And all of your weight,
All you dream,
Falls on me, it falls on me.
And your beautiful sky,
The light you bring,
Falls on me, it falls on me.
~.~
The common room was crowded after the Quidditch match. As per usual, almost everyone in Slytherin had stayed to discuss every detail of what had happened. It had been a long game, lasting almost all day, ending with Gryffindor winning by a slim margin. Apparently, it had been extremely exciting; Slytherin had been winning, but the Gryffindor Seeker had caught the Snitch in a spectacular dive, causing them to win by the slim margin of twenty points.
But the game wasn’t the only thing being discussed, the Gryffindors in general were also being scrutinised. According to the group consensus, they were cheaters, Mudbloods, pathetic and general slime. It seemed no one could accept that they won fair and square.
Despite how excited everyone else had been, I hadn’t been able to concentrate on the game properly. Quite frankly, I hadn’t even wanted to go, but staying alone in the common room would raise unwanted questions. So, as duty dictated, I sat in the Slytherin stands watching the match, and attempted to enjoy it as everyone else did.
Much to my dismay, I had constantly caught myself scanning the Hufflepuff crowd. I had seen Ted, laughing and joking with his friends. Each time, the feeling of warmth had spread at the sight of his smile, but the screeching voice in my head had forced me to turn away. There was no reason I should be thinking of him.
He hadn’t approached me since our last conversation. He hadn't approached me since I had turned and fled.
“Hello, Andromeda.”
A voice broke me out of my brooding thoughts. It was a boy in sixth year by the name of Anthony Fordonus. The way he was standing instantly reminded me of the way a king would stand among peasants. Truth be told, he was almost royalty, or as close to it as a wizard could get. He was, after all, a member of the notorious Fordonus pure-blood clan.
“My brother, Dravel, is back from his tour of Europe,” he commented, staring me up and down, assessing me. An involuntary shiver ran up and down my spine.
“I trust that he enjoyed it,” I replied slowly.
“Yes, he did,” Anthony replied coldly. “Now that he is back he has certain... duties he needs to fulfil. He wanted me to give this to you. I’m sure he will get in touch with your family sometime in the future.”
Anthony handed over a red rose and an envelope then left me alone to open the letter. Inside, written on what looked to be expensive parchment, was a short note.
Andromeda,
I hope to hear that you are well and that you are still sticking to your rules, especially the ones that count. Please accept this rose as a signal of our past, and hopefully future, friendship. I look forward to speaking to you and your family in the near future. I await your correspondence.
Yours sincerely,
Dravel
It had been a while since I had thought of Dravel. In fact, I had made a huge effort not to think of him. It was easier that way.
I had known Dravel from almost the first moment I had been sorted into Slytherin. Bellatrix knew him well and she had introduced him to me. Of course, at that time, I was nothing but a small, insignificant first-year, and he had barely paid me any attention. After all he was quite a few years my senior, and had a large reputation. As my second year drew to a close, my relationship with him was no different. I was just one of the many people he was acquainted with and he rarely made any effort to converse with me. However, at the start of my third year, things began to change.
Over the summer break, I had filled out and matured a little early, coming back looking a lot older than I actually was. Dravel wasn’t the only one who had noticed the difference; it seemed that many people were shocked by my apparent transformation. People began to describe me as beautiful, some even stretching to stunning. I tried to ignore the attention as it made me uncomfortable, but most of the Slytherin boys surrounded me anyway. A pure-blood with looks, money and family power was considered a worthy prize to chase after.
However, the attention did not come only from my own house. A few boys from other houses had also attempted to flirt or gain my attention. After one Ravenclaw boy, a blood-traitor, wolf-whistled, Bella hexed him so powerfully that he had spent the week in the hospital wing. As a punishment, she had spent a month in detention, but the boys from other houses had backed down. I may have been attractive, but to them, I was not worth the trouble.
The pure-blood Slytherins, however, were a different story. I was fair game and I couldn’t spend much time in the common room without being stared at, questioned, or examined like a dog on show. Dravel Fordonus had been the worst of them all. Not only did he spend as much free time as possible by my side, but he also scared the others off. He looked at me with a possessive look in his eye that made me shudder. I tried to tell myself that he was a nice man and good company, but sometimes, even I found it hard to believe myself.
I stared at the note as the memories began to wash over me.
I left the Great Hall in a hurry. The end of the year had rolled around so quickly that I hadn’t even finished packing. Most people, my sisters included, were still in the hall at the feast. After all, dessert hadn’t even been served.
I was glad to have some time alone, just to think. It seemed I was always surrounded by people, both my family and others. Sometimes I felt better just to be alone, a luxury that I was rarely presented with an opportunity to take.
“Andromeda.”
I turned at the sound of my name. It was Dravel; I shuddered involuntarily. His attention always made me feel uncomfortable. It seemed he was constantly around me, watching my every mood and breathing down my neck. I wondered why he had skipped out on dinner early. Had he also left packing too late or was it more than just a coincidence? Sometimes, it was hard to believe that his motives were genuine. I cut off my thoughts before they could mutate further. He was a pure-blood and pure-bloods must always be treated with respect.
“Hello, Dravel,” I replied. “How are you?”
“I’m not bad, not bad at all.” His eyes travelled across my person. “I’m glad I ran into you,” he murmured. “Care to escort me back to the common room?”
I nodded my head and held out my arm. After all, Dravel hadn’t done anything to harm me and the Council had told me to make pure-blood connections. As we walked, Dravel leaned in closely as he talked about his plans after school. He was planning on taking a few years to travel Europe, before returning back to England to act as his father’s heir.
However, before we reached the common room, he steered me into an empty room. It was one of the dungeons where Potions was held. I turned, confused, to ask why we were there, but my voice was stuck in my throat. Dravel was right behind me, so close we were almost touching, so close that I could feel his hot breath on my face.
“Andromeda,” he whispered reaching out to tuck a lock of my hair behind my ear, “you have a natural beauty that I just long to touch.” He inched further forward, as I backed against the wall. “In a week, I’m leaving for Europe. I’d like something to remember you by…”
There was no place for me to go. He continued to lean in closer, trapping me against the cold stone.
“I can’t, Dravel!” I said, turning my face and pulling as far away from his grasp as possible. “There are rules I must follow.”
Anger and frustration played across his features. I tensed, hoping that he would not use me as an outlet for his feelings. However, after a moment’s hesitation he obviously came to some sort of conclusion. A malevolent grin replaced his volatile features as he trailed a finger down my face. “See that you stick to them, Andromeda. I’ll see that others stay away…”
With a last glance, he strode away, leaving me in the empty room.
From that day on, even though Dravel had left the school, very few Slytherin males had attempted to court me. The Fordonuses were a powerful family, and Dravel was one of the last remaining heirs. Dravel had staked a claim and made it clear I was not to be touched.
If occasionally someone stepped over the line, his brother or his cousins, the Lestranges, would make sure that person was dealt with. By the end of my fourth year, everyone had gotten it into their heads that I was out of bounds. As my fifth year drew to a close, people still steered clear, but began to forget why. Andromeda Black was forbidden, no further questions.
It seemed that I too had almost forgotten why. After all, Dravel’s return had always seemed like it was so far away; distant, almost like a dream rather than a possible reality. The note had brought him back into my immediate future. It was so sudden that I felt completely shocked. It was as though ice had begun to run through my veins.
Take the note, go to your dormitory and write him back a nice letter, instructed the voice. Tell him you are well and how thoughtful the rose was. Speak of your family and connections…
I tried to do what the voice commanded, but my feet refused to move. The rose filled my vision. Examining it from all sides, I struggled to find its beauty. To anyone else, the rose would have been exquisite, but the only thing I could see was red. This rose was my future, yet, I longed to smash it into pieces, throw it to the ground, and stomp on it until it was nothing more than a pulp.
I wished it was a sunflower, I realised. No matter how many people looked down on sunflowers or saw them as simple, I’d take it over a rose any day. A rose had a sort of beauty and class that drew you in at first, but they were full of thorns underneath and didn’t care whom they caused to bleed. Sunflowers weren’t like that. They were exactly as they appeared, and lived to add a little brightness to an otherwise dark world.
Yet, flowers that grew in the shade had to share their garden beds with roses, for what other choices did they have? No matter how much they longed to join the sunflowers in the sun, it simply was not possible, as they would be burnt to a crisp. Flowers that grew in the shade should stay in the shade where they belong; not fantasizing about growing next to sunflowers. Some things were just impossible.
Finally dragging my eyes away from the rose, I tried to imagine my future, but found that I couldn’t. It was the same feeling as that day when I broke the paperweight, but much stronger and deeper. I felt as though I was drowning, and no matter how hard I pulled at the tide, it didn’t make a difference.
I had always known I would marry someone that I probably wouldn’t have deep feelings for, and I had resigned myself to that fate. All my life, I had watched my mother and father, a couple that was not particularly in love. They seemed to get on fine, my father keeping to his own business, my mother to hers. I had resigned myself to that fate and told myself I would be happy with it. After all, it was just something in the far future, something I would not have to face for a long time.
Yet, the appearance of rose suddenly made it more real, more solid. It was as though something that had only been written on paper had just been carved into stone. The ideas of marriage and a husband was no longer just a distant thought, but something that had a name and face. There was nothing in the world I could do to change it.
Change it? Change what? You should be rejoicing in the possibilities that a man of such status is interested in you…
Two voices joined the one already present in my head. Both called out to me, one bright like the sunflower, the other full of sophistication, like the rose.
See that you stick to them, Andromeda…
I want you to know that you are something more than you thought you were…
Andromeda, stop these senseless thoughts at once. Return to your dormitory, pick up a quill and write back to him immediately…
The voices became louder. It was getting harder and harder to concentrate on which was which. I covered my ears, but it was no use. They began to overlap, until I could no longer tell them apart.
I would like something to remember you by…
I want that person to be your future…
Tell him that the rose was simply perfect...
The voices were getting louder, as though competing for attention, until all I could hear was my own name.
Andromeda…
Dromeda…
ANDROMEDA!
“Andromeda!” Narcissa called, waving her hand at me to come over. The voices went quiet. In fact, all my thoughts and feelings seemed to disappear at once. It was as though someone had simply picked up their wand and Vanished everything. After all the shock and confusion I had been feeling, it was a relief.
Feeling numb, I slowly made my way to the wall that concealed the entrance to the common room. No one asked where I was going, and I was glad about it. In my current state I doubted that I would even be able to reply.
It had to be past curfew, but I didn’t care. I walked for fifteen minutes unsure of where I was going, but I didn’t run into anyone. The numbness enveloped me as I walked down corridor after corridor. For the first time in weeks, my head was blissfully quiet.
It felt good to be numb and unthinking. Living like this would be easy, I decided. It would be everything my family and my future husband would want. Dimly, I was aware that the numbness would not help, that the feelings would come back stronger and more painful than before. But I was happy. Feeling numb made everything so much better.
As I predicted, the numb feeling didn’t last. I stumbled into an empty classroom, and the feelings came back like a wave crashing over my head, threatening to pull me under.
At first I was angry; I knocked over a pile of books stacked neatly on a table and threw one at the wall. I yelled incoherently, not caring if anyone heard. I didn’t know where the anger came from, and didn’t know where to direct it towards. I just knew that I was angry and I needed an outlet. Ted’s face swam into my mind.
Screaming, I cursed Ted for making me believe I could control my destiny, because it hit so much harder when I realised that I couldn’t. I hated him for giving me a glimpse of hope. I hated him, because up until I had met him, I had been happy with my life and what was planned for me. I hated him because I had accepted everything and I didn’t long for something else. I hated him for allowing me to believe I could be something more.
I hated myself because I knew that I didn’t hate Ted at all.
“What on earth are you doing? Keep your control!” screamed the voice that had returned with my emotions.
That was when the sadness hit. I knew that nothing I could ever do would change my future. It had been set since the moment of my birth. I could see it all clearly now, playing out before my eyes. Dravel would talk to my parents, who would be delighted. They would give him their consent and he would court me until I finished school. We would be engaged after I graduated, and then, after a few months, we would marry in a formal ceremony with anyone my family considered important in attendance. My thoughts paused at the thought of my wedding night. It wasn’t something I cared to envision.
Even if I refused Dravel, I knew there would be someone else to take his place. I would have to accept one eventually, as that was what was expected of me. I could marry whoever I liked, as long as they fitted the Council’s criteria. Even so, the pressure would be so intense to accept Dravel that I knew I would give in.
Sinking to the floor, I began to sob. I wanted to believe I could change what I saw, but it was all I knew. I sobbed because I knew that even thinking about trying to change things was not allowed. Each sob racked through me as confusion crowded my brain. Despite not wanting what the future held, I didn’t want to abandon my family. They were the only thing I knew, and I loved them. That made it so much harder. I cried, until I couldn’t see anything but tears.
I wasn’t sure when I became aware of the fact that someone was beside me, their arm around my shoulders, comforting me. They were whispering in my ear, but I could not make out anything but the kind tone.
“Always keep your control,” the voice yelled inside my head, contrasting to the kind voice beside me. “How dare you show this person your weakness? Control yourself and leave before you do any more damage.”
The voice only made me cry harder. The unknown person tightened their grip on my shoulders as I buried my face in their chest. I knew that I was breaking a rule, and that I should attempt to salvage myself by moving away from the person, but I was glad they were there. I lifted my head to look at my unknown rescuer.
It was Ted Tonks.