He wrenched his wrist from her calming grasp, angry that her simple touch could have this effect on him right now. The darkness was overwhelming, but even as he searched briefly for her eyes, the anger he was trying to subside overcame him and he turned from her. Flinging the tapestry aside, he revealed their hidden rendezvous, but checked for other students all the same. Shooting his eyes down the length of the corridor, he irrationally chose his next action: walk out the great front doors and into the snow.
Biting.
The bitter wind cut into his thin cotton jumper as he attempted to slam the doors, only to be abated by the harsh wind that was thick with flurries. Shoving harder, he managed to shut the door before he turned to go nowhere. His messy collar and rumpled tie whipped around his neck as he leapt down the stone steps.
That was too far, she couldn’t have said that, done that. It was too easy for her and too hard for him. To see her demean herself for others, but act her true self around him was painful, heartbreaking. But for her to let slip a comment such as that was not just wrong, it was agonizing to his demeanor, to them. As he stood on the edge of the steps, he raised his hand to his chest, willing the ache away. He felt the speedy thump of his heated heart, and missed her touch, her heated whisper, her everything.
“Stop,” he said aloud to himself. He couldn’t let her calm him again, just as she had done with her grasp, but now it was a simple memory. Squaring his shoulders, he prepared himself for the walk ahead, caging off his heart and setting his features.
Frigid.
Shuffling through the ankle-deep snow, he heard the heavy slam of the oak door through the rising roar of the wind. Turning his head to shield his eyes from the heavy draft of snow, he saw the heavy black mane of hair flying through the wind, but he continued to move.
He walked towards the lake, shoving his balled fists into his trousers in an attempt to warm his slowly freezing fingers. Every so often he would hear a soft cry asking, pleading for him to wait, but he acted as if it was taken by the swirling snow, unheard.
She needed a taste of her own medicine, to be ignored when she was so blatantly there. She needed to feel what he felt every day when they passed each other in public. The ache that he had so strongly willed away slowly crept back into his chest as he kept his back turned to her. His pace quickened. Did she never feel this? The need to simply be with, forgive, and harmoniously exist together? How could she bear this pain?
Finally he stopped and turned, and she ran into him, not expecting such an abrupt stop. The still snow around his feet soaked into his trainers, allowing for a small release of his pain into his benumbed toes.
Numb.
“Why are you following me?” he asked, his voice hard.
“I-I… well, I thought you would want to talk.”
“Of course I do, but do you?”
“Yes, Ted! Why would I not? I know what I said was wrong.”
“Then why did you say it?”
They had grown very close to one another, their noses almost touching as they shouted over the fierce winds, their breath clouding the air around them. Ted had reached out in frustration a few times, wanting to grab her arm to make her feel the pain he did, but he knew he could never do that. Andromeda was too wonderful to ever hurt, to ever truly desire pain upon. But in that instant, that moment frozen in time, the overwhelming urge to do anything to take his pain away and put it on her overcame him.
At first, it frightened him, overwhelmed him. How could he ever think that? She was his everything, so precious to him that he was willing to risk his humility, his sanity, to be with her. He was willing to let them hide in the shadows as others passed, her pushing him back so as not to be seen.
“Am I no more than a game, Andromeda? A secret pleasure for you to tantalise at your every whim?” he asked, voice shaking with repressed anger. “I can’t take it anymore: the secret meetings, not so much as a glance in the halls, the sneers from your friends if I even happen to pass by.”
Her dark, wide eyes searched his. “How could you be, Ted? Women of the Black name do not look for pleasure in Muggleborns; we are not in search of secret meetings and defacing the blood of our ancestry.”
“Then why are you here?” he asked quietly, fearing the worst”she was here just on a whim, a simple fling that would soon pass.
“How can you not see it?”
“How can I? All I see is you hiding me. Why can’t we just be normal”prejudices aside?”
She seemed to crumble, as if she were hoping that her hiding him would pass by unnoticed and soon they would simply fade away together, not having to face the problems. Ted wished it were that simple, that they would be able to simply brush it off, but he couldn’t. To feel good about himself, he had to keep his dignity.
“It’s too hard to be normal,” she whispered. “I have Bellatrix and Narcissa and my parents “ my blood. It’s all too much for me. I can’t decide between right and wrong anymore. On one side I know that I can’t abandon my family, because honestly, Ted, they wouldn’t have me if I chose you. But on the other side, I know that if I stay where I am, I will forever regret my decision. Not only that, but I’ll never have the life I dream of having.”
She finished with a huff of air, her shoulders squaring as if she had made a decision. Watching carefully, he saw her face set itself, and instead of falling deeper into the chasm that apparently presented itself before her, she seemed to have crawled back up.
“I couldn’t live without you, Ted”you’re my everything, my breath, my life, my inspiration. I would be taking my own life simply by turning my back on you. It’s weak of me to ignore you and allow my acquaintances to jab at your name. I am a Black woman, and even if I may be putting that second on my list now, I will always have that fire in me,” she finished, her voice wavering with emotion.
Not allowing a thought to pass through his clouded mind, his calloused hands jumped from his pockets. Gently holding her face, he took a moment to gather her simple beauty as the snowflakes caught on her thick lashes before roughly lowering his lips to hers.
Breaking away, she murmured, “I love you, Ted Tonks…”
Raw.