Chapter 8
Uncle Marty
Just as Minnie had predicted, her parents did allow her to keep Snape, the kitten. They had been shocked, of course, but not nearly as much as Hermione had expected. But their mother had explained to Hermione that Minnie had been bringing home animals since she was old enough to walk, and that she and Wendell had decided that they could either throw a fit over every critter and have a heart attack sometime in the next three years, or just let the incidents roll off their back, and maybe live long enough to see their grandchildren.
Either way, little Snape was there to stay at the Wilkins’ household.
Snape was a nice enough cat. He was always purring and wanting to be cuddled, and so far, he hadn’t eaten any of the lovebirds or attacked Chunga, the lizard. Despite this, Hermione couldn’t help but feel a bit uncomfortable around the animal, though it probably had a lot more to do with the cat’s name and all the odd sentences it brought out of various members of the family. “Snape, get off my lap! Snape, stop licking my toes! Snape, give me back my underwear!” And each statement sent a very sharp chill down Hermione’s spine. She still had yet to call the creature by its name. Whenever her sister’s cat got on Hermione’s nerves, she would simply pick up her teacher’s namesake and bring him to Minnie so that she could deal with him.
One such day, however, after Snape had spent the better part of an hour ‘hunting’ the hems of her jeans, Hermione hoisted the animal up to take him to his ‘mummy’, only to find Minnie busy chatting away on the kitchen phone.
“…Oh, and you’ll love to meet Hermione…yes, Hermione! She’s been staying with us for almost two weeks now. She was a friend of my parents when they first came to Australia, so I don’t know if you already know her or not.”
Hermione approached the situation carefully, gently setting the cat on the floor. “Minnie, who are you talking to?”
But Minnie held up her finger to stop her older sister from talking. “And we went snorkeling”oh! I saw a basking shark, but Hermione made me get out of the water before I could get close…That’s what I told her, but she wouldn’t listen to reason! Let’s see, what else…Oh! I didn’t have to go to school for three days because the fire alarms are all broken…And Hermione took me to Sydney, and we went shopping, and to a museum…oh, and I have a cat now””
“Minnie!” Hermione lunged at her sister in a way that other people might have found funny, but damn it, this was an emergency! Hermione thought her little sister might have been smart enough to realize that the wizarding world was meant to be kept a secret without having the point really stressed to her, but with as close as Minnie was coming to dropping just how she and Hermione had gone about doing these things, it was starting to appear more and more unlikely.
“Minnie, give me that!” At this point, Minnie was bent over the side of the chair like a Chinese acrobat with Hermione draped over her, balancing on one foot.
“I’m gonna tell!” Minnie declared, stretching her arm out as far as it could reach in an attempt to keep the phone away from Hermione.
“Tell what?”
Both sisters froze at the sound of their father calling out to them from the living room”when did he get back”and the argument soon came to a swift halt. Even Minnie must have realized just how difficult this would be to explain.
“Nothing!” they answered in unison, though they were still in their somewhat awkward positions, doing their best to keep from toppling over one another.
“Minnie, just what do you think you’re doing?” Hermione hissed as she struggled to keep her balance. “Working your way through the town’s phonebook?”
“No!” Minnie answered, almost looking affronted. “I was talking to Uncle Marty, and he’s going to be coming in a few days, so he’s going to find all this stuff out anyway!”
The little girl pulled herself back up into a seated position and held the phone up to her ear. “Now, as I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted….”
Hermione eventually did manage to pull herself to her feet, but still felt mentally off-tilt. Who was this ‘Uncle Marty’ Minnie seemed to be so friendly with? A thousand different scenarios began running through Hermione’s head, ranging from long-lost wizarding relatives who knew about the Memory Charm to the possibility that Minnie was meeting strange men on the internet. Witch or not, Hermione was very aware of that possibility.
But convinced she was not going to be getting answers out of Minnie, Hermione slipped out into the living room to meet her parents whose arms were loaded down with grocery bags.
“Wendell, Monica!” Hermione rushed up to them. “Can I help you carry anything?”
“Yes!” her mother gasped, unhanding an armful of bags into Hermione’s arms. “All this food, you’d think the bloody president was coming!”
Hermione followed her parents back into the kitchen, while Minnie ignored the numerous heavy bags that needed to be carried as she remained completely absorbed in her phone call.
“Minnie, you were on the phone when we left!” her mother lectured.
Minnie argued back, “But it’s Uncle Marty!”
Their mother shook her head, but let her second-born continue on with her phone call. “Just let your dad have a turn when you’re done.”
Minnie nodded absent-mindedly before once again turning her back on all the adults in the room as they did all the work.
“Um, Wendell,” Hermione asked, as she handed off various boxes of food, “just who is Uncle Marty?” Hopefully, ‘Uncle’ Marty was just a close family friend who had been gifted with the honorary title.
“Marty,” her mother began, “Martin is Wendell’s younger brother. Actually, he has a great deal to do with why we decided to come to Australia in the first place.”
Hermione felt her stomach begin to churn. Martin Wilkins? Hermione already knew there was no way this could possibly turn out well.
“It started with him spending a year as an exchange student in Queensland,” her father went on, “then it was wanting to attend university in Australia, then it was work in Australia. After that, it was a thousand letters and phone calls about just how wonderful Australia was, and the rest is history.”
Throughout the monologue, Hermione did her very best to smile, despite the fast pace at which she was becoming more and more nervous.
“Marty actually doesn’t spend a lot of time in Australia anymore, because of his work,” her father admitted.
“He writes for National Geographic” Minnie interrupted, making sure the point was very clear.
Monica took up the conversation for her husband. “But he still says Australia will always be his home…over and over again.”
“He even speaks English the right way,” Minnie chirped once again.
The citizens of Britain glanced over at the sole Australian with annoyed expressions. “Minnie, talk to your uncle,” their father finally said.
Minnie shrugged and returned to the kitchen with the phone still attached to her ear. “So where are you calling from?” she asked before turning her head over her shoulder once again. “Mum, where’s Senegal?”
“West Africa,” her mother informed her.
Minnie’s eyes lit up before turning her attention back to the phone. “Cool! Did you see any elephants…lions…hippos…killer bees?”
Once night came and her parents had gone to sleep, Hermione found herself pouring over her newly acquired books from Buruwangnuwi, but this new situation made her rather disappointed in the choices she had made. They certainly might have helped in thinking of new methods of recovering an Obliviated person’s memories, but not on the exact mechanics of attaching new planted memories to someone already living on a foundation of planted memories. It would be difficult, but certainly not impossible.
But while she tried her very best to focus on her reading, she found her mind wandering elsewhere, namely towards this supposed uncle of her sister’s.
This ‘Uncle Marty’ had to be a wizard. There was no other explanation. Her parents were intelligent people, but the Memory Charm she had placed them under left them vunerable, especially to further tampering with their memories. What little else Hermione did know about Memories Charms was that once the original charm had already been cast, it took relatively little effort to elaborate on the charm further until the effected person would believe just about anything about their lives.
She couldn’t be quite sure just how Marty had found out about her parents’ situation, but he would hardly be the first to use magic to take advantage of Muggles. No doubt Wendell Wilkins had offered his ‘little brother’ a free meal, a bed to sleep in, and maybe even substantial amounts of money over the years. Even if the last one wasn’t the case, it could also be possible that this man had simply done this to her family just for the fun of it. Hermione had certainly met enough wizard would be capable of this in Britain, and no doubt there were people like this who existed in Australia.
“Hermione?”
Hermione looked up to see her little sister standing in the doorway, pajama-clad and her plait still damp from the shower, a look of puzzled worry across her face.
“Minnie, what is it?” Hermione marked her place and set her book on the bedside table.
Slowly, Minnie made her way into the guestroom, as though she came bearing very grim news indeed. “I just thought of something,” she began solemnly, “If my dad, Wendell Wilkins, is really your dad, John Granger, then there’s no way I could have an Uncle Marty Wilkins, is there?”
Hermione’s mouth formed into a very tight line. She had been hoping that she might be able to break this news to Minnie herself…and not right away. But Hermione supposed she should have taken into account that at the age of ten, Minnie was certainly old enough to have come to the correct conclusion on her own if she gave it any amount of thought. She had just hoped that if it was she who ended up telling Minnie, she might find a way to somehow break it to her as gentler news than it really was.
But not seeing any way to further delay the inevitable, Hermione shook her head. “No, Minnie. There’s no way he can be your uncle. Wendell Wilkins isn’t a real person, so he can’t have a younger brother, can he?”
It was clear that Minnie already knew the truth about her fake relative, but Minnie clearing it to be fact certainly didn’t make it any better. Minnie bit down on her lips and scrunched her face into a pained expression, her eyes clenched tight in an attempt to stop the tears that were leaking out none the less. Then, without waiting for an invitation, Minnie rushed towards her sister and threw herself onto the bed, just short of collapsing.
“Well, if he’s not my uncle, then who is he?” She gasped, just barely on the verge of crying. “Why is he doing this to us? What does he want?”
Minnie looked as though she had been absolutely crushed. It was such a contrast with the excitement at finding out she had an older sister, after the initial shock of it all wore off. But then, losing a relative you had always known had to be a lot more devastating than gaining a family member you had never known existed.
Hermione felt her heart heaving for the reaction she was seeing from her sister. It might have seemed a bit dramatic, the way Minnie’s mood had swung so quickly, but considering the circumstances, it was somewhat understandable.
And Hermione immediately began doing her very best to console her little sister. “I really don’t know, Minnie,” Hermione admitted, wishing she could offer Minnie something a bit more comforting. “I didn’t create any Uncle Marty in our parents’ memories, and I doubt just anyone could have walked up to our father, claiming to be his younger brother who he just doesn’t see very often.”
Minnie didn’t look up. She made some odd, low-pitched sort of squeal and wet sniffing. It sounded like she might be trying to say something, but just couldn’t quite force anything intelligible past her lips.
“But, Minnie, I’m a witch too, remember?” Hermione reminded her sister. “And despite what you might think about my being unable to remove the charm on our parents, I am a very good one.”
Hermione hoped that she might be able to draw some sort of audible response from her sister, even if it was just an attempt to mock her magical abilities. But instead, in an almost comical manner, Minnie arms caved out from under her, and she collapsed face-first into the bed in a manner that couldn’t have made breathing very easy. Hermione tried shaking her little sister’s shoulder, but Minnie remained dead still, almost making Hermione worry if there was more to this episode than simply being dramatic.
Still, Hermione continued to try, reaching out to rub her little sister’s back. “Whatever this ‘Uncle Marty’ character might be up to with our family, I promise he’s not going to be able to do anything funny while I’m here.”
And still, there was absolutely no reaction from Minnie.
Hermione leaned in closer, trying to push her sister’s head to the side so she could look her in the eyes. “Do you believe me?”
Minnie had a rather spaced, faraway look in her eyes, as though she wasn’t really seeing what was directly in front of her. She did, however, manage to speak. “So do you have a plan?”
To this, Hermione had to shake her head. She had been caught just as off-guard as Minnie was by this whole ‘Uncle Marty’ business, and she had been so busy worrying about her parents and her little sister, she hadn’t even had any time to decide what she was going to do about it all.
Minnie finally showed some true signs of life by rolling her eyes and turning onto her back. “What a shock!”
Hermione burst out laughing, even though she probably should have been insulted, but it was so nice to see Minnie return to her old self.
“Marty!” Hermione could hear her mother say from the floor below. “I still wish you would have told us when your flight was coming in. Wendell and I gladly would have come and gotten you so you didn’t have to waste all that money on a cab!”
Hermione was standing in the upstairs hallway, just outside the guestroom, when Uncle Marty had arrived. Hermione made sure to stay out of the way, not knowing the proper etiquette for when an imposter was in one’s home and exchanging pleasantries with one’s family. Something else she had noticed: Minnie had also made herself scarce for the arrival of her supposed uncle. Hermione sighed. It was as though she felt guilty. Minnie had figured out the truth about Uncle Marty all on her own, and with knowing the truth about who her parents really were, it was only a matter of time anyway.
Still, the way Hermione felt about her little sister learning yet another facet of her life was a lie…well, she didn’t quite know a word to describe what she was feeling, but it certainly didn’t feel good.
Minnie was wearing a dress, a green and white pinafore-style frock; something Hermione couldn’t recall seeing on her sister in all the time she had been here. Most likely, it was something their mother had picked out for her to wear for the occasion (Hermione could recall similar instances from her own childhood).
Hermione took her time studying the strange man who was making himself so at home among her family. Uncle Marty had a very square-shaped head with numerous streaks of grey running through his hair, just like Hermione was beginning to see on her father. He was dressed enough like a Muggle, but so was Hermione, so that hardly proved anything.
At any rate, Hermione had long since decided that she was going to devote this entire visit to watching Uncle Marty’s every move. After that…well, Hermione still wasn’t quite sure what she would do. She couldn’t exactly go to the Australian wizarding authorities without bringing herself into scrutiny, that was for certain. But at the same time, she was not about to allow her parents be the victims of a con man, or let her little sister to base her life on his lies!
She supposed she would just have to figure out all the mess at the Australian Ministry of Magic later.
When Minnie finally began making her way down the staircase as well, the fake relative finally took notice. “Minnie-Minnie-Binnie!” he exclaimed, making his way to the stairs. “There’s my only, therefore, favorite niece!”
But for all the excitement Uncle Marty seemed to show, Minnie’s expression was completely blank and her stance uncomfortably stiff. She hung back against the stairs, as though desperately wanting to rush to her sister’s side instead of face this imposter.
“What the matter?” the man asked, confused. “You’re too grown up now to give your Uncle Marty a hug?”
“And who is this?” Uncle Marty asked once his attention shifted up towards Hermione. “Wendell, don’t tell me Mum put you up to arranging a blind date for my visit!”
Hermione could feel the angry blood rushing to her cheeks, but hoped it wasn’t too terribly visible. Hermione had had one grandmother growing up, and she had died fourteen years ago. Shaking her head, Hermione could only imagine: Minnie had a grandmother, but she was off fulfilling her dream of teaching English to Cambodian schoolchildren.
“Marty, this is Hermione Weasley,” Wendell introduced the woman he still couldn’t recall as his daughter. “And yes, we already know that she and Minnie share the same name. We met Big Hermione when we first came to Wonthaggi. She was traveling as a student, and helped us a great deal in setting up our dental practice here.”
Uncle Marty nodded as he took a few steps up the stairs and reached up towards Hermione’s hand. “Actually, I think I do remember you mentioning something about a certain ‘Big Hermione’.” He took Hermione’s hand firmly and gave it a strong shake. “It is nice to finally meet you, then.”
All Hermione could manage to do was nod as she accepted the man’s hand. She glanced down towards her younger sister, who was standing arms crossed against the wall, huffing her breath and rolling her eyes. It was as though now that she knew the man as an imposter, she was through with even trying to be civil to him.
Hermione bit the inside of her cheek and hoped her little sister could be a bit more discrete, lest her supposed uncle begin to notice something going on.
Luckily, Uncle Marty seemed to be more interested in conversing with the girls’ parents for the time being. “Wendell, Monica! What does a man have to do to be allowed off his feet? If I have to stand for one more second, they’re just going to snap right off!”
The group was then directed to the living room, scattered among the couch and the armchairs. Minnie had been presented with a large amount of gifts, and her parents, of course, insisted it was too much and that Uncle Marty was spoiling the girl as she unwrapped a Senegalese painted drum, a pair of Chinese fans, a paper lamp from Japan decorated with cherry blossoms, a Mexican Day of the Dead skeleton doll, and a nightlight of a sign proclaiming ‘Welcome to Las Vegas’. Minnie took each gift with a lackluster smile that seemed to go unnoticed by the adults. It was somewhat impressive to watch ‘Uncle Marty’ spin off lie after believable lie, and watch her parents swallow them whole. Then again, spells could do some pretty impressive things, and no doubt her parent’s altered memories had been built on again and again over the years.
But then Uncle Marty turned his attentions to the people in the room who were already onto him. “So, Big Hermione, Wendell and Monica tell me you’re a barrister. Where did you attend university?”
If Hermione didn’t know better, she would have sworn that by glint in the man’s eyes that he was challenging her to a contest for who could tell the most convincing lie.
But before Hermione could think of a lie, Minnie interrupted with, “Hermione went to Oxford.”
After saying this, Minnie shot her sister a proud smile, as though she were happy to show up her fake uncle by getting him to believe her real sister had gone to such a prestigious university…even if that was a complete lie, as well.
Uncle Marty raised an eyebrow, almost looking impressed, but their parents just looked confused. “But I thought you told Monica and I you went to Manchester.”
Hermione cursed under her breath as she found herself remembering. When she had first attempted to return to Australia to revive her parents memories, she had told them she was a student at Manchester; a good school, but still one that could make for a believable lie. She had also convinced Ginny, Luna, and even Fleur to assist in posing in some fake pictures of them on campus. It might have been a fake story, but Hermione’s parents had heard the names of her friends hundreds of times during her school years, so she had hoped hearing the familiar names again and again might jar something in their memories.
Of course, it hadn’t. Hermione didn’t even know where those pictures were anymore.
But now she had another problem. Minnie had inadvertently put her in a real bind with her parents’ understanding of the truth. She knew her sister hadn’t done it on purpose. It was even possible that Oxford was the only British university Minnie had ever heard of. Now was a good time for Hermione to pick up the talent of thinking on her feet. “I completed my first four years at Manchester, but I went to law school at Oxford.”
Hermione’s father raised his glass. “Well, good for you! I don’t care what you say, Hermione, you’re on your way to Parliament!”
Hermione couldn’t help but smile at the compliment. She also couldn’t stop herself from flashing the same cheeky smile at Uncle Marty that Minnie had been guilty of just moments before.
All through supper, Minnie barely said a word without any sort of prodding from her parents, and she picked at her dinner. She excused herself before dessert and banished herself up to bed, her posture drooping the whole way up the stairs. Hermione’s parents blamed their daughter’s behavior on a stomach flu that was apparently going around. And Hermione certainly wasn’t going to argue with their assumption.
Hermione herself didn’t feel very much like exchanging pleasantries with her fake uncle, so she took it upon herself to catch her sister’s flu as well so she could excuse herself also. As she stepped up into the hallway, Hermione wondered whether or not she should go up to Minnie’s room and see if her sister wanted to talk. But just as she was about to reach for the doorknob, the radio started blaring at top volume and the animals inside all started going crazy.
No, it was fairly obvious that Minnie wanted to work through whatever she was feeling on her own.
Much later, well past midnight, Hermione had given up on sleep. She also recalled packing a box of white chocolate macaroons away in the pantry, the same ones she had absolutely loved when she was young. She hoped it was a sign that her parents were beginning to remember at least a few of the more miniscule details of their previous life. But at any rate, Hermione was in need of a sweet and sugary pick-me-up.
Expecting to descend upon an empty floor, Hermione was extremely taken aback when she reached the bottom steps and saw Uncle Marty making himself quite comfortable on the living room couch, leaning against the cushions, a glass of scotch and ice in his hand.
“Mrs. Weasley, you must think yourself to be the most extraordinary witch in the world with all your ambitions for your parents,” he said in a very flat tone. “What I can’t figure out is, with all that ambition, why you seem to be taking you time so much.”
Uncle Marty didn’t turn around, but if he had, he would have seen the look of shocked mortification all across Hermione’s face. She couldn’t believe it, that this man, in one sentence, proved everything Hermione had suspected of him from the beginning. She was fairly certain that the first rule of any con was not to tell the people one was conning about the con.
For a long time after that, the room was silent, mostly because Hermione wasn’t sure where to go from here. The logical answer would have been to put Uncle Marty in some sort of Body-Bind Curse and take him straight to the Australian Ministry of Magic…but then the thoughts of all current…complications proved to be a very effective barrier.
“You…,” Hermione found herself stammering, “you…are in so much trouble””
One of the reactions Hermione might have expected would have been Uncle Marty making an end-run dash for the fireplace to escape through the Floo Network, or, if he was especially brave or invested in this con, draw his wand to attack. But instead, the man simply reclined further into the couch. “I wouldn’t think you’d be in a very good position to say who is in trouble here, Mrs. Weasley.”
At this, Hermione became a great deal more anxious. Uncle Marty must have noticed Minnie’s change in behavior, wondered at Hermione’s sudden presence, or even heard her and Minnie conversing about something he wasn’t supposed to hear. All the same, Hermione was not about to allow herself to become the victim of a conman the way her family had been for what had to be a great number of years.
But just as she was getting ready to speak up once again, she was very suddenly stopped.
“Hermione Weasley, formerly Granger, born September nineteenth, 1979 in Winchester to John and Jean Granger, both dentists.”
Hermione was very flabbergasted interrupted by Uncle Marty listing fact after fact about her life, in an almost rehearsed manner. But certainly not in a way that someone could have just been quickly looked up or learned just a few hours ago.
“Educated at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, awarded the Order of Merlin, First Class, for her role in the Second War against Lord Voldemort. Initially employed by the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, noted for her spearheading of reforms in house-elf and werewolf rights. Currently employed by the British Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Married to Ronald Weasley, age twenty-eight, with two children: Rose, two years old, and Hugo, five months old.”
Uncle Marty finished his long-winded speech with a deep, much needed gulp of air.
“But what she is most well known for, as far as the Australian Ministry of Magic is concerned, is wiping her parents memories of the fact that they even have a Muggle-born daughter, and packing them off to Australia where they happen to have a second Muggle-born daughter are currently sitting on a ticking time bomb of memories related to the great secret that is the wizard world. Oh! And for having absolutely nothing to do with her family for ten years.”
Finally the man stood to his feet and turned to stare Hermione down with an imposing stone-like glare. “Until now, at least.”
It wasn’t until Uncle Marty was standing mere inches in front of her that Hermione had become aware of just how much taller the man was than she. She had completely forgot worrying about being attacked by means of magic, and began worrying about what he could do if he simply decided to fall on top of her.
Uncle Marty ignored this, though. “So you can imagine just how much of a craw it proved to be when the Australian Ministry found out you had returned.”
It was this statement in particular, about the woes of the Australian government, that caused Hermione to abandon her previous fears of being squashed by a semi-giant. Uncle Marty had unknowingly touched a very certain nerve Hermione had possessed since the age of sixteen when the Ministry of Magic had seen fit to take over her school and place the horrid Dolores Umbridge in charge of every aspect of her classmates’ educational and private lives.
Ever since then, Hermione had had a particular sort of distain for any sort of interference in people’s private lives. She snorted to herself as she glared up towards the ceiling. Why on earth does the Australian Ministry of Magic even need to be made aware of my plans to visit my own family? After everything Hermione had been through during her last few years at Hogwarts, she still had an obscene amount of distrust for any amount of government interference, despite the fact that she worked for it.
Even though Hermione didn’t say any of these things out loud, Uncle Marty still answered all of her questions as though he could read her mind. “Mrs. Weasley, you obviously know there is an Australian wizarding community, so obviously there must be an Australian Ministry of Magic to oversee it. And logic would also dictate that if there happened to be a Muggle couple, who happened to be the parents of one of the most well-known witches in their native country, who decided to emigrate to Australia”a couple under the influence of a very powerful Memory Charm, but still sitting on everything that could possibly be known about the existence of magic”that the Australian Ministry may see fit to become involved in their case.”
Hermione’s suppressed annoyed snark chose that particular moment to break into the conversation. “And I’m certain that my parents were very grateful for that fact!”
Uncle Marty raised a surprised eyebrow, but still managed to keep his voice somewhat calm and professional-sounding. “At first, we didn’t,” he informed Hermione, his voice sounding slightly taken aback. “The world was very aware of the terror that Lord Voldemort was capable of, and it was actually somewhat understandable that you did what you did.
“When your parents first arrived in Australia, the Ministry of Magic was very aware of who they were and the circumstances that had brought them here, but there was a collective decision to remain hands-off for the time being. We certainly weren’t about to do anything that might attract the unwanted attention one of the most notorious Dark wizards of the modern day. Australia does not wish to be known as the nation that murders the Muggle parents of wizarding heroes.” Uncle Marty shook his head. “Merlin knows we have enough problems as the world’s primary source of Billywig addiction.”
And then the man continued on in a far less grave tone, “And when you came back to Australia for the first time, we were hoping that the entire incident would be able to blow over with no government involvement.”
The new tone of voice did not last for very long, though, as he moved on to the part of the story that Hermione was less than proud of. “However, when the Ministry became aware that you had left the country once again, and were most likely going to leave your family in the care of our nation”roughly around Minnie’s first birthday”the case was passed onto the Muggle Liaison Office to oversee their current mental state and the dormancy of their memories.”
It was at this point that the crawling anger in Hermione’s stomach was replaced with crawling dread. As angry as she was at the uninvited interference in her family’s life, she couldn’t help but ignore the fact that everything he was saying was right. She had been so concerned with keeping her parents at the time, she had not even considered what it might have meant if she was unable to lift the charm once the danger was over, or even if Voldemort would ever be defeated.
And, of course, at the time, she certainly didn’t consider that if she was unable to life the charm on her parents, that that might open them up to all sorts of interference from the Australian Ministry of Magic. It hadn’t even occurred to her that there would be any sort of official Ministry record of who her parents were. They were Muggles, after all, and shouldn’t have been subject to any sort of Ministry of Magic laws or regulation.
Then again, the situation her parents found themselves in couldn’t have been a very common occurrence.
Uncle Marty illuminated further, “You can imagine the nasty mess that could have arisen if Minnie were to perform some feat of accidental magic in front of her parents, similar to something that had happened in your own childhood, and every memory they ever had about the wizarding world were to come rushing back.” Uncle Marty seemed to shudder inwardly at the possibility. “There are reported incidents of similar situations of individuals under the influence of similar Memory Charms, none of which ended well.”
Hermione scoffed at the simplistic response. “Because you simply had such resources gathering dust in the back of a cupboard.”
Now was the point where Uncle Marty was beginning to grow annoyed. “Believe it or not, Mrs. Weasley, you are not the world’s foremost expert on Memory Charms,” he told her. “The world’s various Ministries, however, do happen to have access to witches and wizards who are. Getting these people to reveal exactly what it would take to ‘embellish’ on these planted memories, to perhaps include a younger brother that doesn’t exist for a former British dentist who doesn’t exist, takes far less effort than you might think.”
“And yet it never occurred to anyone at the Ministry that, instead of casting all these additional spells, they could have just lifted the original one so my parents could remember who they really are and they could go back to their lives in Britain,” Hermione tried to reason. “Then you’d never have to worry about them.”
It certainly could have saved Hermione a lot of stress and potential years taken off her lifespan if they had chosen to take that route.
“That was not our purgative, Mrs. Weasley,” Uncle Marty answered back. “Your parents had settled into their new life in Wonthaggi, something they believed was their life’s dream, and Minnie was born and raised Australia; she doesn’t know anything else. Even if the Australian Ministry were to put forth the necessary effort to undo your mess, do you really think it would be in your family’s best interest for us to do so?”
Hermione had certainly never considered any of these things when she first cast the Obliviation Charm on her parents, but granted, she never imagined she would still be dealing with the consequences eleven years later. She might have been able to say she had done what she had for the sake of her parents’ safety when she had first sent them away, but Voldemort had been dead for more than a decade. It was safe to say her parents would no longer be in any profound danger if they were to return to England. The Australian Ministry of Magic probably could have hunted Hermione down any time”she was certainly well known enough”but then there was no telling what kind of international outcry there would have been if the Australian government were to expel Hermione’s Muggle family from the country, especially when they still had no idea who Hermione was.
Whether or not this was Uncle Marty’s intent or not, Hermione was now beginning to feel extraordinarily guilty, like a child being scolded by an adult.
“More importantly, Mrs. Weasley, do you have any idea how much money your little stunt has cost the Australian Ministry of Magic over the course of the years?” Uncle Marty shifted the mood of the room from guilt to sudden and absolute dread. “Keeping a constant report on your parents mental state, seeing to it that Minnie is able to have a normal life in spite of the unusual circumstances she was born under, all the expert consultations needed in order to know everything possible about the particular memory charm your parents are under.”
Begrudgingly, Hermione resigned to the man’s authority and own expertise for the situation. As much as she might have hated to admit it, she had left her family in Australia under the influence of a spell she really didn’t understand all that well, and especially after Minnie had been born, it was only natural to assume that the wizarding government would become involved in the affairs of such a vulnerable family. Given this attitude, Hermione supposed she should have considered herself lucky that the Australian Ministry of Magic hadn’t been tracking her down like a fugitive all these years.
All the same, Hermione had been the one responsible for putting the government in this predicament that had absolutely no prescient. It was not difficult to see how the Australian Ministry would want to take out all their frustrations on her.
“I am sure you are smart enough to understand that none of these things are free and none of these people are willing to work for Billywigs,” the man informed Hermione. “I’m not completely sure just what the legal ramifications of everything you have done happen to be. This isn’t exactly a common enough scenario to be written into the law books, but I am certain that if the Ministry has enough employs to baby-sit a family of Muggles, they must have enough to figure this mess out!”
There is was: all the vague threats that had been sent before were not being proclaimed clear as day. The fear of being arrested or facing prosecution of some sort was only just vaguely resonating in her mind. Her brain just stopped there, not wanting to consider that she might be separated from Ron and her children, the field day the Daily Prophet would have with such a scandalous story, and just how this would affect everyone who remotely cared about her.
Then, speak of the devil….
“Could you two please keep it down?” came a voice. “Mum and Dad are both really light sleepers, and if they woke up, I don’t know how I would explain this to them.”
The two adults looked up at the staircase to see Minnie hanging over the banister, still wearing the same green and white dress she had been earlier that evening (though much more rumpled), showing that she had not yet been able to sleep either.
And it was Uncle Marty who appeared the most worried about the current predicament. “How long have you been up there?”
Minnie was still leaning over the banister rail as she sidestepped her way down the stairs. “Long enough to know I need coffee.”
Hermione couldn’t help but snicker at her little sister’s sentence as Minnie finally joined them on the lower-level of the house. All it really seemed to prove to her was that Minnie still didn’t understand the point of coffee, and in an odd way, it was rather charming. Uncle Marty, on the other hand, for as jovial as he had been when he had seen Minnie that afternoon, appeared to be the most nervous about her presence, his mouth tightening into a very severe-looking slit.
“I found out something I wasn’t supposed to, didn’t I?” Minnie asked her fake Uncle Marty. “All adults everywhere have the exact same look whenever that happens.”
Uncle Marty shifted uncomfortably on his feet. “Just…how much did you hear, Minnie?”
A childish version of a smirk began to spread across Minnie’s face as she began tilting her head from side to side.
“I know that Hermione’s in big trouble with the Aussie wizard government,” she regaled the two adults before her. “I know Hermione did something she wasn’t supposed to when she cast that Memory Charm on our parents, and when she left us here to live in Australia, she just made it worse.”
“And now that she’s come back to try and fix everything again, you’re trying to get her in trouble for anything she did.” She looked up at her not-true uncle with her hands on her hips and a disapproving look on her face. “That’s not nice.”
Hermione took her side to see Uncle Marty standing with his arms crossed and his eyes drifting upward in serious though. It was funny, Hermione had expected the man to talk down to Minnie, try and pass it off. It was almost as though, over the years, the man who was not her uncle had formed a sort of respect for Minnie, after years of not falling for ‘got your nose’ or ‘there’s a monster under the bed’.
And, of course, he had probably realized how much Hermione had told her little sister about the wizarding world, and just decided there was no point in even trying.
“So, Uncle Marty,” Minnie looked up at the man, saying his name with something that sounded not quite like distain, “what are you going to do now?”
“Your old sister is in a great deal of trouble, Minnie,” Uncle Marty said in a low-toned voice, making no attempt to mask the graveness of the whole situation. “Think of what could have happened if your parents could have suddenly recalled everything they knew about the wizarding world and decided to go around telling anyone who would sit still long enough? And what if Lord Voldemort, the Dark wizard, wasn’t defeated and they somehow found out your parents were hiding in Australia? He would have turned the entire country upside down looking for them, and a lot of innocent Muggles and wizarding folk would have been hurt.”
Minnie seemed to regard the man’s words with a quiet thoughtfulness, but Hermione could see the wheels in her head turning behind her eyes.
“Her actions regarding you and you parents were incredibly irresponsible, to say the least.” Uncle Marty sidestepped the increasingly uncomfortable circle of wizarding folk. “The wizarding world has rules and laws, just like the Muggle world does. Can you imagine what would happen if wizards were allowed to just run around doing whatever they wanted? You’ve been familiar with the wizarding would for quite some time, and I think you could imagine.”
Uncle Marty inhaled deeply, as he prepared himself for his next line of words. “And just like the Muggle world, when laws are broken, the one responsible has to be punished, otherwise what is the point?”
“But I thought you said nothing like this has ever happened before,” Minnie retorted, her hands going to her hips. “How can you think to make a law against something that you would never think could happen?”
Good one, Minnie! Hermione thought to herself, silently applauding her sister for her clever reasoning that she hadn’t even thought a ten-year-old was capable of.
Uncle Marty huffed under his breath, as though he too were impressed by Minnie’s level of reasoning, but his previous tone remained unchanged. “Minnie, all the same, your sister is certainly clever enough to know that casting spells on Muggles, especially an unauthorized Obliviation Charm, is not something that can be done without consequences. These laws, as well as a healthy respect for Muggles’ independent affairs, are what make our society a modern one, instead of the times when wizards could roam across the Outback, casting spells this way and that, any time they pleased.”
The man stood to his feet and spoke with a certain amount of sadness, if only for Minnie and no one else. “As soon as I report back to the Ministry, what happens to her will be left up to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement and the Office of International Relations.”
But even against the much taller man, Minnie stood firm where she was, chest puffed out like a proud sparrow. “You can’t do that,” she told him. “For you to do that, you’re also going to have to tell the Ministry of Magic that I found out I have a secret older sister and a not-real uncle”and that I found out all about the wizarding world”all on your watch. If you turned Hermione into the Ministry, you’d be in a lot of trouble too!”
Now Minnie was beginning to circle the man while his eyes followed in a still, yet nervous manner.
“Hermione did everything without knowing it was against any laws, but you knew it was your job to keep me and my family stupid.” Minnie went on saying, as she continued her circling. “And I don’t even have any buried memories about the wizarding world to be brought back to life.”
Now Minnie was staring up at her fake uncle, a learned smirk on her face, with her arms crossed over her thin chest. “You couldn’t have messed up worse if you tried.”
Uncle Marty, who seemed to be caught surprisingly off guard, stuttered and stammered as he tried to come up with a rebuttal, but he continued coming up empty. There was nothing that could put a kink in any plan of any sort any more effectively than a ten-year-old with blackmail who wasn’t afraid to use it.
Though, also, it could have had a great deal to do with him being unable to fight in a battle of wills with someone he had essentially raised since she was an infant. Hermione could recall just how difficult a time Harry had always had when it came to Teddy and issuing any sort of discipline or limitations.
` “You always were too clever for your own good, Minnie-Binnie,” the man finally grumbled under his breath. “When you want to be, at least.”
Minnie turned to face her sister, arms still crossed, but as wide a smile as could be physically possible spread across her face. Of course, Hermione was proud of her sister, and also quite thankful that she had managed to talk her way out of possible legal action (even if it was potentially done through less than legal means). And if Hermione was ever going to end up going down for it, it was certain that now Minnie would be going down with her (that tended to happen whenever someone threatened a government official). It was high time this whole mess was put to an end.
“Minnie, go back to bed.”
It was at that very moment that Minnie’s smile turned into a look of disgust. “No way! This is just getting good!”
Hermione did her best to speak with some amount of authority, something she was not at all used to using on the girl. “Minnie, listen to me. I’m your older sister.”
“Not according to the Australian government.”
“Minnie!”
“Hermione!” Minnie mocked her sister’s attempts to convey authority over her.
Deciding to take a more proactive approach, Hermione took her little sister by the shoulders and began leading her up the stairs. Surprisingly, however, Minnie did not protest.
“I assume we’ll be picking this up again in the morning, Uncle Marty.”
“Don’t worry,” Uncle Marty remarked in a resigned tone, taking his previous seat back on the couch. “Your little sister has my wand in a vice, and I don’t doubt that she’d be willing to make good on her blackmail if you disappeared unexpectedly.”
Minnie giggled at the reference, but Hermione just rolled her eyes and continued pushing the little girl towards her attic bedroom.
“I still get presents whenever you come to visit!” Minnie made sure to shout at her last chance she had to be heard.
Uncle Marty left Wonthaggi first thing the next morning. He told Minnie’s parents that it had been because he’d gotten a call from his editor saying that the higher-ups had decided that they wanted him to do a nonexistent story on lowland gorillas, and that he needed to leave right away if he had any hope of finishing his story before the deadline. Minnie recalled her parents special-ordering previous issues of National Geographic just so they could read whatever story Uncle Marty had told them he had written.
She also began to wonder how the Australian Ministry of Magic managed to get the Uncle Marty-stories into the magazine, and if Uncle Marty had written them himself, or if the Ministry had a special fake-story writer just for the job.
Minnie’s parents had been confused at first, especially since her father’s only brother (allegedly) had come all the way to Australia to visit them, but went back to Africa after only one day. But eventually, they accepted the sudden news, gathering the whole family in the doorway to wave good-bye as Uncle Marty drove away in his taxi cab. Minnie wondered if this was a real taxi cab, or some sort of other Ministry of Magic trick.
That wasn’t all that Minnie was feeling confused about, though. Even though she now knew that being ‘Uncle Marty’ was the man’s job, that still didn’t take away everything he had done for her over the years, or the fact that she still found herself caring about him.
After all, Uncle Marty had been the one to convince Minnie’s parents that she had just as much chance of getting salmonella from an undercooked hamburger as she did hunting for turtles, and who had taught her to snorkel in the shallow waters on the Wonthaggi coast. There were pictures of him with the family at birthday parties and on holidays. Minnie didn’t even want to imagine what her dad would do when he found out he didn’t really have a younger brother. He flipped when he found out Minnie had accidently broken Ty Hatcher’s nose, and this seemed like it would be much, much worse.
On some level, she still cared for the man, even if it turned out they weren’t at all related. Even the lying didn’t really bother her so much anymore; after all, she had forgiven Hermione, hadn’t she? None of it made sense. Minnie felt so mixed up in her head, and she knew even less about what she was supposed to do about all this now that she knew the truth and her parents still thought Uncle Marty was a member of the Wilkins family.
One afternoon, when Minnie heard a door opening while climbing up to the top level of the refrigerator, an idea came to her rather instantly and one that didn’t really make a lot of sense. She jumped from the shelves, ignoring the rather dirty toe prints she had left on the glass, and grabbed the telephone off the hook and began spouting off at the mouth.
“Oh, hi there, Uncle Marty,” she began, although though even she could tell it was a less than convincing performance. “Yes, school is going fine. I’m having a math test tomorrow.”
Minnie was continuing on with her one-sided conversation, praying that the phone wouldn’t ring, when both Hermione and their mother huddled their way into the kitchen, carrying yet more groceries in addition to the ones they had bought less than a week ago. Perhaps Minnie should have kept a better eye on Chunga’s eating habits.
“Minnie, you end up eating a great deal of this food,” her mother attempted to tease. “You help carry some of it!”
But Minnie had committed to this ruse, and she was going to stick with it. “Not now, Mum,” Minnie shouted, “I’m talking to Uncle Marty.”
Hermione spun on her heels and stared her sister down over the top of her brown grocery bags. “You are?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.
Minnie nodded, doing her best to appear confident. “And he’s using only one of twelve payphones that exist in Tanzania,” she finished in an almost curt way. “So I’d like to talk to him, if you don’t mind.”
Minnie did her best to ignore the eye-rolling on her sister’s part, but it didn’t take very long before Minnie wasn’t given much of a choice in whether or not her spontaneous plan would continue. “Monica, why don’t you just set the groceries on the counter, and Minnie and I will put them away?”
Her mother, who was not about to refuse an offer of help from Hermione after she had been in the home for so long, dropped her own bags onto the kitchen counter and left in one motion before Hermione had time to change her mind.
But instead of going to work on putting away the groceries like she had promised, Hermione set her own paper sacks down and turned to face her little sister. “Minnie just what do you think you’re doing?”
Minnie set the phone against her shoulder and pretended to look innocent. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Hermione sighed, shook her head, and knelt down just a little bit so she could look Minnie in the eyes. “Minnie, I can tell you’re just trying to keep your parents from finding out about your not-really Uncle Marty, but I think you might be trying a bit too hard,” she said, trying to sound sympathetic. “And you probably shouldn’t be trying to have fake phone calls with your uncle anymore, especially when you have him off in countries that you really don’t know a great deal about.”
“There could be only twelve payphones in Tanzania!” Minnie argued. “You don’t know! You’ve never been there!”
Hermione inhaled and tried to redirect. “And neither have you,” she answered. “And in my experience, the longer you try to make up a story you tell your parents, the more likely it will be that they’ll figure out they’re being lied to.”
Minnie couldn’t exactly argue with that sort of thing. Even she knew her performance just now wouldn’t have fooled anyone. If it were only Minnie in charge, her parents would figure out the truth in a matter of days.
“So what am I supposed to do?”
Hermione answered thoughtfully. “Well, you didn’t have to use any effort to make your parents think Uncle Marty was real before, did you?”
“I didn’t know he wasn’t real before,” Minnie reminded her.
“You see, whoever Uncle Marty might really be, he was able to keep up that illusion all on his own, without any of your help.” Hermione moved to stand up straight once again. “And he’ll probably still be able to do that now. The only difference now is that you know that he’s doing all this work.”
Finally, she began to make good on her promise of putting away the food. “My advice would be not to do anything different than you did before.”
When Hermione looked over her shoulder, flashing Minnie with a somewhat guilt-inducing look, Minnie eventually moved to her sister’s side to join her in helping. “But I don’t remember what I did special before.”
Hermione shrugged as she pulled out a package of celery. “Then there’s your answer. Don’t do anything special. You’ve been managing to keep Mum and Dad out of the loop when it comes to what you know about me. That means you are probably already doing everything perfectly fine when it comes to…all this”
Minnie nodded, but couldn’t help but place her hand to her head as she reached for a package of yogurt. All these details about magic and fake relatives and lies on top of lies on top of lies, it was making her head spin.
Suddenly, however, they were interrupted. “Say, Minnie, before you hang up, give me the phone,” her mother said, peeking her head back into the kitchen. “I’d like a chance to talk to Uncle Marty also.”
But before Minnie could think of a true-sounding answer, Hermione snatched the phone out of her hand and offered their mother a sorry expression. “Oh, I’m sorry, Monica,” she said in an apologetic tone. “Marty’s phone call got cut off.”
“Rhino stampede,” Minnie spouted of as an explanation.
Minnie soon cringed under the realization that she had disobeyed her sister’s orders, and under the rather annoyed glare Hermione was giving her.
But juggling all these lies was hard, bugger!
Hermione by OliveOil_Med
Chapter Notes: The Wilkins' get a surprise visit from Minnie's Uncle Marty, a man who shouldn't even exist.
Thank you to Riham, my beta, and U-No-Poo, my Aussie culture advisor.