What did I love about the rain? I never knew for sure. There was something haunting to it — like a mystery that had to be solved. It was beautiful, too, in its graceful silver line. The thunder seemed to shake the earth and the lightening looked like it split the sky in half. I loved the sound it made, the gentle tapping of each raindrop; it sounded like music. Most of all I loved gentle rain at night, when no one was around. During those times I loved to sneak out and see the world. When rain caught the moon’s light, everything seemed to sparkle. Sometimes when I walked in the rain I just wanted to laugh, because it made me so happy. I could never figure out quite why I loved it, though, and I thought I never would.
It was something I never told anyone, either. I think Bella had known I would sneak out at night, but once she left Hogwarts, I knew she couldn’t catch me. I never cared if she did catch me, anyway. What would she think I was doing? Thinking I was going out to walk in the rain would be her last guess… It would have been my last guess too, come to think of it.
People thought I was different than who I really was. To them I seemed cold, and maybe too perfect. I knew that was what they thought, for I had spent a great deal of time trying to make it that way.
I felt the cold rain fall into my hair, and I looked up at the dark sky. Raindrops splattered on my face, and I grinned into the coldness. It was so warm outside, and the rain felt wonderful. I opened my mouth, and a drop of rain fell in. I giggled softly, and wondered what my family would say if they could see me.
I knew they would be surprised. Standing in the rain might have seemed incongruous to my character, but it wasn’t — not really. Everyone puts on a mask, and I was no exception. I acted prime, proper, and poised, and I was those things, but I also had moments of weakness, of whimsy. There was another face — underneath the mask — that no one saw. It was the side that loved the rain, the side that could get a simple joy in that one small event that happened so frequently. I didn’t think anyone would’ve expected me to sneak out at night for the sole purpose of feeling the droplets of water and laughing in the rain. I never would have believed it if I were someone else. But it was true, and mostly I was glad no one knew those things about me, but at the same time I had a strange desire for someone to be able to see the face under the mask.
I suddenly slipped on the wet grass, and for a moment I laid there with a horrified look on my face. I had just fallen! But then I started to giggle, and soon it turned into a full laugh. Part of it was because I knew I could act like myself; no one was around; no one could see me.
I put my hands behind my head and looked up. I was staring straight into a tree. I examined its thick branches and lush leaves, and as I did my eyes found an unusual object.
I shrieked and sprang up, backing away quickly.
The figure nimbly jumped in front of me and looked at me with an amused half-smile.
“Narcissa Black — out so late?”
I stood gaping at him, completely and suddenly aware that I was completely soaked through. My blue robes had to be stained from when I fell, my hair was a mess, and I was standing in front of Lucius Malfoy, who was two years older than me and wonderfully… perfect.
I had dreamt of meeting him, of showing him just how perfect and proper I could be. I wanted him to know that I would be the ideal lady for him, one that could fit just right into society and would never ever embarrass him.
And yet there I was, soaking wet and in a terrible position. He was a Malfoy, for Merlin’s sake! It was so excruciating.
My face turned completely crimson, and I turned, ready to fly back inside. I had even started to run when I felt him grab my arm — not painfully, but enough to force me to stop abruptly. So abruptly, in fact, that the jolt caused us both to slip on the wet grass and go tumbling down as I had just moments before.
“Oh my God!” I cried. “Lucius, I’m so sorry! Are you hurt? Angry?”
But he just sat up and smiled at me in that same strange way.
“I’m not mad,” he answered.
“No?” I asked, my eyes wide with terror.
“No,” he replied, and his voice was much softer than I had ever heard him speak.
“Why were you…” But I couldn’t ask him, because I felt like it would be rude, and after all the embarrassment and knocking him down, I didn’t think I should be rude too.
“In a tree?” he finished.
I nodded.
“I could ask you why you were taking a midnight stroll in the rain.”
I didn’t want to answer that. “I don’t want people to know about that,” I told him.
“Maybe I don’t want people to know why I was sitting in a tree at midnight in the rain either.”
“So you aren’t going to tell me?” I asked, disappointed.
“I will, if you tell me your reason first,” he answered, the half-smile appearing again. It made my heart jump a little; Lucius was perfect.
“I like to walk in the rain. It’s nice and quiet and beautiful, and it’s one time I can be alone… Well, I’m not alone on this one, though.”
“Messed up your plans, did I?”
“I don’t mind,” I answered, gazing down at my hands.
“Well, I was in this tree because—” Then he cut off, looking away from me.
“What?” I prompted, getting a little excited.
“I’m Head Boy, of course, and a couple months ago I was patrolling,” he began, his grey eyes looking intently at me. “It was March, and it was fairly cold, and it was raining. But then I saw this girl just walk outside. I thought , Why in the world is she doing that? and followed her. I followed her for a long while. Sometimes she would laugh or even do really strange things like twirl. She seemed to get more enjoyment out of that than I had ever seen anyone get out of anything. I thought how odd she was. I was far behind, and I couldn’t quite see who that girl was. And once she was back inside, I noticed that that girl was you, the youngest Black girl, the last person I ever would have guessed.”
I blushed again, and he shook his head, amused, and kept talking, “So the next night I came back, expecting you again, even though I had no idea why I would want to see you again. You just seemed like some crazy girl.”
By this time I felt almost like he was telling this story to himself — marvelling to himself — but I listened anyway. “But you weren’t there. I came back for a few nights, but you never came again. I just figured it was a one-time thing, and so I stopped waiting. Hell, I didn’t even know why I was waiting in the first place… But sometimes I would look just to make sure if I happened to be patrolling, and one night about a month later I saw you again. It was raining that night, I noticed. I didn’t follow you again, because I told myself I shouldn’t worry about the youngest Black girl, especially one strange enough to get a perverse enjoyment of walking in the rain. I don’t know what you did to me, Narcissa, but the next time it rained I went out and climbed this tree and waited for you.”
“You did?”
“I did. Like a dog.” He cringed at the thought. “I never knew why, but I did it again and again. You have no idea what it’s like to see you at times like these. When you’re around me during — well, any time that isn’t now — you’re so cold and poised. I’m not saying that’s bad, but imagine how it was to see you again when you thought no one was around. You’re so… different.”
“Good different or lock-me-in-the-psych-ward-at-St.-Mungo’s different?”
He looked like he wanted to laugh, but instead he just answered, “It’s a good kind of different… Why don’t you act like that all the time?”
“Why don’t you act like this all the time?”
“Because I’m not like this all the time,” he answered, looking a bit confused and slightly angry. I didn’t think he really was, though.
“I’m not like this all the time.”
“But you could be.”
“So could you.”
He grinned. If I had blinked, I would have missed it because it passed so quickly.
“I don’t feel like acting like this in front of other people. I’m different here,” he said.
“Why?”
“Because I saw you walking in the rain,” he answered, one eyebrow raised. I thought that he wanted to say more, but wouldn’t.
“Because I understand?” I asked.
He rolled his eyes. “I’m not a prat,” he answered coldly. But I knew that was the reason.
“Why are you smiling at me?” he demanded.
But as his anger increased, my smile widened. I never knew Lucius Malfoy could be like this. Now I knew he wasn’t really cold or mean, but that he wore a mask too. Around each other, we had taken them off, and that was… special.
“Because,” I answered. We were sitting on the grass in the rain, having a very serious conversation. I had thought I had a crush on Lucius Malfoy for years, but now I knew that I had a crush on the mask. Now, though, I had fallen for the flesh underneath the mask — now I knew the real Lucius Malfoy, and it was no longer just a crush.
With this knowledge fortifying me, I leaned forward without warning and pressed my lips to his.
For a moment he did nothing and I thought I had made a mistake. But then he was responding to me, and I seemed to melt into him. Being with Lucius felt right and wonderful.
After a minute he pulled back, his lips twitching as if they wanted to smile. I grinned at him, realising how well I understood him. It was better, in a way, that he didn’t always have to tell me what he was thinking or feeling, because that wasn’t who he was, even behind the mask. Only once did he need to tell me exactly what he was thinking, and I knew he never would again. But it didn’t bother me — not at all.
He stood up and said, “You never finished your walk.”
“No, I didn’t,” I answered. “But this was better than a walk.”
“Well, you could always go now,” he suggested, and a look came across his face for a moment before it was smooth again.
“You have to come too!” I announced, knowing he wanted to. Then I took his hand and pulled him with me.
We walked silently for a while, until he asked, “Does everyone call you Narcissa?”
“My family calls me Cissy.” But I wrinkled my nose at the thought of him calling me that, and he noticed.
“How about Cissa?”
I smiled again and my hand moved up and I hugged his arm. He tried to look disgusted at the display of affection but failed. The half-smile appeared again.
“So what should I call you? Lucy?”
He stared at me incredulously, and I tried not to laugh. In a moment his own laughter rang out; I wondered if this would be the only time I would hear it so unguarded.
“If you do, I’d kill you,” he answered, forcing his face back into calm lines.
“Well, I guess I’ll have to settle for Lucius,” I said, trying to look disgusted.
“I guess so,” he answered, and then put his arm around my shoulders.
Never again would Lucius take off his mask as fully as he did that night. Over time he remained the same, even gaining an actual mask as he became a Death Eater. I supported him through it all, because I was in love with him. He never had to tell me what he thought or felt, because I always knew somehow. It was a strange ability, but it made me always love my husband no matter what, and more than anything. I could see through his mask always, as he could see through mine.
Everyone has a mask they wear, but sometimes the masks have to come off. I married the one person who made me want to take off the disguise and be myself.