It wasn’t as if I had bad parents – they fed me, clothed me, and let me do more or less whatever I fancied. And they loved me. They really did, as much as they didn’t show it. I loved them back, to some extent. All in all, they were pretty decent.
But there was no way I was ever going to be entirely happy as a Malfoy.
They were never going to accept me for who I was. I was lucky that they accepted me now – this false version of who I really was. They had extremely high standards. Not a day went by where I didn’t hear them gossiping about someone they knew, saying they were too outspoken or too quiet or too ugly or didn’t raise their children well enough.
This last topic was something they prided themselves on. I’d gotten near straight O’s in my N.E.W.T’s and was already working in a job pretty high up in the Ministry. Dad had laughed when he first found out I was working – with our wealth, I didn’t have to work a day in my life. But Mum brought him round; she thought it was a good thing to do. I’d be respected, she said.
The truth was, I didn’t want to be like them. I didn’t want to turn into a Malfoy who paraded around with pretty pure-blood girls and went to charity events, giving to charities and shaking hands with important people. I didn’t want people to say that I was just living off my family’s money.
And getting a job turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me, because it was there that I met Albus.
To be truthful, I’d already known him from school, but we’d never really had much to do with each other. We’d moved in completely different crowds, only speaking to each other if it was necessary. There was no enmity between us, but we stayed away from each other on principle. We were never meant to be friends.
However, I really met him at work one day, when I was taking some documents from my office (I work as an intern in the Accidental Magic Reversal Squad) to his office in Obliviator Headquarters. I walked in without knocking, focusing on the papers in my hand. ‘Erkhart told me to bring these down here,’ I said, dropping them on the desk in front of me and looking up at the young man sitting behind it.
‘Oh, hi, Scorpius,’ he said easily. I blinked, having not recognised him at first glance. I had no idea how I hadn’t identified him immediately – he had been in the majority of my classes back at Hogwarts, but his hair had grown since then, the dark, unruly mess falling into his eyes, and he seemed bigger, too. He used to be such a scrawny little kid.
‘Hey, Albus,’ I said cautiously. Having rarely spoken at school, I didn’t know what the protocol was now. Should we act as if we’d once been friends, or stay out of each other’s ways like we used to? To my relief, Albus seemed completely at ease.
‘You’re just giving me more work, you know,’ he said, rolling his eyes at the papers and then grinning up at me. ‘I haven’t seen you around in a while. So you’re in the Accidental Magic Reversal Squad? How long have you been there?’
‘About three months,’ I answered. We’d just finished school the previous year, and I had chosen to go into work immediately, rather than lazing around all summer like most of my classmates were doing. ‘How about you?’
‘About three days,’ he said, flashing me that cheeky grin again. ‘I was holidaying with my family in Spain. My uncle Ron got me this job.’
I felt a sting of resentment for him then. No one ever criticised the Potter children for having everything they wanted, even though they were in the same position as me. Everything got handed to them on a platter. And I was proud to say that I had gotten my job all of my own accord, not because a family member pulled some strings. But no one was ever going to look down on the Potters. Of course not.
‘Ah … well done,’ I said, not really knowing what else to say. I glanced down at my watch deliberately, and then made a face. ‘I suppose I had better get back to work, though. See you around, Potter.’
‘Seeya,’ Albus replied, already bending over his paperwork. I turned and walked out of his office, feeling extremely self-conscious. Wandering down the corridor, I headed back to my department and settled back down at my desk for a long afternoon of sorting through letters.
‘What’s up with you?’ Erkhart, my supervisor, said, glancing up at me suspiciously from his desk across the room. ‘You look as if you’ve just won the lottery.’
I immediately wiped the grin off my face, the grin I hadn’t even noticed was there. What was up with me? It wasn’t as if my meeting with Albus had been anything particularly thrilling.
‘Nothing. I just ran into an old classmate of mine,’ I said, shrugging it off.
Erkhart looked at me, a smirk playing across his face. ‘She pretty?’ he asked casually. I stared back at him, finally realising why my stomach had been tying itself into knots.
It was then, I later realised, that I started to fall in love with Albus.
Months passed, and Albus and I became closer and closer friends, and I started to become attracted to him. More than I’d ever been attracted to anyone, but I hardly had the guts to find out if he felt the same way about me as I did him. I was content enough with just being friends with him, listening to him whine about his brother and sister, watching him do this little flick of his head to keep his hair out of his eyes, smelling the aftershave on him whenever we got a bit close.
I treasured every second we had together, and the later cursed myself for being so hopelessly head over heels for him. He was never going to feel the same for me as I did for him. He was Albus Potter. He couldn’t be gay. He’d end up marrying the gorgeous daughter of someone rich or famous, and they’d live happily ever after.
That was just the way the world worked.
One of the things I never understood about Albus was how he could be such a quintessentially good person. I had never heard him say bad things about anyone, and he was always the first to volunteer whenever anyone needed help. And he did all this willingly, not out of a sense of duty. He was always so bright and full of life, and it made me fall for him all the harder.
I would always panic that he would find out my secret. I’d had a few girlfriends back at Hogwarts, but I had never really been interested in them. It was more of a case of ‘everyone else is doing it, so I will too.’ They’d been lovely girls, and I had enjoyed spending time with them, but I’d never been attracted to them the way I was to Albus.
One Friday he invited me out to the bar after work. I’d never been a huge drinker – I wasn’t fond of the taste of alcohol – but I said yes, of course. Who was I to pass up an evening with Albus? I was a bundle of nerves all afternoon. I’d been out with Albus outside of work dozens of times, but it never got any easier.
When I met him in the Ministry lobby after work, we discovered that it had started to snow. There had been sunshine streaming in through the windows all day, thanks to Magical Maintenance, so neither of us had realised how bad the weather had gotten. They always kept the lobby showing the weather outside, so the workers knew what to expect when going outside.
I glanced at Albus, who had an identical expression to me as he stared out at the snow. ‘Shall we call it off and go home?’ I asked, trying not to let my disappointment show through.
Breaking out of his reverie, Albus looked at me and laughed. ‘Of course not!’ he cried, pushing the door to the telephone booth open. ‘Come on. A little bit of snow never hurt anyone.’
He grabbed my arm and tugged me into the booth after him. It was a little small for two men, so we were squashed up against each other, not unpleasantly. I felt the muscles of Albus’ chest through his robes as he leaned over me to press the button to go up, causing me to shiver with delight.
The next few minutes were excruciatingly painful for me. It took all of my willpower not to jump on him then and there, but I told myself that doing so would be a very, very bad move. Albus seemed a bit distracted, hopping from foot to foot and tapping his foot anxiously.
When we reached ground level and the doors opened, we both looked at each other, not wanting to be the first to step out into the cold, snow-covered streets of Muggle London.
‘It’s wet, Scorpius,’ Albus said, giving me a sheepish grin. I laughed.
‘What happened to ‘a little bit of snow never hurt anyone’, Al?’ I asked, shoving him playfully in the shoulder. ‘Stop being such a girl and come on.’
I stepped out into the snow, pulling my coat tight around me and ducking my head. Albus followed me, and we hurried down the street to our regular bar, a dingy little Muggle one where we were known by name. I didn’t know why we only went to Muggle pubs. I doubted Albus even knew. It was just what we did.
By the time we reached the pub we were practically running, and we burst through the doors gasping for air. Laughing, we looked around at the bewildered patrons who weren’t used to people like us disturbing their afternoon drinks.
Albus shook his head, trying to get the snowflakes out of his hair. I smiled to myself as flecks of white flew everywhere, including all over me. ‘Do you mind?’ I asked in mock anger, dusting off my jacket. He stopped shaking his head and poked his tongue out at me. ‘Very mature, Al.’
We headed to the bar, where the barman beamed at us. ‘The usual, sirs?’ he asked. We nodded eagerly, and were given two tall glasses of beer. I hated the stuff, but Albus seemed to enjoy it. I took a sip from mine, trying not to make a face at the bitter taste.
We stayed there for another hour chatting to each other, the barman (we’d never bothered to learn his name) and the other men having a drink, who warmed up to us after the initial fright we’d caused. Albus and I had another few drinks – not enough to make us drunk, but enough to make our cheeks glow a rosy pink.
Eventually Albus looked at his watch and made a face. ‘I should probably be getting home,’ he said. ‘Mum will be expecting me for dinner.’
I teased Albus endlessly about how close he was to his family, how he never missed mealtimes and told his parents whenever he was going anywhere. Truthfully, though, I was slightly jealous. They cared about him, much more than my parents did for me. Mine had given up long ago on making sure that they knew where I was at any given point in time. Now, I could probably stay away for days and they wouldn’t be more than slightly concerned.
‘Sure,’ I said, deciding not to make fun of him about it tonight. ‘Come on, let’s go.’ I jumped to my feet; Albus got up a bit more slowly. He had never held his alcohol as well as I could. Laughing, I grabbed his arm, relishing the opportunity to touch him. ‘You shouldn’t drink so much.’
‘I’m not that bad,’ he said, shaking my hand off and walking towards the door. Surprisingly, it was more or less in a straight line, so I relented and followed him outside. It had snowed even more while we were inside the pub, and there was a thick layer of whiteness on the ground.
‘Ugh,’ Albus said, frowning up at the sky. I nodded, agreeing with his sentiments. We started to trudge through the snow, looking for a quiet street where we could Apparate to our respective homes. Albus had his head down against the wind, and I snuck a glance at him. He looked so adorable, with his scarf and coat and mop of dark hair blowing about his face.
I got so distracted watching Albus that I forgot where I was walking and slipped on a pile of snow. ‘Damn it,’ I muttered, feeling the wetness seep through my pants. Albus turned around to see where I had disappeared to and burst into peals of laughter.
‘How on earth do you do things like that, Scorpius?’ he said in amazement, shaking his head at me and grinning. ‘You’re so clumsy sometimes.’
I scowled at him. ‘It’s not funny,’ I replied.
Biting back his laughter, Albus offered a hand to help me up. I grabbed it and he pulled me to my feet – I hadn’t expected him to be so strong. The unexpected force made me stumble again, falling into him and pushing us both into the wall of the store we’d been passing.
‘Sorry,’ I muttered, going bright red. I struggled to stand up straight again, but Albus clamped his hands around my waist, sending chills up my spine. I looked at him, trying to figure out what was running through his mind.
‘Where do you think you’re going?’ he asked cheekily, brushing a snowflake from my hair and tilting his head back to kiss me full on the lips. His mouth was deliciously warm compared to the cold surroundings, and I kissed him back, breathing in his scent.
I pressed my body tighter against his, pushing him back into the wall. It was so surreal. I could hardly believe that I was finally kissing Albus Potter. After my months of pining after him, of trying to figure out if I really loved him – if I really was gay – I was finally getting something back.
And it was amazing.
I don’t know how long we stayed there, pressed against the wall of the shop. I was half freezing from the snow, half wonderfully warm from Albus’ body. Eventually we broke apart, panting heavily. I leant my forehead against his.
‘Well, I was hardly expecting that,’ I said, grinning. He let out a little laugh.
‘You hadn’t noticed how much I’ve been lusting after you for the past few months?’ he asked, wrapping his arms more comfortably around my waist and pulling me into a hug. ‘Merlin, Scorpius, I thought you were more clever than that.’
‘Apparently not,’ I said, smiling to myself as I kissed the top of his head. At that moment, I was utterly and entirely happy.
We kept our relationship secret for a while. It was so much easier than having to explain to people that yes, we were gay, and yes, our parents were once enemies, and yes, we were together. Also, being so clandestine was kind of fun – I loved being able to wink at him when I passed him at work, a memory of the night before in my head. I loved having him Apparate into my bedroom at odd times, scaring the hell out of me just so he could tell me a thought he’d just had.
But it was getting to Albus. I could tell. He wasn’t used to not sharing everything with his family, especially something as important as this. As much as I didn’t want anyone to find out, I couldn’t stop him from telling them. I didn’t want to stop him. It wasn’t fair.
Despite this, I was dreading it. I knew if Al’s family found out, then so would the rest of the world. Lily, his little sister, had the biggest mouth I’d ever seen, and the entire wizarding population would know within weeks.
In the end, it was inevitable that my parents would find out.
I was pretty sure they wouldn’t accept it. For one, it would mean the end of the Malfoy line – I was the last. My father was counting on me to grow up and have a son. And also, I would be the subject of gossip for years among their friends. They were all so old-fashioned, and didn’t like anything that deviated from the norm. Dating a half-blood Potter would have been bad enough; the fact that he was another man made it even worse.
Whether they would kick me out of home, cut off my inheritance, or refuse to acknowledge I existed remained to be seen. One thing was for sure: I was certain that I wouldn’t be considered their son anymore.
I was slightly envious of Albus. I knew his parents couldn’t care less about who he dated, as long as he was happy. They might question his choice a bit – I mean, I was a Malfoy – but I knew they wouldn’t care anywhere near as much as my parents were going to.
This topic was one of the only things we ever disagreed on – I thought telling people (my parents especially) was an extremely bad idea. Yet Albus thought it was the best thing we could possibly do.
‘Come on, Scorpius,’ he pleaded with me. ‘You need to tell them. You won’t be able to live with yourself if you don’t.’ It was a cold wintry afternoon and we had been gallivanting around a Muggle park, where we were refreshingly anonymous. The sun was beginning to set, and we were huddled up on a bench together.
I chuckled. ‘I’ll be able to live with myself,’ I said. ‘It’s you who won’t.’
‘Do you think we can keep this a secret forever?’
Like it usually did when he said something like that, my stomach did a back flip. ‘Forever?’ I asked, smiling to myself as Albus leant his head on my shoulder.
‘Well, as long as we’re together,’ he said. There was a brief pause, and then he said quietly, ‘I hope it’s forever.’
This was followed by an even longer pause as this sunk in, and my heart seemed to fill with more love than I had known it could hold. I had never cared more for anyone else than I did in that moment, which was when I realised:what does it matter what my parents think?
I kissed the top of his head softly. ‘I love you. And I’ll tell them.’
Two days later, it wasn’t quite as easy to shrug off what my parent’s reaction would be. I had accepted that they probably wouldn’t like my choice, but it didn’t make it any easier. They were still my parents. Despite everything, I still loved them. They had been good to me. They were my family. I didn’t want them to hate me for what I was. But then again, I didn’t want them to love me for what I wasn’t. They had to know.
It was after dinner, and I was pacing my bedroom, running through every possible scenario in my mind and practically tearing my hair out in anxiety. What was I going to say? What were they going to say? Would I be packing by bags by tonight? Where would I go? Had Albus told his parents yet?
I took a deep breath, and left my bedroom. In my whole life, I had never done anything more nerve-wrecking. Taking my N.E.W.Ts had been nowhere near this bad. On my way down to the parlour where I knew my parents would be, I almost turned back to my bedroom twice.
Merlin, I was so cowardly sometimes.
Stopping outside the parlour, I took one final moment to try and calm myself. I am doing this for Albus. Just as I put my hand on the door handle, I heard a crash from the direction of my bedroom on the floor above. Smiling slightly, I looked up at the ceiling and hoped it was what I thought it was.
I knocked once and then walked in; my parents were seated exactly as I expected to be, exactly as they were every night. My father was on the armchair next to the fire, reading the newspaper, and my mother was at her writing-desk addressing an envelope in her tiny, meticulous handwriting.
‘Scorpius, dear!’ she said, looking up at me immediately and taking off her reading glasses. ‘Come and join us. It’s lovely and warm in here.’
My father looked up at me too, and smiled and nodded before returning to the Evening Prophet. I came further into the room and closed the door behind me. It was now or never.
‘I have something important to tell you,’ I said. Mum bit her lip, and jumped up to take my arm and lead me over to the lounge. She’d always been a worrier. I shrugged her off gently. ‘It’s okay. I’m not dying or leaving home or anything.’ I deliberately avoided mentioning the fact that they might want me to leave home after hearing what I had to say.
Dad put down the newspaper, listening in. I looked from him back to Mum, who took her glasses off and began to polish them absent-mindedly. Somehow this comforted me, and that same thought ran through my mind again. They were my family. They loved me.
‘I have a … partner.’
As I had expected, they weren’t too concerned by this. Mum beamed, clapping her hands together in delight. ‘Scorpius! Why didn’t you tell us sooner? Who is she? Do we know her?’
I grimaced, and then decided to just get it over with. Quick and hopefully painless. ‘Well, you kind of know him.’
Their faces fell almost simultaneously; if the situation hadn’t been so dire I would have laughed. My mother clasped my arm again, rather painfully this time. ‘Scorpius … what?’
‘I’m dating Albus Potter. Harry Potter’s son.’ There was a pause as they processed this. ‘I’m gay, Mum.’
I said this straight to her, having deemed her less threatening than Dad. He still hadn’t said anything, and the colour had drained from his face. The knuckles grasping the edge of his armchair had gone white.
‘Scorpius!’ she cried, letting me go for the second time. I could see fingernail marks on my forearm. ‘Dear Merlin. Don’t do this to me. Please. Why? Oh, it’s going to ruin everything!’
She jumped up from the settee, running her hands through her hair in frustration. Tears were spilling over her cheeks already. As accustomed as I was to her melodramatics, it still unsettled me to see her upset.
‘Mum …’ I reached out to her. ‘Don’t cry. It’s okay.’
She ignored me, and Dad finally spoke up. ‘Okay? Okay? You tell us you’re dating a half-blood – a half-blood man – and then expect us to think that it’s okay?’
I took a deep breath. ‘He’s my boyfriend, Dad,’ I said bravely. ‘And if you love me, you’ll accept that.’
Mum let out another wail. ‘Oh, this is so wrong!’ she cried, stamping her foot. ‘Why can’t you just be like everyone else?’
My blood began to boil, and I stood up. ‘It’s not wrong. I’m allowed to be with whoever I want to. I don’t have to be like everyone else. If you try to make me, I won’t be happy.’
‘But you are happy! You have a job, a nice home, all you need is a pretty girl … Are you sure this isn’t just a phase?’ She was begging now, pleading. Dad crossed the room to be at her side, rubbing her shoulders and trying to calm her down. Just like I had thought. They were both against me now.
‘It’s not a phase,’ I said. ‘Albus isn’t a phase. I love him.’
This last part sent a silence throughout the room as my parents absorbed it. I felt the tension I had caused just by uttering that one simple word – it had changed everything. There was no turning back now.
‘What the hell are we going to do, Draco?’ Mum asked her husband, turning her back on me as if she was trying to stop me from hearing. Rolling my eyes, I sat back down. My father murmured back to her in a soothing voice, so low that I couldn’t hear what he was saying.
‘What will people say? What a disgrace. No one will invite us anywhere.’ Mum wasn’t able to keep as quiet, and I heard her clearly from across the room. I glared at her, even though neither of my parents were looking. They were far too concerned about appearances.
Dad said something else that I couldn’t hear, and Mum sniffed quietly. ‘But he’s our son!’
At these words, I looked up, hardly daring to hope. I locked eyes with my father over my sobbing mother’s shoulder. He had the exact same steely grey eyes as me; the colour Albus had once told me was beautiful. On him, they were cold and unforgiving.
We stared at each other for a while longer and then he turned away, trying to comfort my mother. Taking a deep, shuddering breath, I stood up. Without looking at either of them, I left the parlour as quickly as possible, breaking into a run once I reached the corridor. I dashed through the house all the way up to my bedroom, where I slammed the door behind me and collapsed against it.
Tears streamed down my cheeks as I put my head in my hands, gripping my hair and taking shaky breaths. It was hard to believe that the man I had looked up to my entire life, the man that had swung me up onto his shoulders when I had been a kid, had just turned his back on me when I needed him the most.
‘Fuck,’ I whispered. Then I felt soft, warm arms around me, pulling me up off the ground, pulling me towards an achingly familiar body.
‘I’m sorry,’ Albus whispered, stroking my hair and leading me over to sit me down on my bed. His voice cracked with emotion. ‘I’m so sorry.’
I buried my head in his shoulder, breathing in his scent and letting him wrap his arms around me, making me feel safe and protected and loved again. It was over now. I had done what I needed to do, and it had all been for him.
He wasn’t going to give up on me. And I wouldn’t give up on him, not now, not ever.
That was what true family was.