The green and silver curtains were still. It was as though they sensed a deep mourning. It was as though they knew the occupants of their room were moving out, leaving forever. This was no time for swaying in a gentle breeze.
Yet, the curtains continued to sparkle in the dazzling sunlight. Sure, their occupants were leaving, but that meant that new friends would come! And what was life without change?
These mixed emotions were also felt by all the graduating Hogwarts students. They felt as though a little part of them was dying, but at the same time, a new piece of their life was being born. They were going out into the world. They were leaving the safety of Hogwarts behind. They were leaping into the unknown fearlessly. They were going to fend for themselves, and they were going to shine.
With these thoughts in mind, the graduates skipped up to their dormitories and packed their bags, chatting animatedly to one and other. Girls and boys dashed through the corridors, tackling boyfriends and girlfriends, best friends and friends, brothers and sisters. People gossiped about who was going to marry who and explained what jobs they hoped to have.
Amid all the chaos, Severus Snape stood, holding a badly wrapped gift in his hands. His beetle black eyes were sweeping the crowd, searching for the lion’s mane. His eyes narrowed…his tongue swept his lips…a bead of sweat trickled down his nose…
A flash of red. “Lily.” He whispered the beautiful name, relishing in the tingling sensation it gave him. This was his last chance, his final opportunity to tell her how much she meant to him. This would be his last act as a Hogwarts student: Finding her, telling her the truth, and…sealing it with a kiss.
He began to push through the crowd, dodging sweaty armpits and random hugs. He trudged relentlessly through the sea of people, moving towards the fiery red hair…closer…closer…
“Lily.” He wasn’t whispering it now; he was saying it. Shouting it! SCREAMING IT FOR THE WORLD TO HEAR! Hoping against hope that tender words and well thought-out gifts would woo her. Hoping against hope that the truth would bring her to him. Please…
He took a deep breath. This was it. The moment of truth. The final confrontation. The make-it-or-break-it conversation. He crossed his fingers, moistened his lips, and…
“Snape.”
He half-cringed as she turned around, her emerald eyes flashing, her voice dripping with poison. How could someone so beautiful, so caring be capable of such fierce anger?
“Lily…I need to talk to you.”
He was fully staring at her now. Her emerald eyes were narrowed into slits. Her fiery mane was bristling with fury. Her hands were balled into fists. Anyone else looking at her would’ve fled in fear, but not him. She looked livid, yet gorgeous.
“I’m sick of your excuses, Snivellus. Leave me alone and take your puke-“She jerked her head towards his present. “-with you.”
“This isn’t puke, Lily. It’s a present. F-for you.” He stumbled over the words slightly, feeling embarrassed. She had called his present ‘puke’. All of sudden, he was doubting himself. All of sudden, he was doubting the truth.
“For me?” Lily sounded surprised. Her eyes widened slightly and she stared at him as though she had never seen him before. “What is it?”
“Come with me and you’ll find out. Please, Lily,” he pleaded.
Lily rolled her eyes. “Fine. But if it’s a mug with the engraving ‘Mudblood’ on it, you are getting it smashed up your…never mind.” He laughed. So did Lily. They laughed as they walked away from the crowd. And they continued to laugh until Lily stopped abruptly, blushing. They continued their walk in an awkward silence.
Finally, they were far, far away from the crowd. Severus stopped and turned to face Lily, whose face was bright pink. “This is uncomfortable…” she murmured. “Being back
here…with you…a boy…”
“You were never uncomfortable before,” he pointed out.
“Yes, but…that was before. It’s different now.”
This was what he had been waiting for. He jumped straight into the speech he had planned, speaking confidently. This was it!
“Lily, do you want things to go back to the way they were before? Do you want to be friends with me again?” He raised his eyebrows. “Well? Do you?”
Lily shifted uncomfortably. She leaned against the wall. She twirled her hair. She stared at her feet. She sighed. And he waited. And waited. And waited.
When she finally replied, he noticed that her voice was strangled and uncertain. “I…I would like things to go back to the way they were before, but…I just can’t wipe away the memory of…of that day. It will always be in my heart. It will always be in my soul. It’s like a stain. It’s a constant reminder of what you…of what you promised you’d never say.”
“I can take it away, Lily. I can…I can do things that no one else can do! I can take the memory from your mind. You and I could…be friends again. Or something more.” He swallowed hard. He wiped his brow. He hoped.
Lily chewed on her lip. “I…What would you do?”
“I could get a Penseive. And anything you don’t want to remember, you can take away.” He put a shaking hand on her shoulder, shifting the gift to his other hand. “You want that, right?”
“Could I see them? Could I keep them?” she whispered, her eyes closed.
“Yes, but the point-“
“I don’t want them to go away! They’re part of me. Severus, can you let me keep them?” Her voice was fierce even though her legs were shaking. He took a deep breath.
“Yes. I can.”
She opened her eyes and gazed at him. He was alarmed to see her eyes were shimmering with tears. He pulled her in. “Don’t cry,” he whispered, stroking her hair. “Please, don’t cry. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You already did. It’s so mixed up and confusing! You called me a Mudblood, even though I thought I liked you…liked you-liked you. But I was wrong! And now…you’re talking to me, and I feel like I… but your chances are up. I can’t give you my heart, because I know you’re capable of killing it.” She was crying now. “I don’t want to get hurt, Sev.”
“I don’t want to see you hurt. I want to see you happy. I want…” He stared at the gift in his hand. Now or never. He pressed it into her trembling arms. “Open this. It will explain everything.”
Lily sniffed, glancing sideways at him. “What-?”
“Just open it.”
Curiously, Lily peeled the wrapping paper off. She cast it aside. She peeled the Spellotape off. She stuck that to the wall. She tore everything off until she was left holding…
“A ring,” she murmured. “A wedding ring. But…” She raised her eyes to him and he watched as tears splashed down her face. Slowly, with a grin spreading across his face, he took the box from her and knelt down.
“Lillian Evans, I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Please, will you marry me?”
Lily gasped, and then broke down into sobs. He stayed on the ground, grinning goofily, hoping, wishing, knowing that she would say yes. She had to.
“No.”
“What?”
He must’ve heard her wrong. He blinked once, twice. Did she say…no? “No?”
“No.”
He gaped at her. She was cowering, her whole body quivering as she silently cried. Why was she crying? Why was she refusing?
“Why?”
She took a shuddery breath. Raising her head, she whispered, “Because it will hurt. Because I’m afraid. Because you’ll break my heart. Do you need any more answers?”
“I…this…but…Lily, I love you.”
“Yes, Severus. I love you too. At least, I used to. But I don’t. Because you hurt me. I don’t want to go through that again.” She stared at him pityingly. “I’m sorry.”
“Sure you are,” he said sarcastically. “You’re all just so damn sorry! ‘I’m sorry, Severus, but you’re ugly!’ ‘I’m sorry, Severus, but I don’t want to be your friend because you’re a creep!’ ‘I’M SORRY, SEVERUS, BUT I DON’T LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU’LL HURT ME!!’ I’M JUST SO DAMN SORRY!”
“Severus, I-“Lily began helplessly, but he cut her off.
“NO! I won’t listen to you. You never once stopped to think about how I would feel. Don’t you know that you hurt me? I’ve loved you since I met you! WE WERE NINE YEARS OLD AND I LOVED YOU! But you always pushed me aside! You would rather have a popular boy like Potter! What the bloody hell does Potter have that I don’t? Friends? The ability to mend all your pain? THE ABILITY TO NEVER HURT YOU? Because quite frankly, I don’t believe any of that crap. Everything hurts, Lily. It’s not just me!
“But you’re afraid to even like me because I’m ‘a Death-Eater’. Did you know that with you as my wife, I would turn my back on the Dark Arts? I WOULD! Now that I’ve been HURT, I think that being a Death-Eater will help me. It’ll give me power. I’ve been shunned far too many times, but with You-Know-Who…I can do anything. But maybe he won’t take me. BECAUSE ACCORDING TO YOU, NO ONE WILL WANT ME! NO GIRL WILL EVER MARRY ME! I GIVE TO MUCH PAIN! BUT LILY EVANS, GOD DAMN IT, DIDN’T YOU STOP TO THINK THAT MAYBE YOU’VE JUST HURT ME MORE TIMES THAN YOU’LL GET HURT IN YOUR GOD DAMN LIFE!”
He was panting, his face bright red, muttering swear words under his breath. Lily was standing straight up, her hair bristling, her eyes flashing, her hands balled into fists.
“Well, I was going to rethink my answer, but you just used up your LAST CHANCE. No more last chances from me. Goodbye, Snivellus. And good riddance."
Mostly Hope by Roonil_Wazlib125
Story Notes:
Hey everyone! This is my first story on MNFF, and it wouldn't have been possible without my AWESOME beta, harrypotter627! Thank you for looking through my first chapter and believing in my story. This is for you!!
VIOLENCE, MILD CURSING, AND DH SPOILERS!!!
Chapter Notes: This is the first part in a four part story. Enjoy!
Chapter Endnotes: Once again, THANK YOU HARRYPOTTER627! I hope everyone enjoyed my story. Yay, I'm so happy!