A voice calls upon you
To wake up
In the precious hours
‘Arta Magush.’
I opened my eyes, feeling like I had slept for far too long. And yet, I was exhausted.
Snape was sitting next to my bed. Why? I realized I was not in my bed. I could not remember going to bed at all. Did I have an accident? Then I remembered what happened in the Entrance Hall. That’s why I was in the hospital wing with Professor Snape. I started to remember how I had felt and why. It made my heart beat faster. I was afraid. I mustn’t think about that.
I looked at Professor Snape; he was not looking in my direction. Instead, he was examining my brass necklace watch on my bed-side table. I weakly reached for him and met his dark eyes when he felt my hand rest on his wrist. I thought he looked surprised for a second.
He gently pushed my arm back on the bed and sighed.
‘Professor Snape,’ I articulated weakly.
‘How do you feel Miss Philius?’ he asked with a shadow of a smile, which disappeared as usual before I could see it properly.
But yet there was something unusual in Professor Snape’s expression … Expression! And I realized that I had never seen him laugh or properly smile: I could not even imagine him doing such things; he never wore any expression on his face. Except now, he had a shadow of an expression of concern. It looked like his face had been given colours and soul. He looked more human. Have I ever thought Professor Snape didn’t look human? He looked like a man who was trying, but failing, to hide his emotions, a very common thing to witness on any other face but his. I felt a rush of sympathy toward him and pulled myself to answer.
‘I’m all right,’ I said. I felt weak but didn’t see the point mentioning it. I already felt stupid to have fainted out of some sort of panic attack for reasons I felt afraid to think about.
Then Professor Snape smiled. Not his usual shadow of a smile, a real, quick but full smile. It was a mocking smile too, with disbelief and relief into it. A corner of his mouth was even still mockingly twisted when he asked with authority, ‘Can you exactly and precisely describe how you feel right now, Miss Philius?’
I reluctantly described as ordered. Then I blinked and both smile and any expression had deserted his face.
I closed my eyes and replayed the smile in my head. Why am I doing that? I wondered. And the answer came to me automatically. Because I need to not think about what happened in the Hall.
‘What did you say?’ I asked suddenly.
‘When, Miss Philius? I have not spoken now.’
‘No, I mean what woke me up. You said something that woke me up.’
Professor Snape did not answer immediately but frowned and reached for my watch and handed it to me, face down. He simply pointed at the polished backside.
‘Arta Magush,’ I read. I looked up at Professor Snape. ‘This inscription was not here before.’
‘What does it mean?’ he asked.
‘You don’t know?’
‘I just saw it now. I know Magush means Magian in ancient Persian. I’ve come across the term. But I do not know the language further. You do,’ he added simply.
‘Yes, Arta means true. It says True Magian,’ I answered. ‘What does it mean, Professor? Why did it appear here? Why did it wake me? What happened to me?’
‘This, Miss Philius, is magic beyond anybody’s understanding or knowledge here, I am afraid,’ answered a voice from the other side of my bed.
Professor Dumbledore had entered silently the hospital wing. As he was standing in front of a window, I realized there was a pale glow about the night. Only then I noticed the birds were singing.
‘Is it dawn already? I spent the whole night here?’ I asked in disbelief.
Dumbledore and Snape looked at each other.
‘Yes, it is dawn already,’ Professor Dumbledore answered in strange tone.
He looked at me for a while, sensing rightly that I had another question. But I felt ridiculous asking the headmaster and my professor. I would have felt more at ease to ask the nurse. However, I needed to know badly.
‘Did any of my friends come to see me in the evening?’ I asked sheepishly.
Dumbledore smiled kindly.
‘They all came.’ He looked at me quizzically. ‘Miss Philius, you have been unconscious for a while. Your friends have come regularly.’
I felt oddly relieved. At least my accident’s consequences would have made them forget the circumstances of it. I felt almost grateful to have passed out for several days; then I felt foolish to think that way.
‘You will need to rest. I would like you to stay in the hospital for a while. Then Professor Snape will brief you on the latest developments in his research. Only then we will inform your friends that they can come over to Hogwarts to visit you. If you wish, you can spend the rest of the summer here at Hogwarts working with Professor Snape.’
‘The rest of the summer?’ My head started to spin. Wasn’t it in… it was just before Christmas, wasn’t it? How could I have been unconscious for months?
‘Miss Philius,’ came the cool voice of the Potions Master. ‘What happened to you is deep magic, as the headmaster said, beyond our understanding or knowledge. But understanding and knowledge’s frontiers can be pushed further. We will discover all we need to know about you soon. What happened to you will never happen again, however madly we have to study to prevent it.’ I couldn’t miss the eagerness of the speech in spite of the cold flat voice delivering it. I felt grateful and anxious at the same time.
The perspective of fighting whatever had attacked me last winter (last night!), with Professor Snape’s help was appeasing. I still wanted to make sure I remembered correctly.
‘It was before Christmas, wasn’t it?’ I asked the headmaster.
‘Yes, the last week of term before Christmas holidays, Miss Philius.’ He looked hesitant. ‘Last year’s Christmas, Miss Philius. One year and a half ago,’ Dumbledore eventually added, looking sorry.
Professor Snape stayed. We did not talk. I was under shock. Professor Snape simply stayed the all day in watchful silence at my bed-side. I tried and failed to eat lunch. I felt very weak.
‘Try to eat something,’ he eventually ordered when the sun started to set, and he left as Madam Pomfrey brought food once again.
I managed to slip some food down this time and felt better after it. Madam Pomfrey left me for the night and as I didn’t feel sleepy, I was let to think in the slowly darkening summer evening.
I had remained unconscious for a year an a half, I reflected. The thought did not make my head spin like earlier but I was still dizzy.
Professor Snape would be able to explain why, I thought faithfully. But as I cautiously allowed myself to remember the day of the accident, I couldn’t help starting to feel that Eslis had given answer to the question long ago. I didn’t want to dwell on this by myself, though. I would have a satisfactory discussion with Professor Snape on the morrow, if I could show I was already strong enough.
My thoughts took another direction. Dumbledore had said my friends had visited regularly. I felt grateful. But which friends? Did Dumbledore know of all my friends? Did he mean the Ravenclaws? Could my House, in which I had never blended so easily, happily have forgotten me? What about Caroline? Surely Caroline had come. And Eslis? Lee? Fred and George? Draco? Would Draco have visited after all?
I then started to feel anxious. What about the attacks? Were more students attacked? Did anybody die? Was Hermione, the friend of Fred and George, all right? What about Caroline? Would Dumbledore have told me anything if my friend had been attacked? Surely not, not just after I had waked up from an eighteen month coma! Did Draco stupidly get involved in the attacks? Could he have been expelled after that night? I cursed myself for not asking all these questions to the Potions Master. What was I thinking all day? But then I had felt so weak. I would know all tomorrow. Once again, I needed to think about something else.
Professor Snape. He had been there when I had woken up. I had been unconscious for eighteen months; I had woken up at the crack of dawn of a summer night and yet he had been there. I felt a rush of gratitude and affection for my mentor. Had he been the one to wake me up? I wondered next. Were the words he had read aloud from the watch the reason why I had suddenly awoken? I had worn this watch around my neck as long as I could remember. I did not have any precise memories before my stroll up to the castle on Hogwarts’ grounds three years ago but the watch had appeared that day, when I had wanted to groom my appearance, and ever since in the same circumstances. I decided on every other aspects of my appearance but the watch was always here and I had never even once questioned it. I marveled at the thought. That would be another topic to discuss with Professor Snape.
I suddenly heard the hospital wing’s door creak. I closed my eyes.
It must be Professor Snape. If he sees that I am sleeping, he will leave and get some rest.
Indeed, I heard light foot steps coming directly to my bedside. Professor Snape didn’t sit, though, but, as far as I could guess, just stood very near to the bed. I started to wonder if this could be someone else but refrained from opening my eyes until I could make sure it was not the Potions Master.
‘Hi, Cybele, it’s me again.’
I froze as I recognized the voice. Could that be Draco? What would he be doing here? How? Why?
‘I don’t have much time before Professor Snape comes back from his dinner. I had trouble escaping tonight, but I figured I still had time to come here.’
I was listening hard and breathing slowly. Did Draco know that I was awake?
‘Can you hear me, Cybele?’ he asked.
I didn’t know what to do. I felt like I was eavesdropping on Draco. But then, he is talking to me, so I have the right to hear, no?
‘I’m sorry.’
Another silence. What would happen if I just opened my eyes now? I would have to admit I was faking!
‘I want you to wake up. I want you to come and fly with me. We don’t need to talk about all the madness around us. We were happy that way, remember?’
I felt half like hugging, half like punching Draco now, so it was good that I had kept my eyes closed.
‘I’ll be back.’ Draco grabbed my hand and kissed it. ‘Take care.’
I heard him leave slowly and the hospital wing’s door creaked back close. I opened my eyes wide and looked around. The hospital wing was deserted. Could I have dreamed it? I was confused and exhausted; I had just woken up from a coma. Maybe I had just imagined that.
I lifted my right hand to my eyes. I could still feel something prickle there. I looked at the warm spot on my hand. Could it be possible that those inches of skin had been kissed every night by Draco? I felt a foreign pinch in the stomach.
Unlike I had feared, Professor Snape did not come back that night.
Waking up very early in the morning – I started to think that I had probably slept enough for the rest of my life during the last months – I decided to act.
I wanted Professor Snape to get back to research with me. I wanted a good, long conversation to have all my questions answered. I wanted out of this hospital bed. I had to show them that I was strong enough for all this.
Long before Madam Pomfrey came with a breakfast tray, I made my bed. I wanted to wait for her up and fully clothed. I looked down at myself and felt puzzled a moment. I had changed. I was taller – though not much taller – and somewhat fatter than before. ‘How could I be fatter after a coma?’ I marveled. Then it dawned on me; I was just – wow – not a kid anymore. I needed a mirror!
Of course the hospital wing didn’t have any. In the summer dawn light, I installed one in the middle of the empty wing and started looking at myself. I didn’t like what I saw. I sighted, wisely thinking that I still looked quite normal for a fifth-year that I was, now, and that I would get used to the new pieces and curves in time. I got dressed with my usual marine blue Dockers and grey sweater. It didn’t look as right as before. It looked shapeless and goony on my new body. I tried jeans. I looked fat. I sighed. I didn’t like it; I was always happy with whatever I had made appear on me at the first try, before.
It’s the coma, I reasoned. I just have to get familiar with my older self. Crap, you do change in eighteen months, though! I ended up in an all black, quite lousy pants and pullover set. I still didn’t really like it and it was a very unfamiliar and unpleasant feeling.
I heard movement from Madam Pomfrey and vanished the mirror quickly. She looked surprised to see me up and frowned slightly.
‘You should be in bed, Miss Philius. You were very weak yesterday,’ she said, not unkindly.
‘Thank you, Madam,’ I answer politely, ‘I have slept a lot,’ I added with a twist of a smile.
Madam Pomfrey sighted.
‘Please, get back into bed for your breakfast.’
I complied but sat up. She seemed to consider it acceptable and didn’t insist.
I was feeling hungry by now and had my first real meal.
Professor Snape was back early. After some short negotiations on my part with Professor Snape and much longer ones on his part with the matron, we agreed that Madam Pomfrey would check me up this morning while I lay still and would release me after lunch if she couldn’t find anything positively wrong with me apart from the fact that I had slept the whole past year. I felt elated. I was to go down to Professor Snape’s office in the afternoon.
I could still feel my limbs weak, in spite of Madam Pomfrey’s strengthening potions, as I went down to the dungeon and crossed the Potion’s class to Professor Snape’s office, but I was not going to admit it to anybody. Madam Pomfrey had tried to detain me on discovering my tension was very low; however, it had not remained so low as we argued the case.
Professor Snape came to the door, and instead of inviting me to sit in front of his desk, I had to follow him behind and upstairs into his quarters. The sitting room was plain, yet somehow cozy enough with a comfortable sofa. There were large and high Hogwarts style windows there, I was pleased to see. The furniture was in earthy and dark tones, yet not miserable-looking. Professor Snape invited me to sit on the sofa, where a blanket was neatly folded in spite of the warm weather. He conjured a mug of tea.
‘Madam Pomfrey has insisted that you would be comfortable and that we limit our sessions to few hours a day at first,’ he explained.
I smiled and looked around. Knowing my Potions Master and mentor, I suspected I possibly owned the first non-Elfish pair of eyes to rest upon the place.
‘Thank you,’ I said simply. I tried to put as much as I could in this thanks. Thanks for watching over me all this time, thanks for you smile, thanks for your sight up there in the hospital wing.
‘You must have a lot of questions,’ he said next, sitting himself on an armchair. ‘We will not discuss much today, but I believe you will rest better knowing about what must be the most pressing matters in your mind.’
‘Yes, thanks, Sir,’ I answered eagerly. ‘Were any more students attacked, Sir?’
‘We have caught the culprit,’ assured Snape, ‘and all the attacked students were cured and feeling perfectly well by the end of the year. There were some more attacks though, after Christmas. Nobody that you know personally, I think, but your House’s Prefect Penelope and your friends’ friend, Miss Granger.’
I gaped. So this Hermione girl was attacked. Had Draco been happy? Did he regret that she had not been killed?
‘Who was the culprit? Were any students involved?’ I asked anxiously.
‘Yes and no,’ started Professor Snape, and he patiently explained me the main elements of the complicated plot which had been set on Hogwarts that year. I asked some questions about this dead-not-dead frightening wizard, Voldemort, and Professor Snape explained me more about the possibility of his return one day among the living, but assured me that no positive elements had occurred in that direction during my coma.
‘Sir, may I ask you how are my friends?’ I chanced after a short silence.
‘They are all fine,’ he answered kindly. ‘You will see them soon. The headmaster will meet you tomorrow, as Madam Pomfrey has insisted on not more than one meeting today and he will then meet your friends too, to explain them about you. I hope you understand that your friends need to know about you now. As for us, we will start discussing about the past events and our new theories tomorrow too.’
I nodded. Professor Snape looked at me a while and eventually answered the question I was too embarrassed to ask.
‘I don’t know if Professor Dumbledore will meet them all, but all your friends have been visiting you regularly. All,’ he added pointedly, and I knew I had not dreamt Draco. ‘Professor Flitwick will also inform the Ravenclaw fifth-years at the beginning of the term. We will decide together and let him know what exactly to say.’
I felt grateful for the steady consideration my mentor was giving to my decisions and opinions. I couldn’t wait to start the research again. Hopefully we would meet daily until the beginning of the term?
‘It is late already, and a long enough meeting for today. You can go back to your dormitory if you wish, but Madam Pomfrey insisted that you would sleep in the hospital wing if ever you feel weak. An Elf will bring you your meals in your dormitory until you are alert enough to go down and eat in the kitchens.’
I was determined to go down to the kitchens to eat and see Eslis when I left Professor Snape’s apartment; but my head was spinning badly and I couldn’t deny I felt very weak. I had decided to sleep in the hospital wing until Draco would come again, so I went back there directly and collapsed on the bed.
‘Miss Philius?’
I opened an eye reluctantly. Madam Pomfrey was there with a tray of food. I realized I was starving.
‘I’m happy to see you are reasonable and getting rest,’ she pronounced with satisfaction. ‘Do come back here every night until you feel fully recovered!’ she recommended.
‘Where is my owl?’ I asked. I should have thought about that earlier. It was late now and Madam Pomfrey would surely not allow an owl in her wing. I felt guilty.
‘Oh, you have an owl? Well, animals are not allowed in this wing,’ she stated predictably, ‘but I will ask about it during dinner.’
When Madam Pomfrey went down to dinner, I sat on my bed and hugged my legs, hopefully waiting for Draco to sneak in again as he had done the previous night. But a long while passed and nobody came. I tried to summon my owl but I couldn’t. That was a thing I couldn’t do. There seemed to be a lot of things I couldn’t do, lately, and I didn’t like that at all.
The door eventually creaked open but it was only Madam Pomfrey back from her dinner. She went straight to her apartments. She had apparently forgotten about the owl. I resolved to try and sleep. I was about to open my bed when I heard a crack behind me. I jumped and stared back.
‘Miss Cybele! I is bringing your owl.’
‘Eslis! Archie!’