’t even the only ones in the boat; there were a few First Year boys in the boat with us, but they were too busy gawking at Arabelle to say much of anything. I almost told one of them that he could have her “ I wanted to “ but I held my tongue. God forbid I do what I want, and not what my parents told me to. I was supposed to be “in love” with Arabelle. I guessed trying to give her away wouldn’t appear to be very romantic.
“Well, let’s talk now,” she said eagerly, grabbing my hand. I cringed, and although my insides were screaming for me to wrench it away from her, I left it there.
I was a bit curious as to why she suddenly wanted to talk, but decided not to mention it. “Okay. What do you want to talk about?”
She looked thoughtful. “Well, I ‘ave been thinking, and… what ‘ouse do you theenk they will put me een?”
“Well, I don’t know,” I told her honestly. “It depends on your skills, and your personality and values “ that’s how the hat decides where to put you.” I noticed that the boys had turned their attention to me now, and they were hanging on my every word.
“The ‘at?” Arabelle asked, looking puzzled. “What do you mean, the ‘at decides what ‘ouse I will be een?”
“You’ve never heard of the Sorting Hat?” I asked in surprise. She shook her head. “Well, the founders of the school created it so that when they died, there would still be a way that they chose the students. You could say that they all put a bit of themselves in the hat “ Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, Slytherin, and the best of course, Gryffindor. You just put the hat on your head, and it decides where you belong.”
“Hmm,” she mused. “I am sorry, but that seems a beet silly to me. At Beauxbatons, we were sorted individually by zee ‘Eadmaster. Eet was a very good system.”
I felt a prickle of irritation. “Well, it seems to work well enough here.”
Apparently Arabelle hadn’t noticed that she was aggravating me. She rested her head on my shoulder, and said quietly “I ‘ope I am een your ‘ouse, Jamie.”
I rolled my eyes, but didn’t shake her off. We were almost to shore anyway.
XXX
The rain had still not slowed when we finally reached the ancient castle I considered to be my home. The First Years were now clamoring out of their boats, trying to relocate their newly discovered friends from the train. We were all completely drenched “ the small brunette standing beside me looked like a drowned rat.
After a few chaotic minutes of trying to obtain their attention, Hagrid, Lily and I finally managed to begin leading them up to the castle. Arabelle was still hanging off of my arm, sending Lily dirty looks whenever she thought that I wasn’t paying attention. I caught every one, although I never mentioned that I had noticed. It probably wouldn’t be very wise to get into a fight with Arabelle about Lily - at least not while the redhead in question was standing right next to us.
Pierre was walking next to Lily, of course, with Arienne trailing not too far behind him, the same sullen expression still plastered onto her face. The rain was still pouring steadily on us, with thunder booming in the distance, and lightning illuminating the sky every minute or so.
To put it simply, everyone was completely miserable “ I myself had a completely different reason for my mood, however. I was staring straight ahead of me, listening to Lily’s melodic voice, trying to think of some way to explain the situation to her. I knew for a fact that Arabelle would do everything in her power to keep Lily away from me, and in turn, me away from Lily, so I had to plan this right. I frowned as I remembered how close I had been to telling her before Arabelle interrupted us “ I couldn’t let it happen again. I wouldn’t let her mess it up this time. Even if Lily wanted nothing to do with me, I still wanted her to understand why I was marrying Arabelle “ she needed to know that it wasn’t my choice.
Professor McGonagall was standing at the top of the stairs as we entered the Entrance Hall, her catlike eyes narrowed into her usual scowl. The First Years scurried up the stairs toward her, still staring around in complete awe of where they were. Her gaze fell upon Lily and I, and she gestured for us to come to her. Arabelle reluctantly released her death grip on my arm, kissing me lightly on the cheek before I walked away. Lily fell into step beside me as we climbed the stairs, careful to avoid my stare.
“Mr. Potter, Miss Evans, you two can join your classmates in the Great Hall,” she told us when we finally reached her. “I imagine you must be quite cold; thank you for your assistance.”
“You’re welcome, Professor,” Lily said politely. I nodded, and we headed toward the Great Hall.
There was an awkward silence between us as we started for the Great Hall. Lily’s pace kept accelerating, and I knew she was trying to get to the feast quickly, so that I wouldn’t have time to say anything to her. However, I was not planning on letting her get her way this time.
I grabbed her arm again, hearing a small gasp of surprise. Without turning, she tried to wrench herself free of my grip, but I was not letting go.
“Please let go of me, James,” she said slowly, gritting her teeth as she attempted to pull away.
The use of my first name astonished me, but I didn’t let it distract me from what I was trying to do. “Not until you listen to what I have to say,” I told her firmly. She turned and gave me a look of defiance, but upon realizing that she was not going to break free, she gave up and relaxed her position.
“What?” she asked frigidly, the green eyes I adored thinning into slits.
“I just really need to talk to you,” I told her honestly. I instinctively glanced back at Arabelle, and comprehension dawned on her face.
“This is about Arabelle, isn’t it?” she asked incredulously. She smiled at me sympathetically. “Look James, you have a girlfriend “ don’t worry, I get it. You’re trying to tell me that you won’t be chasing me around anymore, right?”
I opened my mouth to try to respond, but she cut me off. “It’s alright, I understand. Somehow I might be able to survive without having James Potter trying to woo me every five minutes. Arabelle is a lovely girl. I’m happy for you.” She smiled at me brightly, and turned and walked into the Great Hall, leaving me standing there, completely stunned. How was it that I missed my chance to tell her again?!
I could feel the devastation slowly tearing my heart in two. Sure, I had been turned down by Lily Evans loads of times “ possibly hundreds “ but I always believed that someday she would give in; she would admit her feelings for me. But this was different, and I knew it. This felt…permanent. And having her say that she was happy for me? That just made it so much worse “ I wasn’t even happy for me!
My shoulders slumped as I walked through the vast oak doors into the splendor that was the Great Hall of Hogwarts. Familiar faces smiled at me from all sides as I made my way to my usual seat next to Sirius, Remus and Peter, but I couldn’t bring myself to return the favor. Disappointed, I sank into my seat, not even able to glance in Lily’s direction. I knew right where she would be sitting “ about ten seats down from me, squeezed in between Marlene McKinnon and Alice Carter. But I knew that seeing her face would just send another ripple of pain through my body, and I honestly wasn’t sure if I could take it.
“You alright, mate?” Remus asked, watching me with concern.
I shrugged, staring down at the table; the golden plates seemed to be the only things that could hold my gaze.
“Prongs?” Sirius asked uneasily. Peter sent me a worried look.
“I’m okay…” I mumbled, not moving my gaze.
The other three Marauders shared a doubtful look, but said nothing more, which I appreciated. They always knew when I needed space.
The Hall was abuzz with chatter for a few more minutes before the doors swung open once again, and McGonagall led the First Years into the room, the Sorting Hat and stool in hand.
Of course, the Champagnes stuck out like sore thumbs mixed in with the younger students, and everyone watched them with interest - trying to figure out who they were, from the sounds of the conversations around me. Their beauty also seemed to be a major topic of discussion “ the word ‘veela’ seemed to be thrown around from every direction.
The First Years all gathered around the Sorting Hat, studying it in interest and excitement as they waited for Professor McGonagall to begin the sorting. I saw Arabelle turn around and scan the room; she smiled when her blue eyes finally rested on my face, winking and blowing me a kiss. I heard a few guys around me grumble disappointedly, but I paid no attention to the jealous looks they kept sending me. My face burning, I looked down the table, straight at Lily. She was determinably turned away from me, apparently absorbed in deep conversation with Alice. I knew she had seen it, and my stomach twisted painfully.
My attention was brought back to the front of the room however, when McGonagall cleared her throat and read the first name off of her roll of parchment. “Adams, Lindsay,” was quickly sorted into Ravenclaw, and they clapped politely as she joined their table. The next few students were called up there, and I didn’t have to wait long to hear the name I was dreading “ Champagne.
“Champagne, Arabelle,” Professor McGonagall called in a clear voice.
The crowd of First Years split, allowing the blonde goddess to walk through; she had been standing at the edge of the throng with her siblings. She glided gracefully up the steps, sitting down serenely on the stool. Professor McGonagall placed the patched old hat on her head, and she beamed excitedly. It amazed me how she still managed to look like a model, even with that frayed hat sitting on top of her smooth hair.
The entire Hall was quiet as the Sorting Hat slowly contemplated which house she belonged in. A look of impatience quickly overcame Arabelle’s face as the minutes ticked by. I didn’t know which house she would be placed in, but I silently prayed that it would be anything but Gryffindor. I was having a hard enough time dealing with the fact that she was in my school “ I wasn’t sure if I could deal with sharing a common room with her.
“SLYTHERIN!” it suddenly bellowed. Arabelle’s eyes widened in shock, and she didn’t move until Professor McGonagall removed the hat from her head and gave her a little push towards the Slytherin table. She recovered quickly however, and keeping her composure, walked over to the Slytherin table, where the Slytherin boys were high-fiving each other in what I assumed to be excitement.
I was completely stunned, although still somehow unsurprised. Part of me had a feeling that she was going to be a Slytherin. However, this made my life even more complicated than it had been five minutes ago. Now, not only was I engaged to a girl I couldn’t stand, but she was also a Slytherin. I glanced over to where she was sitting, and she was looking at me, too; I could almost feel the disappointment radiating off of her.
However, the calling of the next name on the list distracted me from my latest dilemma. “Champagne, Arienne,” was announced, and the diminutive brunette made her way to the hat with as much elegance as her sister had managed. The hat didn’t take nearly as long to decide this time, only sitting on top of her chestnut-colored hair for about thirty seconds before it proclaimed, “HUFFLEPUFF!” to the school.
She handed the hat back to Professor McGonagall, and walked over to the Hufflepuffs, looking pleased with herself as usual.
I winced, bracing myself for who I knew was coming up next.
“Champagne, Pierre,” Professor McGonagall read from the parchment; he quickly made his way through the crowd. The female population of Hogwarts seemed to give off a simultaneous sigh as he came into view, and I rolled my eyes.
He actually looked rather bored for a moment, sitting on the stool, but then he spotted someone in the crowd and broke into a wide grin. I didn’t even have to look to know who it was, although I couldn’t stop myself from glimpsing over anyway. And I was right. It was Lily. My Lily.
I felt a surge of infuriation surge through me as the Sorting Hat bellowed, “GRYFFINDOR!”
Pierre beamed, handing the hat back to McGonagall and making his way over the Gryffindor table where, to my great displeasure, he squeezed in between Marlene and Lily. She gave him a quick hug as he sat down, and they turned their attention back to the remainder of the sortings.
My hands clenched into fists. My day was getting worse and worse by the minute.
I didn’t pay any attention to the rest of the sortings. My concentration drifted back to staring at the plates, although I was not unaware of Sirius, Remus and Peter watching me, and sending each other concerned glances. Thankfully though, they chose not to comment.
There were three specific things running through my mind at the moment: first of all, Lily thought I was in love with another girl, and didn’t appear to care; second, it appeared as though Pierre was trying to steal my Lily-flower, and now he was in my house; and third, and possibly the most disturbing “ I was engaged to a Slytherin.
Oh yes. My life was going wonderfully.
Fighting by Marauder_Princess
Chapter Notes: I hope it actually goes through this time. I have been trying for months to get this chapter up! I'm working on chapter 5 right now, and hopefully this will stop being dumb and actually put my chapters up :]
Chapter Endnotes: Thank you guys so much for being patient. I am really sorry about the wait - I'm not sure why the site wasn't letting me post new chapters, but hopefully it will keep letting me put them up. Thanks again, and as always, reviews would be appreciated! :]