They say we're not meant to be
'Cause the stars in the sky, and the fashion that they are aligned.
I say if the futures been drawn out there's no point in living.
I won’t give up my love so that fate can have its way.
I stand in the empty classroom, leaning against a few tables stacked together. My hands are shaking slightly, not from nerves but anticipation. I hear footsteps outside the door and freeze, hoping that it’s him. The footsteps stop but I can see the shadow underneath the door, pausing outside. I want to rush and fling the door open, but I wait patiently for him to make his decision. After a few moments, the door opens slowly and Ted steps inside, the meager light in the room throwing his face into shadow. Despite the cold look on his face, I can’t help but smile when I see him.
“Andromeda, why did you ask me here?” Ted asks, shutting the door quietly behind him. He takes a few steps towards me, careful to keep some distance between us.
“Because I miss you,” I say in response, reaching out to take his hand. My heart races at the brief contact and I’m certain that he could hear it pounding erratically.
“I miss you too,” he replies, pulling his hand out of mine. “But it doesn’t change anything.”
“Please,” I whisper, taking a step forward and touching my hand lightly to his chest. He doesn't pull away this time, and I push my luck further, keeping one hand anchored on his chest and the other curving around the back of his neck. He groans, a deep rumbling I can feel in his chest. I stand on my tiptoes and touch my lips lightly to his. I pull back a little, gazing into his dark blue eyes. He still doesn’t pull away, so I push even further. I touch my lips to his again, and this time it is anything but gentle.
As the kiss deepens, he spins me around suddenly and I feel my head hit the wall behind me, but I don’t feel the pain, just the touch of his hands on my skin. I keep one hand firmly on the back of his head, while my other hand strays, tracing circles on his strong back. His hands are in my hair, pushing it out of the way to lightly kiss my neck. One hand strays to my waist, pulling me closer to him, if that was even possible. I slip one hand under his shirt, pressing my hand against his bare shoulder. Suddenly he groans loudly and pulls back, pushing me away forcefully, almost painfully. My heart sinks as I watch him pace away from me, his face contorted with anger and pain.
“Why do you keep doing this?” he says sharply, his eyes flashing angrily. “Do you get some sort of sick pleasure out of doing this to me?”
“I just want to be with you!” I exclaim, still leaning against the wall. “Don’t you want the same?”
“Of course I do, Andromeda,” he laughs, a harsh bitter sound that almost hurts to hear. “Why do you think I keep meeting you? I’m not a masochist, I don’t enjoy the pain.”
“But I love you and I want to be with you,” I say, frustration seeping into my voice. “I just don’t understand why you won’t let this happen.”
“You don’t understand?” Ted asks in disbelief. “Do you want to keep us a secret? Are you still a Black? Does your family still hate Mudbloods?”
I wince at the harsh word that somehow seems worse when said by him. He notices and sighs, the anger seeming to melt away from him.
“I’m sorry,” he says, sighing and taking a hesitant step towards me. "I'm just sick of hiding. I don't want to be with someone I can't acknowledge in public. That's not a relationship."
He touches my hand softly and my heart races at the contact, my hand nearly burning where he’s touching me. It's all I can do to stop myself from throwing my arms around him, but it’s the knowledge that he'll cringe away at my touch that stops me.
He pulls me into his arms and hugs me tightly. I can feel myself relaxing in his embrace, even though I know it will soon be over. I can feel the tears gathering in my eyes but I won't cry. He sighs and pulls away, kissing me briefly on the forehead before turning and walking out the door, never looking back.
We barely see each other in the next week. He avoids my glance in the classes we share, throwing himself into taking notes. The few times we see each other in the corridor, he glances away quickly, his face hardening as I try to make him look at me for more than a few seconds. At meals, he sits with his back to the Slytherin table, as he knows I’ll be searching for him. I spend every free moment in the library, hoping to run into him. But every time I see him, he is surrounded by a group of Hufflepuffs, an obstacle he knows I won’t breach.
I know that if I told him that I needed him, that I needed to talk and something was wrong, he would come in an instant. Despite his anger and frustration, he was still Ted, selfless and kind to the end. But every time I did that, I could see how it caused him a great deal of pain and I just couldn't be the reason for that anymore.
After a long week of Ted avoiding my glances, I’m sitting at the house table eating a lovely breakfast when my sister Narcissa comes running towards me, an anxious look on her face. She glances around furtively as she approaches me, as if she shouldn’t be seen talking to her own sister.
“Cissy, what is it?” I ask impatiently, in no mood for her theatrics.
She says nothing, but tries to pull me up from the table. I sigh and step away from the bench, following her as she rushes back out of the Great Hall. I follow her for a few moments before getting irritated.
“Narcissa, stop,” I say, my voice ringing in the empty hall.
She stops and turns around, the anxious look replaced with a glare that would rival Medusa.
“What is the matter with you?” I ask, sighing as if I have a better place to be.
“I should be asking you the same question,” she hisses, her blue eyes wide with anger. “Emily Rosier told me that she saw you coming out of an empty classroom after that Hufflepuff, Ted Tonks. Is it true?”
I pause, thinking about what to say. I could easily lie, as Emily is known for being a gossip and stirring up trouble. She’s also a greedy ambitious girl, who would love to take down the Black family reputation that Narcissa and Bellatrix work so hard to maintain. I open my mouth, about to deny everything and lash out about the danger of believing rumours but something stops me.
I realise that this is my chance to finally be truthful and for the first time, I’m not scared about it. The prospect of coming clean to my parents, to everyone is an incredibly enticing idea, something I’ve kept in the back of my mind for nearly six years, ever since my second year at school. This is my chance to finally break free and to stop being worried about how my actions seem to my family. I suddenly realise that Narcissa is staring at me in confusion; I’ve been silent for nearly five minutes.
“Yes, it’s true,” I confirm, my face perfectly calm. “I’m sorry Cissy, but I won’t lie anymore.”
She stares at me, her mouth open in shock. As much as she wanted to confront me, she was expecting me to deny it and was not equipped to deal with a confession of this magnitude. She shakes her head and takes a few steps back, as if I’m going to suddenly attack her.
“Take it back,” she whispers, her face paler than ever. “If you take it back, I swear, I won’t tell anyone.”
She looks at me, her eyes filling with tears. As young as she is, she realises the consequences of my decision and is willing to lie to save me, to keep me in the family. I’m touched by her gesture and I know what it takes for her to lie to our family, Bellatrix in particular.
“I just can’t do that,” I say, shaking my head slowly. “I’m so sorry, Cissy. You know I’m different, I’m not like them. This was bound to happen eventually and this way I can keep the person I love. Do you understand that at all?”
“No,” she says, her voice cracking. “I don’t. You’re betraying us and they’ll disown you for it, Andromeda! You won’t be part of our family anymore.”
“I know,” I say, reaching for her hand and squeezing it tightly. “And I’ll miss you, I truly will. But someday you’ll understand. Someday you’ll see where our parents are wrong and you’ll understand the decision I have to make.”
She reaches up and hugs me quickly, her small arms tight around me. She whispers an apology to me and hurries away. I know that she’s going to the Owlery to write our parents, but I’m not scared. I’ve made my decision and I know in my heart that it was the right thing. I’ll miss my sister, but I don’t blame her for what she’s doing. I should be the one to tell them, but I know that if they found out Narcissa knew and didn’t tell them, she would be punished severely for it. Despite the serious situation, for the first time in a long time, I feel happy and secure, as if my life finally makes sense. I walk back to the Great Hall and continue to eat my breakfast, waiting for the explosion that I know is coming.
I only have to wait a few hours for my parents’ response, something that doesn’t shock me. I wouldn’t have been at all surprised if they had stormed the school either, determined to kidnap me and rectify my terrible mistakes. I’m again sitting in the Great Hall when the large black owl swoops down to the Slytherin table, a bright red Howler clutched tightly in its beak. I glance down the table and see Narcissa staring grimly at me, as if to say that I deserve everything that comes to me. The owl drops the letter in front of me and flies off quickly, as if it knows exactly what’s coming. I tear the envelope open and barely wince when I hear my mother’s voice screech out of the letter.
“HOW DARE YOU! YOU HAVE BROUGHT SHAME UPON OUR FAMILY! THERE ARE NOT WORDS TO DESCRIBE THE EMBARRASMENT YOUR FATHER AND I FEEL! CAVORTING WITH A FILTHY MUDBLOOD! DEFYING OUR WISHES! BESMIRCHING THE BLACK NAME! YOU ARE NO DAUGHTER OF OURS!”
The letter ignites and burns quickly, black ash covering my lunch. The Great Hall is silent as all the students and even a few professors, stare in the direction of the Slytherin table. I ignore the stares, choosing to look directly at the Hufflepuff table, one person in particular. Like everyone else, Ted is staring at me with complete shock on his face. I stare at him for a moment longer before standing up and walking out of the Great Hall, hearing it explode with sound as the entire school starts talking at once. I walk out the front doors and sit on the steps, wrapping my arms around my knees and feeling the sun shining brightly down on me as if it is praising my choice.
After sitting there for a few minutes, I hear footsteps coming up behind me. Knowing that it’s Ted, I smile to myself, waiting for him to come sit down. After a moment’s hesitation, he sits down next to me, careful to keep a few inches of distance between us. Having none of that, I slide closer to him until our arms are just touching.
“My parents know about us,” I say, turning towards him.
“I hadn’t guessed,” he retorts, holding back a grin. “But I don’t understand, why now?”
“I don’t know exactly,” I shrug, picking at a piece of lint on my robes. “Narcissa confronted me after someone saw us together, and I just got tired of keeping it a secret. It felt…right to tell her and finally come clean. I feel so much lighter.”
“But your parents,” he presses on. “They’ll disown you, right?”
“Yes,” I reply seriously. “They will definitely disown me. I doubt I’ll ever be allowed back into our house.”
“So then why,” he asks again. “Why did you do it?”
“Because I can’t lose you,” I say, turning to stare into his beautiful blue eyes. “I knew this day would come, it’s been building for years. But I realised that if I waited, I may lose you. I love you, don’t you know that?”
“I love you too,” Ted says, gazing intently back at me. He brushes back a strand of my long hair, his hand lingering on my cheek longer than necessary. He leans forward and kisses my forehead gently, his hand stroking my cheek. I close my eyes and lean into his embrace, resting my head against his chest.
“So what now?” I ask, still resting in his arms.
“We’ll figure it out,” he whispers into my hair, stroking my back gently.
“We’ll figure it out,” I whisper, before closing my eyes and letting the world around me disappear.
Are you telling me that you would listen?
I say if the futures been drawn out then nobody’s living.
I won't give you up love, so fate can have its way.