Perhaps I was just too vague. This time I’ll tell her exactly what I’m thinking. Then she won’t bring others when it’s supposed to be my time with her, he thought greedily.
Finally, Severus reached his destination: the library. Lily can be found here most of the time that she’s not in class. He paused at the end of the bookshelf to watch Lily before she knew he was there. His eyes took in her whole appearance, savoring it as if it was for his eyes only.
Lily was reading a book, her left hand holding up her head. Severus looked at his own outstretched left arm; he rubbed it, imagining the Dark Mark that would be on it, just as Avery had said. He quickly looked back at Lily, so he wouldn’t miss another second. Tucked behind her ear was all but a few strands of hair; those few strands hung in front of her face, unnoticed. A faint smile decorated her face, and her eyes quickly moved from left to right as she continued reading.
Finally deciding to make his presence known, he stepped out from behind the bookshelf and approached Lily’s table.
Severus cleared his throat. “Um, Lily, do you mind if I study with you?” he asked, his voice and eyes full of hope and desire.
“Sure,” she replied, waving her hand towards the empty chair. “Have a seat.”
Severus slipped into the chair and pulled out a book. After a few minutes of reading he glanced up and watched her read again. Lily then glanced up and met Severus’s eyes, apparently feeling him watching her.
“Is something wrong, Sev?” she asked hesitantly.
“Nothing’s wrong; I just have a question,” he answered.
Leaning back, away from her book, she asked, “What is it?”
“Well, I was wondering if-” He paused and rubbed the back of his neck, “-if you’d like to go hang out by the lake tomorrow; kinda like a date?”
Lily’s eyes widened a bit. “Um… sure, Sev. That sounds great.”
“Great!” With that Severus packed up his things and headed back to the Slytherin common room.
Severus sat in the shade of a tree and anxiously watched the doors to the Entry Hall as he waited for Lily. So far she wasn’t late, but getting there so early made him paranoid that she was. He sat there, pulling pieces of grass out of the ground.
Heaving a big sigh, Severus slowly raised his head to check if Lily had arrived yet. To his surprise, she was standing in front of him gazing down.
“Lily, you came!” he exclaimed.
“Of course I came,” she said, sitting down next to him.
The two sat in awkward silence. Severus wasn’t exactly sure what he should do or what Lily was expecting. Sure they had been friends forever, but they’d never discussed anything remotely romantic before.
“So… how did you do on the Transfiguration quiz?” Lily asked, breaking the silence.
“Fine,” he replied, not leaving much room to further the conversation.
“That’s good; so did I,” she mumbled, resorting to running her hand back and forth across the grass.
The silence continued. This was not going as Severus had planned. But at least she was here, and he had no one to share her with. He watched as her thin, delicate fingers brushed over the blades of grass. She had painted her nails since he last saw her. Her nails were a brilliant scarlet and gold; all ready for her house’s Quidditch match tomorrow.
Without thinking, he reached out his own hand to grasp hers. He looked up through the curtain of hair that had fallen into his face to see Lily’s reaction. Her eyes had widened in surprise, but she wore a shy smile. She squeezed his hand gently and then shifted her gaze to the Black Lake.
Should I tell her about becoming a Death Eater? Severus thought.
She’ll be mad at you, a voice argued back.
Maybe she’ll be proud that you’ve gotten this great opportunity.
Don’t kid yourself; she’s always despised anything relating to the Dark Arts.
Maybe she’ll decide to tolerate it because it’s my choice.
Severus took a deep breath to silence the arguing voices. “Lily?” he asked finally, making his decision.
“Yes, Sev?”
“I have some big news to tell you.” He paused to start judging her reaction. “I’ve been talking to Avery and Mulciber-“
“Ah, Sev, Avery and Mulciber? Those two are nothing but trouble; why are you talking to them?” she interrupted.
“They’re my friends,” he defended.
Lily raised an eyebrow skeptically. “Not very good ones,” she muttered.
That doesn’t mean she doesn’t approve of what you’re doing; she just doesn’t like your friends. You can live with that, he told himself.
“Can I just tell you my news without you criticizing my friends?” he pleaded.
“Yes, go on,” she said.
“As I was saying; I was talking to Avery and Mulciber and they told me about this great, very rare, opportunity I could get, once out of Hogwarts. I’d work for a very powerful wizard,” Severus hesitantly explained.
Lily’s eyes lit up with excitement. “That’s great, Sev! What kind of job is it?”
“Um… being a Death Eater,” he said, glancing down at his shoes.
“A what?” she screeched, jumping to her feet.
Severus winced at the tone of her voice; this was not going the way he planned.
“Sit down, Lily. There’s no need to get all excited.”
“Sev, you’re talking about working for You-Know-Who! How can you want to take part in those things?” she yelled.
“He’s just trying to make this a better world for us. A place where we don’t have to hide our powers at home,” he explained.
“Ha! A better place?” Lily threw her arms in the air. “He’s killing innocent people! He’s killing Muggles and Muggleborns; I’m a Muggleborn!”
“I know that Lily but if I help him, you’ll be protected! We can live together and have protection,” he said, his voice revealing his desperation to get Lily to understand.
“But he’ll kill my parents! And Petunia! I’ll have no more family!” she cried, her eyes tearing up at the thought.
Severus slowly stood up and placed a comforting hand on Lily’s shoulder. “You’ll have me, Lily! Besides, you and Petunia haven’t gotten along since you were accepted into Hogwarts!” he said, his voice rising in frustration.
“But she’s my sister!” Lily stepped back, out of his reach, so his hand fell off her shoulder. “We’re not supposed to get along all the time! We’ll make up. Please, Severus, don’t do this!” she begged. Lily placed her head in her hands and began crying.
“But, Lily, I’ve found a way that we can stay together and be safe! You will never have to worry about him coming after you!” He couldn’t understand why she was taking this so badly.
Lily looked up at Severus, a couple tears running down her cheeks. “Sev, I don’t know if we can be friends if you do this,” she murmured, her voice hardening in defiance.
“Don’t do this? I just want to keep you safe,” he said, stepping closer to her. “Why is that such a problem?”
“Killing people is wrong, Severus. I can’t possibly be with someone that’s willing to take innocent lives.”
“I won’t tell them yes yet, okay? I’ll think about it. Please, let me do that; I’m only thinking about you, Lily,” he relented.
“For now, I’ll let it go. But eventually you have to make a choice, Sev. I love you, but I can’t handle what you’re considering. Someday you’ll have to choose, me or Voldemort.”
With that, Lily turned and headed to the castle, leaving Severus under the tree torn and confused.