Tonks made her way carefully (which for her meant knocking over only one little table as she went) through the room. It had been a month since Sirius had died, and the members of the Order of the Phoenix were rummaging through the whole house in search for important things – stuff revealing the identity of the members, the plans of the Order etcetera etcetera, as, according to Dumbledore, they might have to evacuate number twelve, Grimmaulds Place. She, having returned fully healed from St. Mungo’s, had offered to help, so now the four of them (Remus, Mad-Eye, Mundungus and herself) were distributed in various rooms of the house, picking up anything and everything that might give them away. Well actually, only Remus, Mad-Eye and she were doing the scavenging; all Mundungus seemed to be doing was complaining and (she strongly suspected) stealing an occasional valuable item.
The current room she was in had nothing to give anyway, and she was just about to leave when a photograph stuck in a clumsy fashion – possibly by careless magic – caught her attention. It contained a group of people, all laughing and apparently enjoying themselves – the original Order of the Phoenix. She remembered Mad-Eye showing Sirius the picture last year. Looking carefully, she managed to locate him in the picture, seated at the back, looking very handsome and very happy. The cousin she had never really known that well but had come to like so very much in an extraordinarily short while. Next to him sat on one side Harry’s parents and that Peter Pettigrew fellow, and on the other a girl close to Lily's age. The long golden curls framing her face bounced freely as she animatedly shook her head. She seemed to be laughing at some joke he’d just whispered into her ear. He must have been pretty popular with girls. Tonks had never looked carefully at this picture before, and for some reason, the people in it fascinated her. So this is how it had been – merriment in the time of war, laughter in the face of death. She looked at the girl again, somehow hypnotized by her blue eyes, then, concentrating, forced her own features to change. A pleasant tingly feeling spread over her – despite having many years’ practice, she had never quite got used to metamorphosis.
‘Tonks?’ She jumped and turned around as a voice behind her called her name. It was Remus, looking a lot more tired and shabbier, not to mention more wrinkled, than a month before. But he was smiling nonetheless … sweet Remus, who always had a smile for everyone, no matter what his mood. As he set his eyes on her however, the smile froze, and his general look of kindness was replaced by one of horror.
‘What the – what are – why would you …?’ His hoarse voice trailed off, he seemed to be too agitated for words.
Tonks, realizing why this might be, immediately changed herself back into her own heart shaped face and short pink hair. How could she have been so stupid as to put on the face of someone who Remus had known before and who’d died a long time ago?
‘I’m sorry,’ she said quickly, ‘I didn’t mean to –’
‘It’s okay,’ he said, taking a deep breath, ‘just – just pay the dead more respect next time, all right?’
She nodded miserably, and the two elapsed into an awkward silence. This had been happening a lot for the past few months, the silence that is, not the rebuking. In recent times, Tonks often found herself wondering where her previous ease around him had gone. With an effort that seemed staggering, Remus smiled again.
‘So, everything done here?’
‘Yes … you?’
‘Hmm … almost … one room left.’
He looked distractedly at the picture, and an extremely sad expression filled his face, one she’d seen so many times this past month, but she understood that. He had lost the one friend who understood him, not that she didn’t wish to be such a friend to him. She wanted terribly to be able to know him better, if only he gave her such a chance … tell her more about himself. A sudden desperate feeling sprung up within her.
‘Why won’t you tell me?’ she cried out impulsively. His eyes widened in surprise.
‘I’m sorry?’
‘Oh! Nothing!’ she said, confused at this outburst. ‘Well, er, I guess I should go help Mad-Eye out.’
She rushed past him and had almost made it to the door when a sudden feeling of courage swept over her.
‘Remus?’
‘Yes?’
‘I just – wanted to – er – say that – that I’m really sorry for what happened, at the Ministry, I mean.’
She turned round, not knowing whether he was angry at her for pitying him or not, but his back was turned to her. After a few seconds elapsed, he turned as well and looked straight into her eyes, with a gaze so penetrating it seemed to reach right into her heart, but there was a sincerity about his expression that lessened her discomfort. At that moment they were both thinking the same thing.
‘Thanks, I’m glad that she – she didn’t get you too. When I saw you lying there – unconscious – I thought ... well anyway it’s all over now I suppose.’
She didn’t know what to say to that, and the room was filled with another of those heavy silences, only this time it was accompanied with another feeling, one she’d had a few times before, of wanting to run up to him and hug him tightly.
Snap out of it, she told herself mentally and smacked her head out of habit, only realizing her mistake when Remus once again raised his eyebrows in surprise.
‘Damn, um, I guess we’d better go then, huh?’ she tried to make her voice sound cheerful. His face split into a weary smile.
‘You go, I think I want to stay here for a while,’ and nodding at her, he again turned his back and stood looking up at the picture, which Sirius had obviously stuck himself to the wall in one of his irresponsible moods.