And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
These dreams in which I'm dying, Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very, very
Mad World, Mad World
***
Sirius Black stood in the hallway of the house that he had once lived in as a child but now the house seemed more like a prison cell.
At the age of sixteen, Sirius had thought he had had his last glimpse of Number Twelve Grimmauld Place. He had been overjoyed to escape the dark, musty rooms of his home and he was happy at the prospect of not having to look at the ugly décor again.
Never again would he have to walk by the house-elf heads stuck to the walls or see the scorch mark where his favourite cousin, Andromeda, had been blasted off the family tree for marrying a Muggle-born. Best of all, he would never have to live under the same roof as his parents again. He would not have to witness his mother’s rages about how he was such a disappointment. He would not have to hear his father shout at him for being sorted into Gryffindor or for having blood traitors and Half-bloods for friends.
But now he was back.
Sirius looked around the hall and saw the life size portrait of his mother sleeping in her frame. She gave a particularly loud snore and woke up.
“You!” she cried, when she saw him standing in the doorway. “Blood traitor, murderer, filth, how dare you set foot in the house of my fathers?”
“Shut up, you old hag!” Sirius shouted, pointing his wand at the portrait as the curtains flew shut over her face.
Sirius slowly climbed the stairs-- looking around the house as memories of old times came flowing back into his mind. He passed the bathroom with the big cupboard in which he had been fond of hiding when he and Regulus had once played ‘hide and seek’.
I used to hide in there for hours, thought Sirius. He could picture Regulus standing where he was now; calling out to him and telling him that he was bored, whilst he sat in the cupboard sniggering.
“What happened to you?” he whispered to himself a moment later. He was standing outside Regulus’ old bedroom, staring at the neatly written sign on the door.
Do Not Enter
Without the Express Permission of
Regulus Arcturus Black
Sirius laughed as he looked at the plaque bearing his brother’s name. He could remember mocking Regulus about the posh little sign, and hearing Regulus’ outraged cry when Sirius had hit him right in the face with a Dungbomb he had been pelting at the door. He recalled how he and Regulus had been so close before he had left home. He remembered hearing his brother’s voice coming from under a Death Eater’s robe. Regulus had been talking casually about doing a bit of Muggle torture. Sirius had been doing a job for the Order of the Phoenix at the time and had had to fight the urge to punch Regulus in the face.
Regulus had gone missing not long after that.
“Stupid git,” Sirius said out loud. He hated the idea that his brother had joined Voldemort. Sure, he had been a Slytherin, but Sirius had always thought that that was just because he had been a Black. Truth be told, Sirius had always envisioned his brother as a smaller version of himself.
* * *
The next morning, Remus found Sirius slumped against the kitchen table, a bottle of Firewhisky lying empty on the table.
“Padfoot,” Remus said quietly; gently shaking his shoulder. Sirius raised his head from his arms to gaze through foggy eyes at Remus’ disapproving face.
“Sorry,” he croaked. The features on Remus’ face immediately rearranged themselves when he heard his friend’s horse voice, and saw his blood-shot eyes. So many things had gone wrong in his life; he didn’t deserve the hurt it was causing him.
“What's wrong with me, Moony?” asked Sirius. “Every day I wake up and wonder, “what did I do wrong?” My life started out so good, now it’s just crumbling around me.”
Remus sighed, “I know what you mean. I feel the same. The only thing that keeps me going some days is thinking of Harry. At least we still have him.”
Sirius gave a barking laugh at the mention of Harry. "You know he looks so much like Prongs? He reminds me of the good old days every time I see him."
Remus nodded, “I know exactly what you mean.”
The two men sat there for some time, thinking about their school days. They talked about the war, Harry, and their Marauder days. And for a short while, despite the fact that two of a whole were missing, life seemed good.
“What do you think about this war, Moony? I mean, last time everyone knew Voldemort was back. Now, nobody knows what's going on.
“God, when we were fifteen, our biggest worries were homework, girls, and keeping that slimy git out of our face. I can’t imagine how Harry feels. I mean, he's lost so much, what will he do if he loses anyone else?”
“We’re stronger this time, and we can keep people safe. We can keep Harry safe; we’re not going to lose anyone.”
“We won't lose Harry anyway. We’ll make sure of that. We owe that to Prongs.”
* * *
As Sirius’ head stopped spinning, he pulled it out from the flames. His eyes roved the fireplace for some sign of the person who had been listening in on his conversation. He could just imagine Dolores Umbridge’s stubby hand in the fireplace of the Gryffindor Common Room, trying to grab hold of him. He would have to be more careful from now on.
“A defence group right under the nose of a Ministry hag. Oh, I wish I was still at Hogwarts!” Sirius said as he left the room with an old, familiar, glimmer back in his eyes. He knew that Harry was more like Lily than James, but the idea of Harry being the leader of a defence group still reminded Sirius of their old mischief making days. He couldn’t help but feel proud of him. His godson was the leader of an illegal defence group.
He hurried up the stairs and into his bedroom. Kneeling down beside his bed, he pulled out a box full of letters from underneath it.
Inside the box were letters from Sirius’ friends that he had kept over the years. He had letters from James, Remus, and Lily. He had dumped any letters that he had received from Peter when he had come across them.
Since he had found them, Sirius had made a habit out of reading the old, faded letters. They brought back memories, and made him smile. After reading one, other recollections would come pouring back into his mind, some he had not thought of for a very long time.
Dear Padfoot,
read Sirius.
Guess what? Lily’s pregnant! It’s unbelievable, she just told me yesterday. We went to St. Mungos and the Healer said that it was due around the 28th of July. Can you believe it? I’m going to be a father!
Am I the only one that feels like only the other day we were still at Hogwarts? And now Lily and I are married, and in just a matter of months I’m going to have a kid to look after, too. Who would have guessed? I miss our mischief making but this is pretty good, too.
You’ll be Godfather, of course. I’ve been thinking about names like Ben, or maybe Ralph. Lily doesn’t really like either, what do you think?
Write back soon, okay?
Marauder forever,
Prongs
Sirius smiled. It had been he who had suggested Harry’s name, and James and Lily had decided straight away that that was the perfect name for their son.
Sirius fell asleep in the early hours of the morning after reading a few more letters and looking over some old photographs; dreaming of stags, Harry, and secret defence groups.
***
Sirius, Remus, and a number of the Order were all sitting around the kitchen table in Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, when a large Patroness-- in the shape of a doe, landed on the table.
“Potter has gone to the Ministry,” the Patronus said in Severus Snape’s voice. “He thinks that the Dark Lord has Black. Someone must go to the Ministry at once. Black, stay where you are. Professor Dumbledore will be there any moment, he will need to fill you in on the situation.”
The moment the voice stopped speaking, the Patroness disappeared. Everyone was silent for a moment before the room turned into a blur of people running for the door, pulling out their wands as they went.
“Padfoot, you have to stay here. Someone has to tell Dumbledore what’s going on,” Remus said hurriedly as he pulled on his cloak, knowing full well that Sirius would not like the idea.
He was right; he didn’t.
“Like hell I am! Do you really think that I’m just going to sit here when Harry is in trouble?” he roared.
“Kreacher!” Sirius bellowed. Kreacher appeared at once, sinking into a low bow.
“Kreacher, when Albus Dumbledore arrives, I want you to tell him that we have gone to the Ministry of Magic to save Harry Potter. That is an order!” Sirius waited for Kreacher to agree before heading out the door.
***
Sirius was duelling with Bellatrix, ducking and weaving through the flashes of light coming from her wand.
“Come on, you can do better than that!” he yelled, ducking a spell as his voice echoed around the cavernous room.
The second jet of light hit him squarely on the chest.
He felt dazed. As he fell behind the Veil, he could almost feel an invisible hand pulling him. The last thing he saw was Harry, running towards him and screaming his name.
***
He lay quite still for a moment before he felt a hand grab his arm and pull him up off the ground.
An old, familiar face was looking at him with that same, stupid grin on.
“We’ve missed you, Padfoot,” James said, before pulling him into a tight hug.
“It’s been far too long,” said another recognisable voice. He turned to see Lily walking towards him, arms open, ready to pull him into a tight embrace.
“Damn it, she got me,” said Sirius. “And now I’ve left Harry all alone.”
“Yeah, you’re really losing your touch Padfoot, letting Bellatrix get you and all,” James said, a hint of a smirk on his face.
Lily gave him a scathing look before turning to Sirius, and giving him a reassuring smile. “He'll be all right. He still has his friends, and the Weasleys.”
“I am sorry you’re here. You don’t deserve this,” said James.
“Well, there’s nothing I can do now. And anyway, at least we’re together again.”
“Let the Bro-mance begin,” Lily muttered, rolling her eyes. But they could all see the smile she was trying to hide.
So, laughing, they all strode off into the sunset with Sirius in the lead.
Buried Memories by Essence of Potter
Story Notes:
Thank you so much to my fab beta's ginnygirl16 and Afifa, this story would be nothing without them!