Lily gazed out the window at the far end of the hospital wing, her mind still racing. She should have explained to James that she did not just want to be friends, or at least that she did not want to meet Olivia. Her hand reached for the door behind her, but she stopped herself. James was probably too far away to catch up with now and Madam Pomfrey might hear left.
“Lily?”
Quickly pulling her thoughts away from James and Olivia, Lily looked over at the line of hospital beds to see Severus Snape propped up against pillows.
She resisted the urge to crinkle her nose at her old friend since the last conversation they had ended in an argument. However, now that she thought about it, she had not seen Severus slinking around Hogwarts in quite a while.
Lily nodded in response to him and asked unconcernedly, “How are you, Severus?”
“I’m getting better. Not that you care, though,” Severus added harshly. “I suppose you’re too preoccupied with Potter now.” Lily noticed how he seemed to spit out James’ surname.
Lily opened her mouth to retort, but at that moment Madam Pomfrey came bustling out of her office.
“I thought I heard something. Is there anything you need, Miss Evans?”
“Oh, I just have a little cold. My friend-” Lily shot a glare at Severus “-was concerned about me so he brought me here, but it’s not necess””
“Sure it is. Why don’t you take the bed next to Mr. Snape and I’ll get you some Pepperup Potion.”
As Madam Pomfrey turned to prepare the potion, Lily sat on the bed, careful not to look at Severus. She coughed into her sleeve and looked pointedly away from her old friend.
“Really, Lily, why do you hate me so much? I know my friends are…different than yours but I apologized for calling you those names. It really was just a slip of the tongue””
“Severus, please,” Lily said, turning to glower at him. “A slip of the tongue? I don’t think so. You call me a…a mud-…well you know what I mean, whenever you have the chance in front of your Death Eater friends. Besides, we’ve been over this a hundred times. I said I didn’t want to have any association with you if you or your friends were meddling in the Dark Arts.”
“Lily, I””
“And what are those scars from?” she spat, looking furtively at the faint pink slash marks on Severus’ arms and the large one starting at his cheek and trailing down to his neck.
At Lily’s question, Severus instantly blushed and looked down. “Nothing,” he mumbled. When he looked up to meet Lily’s raised eyebrows, he turned pink again. “It’s really nothing, Lily. Don’t worry about””
“Who did this to you?” she asked, growing angry. Even if they were not friends anymore, the idea that someone had harmed him still made her blood boil.
“No one did. It…it was me…It’s why I’ve been in here so long.” He blushed again at Lily’s look of shock and disbelief. “No, I wasn’t…Well, remember how I used to make up spells? This one was supposed to be for enemies and it went wrong and backfired on me…I used Virsectum…but I see now where I went wrong…it needs to be Hostsectum or Semprasectum or something like that to cut the other”” Severus, who had apparently said too much, broke off and looked up to see Lily’s look disgust.
“You are really not the boy I used to know, Sev.”
Severus simply stared into her eyes for a moment before acidly replying, “So I guess Potter’s changed, too.”
Lily was about to answer with a sharp retort but was interrupted when Madam Pomfrey reentered the room with a goblet of potion. “Well, here you go, Miss Evans,” the school nurse said promptly. “Drink up! You might have some steam coming out of your ears during the next few hours, but other than that you should be fine. I’d like you to stay here for a little while longer, dear, just to be sure that you’re alright.”
Lily took the potion from the nurse and drank it; she could feel the warmth as it went down her throat and into her stomach. When she was done, Lily handed Madam Pomfrey the goblet back and the nurse gave a maternal smile and returned to her office.
“Why would you think that?” Lily hissed, turning back to Severus immediately.
“The way he brought you in here. He had his arm around you and you called him ‘James.’ I’m assuming that didn’t happen overnight. Are you two going out now?”
Lily’s stomach twisted at Severus’ words. “That’s none of your business,” she said a little too quickly.
Severus stared at her thoughtfully for a moment before replying. “No, I guess you aren’t. He did mention another girl’s name. Is she his girlfriend? Does that bother you, Lils?”
“Don’t call me ‘Lils,’ Severus.”
“Why? You just called me ‘Sev’ a minute ago.”
Lily sighed heavily. “Well, I didn’t mean to. But I would really prefer if you didn’t call ‘Lils.’ Those times are over.”
“Do they have to be? I mean, we were best friends and we know each other. A lot better than say…you and Potter do.”
Lily narrowed her eyes. “What does James have to do with this?”
Severus shrugged. “Nothing really. I was just pointing out that you and I have much more of a connection, much more of a history, than you do with…others.”
Lily frowned but remained quiet, letting him continue. She had an idea where this was going but out of the corner of her eye, Lily saw Severus lean towards her bed, trying to look into her eyes.
“Lily…” he said and she could hear the emotion in his voice. “I’m just trying to look out for you…don’t try to chase after Potter. He’s a git and””
“Severus! I know you don’t like him but”” Lily interrupted, glaring at him. She was annoyed that he had insulted James and her, too, for that matter. She was not chasing after James.
“Okay, sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. It was tactless. But I just don’t want him to hurt you. Not when there are better guys, or at least one who cares more about you. One who would never hurt you…”
Severus gazed intently into her eyes with his dark black ones while her mouth fell open and she stared at him speechless. After the numerous times she had tried to make it clear to Severus that their friendship was over and she wanted nothing to do with him, he had the nerve to think she would go out with him.
“Lily, don’t you see?” Severus went on, reaching for her hand, which Lily yanked away promptly. “I would be so much better for you than he would.”
Lily knew she had to stop this before Severus fell out of his bed trying to kiss her. Thankfully, as she got up out of bed, Madam Pomfrey came out of her office.
“How are we feeling in here?” the motherly nurse smiled. “Oh, dear. Where do you think you’re going?”
“Much better. I think I’m ready to leave,” Lily replied, glancing at Severus, who looked hurt and confused.
The nurse felt Lily’s head and seemed satisfied. “Alright, I understand. You are free to go.” Then she turned back to her office and mumbled something about turning in early for the night.
Lily turned back to glare at Severus but the look on his face turned her anger into pity. Briefly, she gave him a quick apologetic look but then her face hardened as she remembered why she was leaving.
“No, Severus, I think you’re wrong. We could never be together. Like I’ve told you before, you chose your path and I chose mine a long time ago.”
Without looking back again, Lily stalked out of the hospital wing.
*****
Early Monday morning, Lily woke up early to say goodbye to Kelly and Andy, who would be leaving on the Hogwarts Express for the winter holidays. She walked with Meredith and Kelly, who was levitating her trunk, down the stairs and they met Andy in the Common Room.
“So, I guess we’ll see you later, Lils, Meredith,” Andy said, giving each girl a hug.
“Yeah, have a good Christmas,” Lily said, reaching to hug Kelly.
“Yes, I hope you two have a great Christmas,” Meredith chimed in, hugging Kelly. “We’ll see you in January.”
A sudden yelp made Meredith jump apart from Kelly. Andy and the girls stared up the boys’ staircase where the noise had seemed to come from and heard muffled shouts.
“What do you think you’re doing in here?”
“James, get her out! She can’t come in here!”
Lily exchanged glances with her friends and laughed.
“Do you want me to see what’s going on?” Andy asked the girls.
But Andy’s question was unnecessary. They heard a door slam, a pair of feet stomp down the stairs, and then a pajama clad, irritated looking James came into view, escorting Olivia.
When James caught sight of Lily, Kelly, and Andy, he blushed, and quickly turned to his girlfriend. Lily and her friends quietly laughed at the pair until Kelly and Andy finally turned to leave with a parting wave at Lily and Meredith.
“But James, I’m about to leave,” Lily overheard Olivia explain. “I didn’t know if you were going to come down in time to say goodbye. Plus, I thought it would be fun if I surprised you.”
Lily glanced over just in time to see Olivia make a goofy, seductive face and then plant her lips on James’ mouth. Rolling her eyes, Lily went back upstairs with Meredith to change. Unsurprisingly, when they came back downstairs again, Olivia was still glued to James. Lily exhaled loudly and quickly left for the Great Hall with Meredith.
Without Kelly or Andy, breakfast was quiet. The two girls served themselves eggs and bacon and then sleepily ate, staring off at nothing in particular. No sooner than ten minutes after they had started, though, Sirius plopped down on the bench across from Lily and Meredith.
“Hey, Mer, how are you doing?” he grinned, helping himself to breakfast. “Lily,” Sirius nodded in her direction.
“So what happened this morning?” Meredith asked with a giggle. “We heard you and James shouting.”
“Olivia,” Sirius grumbled. “My ears are still ringing. She jumped on top James while he was sleeping…I can’t believe her…” Sirius trailed off and quickly looked down at his food.
Lily and Meredith turned around to see Remus and James walking towards the Gryffindor table and copied Sirius.
“Well, if it isn’t the King of Snogging, himself,” Lily muttered under her breath.
“Oh, go ahead and complain all you want. He knows we all hate her,” Sirius whispered as Remus and James sat down next to him.
“You all know I can hear you, right?” James asked, as he served himself a large helping of bacon and eggs.
“That’s kind of the idea,” Lily said, surprising herself. She quickly looked down at her plate. When she looked up at him, James had scrunched his eyebrows together and cocked his head.
“But you don’t even know her, Lily. Don’t tell me Lily Evans, the Head Girl, thinks badly of someone you don’t even know.”
Lily said nothing and looked back down at her food.
“Well, I guess you won’t want me to introduce you to Olivia when she comes back,” James said.
Lily looked up again and met his eyes. He seemed to be laughing at her, as opposed to looking hurt or upset that Lily didn’t like his girlfriend. Again, as often happened when she was with James, she didn’t know what to make of this. Could it mean that he didn’t have very deep feelings for Olivia?
“Well, I won’t be too upset if you don’t.”
“That goes for me, too,” Meredith piped up.
“I’ve probably had enough of her, too, James,” Remus added in with a chuckle.
James laughed and turned to Sirius.
“Why are you looking at me?” Sirius said to him. “Prongs, you know I’ve definitely had enough of Olivia Brooks. Especially after the way she came in our room this morning.”
“Yeah, that shouldn’t have happened. I talked to her about it,” James said, looking a little sheepish.
“Speaking of Olivia,” Sirius mused, serving himself another helping of bacon and eggs. “Is that why you smell so flowery this morning?” Sirius made a show of sniffing the air in James’ direction and then let out a bark-like laugh.
“Okay, okay,” James said, turning slightly pink. “She may have put on a little too much perfume this morning. Can we drop the subject of my girlfriend, now?”
“Ah, we’re only teasing you, Prongs. We won’t talk bad about Olivia anymore, as long as you’re going out with her,” Remus said.
“At least in front of you, we won’t,” Sirius added in under his breath to Lily and Meredith.
Compared to breakfast, the rest of the day was fairly unexciting. James, Sirius, and Remus were outside for a large portion of the day and after spending the morning in the library with Lily, Meredith joined the boys outside after lunch.
Lily was still not completely over her cold and decided not to worsen her condition by going outside in the snow. Instead, she spent the majority of the afternoon curled up in one of the armchairs by the fire catching up on some reading, both for school and for pleasure. Then, after the boys, Meredith, and numerous other Gryffindors came inside with red faces and damp clothes, she took out some parchment and began a letter to her parents and Petunia. So much had happened so far this year but she was still unsure of what to write.
Shortly before dinner, when she had only written a few sentences, someone draped a cold and slightly wet scarf around her neck.
“Hey,” Lily cried, swiftly moving her letter out of the way so it wouldn’t get dripped on.
“We missed you outside, Lily,” said a familiar voice from above and behind her.
Lily looked up to see James leaning over the back of her armchair wearing her favorite crooked smile and couldn’t help but smile in return. She leaned down to put her half-finished letter on the floor and then turned around in her seat, folding her legs underneath her, to face James.
“You did?”
“Yeah, why didn’t you come? We had a lot of fun. Sirius started a snowball fight and it was great.” He grinned to himself at the memory.
“How long were you out there, though? Your face is as red as a tomato and,” she reached her hand up to touch his cheek, “you’re freezing.”
Though it was hard to tell from his already red cheeks, Lily thought that James may have blushed at her touch. He caught her eyes for a moment and took a small step backwards.
“I just hope you don’t get sick,” Lily continued, acting as though nothing had happened.
He shrugged. “The hospital wing is not so bad.”
“Well, when you took me I ran into…an old friend and I’d bet that he’s not out yet.”
“Who?” James asked, tilting his head a little to the side.
“Severus Snape.”
James’ face hardened and he leaned towards her. “Why was he in there? Did he talk to you? If he bothered you I’ll””
“James,” Lily cut him off, widening her eyes to tell him to stop. “It’s almost dinner time and we have patrol duties tonight. I’ll tell you about it then.”
James agreed grudgingly, though his obvious concern for whatever happened to Lily in the hospital wing made the conversation during dinner strained. Lily was only too glad when dinner was over and she could finally relieve James of any false pretenses he had.
As they left Gryffindor tower to begin their patrol duties, Lily finally revealed to James her encounter with Severus in the hospital wing. Unlike in past years, when James had been quick to insult Severus whenever he wanted, James stayed quiet throughout Lily’s entire story. She did, however, see him clench his fists when she told James that Severus thought she belonged with him instead of with James or any other boy.
“Well, I completely agree with you, Lily,” James said once she had finished. “I can’t believe he had the nerve to speak to you like that. Not when he has treated you like scum for the past few years.” James’ fists were clenched again.
Lily didn’t reply but glanced out one of the windows instead. James, though, took her silence to mean something else.
“Lily? I didn’t upset you, did I? I mean, you know I don’t like Sni- , I mean Snape very much…at all. But I know he used to be your friend and””
“No, James, I’m not upset. Just thinking…Yes, we used to be friends…and I’m probably never going to talk to him again…we only have a semester left at Hogwarts, and then who knows what will happen to him after that? In a way, I feel bad for him and what has happened to him. I wonder what would have happened if he had had a better family and friends…” Lily trailed off and then returned her gaze to James, who was smiling slightly.
“Aw, Lils. No matter what he’s done to you, you still have compassion for him.” James reached out and gave her a one armed hug. Lily took advantage of this and leaned into James, smelling his cologne. She was pleased that he had washed off the lingering scent of Olivia that was present at breakfast.
Once James released Lily, he looked slightly embarrassed of his actions and quickly looked towards the wall lined with portraits of sleeping witches and wizards. After they walked a little ways, James cleared his throat, breaking the silence.
“So…I don’t want to bring up breakfast again, but I have to know now that we’re alone.”
Lily looked at him and waited for him to continue.
“Were you just playing along with Sirius and everyone or do you really not like Olivia? I’m asking, Lily, because I value your opinion just as much as I do Sirius’ or Remus’ or Peter’s. I know we haven’t spent a whole lot of time together since I started seeing Olivia but you’re still one of my best friends and I want you to be honest.”
He looked into her eyes and the moonlight from the window made his hazel eyes sparkle.
She tried to speak but her voice didn’t seem to be working and she only managed to squeak out an “I…”
“Just tell me, Lily.”
This was certainly interesting. Here was her opportunity to tell James what she really thought of Olivia. Maybe she could even convince him to break up with her. Then, James would be single again and she could tell him that she fancied him…no, really fancied him, and they could be happy together.
But, on the other side, James had just praised her for having compassion. He said he valued her opinion as much as the other Marauders’ opinions and while he expected an honest answer from her, she did not want to hurt him. Lily didn’t want to remember how James looked the week after she had rejected him when he had proclaimed his love for her. Olivia had been his way of getting over Lily, or his idea of a substitution for Lily. She remembered now that James had vowed that he had given up on her. James had begun to look happy again with Olivia as a girlfriend, no matter how much everyone else hated her, and Lily as a friend. No, she couldn’t hurt James again. She would have to lie.
Lily tore her gaze away from James’ eyes and managed to find her voice. “She’s…alright.”
James stopped walking and turned Lily to face him. “Really, Lily? You can honestly say that you don’t mind Olivia?”
Lily looked away, down the hall. “I said she’s alright.” She couldn’t force herself to completely lie. “I don’t think I’ll ever love her, but if you’re happy…”
“Lily,” James groaned and turned her head towards him, quickly dropping his hand. “Don’t worry about making me happy. I want to know what you honestly think of Olivia; what you think of us dating.”
That was a different question. Olivia herself was not likeable, definitely annoying, but probable bearable. Lily had survived six years with Olivia living in Gryffindor Tower, though she never knew much more than her face for most of that time.
James and Olivia, though…How could she tell James that she absolutely loathed seeing the bratty girl in his arms or holding his hand? How she wished she were in Olivia’s place…No, she wouldn’t hurt James by telling the truth.
“Well…I…” She cast her eyes down, not wanting to look into his eyes.
“Yes?” He took a step towards her but shoved his hands into his pockets.
She glanced up at him and saw that he was gazing intently at her and she couldn’t look away from his bespectacled, hazel eyes. She could hardly believe that just last year she had hated him…the boy who was now her best friend…the boy she had fallen in love with.
Everything, all her reasoning to not tell the truth didn’t matter anymore. When else would she get this chance to tell him how she really felt? Olivia would be back after break and would not let James out of her sight…
“I don’t like it,” Lily whispered in a small voice. “I really hate it, actually. Seeing you with her…” Lily broke off and was surprised that her eyes were tearing up.
“What?” James said, sounding shocked, taking a step back.
Lily looked up at him, a small tear running down her cheek, and frowned. “What, you expected me to love it? Nominate you for couple of the year?”
“No….I…asked only as a friend…best friends…you said…never more than friends…” James choked out, becoming incoherent. He put a hand to his forehead and turned away from Lily.
As she watched James, she instantly regretted her words. It had been stupid of her to have spoken the truth and she could read that on James' face when he turned back to her--pain and confusion. The look tormented her from the inside out. Hadn't she done enough damage? After rejecting him numerous times, was it fair for her to tease him like this?
Lily bit down on her lip to keep the tears from pouring down her face. She knew all too well why James had chosen to be with Olivia and a lot of that had to do with Lily herself. If anyone deserved to be tortured in such a way, Lily knew it was her and no one else.
“Lily,” James said, sounding torn, as he turned around to face her. “I can’t just…you can’t expect me to””
“James, just forget it. It doesn’t matter,” Lily lied quickly, holding back tears.
Unable to look James in the eye again, Lily took off down the hall. Behind her, she could hear James calling her name but she ignored him and ran faster. She was angry that she had made a fool of herself in front of James. She had missed her chance with James and she would just have to accept it.
More than Meets the Eye by lilybobily7
Chapter Notes: Disclaimer: This magical world completely belongs to J.K. Rowling.
Again, thanks to my fabulous beta and I hope everyone enjoys chapter 15!
Chapter Endnotes: Well, the story is definitely picking up in the Lily and James category. I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter. I present a plate of cyber chocolate chip cookies to Phoenix13 and JeeviS for guessing right about Lily talking to Severus. =]
Also, you know that reviews make my day and encourage me to write more. Show some love and leave me a comment/advice or at least say hello. Thanks a bunch and I'll try to update as soon as a can! ~Julia~