Counting Legs Part Two by Jess Pallas
Fortunately, in the finest traditions of a British summer, the weather outside was dreadful. Slashing heavy rain had driven most of the shoppers that would usually have thronged this broad street inside and had reduced the visibility considerably. But it was still sufficient for Remus to see screaming figures abandoning their umbrellas and fleeing in a hail of splashing, to see cars swerving, hear horns blaring as the chaos spread. A red double-decker bus had screeched to a splashy halt half up the pavement perhaps ten yards down the road, crowded with bewildered faces pressed to misty windows and Remus caught a glimpse of a flash of green – the healer had just thrust his green furred charge onto the bus’s back platform. Wincing briefly at the job that would face the Ministry Obliviators as the Muggle passengers gaped, Remus forced himself to turn to the far more important issue.
Where the hell is the Acromantula?
An image of his late father, a former Ministry Exterminator, flashed across his mind. He had shared many nuggets of advice about his numerous captures with his son over the years and now seemed a damned good time for one of his pearls of wisdom.
What was it dad always used to say about creatures loose in towns? Oh yes. If all else fails, follow the screams…
A particularly loud screech rose from just down the street on his right.
Ah. That way.
Shoving aside an abandoned umbrella, Remus launched himself in the direction of the bus, trying to ignore the slip and slide of his feet on the damp, treacherous pavement and the vicious slap of heavy rain against his face as he raced towards the sound with Dora hot on his heels. As he raced past the stranded bus with only a started glance from its wild-eyed driver – Oh Merlin, I’m still wearing my robes! - a Muggle sandwich bar with big, glass windows loomed ahead, terrified customers knocking over tables as they scrambled back away from the giant black shape that had just slammed headfirst into the glass. The Acromantula shook itself, scraping one leg in apparent bemusement at the glass for a moment, before turning and leaping with shocking agility onto the windscreen of a small, blue Muggle car that had just screeched to a halt behind the desperately manoeuvring bus. The driver, a wild-haired young woman wearing red-rimmed spectacles, screamed powerfully and lurched back in her seat as the giant spider scrabbled at her windscreen, whilst her companion, a wide-lipped blonde in the passenger seat, in a move Remus considered foolhardy rather than brave, flung open the door and hurled herself up the pavement and into the sandwich bar just inches ahead of the scuttling black legs that darted after her. Customers and staff in the bar immediately rallied as they chucked chairs and tables against the hurriedly slammed door en masse and the Acromantula, after a few more futile moments to break in, decided that there was easier prey to be had and with a damp skid, wheeled and launched a great flock of webbing across the floundering red bus’s rear end, tangling the wheels impossibly and locking it in place.
This is not going well.
The Statute of Secrecy, at least in regards to furry green wizards and giant man-eating spiders, had been blown right out of the water already, but using blatant magic on the street was still something that Remus desperately wanted to avoid. But the sudden appearance of the car had given him another option.
The driver was still pinned to her seat, terrified, moving only to reach out and slam the abandoned passenger door closed. She had no room to manoeuvre – a large silver 4x4 had careened to a stop behind her, followed by a white transit van, cutting off any option to reverse. Even as he heard Dora screaming at some nearby gawpers that she was Police and everyone was to clear the area now, Remus acted. The sleep spell and the cushioning charm he threw at the poor driver took effect immediately, even as he wrestled with the spells to rev up the Muggle engine. Sirius’ highly illegal experiments with his motorbike had given Remus a basic working knowledge of Muggle automotives and he knew just what components he needed to turn the stalled engine back on.
Oh, I am going to get in so much trouble for this! But if it stops anyone getting eaten…
The engine roared into life. And then, with a burst of speed, the blue car thrust forwards and slammed into the Acromantula, hurling it brutally into the bus’s rear end.
A harsh braking charm was enough to ensure that the car did not follow, but Remus was already running as the giant spider bounced and rolled across onto the other side of the road, scrabbling, legs waving over the top of a green car as it whacked against a parking meter and tumbled onto the opposite pavement. A few bravely stupid gawpers on the far side of the street who had ignored Dora’s strident cries, turned and fled out of the way as long legs scratched at the air in search of purchase; they found it as another slash of web thrust out, securing itself to the dark front of a Waterstones book shop as the Acromantula landed with a thump on the side of the building. The Sticking Charm that Dora hurled after it from behind the concealment of the bus secured it for an instant to the old-fashioned hanging sign, but a brutal yank of one leg was enough to wrench the sign from its fastening, dragging it along with a vicious battering sound as the giant spider turned and skittered away along the shop fronts. A moment later, to Remus’ weary horror, it leapt down once more, narrowing missing a Muggle Police officer as he dived for cover in Woolworths before it hurled itself onto the roof of the now abandoned white transit van and cast around through the heavy rain in search of fresh prey.
“Remus!” Dora’s pale face appeared sudden and breathless by his side. “There! Look!”
For an instant, Remus was unable to spot quite what had caught her attention so avidly. But then his eyes fell upon a reasonably sized delivery van parked at the entrance to a narrow side street by a furniture shop perhaps twenty yards away, apparently abandoned, half unloaded as its driver fled. The back door was wide open and gaping.
A perfect trap.
“I’ll spring it, you close it!”
It took perhaps a second too long for Dora’s words to register in Remus’ brain. His hurried “No, Dora, wait! ” came far too late; spitting curses he hurled himself after her as she rushed up past the Acromantula, jumping up and down and waving her arms.
“Oi, hairy boy, you hungry? Well, come on then! Come and get me! Nice fat haunch of Auror, right here!”
Acromantulas were reasonably intelligent as dark creatures went and one treacherous part of Remus couldn’t help but hope that the monster would be too smart to take this tempting bait. But with almost all the Muggles now safely behind glass shop windows, its menu for fresh meat was sadly limited. Hunger outweighed common sense in the arachnid’s mind.
The Acromantula struck.
The burst of web missed Dora by inches as she flung herself to the ground – the spider hurled itself through the air towards her, legs extended, pincers clicking but Remus was far too fired up to miss his target and his stunning spell hurled the Acromantula with a turbulent thud into the pile of furniture. Dora’s wand lashed out and suddenly the door was descending at a shockingly rapid rate. One hairy leg lashed out, but the descending door was too fast, severing half the limb with a shocking crunch and a spurt of green blood. The van rocked violently as the Acromantula within reacted with understandable ire to its wounding and confinement, but as Remus rushed over, he couldn’t have given as Kappa’s arse about how the creature was feeling. He only had eyes for his wife.
His pregnant wife. Carrying his daughter.
Who’d just risked her life and been thrown to the ground on several occasions.
Why did I let her come? Why didn’t I stun her and leave in reception? Dear Gods, if anything’s happened to either of them…
He caught her arm as she pulled herself to her feet, wrapping his arms around her and burying his face in her soft pink hair. Suddenly, he became painfully aware of just how much his left arm was throbbing under his blood-spotted robes, of how frantically his heartbeat was pounding in his ears, of how sharp and hard the raindrops that had soaked them both from head to foot were falling and how wet his feet were as they stood together, soaking up the contents of the puddle in the flooded gutter with their shoes. He could feel her heartbeat mingling with his, heard her sigh as she settled against his chest and in spite of the fact that his brain was screaming at him to scoop her up, rush her back to the red brick shop front of Purge & Dowse and get her checked out immediately by as many healers as he could get his hands on, some part of him simply seemed to know that everything – everyone – involved in that embrace was still okay.
“Don’t you ever do that again!” he commanded hoarsely. He felt rather than heard her chuckle against his chest.
“What, offer myself up as lunch to a raving Acromantula in the middle of a busy Muggle street? Not planning on it, Remus.”
Over the tumbling of the rain and joint pounding of three heartbeats, Remus suddenly became aware of distant sirens, of the sound of doors opening, voices muttering, footsteps emerging. He opened his eyes.
Muggles. Everywhere.
With camera-phones.
Oh dear…
“I’m not sure there are enough Obliviators in the world to cover this,” he muttered softly. “I’ll probably be apologising to Harry for the rest of my life. How are they ever going to hush this up?”
Dora glanced up from within the cradle of his arms. “They’ll think of something. Though they’d better get here soon.” She glanced around once more at the vast seas of faces emerging into the pouring rain. “Otherwise nothing’s going to keep the evening news from reporting the stories of a bunch of shoppers who got saved from a giant spider by a pink-haired policewoman and a mad transvestite…”
* * *
It was approximately four hours later that Harry Potter finally reappeared, weary and frazzled looking, in the hospital room where Remus and Dora had been checked over for injuries a little while before. Both had been sitting quietly by the window watching as the Muggle street below slowly returned to normal activity once more, Remus rubbing his still tender arm and Dora resting her hands securely on her stomach, until the opening door and Harry’s tired smile drew their attention away from the clean up.
“How are you both?” he queried immediately. “How’s the baby?”
Dora smiled and patted her belly. “She’s fine. Probably didn’t feel a thing, lucky blighter.”
Rather touchingly, Harry’s expression softened noticeably. “She?”
Remus couldn’t help but smile. My daughter… “We didn’t really have a chance to mention it earlier. But yes. It’s a girl.”
Harry’s smile was broad. “Congratulations. You must be thrilled.”
“Moderately thrilled, yes.” Remus grinned as his wife elbowed him, muttering something about how long it had taken her to pry the photo off him. He gestured to the window. “But it all got rather overshadowed by chasing an Acromantula through Muggle London.”
“I can imagine.” Harry frowned, pushing his glasses back up his nose with a sigh. “It took ages to straighten everything out – getting that Acromantula shipped off to somewhere secure, shifting the webbing, charming the CCTV and the phone footage, fixing the damage to the shops and the vehicles – and yes, Remus, I did fix that woman’s car for her like you asked,” he added, forestalling the question he must have seen hovering on his former teacher’s lips. “I’ve also conveniently forgotten that you told me you charmed a Muggle object, so don’t bring up it again, okay?” He took a deep breath. “The poor woman was in a state though and as for the shoppers…” He shook his head. “I’ve never seen a team of Obliviators have to work so hard. By the time they were done, they’d Memory-Charmed upwards of one hundred people.”
Dora sat up straighter, her nose adorably wrinkled. “What in Merlin’s name did they make them think had happened? They couldn’t have done anything complex to that many Muggles.”
Harry grinned slightly. “As far as they’re concerned, they’ve just witnessed an irresponsible publicity stunt by a team of shock-tactic guerrilla artists trying to make a name for themselves by using a giant, fake, radio-controlled spider puppet to wreak havoc in central London.” He chuckled slightly. “It’s a good thing you were there, you know, Tonks. Having someone with pink hair rushing about in the midst of the chaos immediately helped people think it was some mad art students pulling a stunt. After all, everyone knows pink hair is linked to subversive types like that…”
Dora snorted. “And proud to be so. But will they really believe that?”
Harry shrugged. “It’s worked before. An Acromantula got loose in Liverpool quite a few years back and the Obliviators managed to convince everyone that it was a giant puppet taking part in a culture festival. They even faked some footage for the news.” He pulled a face as he dropped back into a convenient chair. “Tell you what though. I’m ruddy knackered. ”
Remus couldn’t help but squirm. “Harry, I really am very sorry about all this trouble…”
“Remus!” Harry rather abruptly cut him off, though his smile was tinged as much with fondness as irritation. “How many times am I going to have to say this? You did the best you could in an impossible situation. And you made sure no one was killed. That was what really mattered and we’re all very grateful for it. So stop beating yourself up.” He shook his head slightly, his expression darkening. “Save your recriminations for the git who did this.”
Remus couldn’t help but notice that his wife immediately sat up straighter at the mention of the perpetrator. Nymphadora Tonks might be a wife, a mother and a Metamorphmagus, but she was also an Auror right down to the bone.
“Any leads?” she asked intently.
Harry sighed and shook his head. “We’re trying to trace to Floo connection but St Mungo’s gets so many connections a day, it’s hard to single the right one out. Kevin Anderson from the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures questioned the Acromantula earlier with Zenobia Moon. It wasn’t exactly feeling co-operative but they did manage to establish that it was drugged and taken from the Forbidden Forest sometime in the last few weeks and kept locked up and starved; that’s why it was so keen for a meal. The reason it didn’t eat the git who carried it in was that he’d put some kind of spell on it that wasn’t broken until that healer tapped it with her wand. The poor woman thought it was a Transfiguration accident until it rose up and leapt at her…”
Dora was slowly shaking her head. “Why would anyone do that? What kind of sick bastard brings a hungry Acromantula to a hospital?”
“I’ve no idea,” said Harry darkly, his expression grimly determined. “But I intend to find out. Want to be on the case, Tonks?”
Dora gave a grim little laugh. “Try and stop me.”
Remus briefly considered protest, but decided that he valued his life too much to try. Instead, he focussed on the matter in hand. “Could you find any matches for the description the healer and I gave you?”
Harry grimaced slightly. “We found a few. We’ve got the healer looking at pictures and we’re checking their alibis. If you could drop into the office tomorrow and take a look as well…”
Remus nodded, the image of the narrow-faced man flashing once more across his mind’s eye. “Of course. I just wish I could remember where I’ve seen him before. Because I’d swear I know him from somewhere…”
“Well, keep thinking.” With a groan, Harry rose to his feet, pausing a moment to pat first his fellow Auror and then his former teacher on the shoulder. “If it comes to you…”
Remus smiled gently. “I shall inform Auror Tonks immediately.”
“Thanks.” From the half-open door, Harry glanced back over his shoulder. “Go on home, both of you. And try and stay out of trouble, okay?”
Remus couldn’t help but smile. “Who’d have thought, Harry, after all these years since I was your teacher, that you would end up being the one to say that to me?”
Harry laughed out loud. “What can I say, Professor Lupin? You taught me well!”
As the door closed behind Harry, Remus pulled himself achily to his feet, holding out his hand so that Dora could follow suit.
“Well,” he said quietly. “Quite a day.”
Dora gave his arm a gentle shove. “You and your understatement, Lupin. Come on. We’d better get home before Teddy hears what’s happened on the Wizarding Wireless and comes out to hunt us down. Plus we need to tell him he’s about to have a little sister, not to mention that he needs to invest in a book of baby names. And what a story we’ll have to tell her about the day we got this!”
She held out the now slightly battered but still enchanting photo Hestia had given them earlier. It seemed like both seconds and a lifetime ago.
Remus held the door open politely as he ushered his wife through. His daughter. Now they knew. The day had started with the uncertainty of what nature of little life they would be guiding through the world six months from now and ended with the uncertainty of knowing there was a bizarrely familiar man on the loose releasing monsters into hospitals. But even an Acromantula chase through central London couldn’t change the fact that he was going to have a baby girl…
“You know,” he remarked blandly. “If Teddy can’t think of a name for her, I might have a suggestion. In honour of today.”
Dora’s pink head rose curiously. “Oh?”
“Mmm.” Remus felt the grin starting to spread across the corners of her lips in spite of himself. “How about Arachne…”
It took a couple of days for the bruises his wife inflicted on his shoulder to heal. But Remus considered them well worth it.
THE END
Beyond The Portal by Pallas
Chapter Notes: And here's part two. :)
Chapter Endnotes: This story begins a small arc, which is why I didn't tie up all the loose ends. :) Also, the reference made by Harry is to a giant puppet spider than walked through the city of Liverpool when it was European capital of culture a few years back. :)