I know I don’t know you,
But I want you so bad.
Everyone has a secret,
But can they keep it?
Oh no they can’t…
~.~
“How is your hand?”
I grunted in reply.
“Is it still bothering you?”
I grunted again.
“Do you need any help?”
“I’m fine.” I replied curtly.
Our footsteps echoed down the halls, our pointless conversation slipped into silence. Ted had obviously gotten the hint from unwillingness to reply, and had given up trying to make small talk. I had the sneaking suspicion he was staring at me, but every time I looked had glanced away.
His gaze made me uncomfortable, as though for some reason he could see right through me. I longed to ask him questions but I was forbidden by the council to associate with Mudbloods, regardless of whether they had said kind things about me or not.
Despite my silence on the outside, my mind was screaming at me. Why on earth had I allowed my thoughts to wander off like that? Why had McMillan’s words affected me so? He had spoken nothing but the truth.
I would marry someone older than me when I graduated. He would be a pure-blood and he would most likely feel no emotional attachment. It was time I started accepting my future. I was fine with that anyway.
Wasn’t I?
If I was fine with it, why was I walking to the Hospital Wing after my thoughts had caused me to crush a paperweight in my hand? Why had I wanted to yell at the boys who had so causally discussed my future? Why had Ted’s kind words made me feel better inside?
The latter question stood out strongest in my mind. At his words, there had definitely been a feeling of warmth spreading through me and a strange feeling in my chest. His faith in me during the argument against his friends had made me feel stronger, but it wasn’t just that. There was another feeling as well, one that I couldn’t put my finger on. I shook my head, dismissing the nonsense. Muggleborns’ words meant nothing to me and they never would.
“Mudblood,” the voice inside my head corrected, “Mudbloods’ words mean nothing to you. When did you adopt the filthy common term?”
I was too absorbed in my internal battle to notice that Ted was talking again, until he pointed to a notice on the wall. After closer inspection, I discerned it to be an advertising poster for the Apparition lessons. They had started on the Saturday, the week before last and only two people had managed to actually Apparate. I was not one of them.
It was a little worrying; the council would not be happy if I failed my test. It would be shameful failing in something so public. I quickly tuned into what Ted was saying in an attempt to block out the unpleasant thoughts.
“It’s so unfair,” he was complaining, “I don’t turn seventeen until May, so I don’t get to do the test until the summer holidays.” He shook his head in annoyance and turned to me, “When do you turn seventeen?”
“Today, actually.”
The words surprised me even as I said them. Up until that point I had kept out of the conversation completely, so I wasn’t sure I why I was compelled to reply truthfully. Maybe his enthusiasm was infectious, maybe I just wanted to see how he would react. Maybe it was something else altogether. Either way, the words came spilling from my throat before I could stop them.
“Awesome!”
Boyish excitement filled his face and he clapped his hands together in glee. I wasn’t sure whether his excitement was over the fact that it was my birthday, or the fact that I had actually started participating in the discussion. Possibly a little bit of both.
“Happy Birthday!” he continued, punching me lightly the shoulder of my unhurt arm, “did you get many presents?”
That was it, my first proper Happy Birthday for the day. A strange sort of feeling rushed over my chest, like it was being filled with a warm liquid. It was similar to the feeling I had had in the classroom when he had spoken for me, but it was much stronger. This time it spread out throughout my body, leaving a tingling feeling in my fingers and toes. It was odd, but I decided I liked it. It was a good feeling.
“Just a necklace from the co-my family.” I replied, deciding to keep the details to the minimum. No need to frighten him with the particulars of the council, especially since we would not be conversing for a long period of time.
Yet, when I looked up into his face, he actually seemed interested in what I was going to say. He wasn’t bored or simply faking interest to be seen while talking to a pure-blood. When I met his gaze, his eyes locked onto mine with such intensity that I had an odd urge to tell him everything, starting from my childhood and leading all the way up to the note I had received this morning. However, I held off the desire and looked away.
“But apart from that,” I said, still not meeting his eyes, “it has been just the same as a normal day.”
He sighed. A huge overstated sigh that was so loud it bounced of the walls. My head shot back so I was staring at him once again. He was faking an exaggerated shocked expression. It was comical to watch.
“My dear Lady,” he murmured in a low accent, “it is a crime if the day you turn seventeen is merely average.” He frowned theatrically, before leaning in closely and rasing his eyebrows, “Of course, the day was only average until you decided to take a stroll with me.”
A smile was playing across my lips and my mouth was open, when a voice from my subconscious mind interrupted me.
“What do you think you are doing?” The voice screamed, “Do not associate with a Mudblood!”
I swallowed back the laugh that was about to burst from my lips. I knew I had let things go far enough already. I couldn’t associate myself further with him, let alone start laughing at his immature jokes. I returned my face to a mask-like expression and gave a curt nod instead.
His face fell at response as though he was expecting something more, but along with the disappointment, I could also see a glimpse of pity. It was strange, receiving pity from someone I had always been told was below me, since I didn’t know what I had done to gain it.
Perhaps he had seen the laughter in my eyes or guessed that I had stopped myself. Maybe he believed that I should be able to laugh with him. It was better for me if I never found out. I increased my pace. The sooner I got the Hospital Wing and out of his dangerous company, the better.
“Wait a minute,” he said solemnly, grabbing my arm and pulling me to a stop. Obviously he was not going to let me leave as quickly as I would have hoped. “Since it is your birthday, you deserve something special,” he explained, pulling out his wand, “I’m sorry if this doesn’t work, but please remember that it is the thought that counts.”
Deliberately he plucked a blonde a hair from his head and laid it on his palm. Then, screwing up his face in concentration, he transfigured it into a yellow sunflower.
“Happy Birthday, m’lady,” he said as he knelt to the ground and presented the flower to me with a flourish, “and may it be-eth a ye’ fantastical day.”
Slowly I reached out to grasp the flower with my good hand. It was a strange sort of bloom, it looked rather common, but on closer inspection it was utterly unique. Smaller than the average sunflower, its face was only slightly larger than the size of my palm. The stem was long and slightly crooked, while the petals shone a pale yellow; exactly the same colour as his hair.
It couldn’t be described as classical or flawless, but to me, it was beautiful. For some reason, although it was such a simple gift, it felt better than a million golden necklaces. Even if they were old family heirlooms.
For the first time that day, I was actually glad that it was my birthday.
As I stared at the flower, the strange feeling flooded me again, stronger and even more potent than before. I wanted to throw my arms around Ted and thank him for making my birthday more than just another day. But I couldn’t. We were from separate worlds. It would be best for all involved if I just kept my distance.
Ted must have had some sort of strange aversion to silence though, because he was speaking once again. “It’s not anything too special,” he gushed, “and it’s probably nothing compared to the necklace from your family…”
Another voice interrupted him, but this one spoke not kindly, but with a harsh coldness. The two voices overlapped, as though asking me to choose.
“Throw the flower to the ground,”
“But it is your birthday after all…”
“It comes from filth and should be nowhere near you.”
“And I thought you might like a small gift…”
“Do not accept a gift from a …”
“Thank you.” I whispered, ignoring the voice in my head for the first time ever. “It’s perfect.”
“That’s perfectly fine,” he said, staring at me for a brief second more before resuming walking. I wondered if he recognised the significance of the moment. I couldn’t even be sure what it meant.
It seemed that before I had a chance to think further on it, we reached the Hospital Wing. Ted held the door open like a gentleman as I walked through. As soon as Madam Pomfrey saw my hand, she sat me down and ushered Ted out.
He paused at the door, “I’ll see you around?” he asked.
”Do not associate with Mudbloods!” screeched the voice inside my head, “Tell him to go away and to take his ridiculous flower with him.”
“Sure,” I murmured softly. “I’ll see you around.”
After Ted had left the Hospital Wing, Madam Johnson poured a strange potion on my hand to dissolve the glass and heal the cut. While I was waiting, my sister came to visit me, and I used the opportunity to push thoughts of Ted from my mind.
After quickly asking how I was feeling and not waiting for a reply, Narcisssa began to drone on and on about how Lucius Malfoy, a fifth-year, had asked her to go to Hogsmeade with him in three weeks.
I knew him, as he was in the year below me and in our house, but she described him to me in great detail anyway. She especially lingered on the all important fact - he came from a very respectable family. Of course I already knew this, but she assured me it was true none the less.
Although I didn’t ask, she assured me that she wouldn’t break any rules, or disgrace the family. She was just “looking out for her options.” She made no mention of my birthday, and I was fairly sure she had forgotten about it altogether. We had been close as small children, but I knew things had begun to change. We were growing up.
The rest of the day passed in a blur, and I kept myself busy to occupy my thoughts. I had discreetly put the flower in my bag and pushed it from my mind.
However, when I took it out, all the feelings came back to me. I found a glass and filled it with water. I stared at the flower for a second, pondering over its beauty. I only had that one second before the voice tried to reason with me. This time it wasn’t screeching or yelling, but had taken on a calm tone.
“Andromeda, that flower is little more than a product of filth. Surely you must realise what you are doing by keeping it. You remember the rule ‘Do not associate with a Mudblood.’ By accepting the Mudblood’s gift, you are doing exactly that. So why don’t you be a good little girl and crush the flower right now? It has no thorns to protect it, so it will be simple. Once it is destroyed, you can forget this ever happened…”
I clasped my hand around the flower, willing my hand to pull tighter. It would be so easy to do. Yet, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. How could something so beautiful and innocent be filth? I knew I could never crush something so beautiful, regardless of its origins.
I placed the flower in a jar of water.
For the first time in my life, I had broken a rule.