“Hey Lily,” James shouted after the figure retreating through the curtain of pink streamers hanging from the doors of the Great Hall.
Lily turned at the sound of her name. Seeing James, she stopped as he jogged over carrying a half-eaten pink muffin. “Hey,” she replied when he reached her. “How’s your muffin?”
James grinned. “It tastes like love,” he said dreamily. He attempted to take a bite, but the muffin was so crumbly it fell apart in his hand.
“Your love is crumbling,” Lily answered him smilingly as they walked out of the Great Hall.
James pulled out his wand and vanished the muffin. “Yeah, the kitchens went a little overboard with the food coloring today,” he said, wiping the crumbs off his hands. “Anyway, happy Valentine’s Day.”
“Thanks, you too,” she responded automatically.
“Did you get my card?”
At the mention of his valentine, Lily felt a smile creep across her face. “Yes, I got your valentine,” she answered, a faint trace of irony replacing the words she pointedly omitted (“And I liked it very much!”).
“So…?”
“So what?”
“So will you go out with me?”
Lily smiled. “No, of course not,” she said laughingly. (But the laugh was kind…)
“Why not?” James returned her smile, but Lily felt his gaze become more intense.
Lily raised an eyebrow. “You can’t think of any?”
James shrugged. “Not a one.”
“Okay, well, here’s a reason. I have a boyfriend.”
“Easily remedied,” he said with a laugh.
“Well, maybe you have an easy remedy for this, then,” Lily said, a smile playing at the corners of her mouth. “Here’s my problem: there’s this really annoying boy who keeps asking me out. I wish he would just understand that I’m in a relationship with someone else, but” (Lily lowered her voice as though she were afraid the boy would hear, and her eyes widened in mock seriousness) “I think I heard something happened to his skull when he was a baby, so I’m not sure there’s any way it will get through his thick head. But is it at all possible to get him to stop pestering me?”
At this, James erupted in mellifluous laughter. “I’m afraid not, Lily,” he said as they entered their Charms class. “I’m afraid not.”
They sat in a square in the common room after dinner: James sprawled on a couch, Peter in the armchair next to him, Remus crosslegged on the floor studiously flipping through his Arithmancy book, and Sirius trying to make himself levitate. Several house-elves scurried around surreptitiously, taking down Valentines’ Day decorations.
“Blimey, I’m glad Valentines’ Day is over,” Peter said, watching the house-elves. “Not my favorite holiday.”
“Yeah, I don’t think Hogwarts looks good in pink,” Remus agreed. “But how did your Valentines’ Day go?” Remus asked, nodding at James and Sirius (who had given up on levitation and now sat on the floor next to Remus).
“Well, Lily said she wouldn’t go out with me,” James offered.
“Oh, you asked her? Well, I’m not really surprised she said no,” Sirius said. Remus and Peter looked a little surprised at their friend’s bluntness, but James seemed not to notice.
“Yeah, I mean, she has a boyfriend, so I guess I’m not really surprised either,” he said.
“No, that’s not why. I knew she would say no because it’s Wednesday today.”
“So?”
“Prongs! Have I taught you nothing these six years?” Sirius sighed with exasperation. “Thursday, Prongs, Thursday! Always ask a girl out on Thursday. Otherwise she’ll flat-out reject you. On Thursday, you have a shot.”
James looked at Sirius like he was crazy. Seeing his expression, Sirius decided to elaborate. “See, the weekend’s no good because it’s too last minute. She’ll think you couldn’t find anyone else. And on Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday, it’s still too early. You’ll seem too eager. But Thursday”on Thursday, my friend, conditions are perfect!” Sirius finished his speech with a flourish of his wand, sending gold sparks directly at Peter’s nose.
“Hey, what’d I do?” Peter protested as the sparks pricked his face.
“Sorry, mate. Here, I’ll do it to myself too,” Sirius said, and he sent a shower of sparks at his own face. “Blimey, that tingles!” he laughed, surprised.
James looked bemused. “You know, your Thursday theory almost seems to make sense,” he said.
“Seems to make sense? Why, it’s brilliant!”
“So is that why you didn’t ask anyone to Hogsmeade last time?”
“Yeah, I didn’t notice when it was until Friday.”
“I thought you went with Alissa Reed,” Remus said, looking up from his Arithmancy textbook.
“I did,” Sirius said, smirking. “She asked me.”
“And you said yes? On a Friday?” Peter said in mock amazement.
Sirius laughed. “You know me. I always break the rules,” he said with a grin.
The next day, James caught up with Lily walking off the pitch after Quidditch practice. “Hey Lily, nice flying today.”
“Thanks; I think this new broom’s really helping. I don’t veer off course in the wind anymore,” she said, smiling at the memory of one particularly blustery day (there was still a dent on the goalpost from where the wind had thrown her broom against it).
“I just wanted to tell you that I thought of a solution to your dilemma. You know, the charming bloke who keeps asking you out.”
Lily smiled at his self-compliment. “Pray tell.”
“You could say yes.”
Lily looked a little taken aback, but then shook her head noncommittally. “Eh, I think I found an easier solution.” There was a crow screeching from the top of a nearby tree. Lily flicked her wand once, and it fell silent.
James grinned at her. “Point taken.”
Lily flicked her wand again and the bird flew away, cawing noisily.
“But I’m not one to worry about consequences”” James continued.
“”because you’re irresponsible?” Lily finished for him.
“No,” James corrected her with a laugh, “because I’m a Gryffindor. So I’m going to ask you anyway. Will you go out with me?”
“Why do I feel like you’ve already asked me that?” Lily wondered aloud, feigning puzzlement. “Oh wait. Didn’t we have this exact same conversation yesterday? And I reminded you that I had a boyfriend, and you vowed to never stop bothering me?”
“Yes, that’s about what happened,” James acknowledged.
“So I’m not really sure why you’re asking me again today. Nothing has changed.”
“Ah, but that’s where you’re wrong, Lily,” James said, as if he were a professor pointing out an error in her work. “Because”unlike yesterday, you’ll find”” (here he raised a finger importantly, as though what he was about to say would transform the world as we know it) “today is Thursday.”
Lily raised an eyebrow and stared at him skeptically.
“Oh, come off it. Has Sirius really never told you his theory about how people are more likely to say yes on Thursdays?”
“No, I’m sorry, but he never has.” (But she looked more amused than apologetic.)
“You should ask him sometimes. He gets really excited when people want to talk to him,” James said seriously (as if Sirius didn’t have a constant crowd of admirers).
Lily laughed.
“See, you even think I’m funny! Oh, go on, go out with me! It’s Thursday! Will you? Will you go out with””
He was cut off mid-sentence by Lily’s muttered “Langlock,” and stood there moving his mouth like a goldfish out of its bowl.
Lily regretted hexing him…but not enough to remove the spell herself. “The countercurse is ‘Vocalibre,’” she said, walking away from him toward the library.
James found the other Marauders sitting in the dormitory, examining the Maurauder’s Map. “I think it should be fairly easy to get back into Filch’s office once we drop those dungbombs,” Sirius was saying. James”who had very definite views on the subject”knew he would have to postpone giving input until he could talk. He sent some sparks out of his wandtip to get their attention.
“Hey, James. What’s the occasion?” Peter asked.
James pointed at himself, shook his head vigorously, and open and closed his hands to indicate talking, while mouthing the words “I can’t talk.”
Sirius frowned. “I think he’s trying to tell us something, but I can’t figure out what!” James groaned and punched him on the shoulder. “Blimey, that hurt! Okay, I’ll play charades with you.”
James pointed at himself again. “James?” Peter guessed. James nodded. Then, while shaking his head, he crossed his arms then spread them out wide, like an umpire calling a player safe.
“Can’t?” Remus said. James nodded. “So we’re at ‘James can’t’,” Remus continued.
“Hmm, what can’t James do?” Sirius said. “This is a tough one. Hmmm.”
“He can’t eat donuts without getting powdered sugar all over his face,” Peter piped up.
“That’s true, good point,” said Sirius. “Is that it, James?”
James rolled his eyes and shook his head.
“He also can’t make his hair lie flat. Is that what you’re trying to tell us, James? Your hair still won’t lie flat?”
James gave a nod of acknowledgement, because his hair never did lie flat, but he wished they would stop messing around and perform the countercurse. “TALK,” he mouthed, opening and closing his hands again.
“Oh, I know!” Remus exclaimed. “He can’t get an alligator, because if he kept it in the lake, the squid would eat it. But you could have just used our bathtub, James. I wouldn’t mind.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Sirius said. “Squids don’t eat alligators.”
“I’m not so sure,” Remus said darkly.
Frustrated, James grabbed a quill, and (seeing no paper) took Peter’s arm.
“Hey!” Peter yelped. James gave him an apologetic look, but proceeded to write on Peter’s arm: Evans hexed me and I can’t talk. The countercurse is ‘Vocalibre.’
Sirius seemed to be considering taking no action, but Remus pulled out his wand and flourished it in James’ direction.
“Thanks, mate,” James said. “That took too long.”
“I guess someone needs more work on their nonverbal spells,” Remus teased him.
James smacked his forehead and laughed. “Oops. Forgot about those.”
“So why did Evans hex you?” Sirius asked.
“Oh, I just asked her out again. But hey, there’s always next Thursday!” He flopped onto his bed, pulled out his wand, and started making pillows zoom into Sirius’ head.
The Thursday Paradigm by Nymphea
Chapter Endnotes: Thanks for reading! Reviews are a great way to let me know what you liked, didn't like, etc... :)