“Yes,” she breathed. Then, looking about the restaurant, she squealed more loudly, “Yes!” and held up the sparkling ruby ring for everyone to see. Vernon grinned stupidly, looking rather chuffed and, come to think of it, slightly out of breath. He struggled back to his feet, wobbling dangerously. Petunia liked her men solid. And Vernon certainly was solid.
That night, after Vernon kissed Petunia goodnight in front of the trainee nurses dormitory, she ran through the arched door into a squealing crowd of around fourteen other young women.
“Did he ask you?”
“Was it romantic?”
“Oh my, look at that ring. It’s gorgeous!”
Petunia could not stop smiling. Only one girl refused to join in the gaggle of excitement, her face clouded with envy and resentment. Lucinda Rubble. It was she, of course, that first introduced Petunia to Vernon Dursley. It was she that Vernon should have proposed to that night. Not that sickly saccharine Petunia Evans, with her horsey teeth and scrawny limbs. Ugh. Vernon needed a real woman.
The day that Petunia and Vernon met was a day like any other. Petunia had spent the afternoon reading her standard issue trainee nurse pamphlet on Hygiene in the Hospital whilst gossiping with the other girls about the delicious new Doctor Wentworth. Word was he had already taken up with three of the ward orderlies. Scandal! Lucinda had looked down on the rest of the trainee nurses haughtily. She already had her man, Vernon Dursley, and he was taking her out for a romantic supper in the park that very evening. Afterwards, she planned to bring him back to the dorm and show him off. Truth be told, he wasn’t as handsome as Wentworth, nor was he what some girls liked to describe as ‘fit’. But Lucinda preferred a strong man, and he was nothing short of weight.
The cherry on top concerning her Vernon was, of course, the fact that he was soon going to take over his father’s directorial position at Grunnings (they made drills apparently) when his Dursley Senior took early retirement. Lucinda smiled quietly to herself as she sat in front of her mirror applying rouge to her already flushed cheeks. Money. Now that, she thought, was why she was going to marry Vernon. And what Lucinda wants, Lucinda gets.
Petunia broke away from the gossiping crowd and went to lie on her bed. Yes, she admitted, Wentworth did have a particularly nice bottom and yes, his chiselled features were reminiscent of an old Hollywood movie star but perving on a clearly out of reach man was not going to satisfy her needs. Petunia wanted a husband. She wanted to get married and she wanted to make a home. But most of all, she wanted to get out of this ghastly hospital. Bed pans were not her thing.
She closed her eyes briefly but when she woke later, she realised she had drifted off to sleep. The others were still chatting quietly in the corner (the topic had evolved to a comparison of Wentworth’s legs with some other dishy doctor) but Lucinda had gone. A feeling of jealousy washed over Petunia. It seemed everyone had a potential husband lined up except for her. Lucinda had this Vernon character and even her sister, she couldn’t bring herself to say the name, was already engaged to some ridiculous fellow and she hadn’t even left that school yet. She shook her head incredulously. No, she was not going to think about them. It was time to take some more drastic action. Her husband search would just have to be amped up by a couple of notches.
Moments later, the whispering in the corner stopped suddenly and an excited hush enveloped the room. The tension was so thick that Petunia felt it was tangible, as if she could rip it apart like candyfloss in her hands. A car had pulled up outside the window. She could hear two voices; one high and crisp and bright, the other gruff and low yet warm. Petunia inhaled slowly, preparing herself for the onslaught. The voices were closer now, in the hall outside the door. A hairdryer tumbled to the floor with a clatter as the other girls scrambled desperately over beds, and various pieces of furniture, in order to get to the door first, to be the first to see the elusive Mr Vernon Dursley.
The door fell inwards as Vernon and Lucinda tumbled into the room full of expectant women. There was silence.
“Handsome?”
“Perfect?”
“Mr Right?”
Whispers of shock and disbelief rippled through the dormitory. Only Petunia, lying on her bed across the room, sat up. The moment she set eyes on Vernon she knew he had to be hers no matter what the cost, no matter what she had to do. Lucinda, apparently oblivious to the confusion of the other girls proceeded to introduce her beau.
“Girls, this is Vernon. Vernon, these are my fellow trainee nurses.” She giggled.
“Nice to meet you,” he grunted. “Very nice to meet you all, indeed.”
Petunia exhaled rather loudly at the sound of his throaty voice. Heads swivelled around toward her but she stood enchanted, ignoring the stares. Vernon turned to see what the trouble was. He stiffened, transfixed by the sight of the beautiful creature. Her arms and legs were thin and bony. They would feel so fragile in his hefty arms. Her hair was cut short above the shoulder in a wispy bob. Blonde and sleek, it seemed as if each individual hair sparkled, catching the light of the fluorescent bulbs above. But what Vernon noticed most of all were her thin, scarlet lips. They stretched over what he assumed were perfectly straight (and rather large) teeth. He did not notice the horsiness. He did not notice how her hair was rather lank and lifeless. He only saw beauty. And beauty that he must have no matter what the cost, no matter what he had to do.
Lucinda scowled. She had seen the coy look that Petunia Evans had exchanged with Vernon. She would not have it. He was hers and it was going to stay that way. She would have to up her game, that was all. This was her big break after all, getting out of the hospital (after all, who wanted to work when you had a husband who could do all the work for you?) and starting a family full of little Lucinda’s and Vernon’s. Her vision made her feel a bit better but also heightened her anxiety. What if she lost this chance? What if she ended up alone, a spinster? The horror!
While Lucinda tossed and turned all night worrying about Petunia and Vernon, Petunia, three bunks down, lay awake for a completely different reason. She knew Lucinda would not let go of Vernon easily, even if he was in love with someone else. There was no mistaking the look he had given her, he had been interested, very interested. Petunia may just have to use reinforcements. Reinforcements she did not like. Reinforcements in the form of a certain magical sister. But no, she pushed those thoughts from her head. Maybe it would not come to that, Petunia would have to wait this situation out, see what Lucinda throws in her way. Thwarting that idiot girl could turn out to be a breeze, a walk in the park…A WALK IN THE PARK! That was it! Next time Vernon came around she would slip him a note instructing him to meet her later for a walk in the park. Perfect. Lucinda loathed the outdoors, especially tall trees. Anything could fall on her perfect head. Like squirrels or bird droppings. Finally, Petunia Evans drifted off to sleep with a serene smile on her face.
As much as Petunia disliked her sister, she was now desperate. After being humiliated in front of all her room mates that afternoon the time had come to get in contact with Lily. Fortunately, she was home for the Easter holidays from Hogwarts and Petunia need not use a ludicrous owl to speak with her. The conversation was stilted however.
“Lily?”
“Yeah, Tuney?”
“I need some help.”
“Oh.”
Silence.
“I mean, um, sure.”
Lily had refused point blank to give her sister a love potion. It was too dangerous, she argued. Love potions were notoriously hard to conjure and if it went wrong…well, Petunia did not want to know.
“There’s no need to patronise me, Lily. I’m humiliated enough.”
Lily had not meant to patronise her sister. However, Petunia was in luck. Lily happened to be quite adept at potions and she had a very chummy relationship with the Potions Master Professor Slughorn. He had recently awarded his prize pupil with a vile of Polyjuice Potion.
“Poly what?”
“It transforms the drinker into someone else for a couple of hours. All you need is a few hairs or finger nails or whatever really of the person you want to change into and voila!”
Petunia accepted the offer. She knew what to do.
Ha! The look on Petunia’s face had been classic. As Lucinda watched the other girl slip a small note into Vernon’s pocket last week she had snatched the paper out of Petunia’s hand and showed it to Vernon.
“Look what Petunia was trying to slip you!” she had cackled icily. “Read it out, dumpling. What does she want?”
Petunia had blushed furiously and tried in vain to grab the note back out of Vernon’s firm grasp. Their hands touched briefly but he had whisked it away swiftly with a withering look.
“It says, ‘Meet me in the park. One o’clock tomorrow.’” He arched a fleshy eyebrow in confusion. “Why would I want to do that? Lucinda says you’re clingy, needy and man-hunting with no one to love. Desperate in other words. Why would I want to go walking in the park with you when I can walk with my little pudding pumpkin Lucinda here?”
Petunia stormed out the room and spent the evening locked in a toilet cubicle, sobbing. None of the other girls came to comfort her, which was even more hurtful. Yes, she would have to enlist her sister for help. There was no choice. She wanted Vernon and she was going to get him.
“What are you doing?” Lucinda had asked Petunia. She did not like the way that girl had been snooping around her belongings, touching her hair brush.
“Oh, I just needed a comb. I seem to have misplaced mine.”
Lucinda scowled. Was there method in Petunia’s madness? Oh well, she thought. I have a romantic dinner with Vernon tonight to look forward to anyway. No point worrying about Petunia Evans.
Later, however, as the time that she had arranged to meet Vernon approached, Lucinda began to feel a little unwell. No one was about in the dorm; all the others were out for the evening at some pub quiz night down the road. She dragged herself across the hall and through into the main entrance of the hospital, down another corridor and into the clinic. The on call doctor took one look at her and put her straight to bed under observation. Lucinda drifted in and out of consciousness, her head swam with nausea and she hoped Vernon would understand. Perhaps she shouldn’t have eaten all those chocolates Vernon had sent to her anonymously that afternoon.
Petunia hid in the toilets, waiting patiently for Lucinda to leave. It didn’t take long. Lily, in her kindness, had provided her sister with a box of laced chocolates from somewhere called Zonko’s, whatever that was. Truth be told, she did not want to know what Zonko’s was and she had taken the gift with disdain, hating the fact that she was using magic and hating the fact that without her sister, she would be completely lost.
When she heard the door to the dormitory swing open, she took out the small vile of lumpy looking liquid, popped open the cork and dropped in several brown hairs from Lucinda’s hairbrush. Lily had told her there was enough of the potion to last at least four hours as long as she topped up regularly each hour. Disgusted with what she was about to do, Petunia peered into the vile as it fizzed and sparked, finally settling on an unpleasant opaque mustard yellow shade. Holding her nose she took a large swig of the potion and waited. A silent scream rose in her throat as her skin bubbled and tightened. She felt her arms and legs plump up bit by bit and her waist clinched in smaller, while her hips stretched further out. It was a harrowing experience and one she vowed never to take again. But time was of the essence and she could hear Vernon’s car pull up outside. She ran down the steps after a quick change of clothing to meet him.
The restaurant was cramped and small but very clean (much to Petunia’s delight) and incredibly romantic. She felt a pang of jealousy as she realised Vernon must really like Lucinda to bring her here. But it was down to business. She refilled Vernon’s glass with red wine. He wrinkled his nose.
“You know I don’t like red wine,” he grumbled. “Chardonnay. Yes. Pinot Noir. No.”
“I’m sorry, my sweet. Little memory lapse. Here, I’ll have it.” Petunia struggled to hide her grin. This was going to be easy. Lucinda had never felt the need to keep her relationship with Vernon private. Everything he ever said or did was excruciatingly analysed each night just to rub Petunia’s face in it. Well, thought Petunia, guess that plan backfired on Lucinda!
Many glasses of wine later (on Vernon’s part anyway) Petunia managed to set her plan in motion.
“So when are you going to ask me to marry you?” Petunia asked a spluttering Vernon.
“Marriage?” he choked.
“Yes, and children? What do you think about children?”
He looked utterly flabberghasted.
“Well…I, uh, I hadn’t really…um…”
“Either you propose or I go, Vernon. I’ve had enough of all this pussy footing around.”
Vernon’s face became a sort of purple colour. He looked like an inflated eggplant. Petunia’s heart fluttered in her chest. He looked so handsome when he was annoyed.
“I thought you realised,” Vernon began, his voice trembling, “I thought you realised I wasn’t ready for marriage yet. Not until my father retires anyway and I’m in charge of Grunnings.”
Petunia feigned irritation and sat silent, twirling her finger around the base of her wine glass.
“Petunia says that if a man doesn’t propose after three months of courting then there is no point and well, this is our fourth month and I’m starting to worry.”
“Well, you should worry, because it’s not going to happen anytime soon for heavens sake!” People at other tables turned with this exclamation. “Since when do you take advice from Petunia Evans? I thought you didn’t like her?”
Petunia could almost shout with jubilation. This was going just as she planned.
“Oh I lied about all that. Petunia is a wonderful friend. I was just jealous. I thought you liked her, I knew she liked you, one thing led to another and I took advantage of a potentially disastrous situation.”
Vernon’s mouth dropped open. Did Lucinda mean that Petunia, beautiful, lovely, goddess-like Petunia fancied him? And that she was not a clingy, needy, desperate fiend bent on trapping men like him into a loveless marriage? He stood up, his bulbous stomach bouncing off the table edge and sending a vase, several bottles of wine and their two glasses tumbling to the floor. Vernon was shocked. He had to get back to the dormitory, find Petunia and tell her the truth.
Petunia watched as Vernon Dursley stumbled from the restaurant. Settling the bill with the host, she proceeded to the powder room and locked the door. She could feel her face burning with more than just a hot flush. After the transformation was complete, using several safety pins, she nipped her dress into a more comfortable fit and rushed into the street. A taxi waited at the corner and she jumped in.
“Saint Ambrose Hospital, please,” she called impatiently to the driver in the front.
Lucinda remained in the hospital clinic for three more weeks. Each day, one of her fellow trainee nurses came to replace the flowers and update her on all the gossip. Wentworth had transferred to another hospital after the matron discovered him in a rather compromising position with Nurse Harriet.
On Lucinda’s last night in the clinic it was Petunia’s turn to visit her.
“Has Vernon been in at all this week?” she had asked tentatively. After her mystery illness, Lucinda had felt a little guilty (just a little) about how she had treated Petunia. The other girl had been especially attentive to her needs and never failed to bring a fresh bouquet of flowers on her visits.
“Er, well not to see you,” Petunia mumbled, trying to suppress the grin spreading across her horsy mouth.
“Whatever do you mean?” exclaimed Lucinda. “He has been here?”
“I thought you knew. I, personally, didn’t want to say anything but I assumed the others would have told you by now.”
Lucinda was distraught. She struggled to sit up and managed to grab Petunia’s hand.
“Is he seeing one of the other nurses then?” she implored, her grey eyes burning into Petunia’s green ones.
“Me,” replied Petunia simply. She stood up and shook the gasping girl’s hand off. “I’m really sorry, Lucinda, but it seems Vernon came to his senses.”
She walked from the room head held high and smiling from ear to ear. Life was good. Even with a little magic. But she would never admit that. Never.