Andromeda woke up in a daze, as if she’d had too much to drink the night before. But she was suffering none of the negative affects of a hangover. Instead, she simply felt detached, in a good way. Almost like her body had been incapable of containing her pleasure. She didn’t remember what happened.
Rolling over, she saw that she wasn’t alone. The whole night came rushing back to her. The few seconds in the morning before you remember the night before had passed. She remembered everything. Every wonderful moment and perfect touch.
Part of her wanted to smile. The other part of her wanted to be sick.
Her mind started flashing images. Kingsley. Ted. Kingsley. Ted.
What had she done? Ted. She didn’t know much about the afterlife. Her family hadn’t been religious nor had Ted’s. What if he could see her? What if he saw her with another man?
She’d vowed to love him forever. Did that vow really end with Ted’s life? Didn’t she owe him more respect? She’d just had sex with another man in the bed they’d once shared. What was wrong with her?
Beside her, Kingsley groaned, opening his eyes. He smiled up at her. Seeing her expression, the smile disappeared.
“What’s wrong?”
She didn’t know what to say. He looked so worried, afraid he’d done something. How could she tell him that she was the horrible one? How could he even think that he’d done anything wrong? He’d been perfect. Perfect in every way since he’d walked through the door bringing the worst news of her life.
“Andy, did I hurt you?” He sat up straight, reaching out to her.
“No,” she said, quickly. “You were wonderful. Last night, everything was exactly what I wanted.”
“Then what’s wrong?” he persisted. “I know you’re upset.”
Something about talking to her new lover about her dead husband felt wrong. Still, her new lover was also her best friend. He’d understand. He’d have to because she knew he wouldn’t give up until she explained herself.
“You’re amazing,” she began. “It’s not that I regret what we did. It’s just…well, it’s Ted. This probably sounds crazy to you. I just feel like I’ve betrayed him. Really, it hasn’t been that long.”
“I’m not surprised,” he told her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. “But you haven’t done anything wrong. Ted loved you, and you’ll always love him. I’d never expect you to stop. He would want you to move on and be happy. He won’t be pushed out of your heart because you let someone new in.”
Both Kingsley’s words and his touch seemed to confuse her. His arm felt right around her, like it always did. He made her feel safe, but this time she felt something else, too”guilt. His words made sense, but she couldn’t entirely hear them. In the back of her mind, she could still see Ted, watching her with another man.
“Andy?” he asked when she said nothing.
Looking down at her hands, she began to chip at the light pink polish on her nails. She couldn’t look at him. Her mind was still reeling. Torn between guilt and desire, she didn’t know what to do. She still loved her husband, but he was gone. She loved Kingsley too, and he was right beside her. Would it really be so wrong for her to be happy?
Taking a deep breath, she allowed her body to relax under his arm. Leaning against him, she closed her eyes. For a few seconds, everything felt perfect. She was certain she was in the right place. This was what she wanted.
She was about to open her eyes and tell Kingsley everything was okay. They could be together, but before she could Ted flashed into her mind. He was watching her”naked in someone else’s arms. The expression on his face was enough to make her cry. He didn’t look angry, but sad. Hurt. Devastated. Betrayed.
She couldn’t do this to him. If there was even a chance that she was hurting him like that, she had to stop. No matter how much it hurt her.
Pulling away from Kingsley, she stared back him. Her eyes must have given her away. Before she opened her mouth, she saw his face fall. Like her imaginary image of Ted, he looked hurt.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I just can’t seem to do this. I feel like he can see us.”
“Do you want to be alone forever?” The question didn’t hold the air of ignorance that it could have. He understood where she was coming from; she was sure of it. All he wanted was to see her happy.
“I’m not sure I have a choice,” she admitted. “As long as I think Ted’s watching me, I can’t be with anyone. Even you. I really am sorry. You don’t deserve this. You’ve been so wonderful.”
“Hey, I don’t have to leave just because we can’t be together,” he said. “If you’re not ready for a relationship, I can live with that. It doesn’t mean we can’t see each other. We’re friends, no matter what.”
Only Kingsley would be so understanding. She’d just told him that he was amazing, but she couldn’t be with him because she thought her dead husband was watching. Any other man would assume she was insane and run for the door. He was asking to stay. He still wanted to be part of her life.
She wanted that too, but didn’t think she could go back. Every time he touched her, she’d want him. She’d always want him. Having him so close would be a very painful temptation. She didn’t think she could handle that.
She heard movement downstairs.
“Andromeda.”
Harry. He was back with Teddy.
She rushed out of bed, pulling on a robe. Turning to Kingsley, she hated that this had to be so rushed.
“I’m sorry,” she told him. “I just don’t think I should see you anymore. I’m really sorry.”
Before he could respond or she could lose her nerve, she hurried from the room to greet her grandson. She knew he’d be gone when she got back. As much as it hurt, he’d probably be gone forever.