One day, after supper, Avery was informing Severus about what he had been told by Lucius- apparently, the Dark Lord had some big plans coming up. Lucius claimed that all he knew was that the plans were very important to his rise to power and, if they were lucky, they’d have a role in the plans once they left Hogwarts. Severus decided he was going to casually mention what had happened between him and Lily, and see what Avery had to say about it.
“-So when I tell her, she starts yelling at me about how it’s wrong and how she’s a Muggleborn,” he explained, looking down at his scuffed shoes.
“Don’t worry about her. Those Gryffindors are too proud to understand what the Dark Lord’s trying to do. Either she’ll come around, or you’ll find someone who’s more understanding, like another Slytherin,” Avery said dismissively.
“But I don’t want someone else. She’s the one I like,” Severus said defiantly.
Avery raised an eyebrow in question. “Did you mention all of the benefits you’d get for working for the Dark Lord?”
Severus’s face scrunched up in confusion and incredulity. “Of course I did. She’s just too worried about her family.”
Avery shrugged his shoulders. “That’s the problem with Muggles and Mudbloods; they think about others too much. You think of yourself first, or it makes you weak,” he explained.
Severus ran a hand through his hair. “I just don’t know what to do,” he said.
“Don’t worry, you’ll think of something. In the mean time, we’re having a few… initiation meetings, if you’d like to join us,” he offered.
“I’ll think about it.”
The two boys continued on their way to the Slytherin Common Room in an awkward silence. Avery had a point, Severus knew that, but he couldn’t just abandon all thoughts of Lily. The rest of the way to the dungeon Common Room, Severus imagined the different reactions Lily would have to his idea; though, no scenario soothed him in the slightest.
Potions class that day was pretty quiet at Severus and Lily’s table. The only sounds were the clinking of vials and bubbling of the cauldrons. Severus was feeling more and more guilty about making Lily so angry with him. He was determined to find a way to get back into her good graces.
“Pass the bottle of salamander blood, please,” Lily said, not even glancing up from her potion book.
Severus reached around his cauldron and grabbed the bottle and handed it to her. She must have used her peripheral vision to avoid looking at him while grabbing the bottle, because he didn’t even catch her eye. She must really be upset to go through this much trouble to avoid looking at me, he thought dismally.
His head rested on his hand as he half-heartedly sprinkled pomegranate juice into his cauldron. Experimentally, Severus stirred the concoction counter-clockwise three times. He was satisfied with the resulting color change, so he quickly scribbled it down in his book.
As class trudged on, he became more convinced that he wouldn’t be able to patch things up with Lily. He lost all interest in his potion- there were more important things on his mind. Before he knew it, Severus slipped into a string of past memories of him and Lily.
Just as he got to the memory of last summer, the bell rang. Severus jumped and nearly fell off of his stool, resulting in sniggering from Potter’s table.
“Sev?” a small voice said from behind him.
“Lily!” His eyes light up with delight at the mere idea that she wanted to talk to him.
“Can we talk?”
“Sure! How about in the library?” he asked, that greedy glimmer returning to his eyes at the thought of private time with Lily in the library.
Lily ran a hand through her hair. “Sounds great. After supper,” she said.
“I’ll be there!”
Not waiting for him to finish packing up his things, Lily headed to the Great Hall for dinner. Maybe things are getting better after all, he thought, his mental voice adopting a rare singsong tone.
Lily crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow while gazing at Severus from across the table. “Sev, you need to tell me, are you still considering being a Death Eater?” she asked.
He rubbed the back of his neck and looked at Lily’s forehead, unable to meet her eyes as he told his lie. “Well, I’ve sort of decided to forget about it for a while, and work out things with you first. I still have time to make up my mind for sure,” he replied.
She heaved a big sigh. “I want to understand, Sev, because right now, I can’t imagine why you’d want to do anything like that. Explain to me. Let me understand,” she whispered furiously, on the verge of begging.
“I’ve been dreaming of this kind of opportunity for so long; why aren’t you happy for me? I lived in that…dump for fifteen years; being beaten and anchored down the whole time! I don’t have a lot of money, and I’m not popular- it’s hard. Finally, I have something that I can succeed with, something that I can do well at.”
Lily rolled her eyes. “But, Sev, you’re smart! You’re the cleverest person in our Potions class. You could do so much without getting wrapped up in the Dark Arts.”
“Ha! Please-” Severus began to scoff.
Lily shook her head and waved her hand slightly, cutting him off. “You could be a Healer,” she whispered sadly. “Or even take over for Professor Slughorn when he retires.”
“Don’t you understand? Being a teacher at this school won’t give you the protection the Dark Lord can.”
“No, I don’t understand. I don’t see how murdering people will protect me,” Lily said, her eyes showing the hardness that was developing in her about this subject.
“I’m not going to murder anyone- just help make this a better world for us,” Severus said, leaning forward to take her hand.
She pulled her hand away from Severus and snapped, “No. It’s not right.” With that she stood up to leave.
“Wait,” Severus whispered urgently, stretching out his hand. “What if I say I’ll think about it- I could study to become a Potions master? In case things don’t work out.”
“I’ll take it,” Lily sighed reluctantly. “But don’t think I’m going to take “I’ll think about it” for much longer. Sooner or later you’ll have to decide.”
Severus started to smile to himself as he listened to her begin to give in a little. This would be a difficult thing to tell Avery and Mulciber, but he’d think of a way. Who knew? Lily might come to rethink this whole thing, and let him do what he knows will keep them both safe.
“Well, I better get going. I have homework to do for Binns, and Mary needs help with Charms,” she said, slinging her bag over her shoulder. “So, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Severus watched as she turned to leave, happy that they had made up. He wanted to start over; he knew they were supposed to be together. As he thought this, he realised he couldn’t just let her walk away, he had to do something to ensure that she was still his and no one else’s.
“Wait!” he called, his hand shooting out to grab her wrist. “Do you want to work together on our Potions essay?”
She hesitated briefly. “Sure, Sev. How about we meet out by the lake after dinner tomorrow?” Lily suggested.
“Sounds great,” Severus replied, relieved that she was willing to give this another shot.
Lily smiled and adjusted the bag on her shoulder. “See you later.”
Severus grinned as a surge of accomplishment washed over him. He had finally made things right with her. He didn’t have to worry any more about whether or not a ridiculous Gryffindor would sweep her off her feet. Feeling better than he had in the last few days, Severus watched with a hungry look in his black eyes as Lily left the library.
It was Saturday afternoon, Severus was full, and he was on his way to meet Lily. He couldn’t think of a time when he had felt so happy and peaceful. He was strolling down the dungeon corridor without a care in the world when he came across a block in the hall- Potter.
Severus was determined not to let anything, even Potter, ruin this day. Without more than a glare, he tried to squeeze his way around the person who appeared to be cleaning the dungeon floor.
“Where are you going, Snivellus?” James taunted, looking up from the brush he held.
“Not now, Potter. I have places to be,” Severus said with gritted teeth, brushing off James.
James got to his feet, wiping his hands on his trousers. “Yeah, right, Snivellus. Where would you have to be? An appointment for your annual shower?”
“It’s none of your business where I’m going,” Severus snapped, starting to get annoyed. “Perhaps I’m going to study, maybe take a little stroll around the lake, or could it be that I’m meeting Lily to do something that doesn’t concern you in the slightest? I don’t know, but I’m inclined to think that it’s the latter.” A smirk grew across his face as he watched the surprised anger heat up James’ face.
“Ha! I heard what happened between you two. She’ll never forgive a greasy little coward like you, and I don’t blame her. Of course, I didn’t expect any better from a bloody Slytherin like you in the first place,” James maliciously shot back.
“Think what you must, Potter. I really have no time to waste on a git like you,” Severus snapped, side-stepping around James.
“She’ll never love you, you know. A pathetic, cowardly troll like yourself? Why settle when you can have the best?” James taunted, gesturing to himself as if he was king of the world, all the while pushing Severus further over the edge.
“Cowardly? Who is it hiding with their ancient mummy and daddy while I’m dealing with the greatest wizard of all time?” Severus yelled, whirling to face James. With that said, Severus turned and stormed down the hall. He hadn’t gone very far when a jet of blue light shot over his head. When he turned around, he saw James standing in the middle of the corridor, wand pointing straight at him.
“So, that’s how it’s going to be,” he whispered to himself. Quickly, he pulled out his own wand and prepared for a duel. “Let the games begin.”