By the time Lily made it back to the Gryffindor Tower, tears that had been welling up in her eyes finally spilled over. The common room was empty so Lily, not wanting to risk her roommates seeing her like this, sank into an armchair by the fireplace to try to sort out her thoughts.
Why was this so hard? She sighed and wrapped her arms around her legs. Why did James have to have feelings for her? She had been perfectly content with their new friendship, thinking of him more and more like a brother. Then he had to ruin it by confessing his love for her! Lily wiped her eyes as she thought about the next few days of school and how awkward it would be to see James. She cringed to remember how hurt he had looked when she had rejected him.
Suddenly from behind her, Lily heard the portrait hole open and glanced over her shoulder to see James climb through. She leaned back into the chair hoping James wouldn’t see her but this was unnecessary. He was staring intently at the floor looking very distressed and went straight up the stairs to the boys’ dormitories.
A wave of guilt washed over Lily as she was reminded that she was the cause of his pain. But this was for the best. If she was firm with him and refused to allow him to hope then maybe he could finally move on from her. And that was what she wanted….right?
James’ words still rang in her head: you love me, too. Lily knew that he could not be more wrong than if he had said that she was destined to play professional Quidditch. However, a small part of her brain could not ignore his response to her indignant denial. Really? So, are you telling me that you haven’t enjoyed spending time with me a little more than you should have? Or that you don’t get butterflies or feel your heart beat like crazy when I’m around? Or even that you don’t secretly like it when I’m close to you?
Though she would never admit it aloud, he had been right. She always secretly looked forward to seeing his smiling face at breakfast every morning. It made her feel special that he always looked for her and ignored the many girls who were anxious to be in her place. Whenever he got too close or smiled her favorite crooked smile, she did feel her heart quicken and her stomach do a back flip.
Groaning, Lily slid down in her chair and put her head in her hands. Did this mean she had feelings for James? She tried to picture finally accepting a date with James, walking down the halls holding hands with him, kissing him…
Lily remembered how he had kissed her earlier that night. She had been too much in shock that he had actually tried to kiss her to think much about the kiss. Though brief, it hadn’t been at all like the kiss she had shared with the Ravenclaw prefect in her fifth year. She had barely known the boy and had been too flattered to turn down the date. Now that she thought about it, she had also accepted the date out of spite; James had been particularly annoying earlier that day and had made a big show of asking her out in front of a large crowd. The kiss with the Ravenclaw boy in Madam Puddifoot’s teashop had been awkward and embarrassing. She had never gone out with him again after that.
The kiss with James had been entirely different. At least from James, there had been passion as he pressed his warm soft lips against hers. For a fleeting moment, Lily had to repress the urge to think about what would have happened if she had allowed James to continue.
Slightly disgusted with herself, Lily made a disgruntled face. James was her friend and nothing more. She wouldn’t think of him in any other way. With her mind made up, Lily got up from the armchair and headed upstairs to the girls’ dormitories.
*****
The next morning when Lily came down for breakfast she automatically looked for James in their usual spot but found him sitting with the other Marauders at the far end of the Gryffindor table. Frowning to herself, Lily sat down with Andy, Kelly, and Meredith.
“Well, this is new,” commented Andy, as Lily helped herself to the plate of scrambled eggs.
“Yeah,” agreed Kelly, looking concerned. “Did something happen with James, Lily?”
“What? Oh, well, we had a little argument…”
“Oh, really?” Meredith said, looking concerned.
“What’s it to you?” Lily would have thought Meredith would be thrilled to hear this news.
Meredith shrugged and opened her mouth to reply but Lily cut her off.
“I thought you were dating Sean Macmillan from Hufflepuff. Don’t you usually sit with him?” she asked Meredith, coolly.
“That ended a while ago. You would have known if you hadn’t been so wrapped up in James Potter,” Meredith said with a small smile.
“I have not been””
“Lily, it’s okay,” Meredith interrupted. “I’ve seen you with him…and I’m not going to fight with you about James anymore…I guess I’m giving up.”
“What are you saying?” Lily asked Meredith. “You’re crazy about James.”
Meredith sighed. “Yeah, but I guess I’ve seen how happy you are with him and so…I’m not going to argue when you finally decide to go out with him.”
Lily looked at Meredith speechless for a moment. This was very uncharacteristic of her. “Wow, Mer…thanks…but that’s never going to happen.”
“What do you mean?” asked Kelly, looking up from her breakfast.
Andy had also abandoned his toast and looked at Lily for an explanation.
Taking a deep breath, Lily began the story of the night before, telling them about skipping Head duties to go to the Room of Requirement, James’ confession, and their fight afterwards. When she finished, both Meredith’s and Kelly’s mouths were hanging slightly open and Andy’s eyes were wide.
“Wow, Lily. I guess if you feel that way, there’s not much I can say…” Kelly said.
“But you are making a mistake, Lily,” Meredith insisted.
“Maybe I am…” she sighed. Not meeting her friends’ eyes, Lily hitched her book bag over her shoulder and left for class a little early.
The remainder of that day, and the rest of the week for that matter, seemed to stretch on forever to Lily. Her mind was still in turmoil over James and she could not get him out of her head. So much had changed in so short a time. Just last week, she and James had been practically joined at the hip and now he was as aloof as he had been in September.
Throughout her classes, Lily tried to sneak glances over where James was sitting but he never looked her way, leaving Lily feeling disconcerted and lonely. Even though she sat with Kelly, Andy, and Meredith she might as well have been alone. Her friends didn’t talk to her and didn’t look at her except to give her sympathetic looks.
On Friday, when Lily thought she would finally have a chance to talk to James, she received a message from Professor McGonagall regretfully informing her that she would be doing her Head duties with one of the Gryffindor prefects, as James needed his rest for the Gryffindor vs. Slytherin Quidditch game the next day.
Even after staying out late patrolling the castle, Lily still woke up early on Saturday morning. The sun had just begun to rise when Lily slipped out of bed, dressed, and quietly headed down the stairs to breakfast.
When she arrived in the Great Hall, she found it to be mostly empty, with the exceptions of small groups of students sitting here and there at the House tables. At the Gryffindor table, though, there were only a few third years and the Gryffindor Quidditch team.
Lily sat a ways down the table from the Quidditch team, willing herself not to look in James’ direction, and helped herself to a piece of toast. After a few minutes of eating in silence, Lily heard a high girlish voice call James’ name. She glanced down the table out of the corner of her eye to see a beautiful petite blonde sit down at the table in an empty chair directly across from James.
“I want to wish you good luck on your game today,” Olivia said, brightly. “I’ll be in the front row cheering you on!”
“Oh, yeah?” James replied, flashing a wide smile.
“Of course!” Then, cocking her head to the side, she asked, “You’re a Chaser, right?”
“Yeah,” he replied, proudly. Then to Lily’s surprise, James’ hand jumped up to his untidy, jet black hair and he began to ruffle it. Olivia blushed and let out a giggle.
“I thought you were,” she said, twisting a strand of her hair with her fingers. “Chasers always look so strong. You must practice an awful lot.”
“Oh, I do. We have practice nearly every day. You’re welcome to come watch us sometime if you want.”
Lily could not stand listening to the conversation anymore. It was enough that James was not speaking to her anymore. She did not need to hear him flirt with another girl. Frustrated, she got up from the table and strode out of the Great Hall.
Lily spent the next couple hours before the match trying to distract herself from James. She tried to catch up on homework, but could not concentrate long enough to get much done.
A few minutes before eleven o’clock, Lily and Kelly took their seats on the Gryffindor side of the Quidditch stadium. It was a cold, wintry day and both girls were bundled up in scarlet and gold scarves and hats.
“I wonder when the game is going to start,” Kelly said animatedly. “Andy was telling me that he thinks they have a chance of winning today. The Slytherin Keeper has a broken arm so they had to get a replacement last minute…”
Lily tried to listen to Kelly, but her mind was occupied with other matters. Despite Olivia’s small size, most of the boys at Hogwarts knew her and fawned over her. Lily had seen her snogging numerous boys in the common room and in the halls over the past couple years and she was fairly certain that Sirius had even dated her at one time. Why did James have to act this way around Olivia? Lily had not seen him ruffle his hair like he had done this morning for anyone but her since last year.
Lily scanned the crowd around her, looking for Olivia. She found her sitting a few rows ahead of where she and Kelly were sitting, chatting with another boy. She was smiling and twisting a strand of hair just like she had been doing this morning. Lily let out a sigh of relief. Maybe Olivia acted like this around all boys. She could not possibly have been flirting with James because she had feelings for him.
A loud voice thundered throughout the stadium and interrupted Lily’s thoughts. Marlene McKinnon, the commentator for the match, announced the names of the Quidditch players that were filing out onto the field while students cheered, waved banners, and chanted the names of various players. Lily picked out James and Andy, both looking very confident and excited. Meredith, on the other hand, looked as if she was about to be sick. James shook hands with the captain of the Slytherin team and once the whistle was blown, the game began.
“And they’re off! James Potter takes the Quaffle, dodges Brewer, and passes to Meredith Reed”oh, she’s dropped it! Slytherin Chaser, Avery, takes possession of the Quaffle…passes it to Rosier …and he scores!”
Lily exchanged looks with Kelly at this announcement. They knew that Meredith was not a very good Quidditch player but they had hoped that she wouldn’t cost Gryffindor the match.
As the game continued, James and a fifth year Chaser named Sam Fischer scored goal after goal, putting Gryffindor in the lead by a good amount. Meredith occasionally got possession of the Quaffle, but she immediately passed to whoever was nearest her. Lily cringed as she saw Meredith pass the ball to one of the Slytherin Chasers.
“With help from Reed, Rosier receives the Quaffle, passes it to Avery…and he scores! That puts the score at 160-20 with Gryffindor in the lead,” Marlene announced. “Oh! It looks like Lestrange has spotted the Snitch!”
Lily and Kelly groaned. Searching the sky, Lily saw the Slytherin Seeker flying fast, seeming to be in pursuit of something. If he caught the Snitch, they would lose the game.
“Hold on one minute, folks. Reed has taken possession of the Quaffle. She races towards the goal… she shoots…. she scores!”
Lily and Kelly jumped out of their seats and hugged each other. Meredith had finally scored a goal! This was her first goal ever and Lily knew how happy her friend would be.
“It’s not over, yet. The Slytherin seeker”” started Kelly.
“Oh, and a Bludger from Andy Wolf has made Lestrange lose sight of the Snitch. The game’s not over yet, everyone,” Marlene continued. “Avery takes the Quaffle and passes it to”no, Potter intercepts and heads toward the Slytherin goal. He dodges Rosier, avoids a Bludger from Wilkes…oh, no, Lestrange appears to have seen the Snitch again and Gryffindor Seeker, Peterson, is on his tail…Potter dodges another Bludger, shoots…and he scores! And Lestrange has caught the Snitch, making the final score 180-170! Gryffindor wins!”
The whistled sounded signaling the end of the game and the stadium erupted in noise.
As Hogwarts students of all ages and sizes filed out of the stadium, Lily and Kelly picked their way through the crowd to the changing rooms to congratulate their friends.
“Kelly! Lily! Did you see me!?” cried Meredith as soon as she spotted the girls.
“You were fantastic!” exclaimed Lily, hesitating before giving Meredith a hug.
“I’m so proud of you, Meredith,” Kelly said, also hugging her best friend.
“Could you two wait for me to change? I want to tell you all about my goal!” Meredith said excitedly.
“Sure, no problem,” Kelly answered. The two girls sat down on a nearby bench as Meredith left to change out of her Quidditch robes.
“You know, Lily, I can stay here if you want to go ahead. I’m sure you want to congratulate James,” Kelly said quietly.
“No, I don’t. Besides, I know he doesn’t want to talk to me. And I want to hear about Meredith’s goal,” Lily replied, attempting to sound sincere.
Kelly rolled her eyes at Lily. “Sure, sure.”
Fifteen minutes later, the three girls left the changing room, Meredith chatting away about the goal she had scored as the three made their way up the sloping lawns to the castle. When they entered the Gryffindor common room, they found the party to have already started. The room was packed with people and there were hordes of girls surrounding various male members of the Quidditch team. Lily saw Kelly walk over to Andy and place her arm around his waist, silently announcing to the other girls that he was her boyfriend.
Several sixth year boys approached Meredith and asked her to recount her goal to them. Meredith happily obliged and Lily, not wanting to hear the reprise, escaped into the crowd of people around them. She looked around for people she knew and saw Sirius, Remus, and Peter chatting in the corner of the room.
“Hi, boys,” she said cheerfully.
“Hi, Lily,” Remus said, giving her a smile. “Can you believe we won?”
“I know! Meredith and James were spectacular!”
“Peter practically wet himself at the end of the game,” Sirius added in with a laugh.
“No, I didn’t!” protested Peter.
“Do any of you know where James is? I wanted to congratulate him on winning the game,” Lily said. Though she didn’t really want to face James after their week of ignoring each other, she did want to congratulate him. As awkward as it would be, Lily had missed him and this was the perfect opportunity to talk to him.
“He’s over there with Blondie,” said Sirius, rolling his eyes and then jerking his head to the right.
Lily turned and looked where Sirius indicated and her jaw dropped. Olivia Brooks was perched atop James’ lap, kissing him passionately, running her hands through his hair. Lily stood rooted to the spot as hot tears formed in her eyes.
“James barely knew Olivia…why did he…why were they…” Lily thought to herself. Her mind could not seem to conceive what was happening. She felt like a huge hole had formed in her heart and she didn’t know why. She shouldn’t care who James kissed. She didn’t have feelings for James...
Glancing back over at Olivia, who had intensified their kiss even more, an inexplicable surge of jealousy came over Lily. Anger built up inside her and she felt like her heart and her brain were going to explode. Holding back tears, she hurried up the stairs that led to the girls’ dormitories. Once she reached the seventh years’ room, she wrenched open the door, threw herself onto her bed, and cried.
Why was this happening to her? Only last year she had hated James with all her heart and now she couldn’t get him out of her head. She clenched her fists at the thought of Olivia Brooks. That little girl didn’t deserve James. She was selfish and didn’t care about anything except boys. James on the other hand was compassionate and loyal and smart and funny…
Suddenly the door opened and Lily heard Kelly’s voice.
“Lily, are you okay?”
“I’m alright,” Lily managed to say through her pillow.
“No, you’re not.” Kelly hesitated. “I saw Olivia and James.”
Lily said nothing but turned over on her side to face the window opposite from Kelly.
“Lily, talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong,” Kelly said, gently.
Lily sat up and turned to look at Kelly, who placed herself on the edge of the bed and gave Lily a reassuring smile. Lily sighed and put her head in her hands. “I really don’t know how I feel. I thought James and I were friends but then I saw him with Olivia and I just wanted to throw something at her.” Lily paused and looked up at Kelly, who nodded sympathetically.
“That’s how I felt last year when Andy went out with Amber. You’re jealous because you have feelings for him,” Kelly told her.
Lily shrugged. “Maybe you’re right,” she said, slowly. “Maybe James was right. I haven’t been able to get him out of my head for weeks. I used to think it was because we had become such good friends but now I’m not so sure.” Lily took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “Kelly, I think I might just stay up here the rest of the afternoon. I don’t really feel like seeing anyone or talking to anyone else right now.”
“That’s fine,” said Kelly. “But, if you ever want to talk, Meredith, Andy, and I are here for you.”
More than Meets the Eye by lilybobily7
Chapter Notes: Sorry for the delay between chapters. I know many of you have been anxious to see what happens next after Lily rejected James at the end of the last chapter.
Hopefully, you'll enjoy this one. ;)
Again, JKR owns this world, not me. Also, the chapter title is the title of a chapter in The Order of the Phoenix.
Also, I'd like to thank my beta for her hard work helping me with the story so far.
Chapter Endnotes: So....what did you think?
Haha, I know some of you might hate me now. And James...and maybe even Olivia a bit.
But, on the bright side, Lily is finally beginning to see that she likes James. =] Now, she just has to deal with James and his new girlfriend.
Besides the obvious Ron/Hermione/Lavendar triangle, which is a little like this, this chapter (and kind of what comes next) reminds me of the earlier seasons of FRIENDS. I don't know if any of you watch that. But, when Ross comes back from a paleontology trip, he has a new girlfriend, Julie. Rachel then has to deal with seeing them together. If you don't watch this show, I highly recommend it because it's very good.
So, now that I've rambled a bit, hopefully you'll take the time to leave a review. They really do make me write faster. And they make me happy! =]