“Tell her,” James had said as if it really were that simple. “If she’s as wonderful as you think, then she’ll be okay with it. We were.”
He knew he had to tell Mary. He knew he had to trust and hope that she’d understand, but he couldn’t ... not yet. James has no idea, he thought. He has no idea because he’s not me.
“I’m sure she’ll understand,” Peter had said and yet Remus thought there were doubts in his voice.
“Perhaps, I should just break up with her now, then I won’t have to tell her,” he’d suggested to the pair of them.
James had rolled his eyes. “For Merlin’s sake, Moony, there’s no danger of her finding out anything. Look, if you won’t tell her yet, then fine “ we can cover as usual.”
“But what about her birthday? Even if it’s not a Hogsmeade weekend, she’ll want to celebrate.”
“It’s over two months away. We’ll think of something. Come on, let’s go and visit Padfoot; I’m sure he’s seen enough of Martha by now.”
They’d trudged off to see Sirius, Remus hoping that Sirius would be able to come up with a solution to his problem, but Martha had stayed with him while they’d been there and Sirius had not asked her to leave.
Remus had resented her presence, but now felt bitterly ashamed. He couldn’t always be put first and Merlin knows his friends had done too much already to make his life bearable. James was right “ there were two months to go before Mary’s birthday. They would think of something.
Sirius joined them for breakfast, the bandage on his head falling rakishly over one eye. He grinned at them all and Remus felt a wave of relief flow over him.
They could go out tonight. He wouldn’t have to stay confined in the Shack.
“What are you thinking about?” asked Mary as she pinched some toast from his plate.
“Sirius,” Remus replied. “He’s looking disgustingly fit considering he had a cracked skull yesterday.” He turned to the others. “How come Madam Pomfrey let you out so quickly? I thought you’d stay in longer.”
“What and give Snivellus the satisfaction of thinking he’d really hurt me?” Sirius helped himself to more tea and then piled his plate with bacon, eggs and sausages. “I’m hungry! After you lot nicked my food last night, I was left with nothing except bloody grapes!
“I’m fine,” he added as he began eating, and then he looked directly at Remus. “Trust me, I’m up for anything.”
Remus smiled gratefully. He turned to Mary. “About Hogsmeade,” he began, “What would you like to do?”
Mary turned her face inward and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. “Not bothered, really,” she answered, and with a glance at Sonia, she continued in undertone, “but is there any chance we could do something alone, rather than with everyone else?”
“Of course,” Remus replied. “I wasn’t actually planning on asking Peter and James along too. I doubt Sirius will want to double-date “ not after the last time.”
Mary laughed and Remus remembered the time when James and Phyllida had joined Sirius and his Ravenclaw girlfriend, Cherith, in the Three Broomsticks. It had been at the tail end of James and Phyllida’s relationship and the big row in the pub had ended with Phyllida throwing mead all over James “ or rather, it was supposed to be at James but landed on Cherith’s newly washed and Sleek-Eezied hair.
She stood up reluctantly. “I have to go, I have Divination first thing and Professor Barwick is becoming quite paranoid about latecomers at the moment. Perhaps we could talk about this later ... this evening, maybe?”
Remus swallowed then smiled smoothly. “I doubt I’ll be fit for anything this evening, I have a huge Arithmancy essay to start and I was going to work on it with James.”
“Okay,” Mary replied. “Well, I’ll see you at lunch, then.” She bent down and kissed him again. Remus smiled at her delicate touch on his arm.
This is easy. I can make an excuse. She doesn’t need to know anything ... not yet.
Remus was in his room, finishing his essay, when Peter walked in. The pair of them had an early dinner because Remus had to meet Madam Pomfrey before moonrise. James and Sirius were still down there, no doubt making the usual excuses for Remus. (‘He’s tired’ ‘he’s helping Peter’ or ‘he has a headache.’) Peter lay on his bed, looking nervous and Remus felt a sudden pang of gratitude towards his friend. Peter had always found it harder to Transfigure than the other two, and still struggled occasionally, but he’d never let Remus down. He always seemed to enjoy their nighttime adventures “ so why was he looking so worried now?
Packing away his grey-feathered goose quill and putting the stopper carefully back in his inkpot, Remus sat on the floor beside Peter.
“You all right?” he asked.
Peter nodded automatically and then stopped. He turned his head towards Remus. “Do you think Padfoot’s going to be all right for tonight?”
Remus felt his insides drop. “He says he’s fine. Why do you ask?”
“Oh,” said Peter and began pulling at the hem on his lapel. “No reason, really. It’s just that you said yesterday that Prongs and I wouldn’t be able to control you ... and that set me thinking. I mean ... what if his head is still bad? Would that make a difference?”
Remus swallowed. He didn’t want to be trapped in the Shack alone. He’d had two months of hell at home without them “ it seemed the months when he was with his friends set the months when they were apart into greater contrast. He’d never been as badly affected as that first month back home in July, but he hadn’t told his friends because he knew they’d have insisted on joining him for August. For Remus, living so near Muggles on the outskirts of a country town, that was a risk he could not take.
“I don’t know,” he said quietly. “Look, Wormy, if he can’t Transfigure, then ... well ... it doesn’t matter. I can just stay there alone.”
Peter nodded and Remus wondered if secretly he wanted to stay inside tonight. He was about to ask him when Sirius burst into the room, laughing at something.
“You nearly asked her again, didn’t you?” Sirius was saying to James.
“Shut up!” James was looking a bit ruffled and pink in the face. “Shouldn’t you be with Pomfrey now, Moony?”
“Don’t change the subject!” exclaimed Sirius. He assumed a pompous pose and started to pace the room. “I put it to you, Master Prongs that you are guilty “ yet again “ of attempting to ask out Miss Lillian Evans of Gryffindor. Messrs Moony and Wormtail have the right to know what a prat you were about to make of yourself.”
“It’s not Lillian,” protested James.
Sirius grinned wickedly. “That’s your defence, eh? Pathetic!” Sirius walked across to his bed and started pulling off his robes. “Why are you still here, Moony?”
Remus stood up. “All right, I ‘m going. I’m going. I was waiting for you two.” He paused. “Look, Padfoot, if this is too much for you then don’t worry about tonight. I can get through without you, I hope you know that.”
“Oh, don’t be so soft,” cried Sirius. “I thought this one was going to be special.” He straightened up, and looked directly at Remus. “I. AM. FINE. “ trust me.”
“You’re sure.”
“Look, do you want me to punch you?”
Remus grinned, relieved at Sirius’ reassurances. He turned to James. “I told Mary we were doing our Arithmancy essay tonight.”
James nodded. “No problem. See you later, mate.” Remus grinned again and then headed for the hospital wing.
“Cutting it a bit fine, Lupin,” declared Madam Pomfrey as he walked in.
“Sorry,” he muttered. Eyes downcast he spotted a pair of shoes “ attached, it seemed, to someone’s feet and legs. Remus looked up to see Professor Prewett standing by Madam Pomfrey’s desk. “Oh, err, hello, sir. Sorry, didn’t see you.”
Remus felt awkward, as if he’d interrupted something. Now he looked closely at the Matron, he could see her eyes glittering strangely as if she’d been crying. He wanted to leave her alone, but knew they now had very little time and she had to walk with him to the Whomping Willow.
“I could go by myself if you want?” Remus muttered, unsure exactly how much the new professor knew about him.
Catching his expression, Madam Pomfrey smiled slightly and, straightening her starched apron, she Summoned her cloak. “Come on. I’m sure Professor Prewett should be getting along now anyway.”
Remus glanced at the professor who looked suddenly wistful. Professor Prewett gave a half-smile and then got up. “As you wish, Poppy,” he said and walked slowly out of the room.
Remus shuffled his feet uncomfortably, but Madam Pomfrey touched him on the shoulder and steered him down the stairs. “Making your own way there indeed. I like to think I can be of some use to you, Lupin, even if I can’t cure you.”
He felt touched at her concern. This was a trip he’d taken so many times with her, and although she was very professional in her dealings with the pupils, she was always friendly with him on this walk. Tonight, however, she seemed distracted and they walked across the grounds of Hogwarts to the Whomping Willow largely in silence. He could see the sun had almost set now, and they sped to the entrance. Madam Pomfrey looked at Remus and he Immobilised the tree “ the way she’d taught him. She looked up at the sky.
“We’re a bit late tonight. I think I’ll have to leave you here. Is that all right?” she asked and Remus caught a note of apology in her voice.
“That’s fine,” he replied, trying not to sound weary. He smiled warmly at her. “I think I know the way by now, Madam Pomfrey.”
She did not laugh. “Take care, Remus. I’ll come and get you in the morning.”
She held out her hand and he gave her his wand. It was something that made him feel defenceless, but he knew if it weren’t kept safe then the werewolf would claw and bite it in two.
Remus slithered through the gap in the Whomping Willow’s roots and down the earthy slope that led to the low tunnel. He had to hurry now, hunched over, because he had to be sure he got to the Shack before moonrise. Then he could lock the door, transform and wait for his friends. As he went, he heard the tree moving above ground. Madam Pomfrey must have released it from the enchantment as soon as she was clear. Despite the knowledge that he was about to go through incredible pain again, that his body would take a battering that would last for days, he felt excited. His friends were coming; he would not be alone.
And then it began, that tearing, wrenching pain as he began to shake. He could feel his head lengthening and hair sprouting all over his body. The pain “ that old familiar pain “ tore at his innards. Remus closed his eyes and clenched his jaw, a futile gesture, as he tried to keep his mind intact. Oh, gods, get here soon, was his last coherent thought. The wolf broke through with a frightening intensity; he was lost.
Flinging itself at the walls, scratching at the windows, biting at the bolted doors “ anything to get out of this cell. The wolf, in frustration, turned on itself and began to taste its own blood, devour its own flesh and howl in pain.
“Got the Cloak?”
“Yep,” replied James. He turned to Peter who was sitting on his bed. “C’mon, Wormy, time to go.”
Peter took a deep breath, unsure this was the right thing to be doing. To him, Sirius looked pale and not quite his normal self. “Are you really all right, Padfoot?”
Sirius scowled. “I’m fine. Look do you want proof?” he asked belligerently.
Peter watched silently as Sirius transformed effortlessly into the bear-like dog that was really the only one of them that could keep Remus in check. Whilst Prongs was the fastest, Padfoot was definitely the strongest.
What am I? thought Peter.
“Wormy!” James interrupted his thoughts. He looked up to see Sirius back to his human form, studying the Map. “We need to get a move on. Moony’s been down there for ages.”
Peter took a deep breath and walked towards them. It wasn’t that he didn’t like doing this every month. Being an Animagus gave him a sense of belonging ... but ... he’d always wondered why he was a rat. Sirius had laughed about it, James had made some comment about the usefulness of being small, and Remus had said that rats were clever animals, yet Peter hated it. He felt worthless as a rat, unable to contribute anything except pressing the knot on the tree. And even that, they could do with a stick, like Snivellus had.
He followed them down the stairs, chatting quietly. James looked excited to be going out again and Sirius confident as always, but then he froze.
“Shit!” Sirius exclaimed in a whisper as he looked at the Map. “It’s Martha. I forgot she was going out to practise Quidditch with that prat in her year.”
“So?”
“So, Wormy,” explained Sirius as he pulled them both behind a pillar. “I’m supposed to be helping you in the library, not taking a stroll in the grounds. She might get a bit narky if she finds out I’m with you two.”
James raised an eyebrow. “So?” he asked repeating Peter’s question. “Narky girls don’t usually bother you.”
“Oh, shut up,” hissed Sirius.
Peter tried not to laugh as James made ‘under the thumb’ gestures above Sirius’ head. They quickly donned the Cloak and listened to Martha talking as she walked past.
“It’s not just the broom, though, Sander,” she was saying. “You’re flying really well. You must be in with a chance when James calls try-outs.”
“All down to you,” Lysander replied. Then he paused and took her hand. “I ... err ... don’t suppose ...”
Peter felt Sirius stiffen beside him and quickly grabbed his arm. “Padfoot, leave it!”
Looking across from under the Cloak, Peter saw Martha gently shake off Lysander’s hand. “That’s sweet of you, but I have a boyfriend.”
Lysander frowned. “Sirius Black, yeah?” Martha nodded. “He’s a conceited prick, you know that, Martha. It won’t last a term. He’s only after one thing.”
Automatically, James also grabbed Sirius’ and held him back. “He’s an arse,” whispered James. “And Martha isn’t agreeing. Look, she’s walked off.”
“Bloody git!” whispered Sirius angrily. “What did he mean by all that crap?”
“Merlin knows,” James replied smoothly. “But it’s not a good time to get into this. We should be with Moony.”
“Yeah, okay, let’s get to the Shack. Come on, Wormtail, let’s see you work your magic on the tree.” Sirius grinned at him “ no longer the glowering boy ready to hex a possible rival.
It was nine-thirty when they reached the tree. Remus would have been a wolf for nearly two hours and so Peter hurriedly transformed so he could stop the tree. It was always he that transformed first. Then Sirius would turn into Padfoot and the two of them would enter the tunnel in Animagi form. For James it was harder. A stag could not easily crouch like a dog, nor scurry like a rat, so James stayed in human form under his cloak until he got to the Shack, and then a split second after he unlocked the door to Remus’ prison, he became Prongs.
As always, the wolf hurled himself towards the open tunnel, desperate for freedom, thirsting for blood. Wormtail watched as Padfoot launched himself at the wolf, pinning him down until the wolfish mind started to recede and Moony appeared again. Panting, Padfoot released his hold and then Wormtail led the way out of the Shrieking Shack.
We’re the four Marauders again, he thought happily. He laughed to himself at his doubts from earlier. On nights like these when the night air was still warm, all was right in their world.
Prongs led the way to the Forbidden Forest. Steering clear of any recognisable paths, he cantered ahead, tossing his head proudly. Moony looking around at them all, sniffed at the air and then howled in delight at the moon lighting up the sky. Wormtail scurried on the ground, avoiding careless hooves and paws; then suddenly he stopped.
There was a sound from in the Forest, Wormtail saw Moony stiffen and something left his eyes. Padfoot whipped his head around. It was not the Centaurs, or Thestrals “ only one thing could turn Moony back to the wolf again, and that was the scent of Man. Wormtail ran to Prongs, waiting for Padfoot to edge closer, ready to pounce if Moony lost control ... but Padfoot didn’t.
In horror, Wormtail saw Padfoot had collapsed on the earth. He was having a convulsion and foaming from his mouth. He tried to yell, but the rat voice was barely a squeak, so he bit Prongs on the leg. Immediately alerted, Prongs darted towards the dog just as the wolf began to run in the opposite direction. Wormtail could see the chaos unfolding around him. He scurried towards Padfoot who appeared to be having a fit. In silent understanding, Prongs galloped towards the wolf, and Wormtail saw him edge in front, desperate to block the wolf’s path. The sound from the Forest got closer and to his utter dismay, Wormtail saw a man appear in the clearing. Prongs lowered his head and charged at the werewolf, pinning him down with antlers, and then the man produced a wand. Aiming straight at the wolf, he fired a stunning spell, but it missed. The wolf became enraged and tried to break free but Prongs, using every ounce of strength, held firm. The wizard wielded his wand again, and Wormtail saw the fury on the man’s face “ the intent to protect himself “ the intent to kill. He was helpless. Prongs could not see the danger and would not release his hold on his friend.
Lying on the dry earth, Padfoot heard the sound of spells in the air. His head was pounding and he felt woozy. Merlin, this wasn’t a good idea, he thought as he struggled to open his eyes. Somewhere beside him, he could hear Wormtail squeaking, feel his tiny claws on his leg and smelled something new ... something that should not be there. A man.
Padfoot opened his eyes, hoping against hope that this was not happening, that there was no one else there, that it was just his friends and he’d had another bang on the head. But Wormtail’s panic was not without cause. Hoisting himself up onto four feet, Padfoot took in the scene. There was no time for this. He could see a wizard about to hurl a hex, not caring which animal he hit ... and then Padfoot leapt. Grabbing the wizard’s wand in his mouth, he snarled and bared his teeth, trying to force the wizard to leave. You have to go, he tried to implore through his eyes. Get out, or you’ll be killed and my friend will be a murderer.
Whether it was Legilimancy or simply a large dose of fear, Padfoot didn’t know, but it had the desired effect. Without a backward glance, the wizard tore off into the night. Padfoot stayed in one spot, sniffing the air until all scent had gone, and then he trotted back to Prongs and Moony.
They did not need words. The blood on Prongs’ flank told them all they needed to know. This was not going to be a night of great adventures. This one was ending now. They had come close to disaster and had to return.
When his friends had left and the door had been fastened tight, Moony became the wolf once more. He bit and scratched and clawed himself, the violence more intense because it had been thwarted.
“Who the hell goes wandering around in the Forbidden Forest when it’s a full moon except a bloody nutcase?” asked James angrily once they were back in their dorm. The wound on his shoulder dripped blood onto the rug by his bed, but none of them cared, not now.
“Apart from us you mean,” replied Sirius mirthlessly. He lay down on his bed, holding his head in his hands.
Peter went to his Remus’ trunk and pulled out a bottle of Essence of Murtlap. He soaked a flannel in it, and carefully applied the compress to James’ shoulder. “Umm, Prongs ...” he said and then faltered.
“What?” replied James, snapping.
“Is this a bite?” Peter asked. Sirius dropped his hands and sat up on his bed. There was a long silence whilst the question sank in.
“No,” replied James after a while. He screwed up his face, trying to concentrate. “He didn’t bite me; it was a claw mark, that’s all.”
The atmosphere eased as James began to laugh. “A werestag that would be cool.”
Sirius joined in but Peter wasn’t laughing. “What happened out there, Padfoot?” he asked quietly. “You collapsed and had some sort of fit.”
“Don’t know,” replied Sirius, sighing, “but I’ve got one hell of a headache. It must be down to that crack on the head from yesterday, although Pomfrey said I was fine.”
“Ahh.” James looked across and Peter saw a look of guilt flash over his face. “That ... um ... could well be my fault. I sort of ... umm ...”
“Oh, spit it out, Prongs,” muttered Sirius.
James stood up, wincing as he did so. “I honestly didn’t think it would matter, but you collapsed when Lily and I were trying to get you to the hospital wing, so I ... um ... used a lightening charm on you.”
“B-b-but, Professor Prewett told you not to use magic,” protested Peter. “He said it could do more harm.”
James looked across, seemingly surprised that Peter was questioning him. “You weren’t there,” he said, sounding defensive. “Padfoot had collapsed and I wasn’t sure there was time for Lily to get to Madam Pomfrey and back. It was easier to take him ourselves.”
“Whoa!” exclaimed Sirius, a grin plastered across his face. “Are you telling us that Miss Evans actually agreed to this?”
“Err, yeah,” James said and beamed. “Well, in the end she did. I think she thought I was going to use you as a balloon or something ... Merlin, that reminds me! D’you remember in our first year when I accused you of nicking my Chocolate Frogs?”
Sirius snorted. “How can we forget the big sulk that was James Potter deprived of chocolate? What’s this got to do with Lily Evans though?”
“She nicked them!” exclaimed James. “She told me that the Gee-Gees broke into our room about a month after we got here.”
Sirius’ eyes lit up. “Ahh, revenge will be so sweet.”
Peter watched them both, open-mouthed. They had just escaped from a near calamitous incident in the Forest, and these two were joking around, planning the next prank. “Who do you think it was in the Forest?” he interrupted them mid-flow.
“Huh?” Sirius and James turned their eyes to Peter.
“The wizard in the Forbidden Forest,” he repeated, dragging them back to the horrific events of the night. “Who do you think he was?”
“Dunno,” said James sighing. He sat back down on his bed and dabbed at his shoulder with the flannel. “Not seen him before. He wasn’t a pupil, though.”
“So what was he doing in the Hogwarts grounds?” Peter asked intently.
Sirius looked grim. “I think we can assume it wasn’t to make daisy chains.” He paused and walked back to his bed. “I do, however, still have his wand.” He pulled something out from under his robes and smirked. “Cherchez le sorciere!”