Voldemort was speaking about the wand, he held but Severus Snape was only half listening. He was shocked to see Nagini under such powerful protection. Dumbledore had spoken of this coming to pass. It amazed Snape. How was Dumbledore able to discern these future events? He suppressed a twinge of sorrow for the death of the only man who ever knew and trusted him: a man who had become a friend, a confidant, a--dare he even think it?--a father; a man who was dead by his own hand. This thought distracted him just enough that he never saw the snake coming, and Nagini suddenly attacked. He could feel himself dropping to the floor. It was a surreal, disjointed feeling. The Dark Lord spoke of unfelt regret and left the room. With his lifeblood flowing away and pooling around him on the floor, Snape thought of how would never be able to finish the task given him by Dumbledore. His life finished as it started, alone, unwanted, a failure. There was no spell to save him now and somehow he really did not care.
It was then that he felt another presence beside him. The boy! Was he hallucinating as he died? No! This was his chance. He still had his wand.
Willing out every memory he could think of, he gasped for the boy to take them. He had no other way to explain. The boy had to end this. There was no other way now. Perhaps there never would have been any other way. Thank God that Granger girl was with him to help. It would be over soon if the boy would only look at him.
Lily’s beautiful green eyes met his. Lily. Lovely Lily. His Lily. The green eyes swam and swayed out of focus, but Snape could see green distantly before him as though looking through a cloud. As he continued to watch, it came back into focus. It was no longer the boy looking down at him but leaves that were swaying and dancing as though in a breeze. He was looking up at a tree. Snape continued to look up and watch. Blue sky flitted in and out between the leaves. Marveling at such simple beauty, Snape realized this was the first time in a very long time he felt at peace. He did not want it to end. Finally, he sat up and looked around. He seemed to be in a field or park. He was definitely outside. Wherever it was, it felt strangely familiar. As he looked around he could see a figure coming towards him. Snape watched this figure approach. At once he recognized who was coming and his hand went quickly into his robes for his wand. It was then that he made two horrifying discoveries. He did not have a wand but worse--so much worse”he was not wearing any robes. Throwing his arm over his face he fell back onto the soft mossy grass.
“I’ve died and gone to hell,” he groaned.
James Potter now stood over him and let out a hearty laugh.
“Severus, I wish I had known you were so funny!”
Snape felt a bundle of robes hit him in the face. He hastily threw them on and jumped to his feet, his eyes never leaving his old archenemy. James Potter had change in his stature. Snape could not say what had changed but he was struck simultaneously with two opposing desires. He wanted to attack James viciously and he wanted very much to flee from his presence. Snape realized that he was wandless and could never overpower James physically but at the same time he was not cowardly enough to turn and run. Instead he just stood and glared.
“What do you want?” Snape finally spat with more venom in his voice than Nagini ever possessed.
“I came to thank you…”
Snape snorted.
“…for protecting my son.” James finished.
“I did not do it for you,” Snape snarled.
“No,” James spoke calmly, as if he didn’t notice the hatred in Snape's voice, “you did it in spite of me. You were a greater man than I ever would have given you credit for. I am sorry, Severus; I was never kind to you. Perhaps things would have been different if I had not been such a fool when we were young.”
As James spoke, Snape was in a state of absolute fury. How dare this… this… he was at a lack of vocabulary to even describe his nemesis. How dare he even speak as if nothing had ever happened. In his mind he raged over all the injustices and humiliations he had suffered in his time at Hogwarts. Then James’ words slowly broke through the cacophonic hatred in his thoughts. Snape looked straight into Potter’s eyes to his utter surprise he found nothing but absolute sincerity looking back at him. Could this be true? Was the great James Potter, the amazing Quidditch hero, the Head Boy who could do no wrong, actually apologizing? Try as he might, Snape still found only truth gazing serenely back at him. He felt as if everything was suddenly upside down.
“Well, you weren’t the only fool. I did try to curse every free moment I had.” Snape was surprised to hear his own voice speaking.
“And you were quite good at it. I think I learned more about counter jinxes curses from you than any of the professors.” James Potter laughed. He reached out his wand hand. Again, Snape astonished himself in taking it. In that moment all the anger and the hatred from decades old wounds lifted from Snape and disappeared. Severus looked at James and smiled for the first time.
“Come on.” James said. “There someone else you need to see.”
Severus stopped short. “It’s not Sirius, is it?”
James Potter lauged again. “No. No, he’s still patching things up with Regulus.”
Severus had begun to wonder who else he needed to see, when he saw her.
Lily.
Everything faded from around Severus. Only she existed his sight until his memories came back larger than life. Mudblood… The Fat Lady swinging definitively shut …Lily marrying James…the prophecy overheard…the Dark Lord’s decision to go after Lily…Dumbledore telling him she had died…the boy…
Everything suddenly struck Severus at once. He fell to his knees under the weight of it all.
“Lily…I…I…never…not you…it was…all my fault…You tried to…I…” Severus choked out in between sobs. He lost all coherence. Tears just spilled from his eyes blurring and blinding him. On and on he sobbed. Years of suppressed anguish pouring forth. He could not stop and truthfully he did not want to stop. He just knelt at Lily’s feet and wept.
He felt a warm and gentle pressure on his arms. Snape looked up and into the eyes of Lily. Her beautiful eyes, green as the fields in the spring. She knelt opposite him and gazed into his eyes.
“Sev, it’s over. You protected my son. You made good your promise. Your love won over your hate. It’s over”
Severus, trembling, looked at her, tears still streaming down his face. He gazed at her. There was such tenderness in her face, such deep love. A love he never thought could exist.
“It’s over, Sev. You made good,” Lily repeated, and she took his hands in hers and rose to her feet. Severus rose with her; his eyes never leaving hers. It was James who broke the silence.
“Come on,” he said, “its time to go.”
Severus turned and looked at him. “Go where?”
“On” Lily replied.
With James Potter at his side and his hand still in Lily’s, Severus Snape left the playground of his childhood and walked on.
Severus Snape Goes On by Wynn Terre
Story Notes:
Severus, Lily and James all belong to J K Rowling and I hope that I kept to their individual characters.
Also the first three paragraphs and Snape's memories towards the end are all paraphrased from DH.
Chapter Notes: Thank you to my beta Jtavington for the insights and help with my perpetual punctuation problem.