“It is for your study, I understand. Oh, sorry, what’s that you’re saying? The Banquet Hall. Well, yes, that does make a difference. It should be larger for one thing. It needs to stand out in such a big room.”
“Mmm, it will make a difference to the cost. Is that a problem?”
“Oh, good, I do hate penny pinchers, don’t you?”
“You have such an aristocratic face, sir. I’m so pleased you’ve asked for me, because it really is a thrill to have someone as noble as you to paint. Most of my clients ... well ... I won’t go into that ... although I have to say Honoria Greengrass gives herself such airs and graces... Oh, I must hush, you’ll not think well of me if I continue. No, I won’t say another word.”
“Now, pencils... pencils ... where did I put them? I’m sorry, what must you think of me? I’m not usually so disorganized... You fluster me so, sir. Ahh, here we are. ‘Hmm, hmm hmm,’ - sorry, I often hum or sing as I work. If that bothers you, then please tell me so, and I shall cease.”
“Sing? Yes, I suppose I can sing. I wanted to act when I left school, but ... well ... let’s just say that life got in the way.”
“Could you tilt your chin up slightly, sir? No ... no ... too far up ... Down a bit. Oh, here, if you don’t mind, I’ll position you. Oh, are my hands cold? I am sorry about that. Now, your hair, let’s see. Mmm, how soft it is, and so thick. I think we should sweep it off your face, so I can see those marvellous cheekbones. That’s it ... now, don’t move a muscle. I shall be quick, but I want to catch every inch of that expression.”
“There. Done. Well, sir, here are the preliminary sketches. If you like them, I would be honoured to paint your portrait.”
“Yes, yes, I could certainly travel to you, unless you wanted to visit me here. Well, let’s see, you would be more comfortable in your own house, that’s true, but here we would be undisturbed.”
“No, there isn’t anyone living here now apart from Hicksy and me, and as she’s a house-elf, she doesn’t really count. Your house then, yes, that is absolutely fine, sir.”
“Now would you like some refreshment, sir, before you set off? No? Hicksy will be disappointed, for she’s been baking today and despairs because I rarely touch cakes. You know what they say ‘A moment on the lips; a lifetime on the hips.’ And I wouldn’t want to put on weight. Honoria loved Hicksy’s cakes, but then she isn’t bothered about her weight. You, sir, are so lucky. I bet you can eat and eat and never put on a pound. Are you sure I cannot tempt you? ... To Firewhisky, I mean, sir.”
“Very good then, sir. I shall see you next week.”
“Oh, sir, I must apologise for being early. I was eager to get started on you ... er ... the painting.”
“My, this is a fine room, sir. The aspect is wonderful. Let me see. Let me see. I think the light is best there, if you would like to sit on that chair.”
“Mmm, I agree, it isn’t a very good chair. I shall find something better for the next few sittings, something more worthy of your stature, sir.”
“Oh, thank you, Tiberius, I shall call you by your first name but only if you call me Karis. Mrs McLaggan is such a mouthful.”
“No, there is no Mr McLaggan. He died last year.”
“Yes, I do still miss him, but I take great solace in painting.”
“What’s that? Oh, you’re a widower. Ah, that is why you are so sympathetic to my plight, Tiberius. You understand the pain of loss. I suppose I do get lonely at times. But I have my painting, and I’m rarely without a commission. I always find something interesting in my subjects “ even the very dull ones like Abraxas Malfoy. Oh, hush; I should not have said that. What will you think of me?”
“Well, yes, all right, if you insist. He was a very dull man ... and very quiet. Of course he died shortly after from dragon pox, so perhaps that’s why he wasn’t entertaining.”
“Oh, he was always like that, was he? Why, Tiberius, that’s a naughty thing to say, and now I can’t stop giggling. Oh, I can’t hold my paintbrush at all steady now. I shall have to have a break.”
“Would you show me around your house later? It really is magnificent. I don’t think I’ve been in such a fine castle before. Malfoy Manor ... too modern for my taste, Tiberius. I much prefer something like this, laden with character. It has class, dare I say it, much like your good self. Oh, now I’m blushing. I really should keep my thoughts to myself and not speak. Let’s get back to the painting, Tiberius, before I make a fool of myself.
“That’s right, chin up, hair swept back ... no ... like this, sir -- I mean, Tiberius. Here, let me position you correctly again... There, that’s it. Oh, that lock of hair, it’s getting in the way. Let’s sweep it back off your brow. Beautiful hair, such a glorious shade of auburn. Hmm, it’s funny, my husband was about your age when we married, but his hair was quite grey.”
“What was he like? Ah, Warwick was a fine man, a loving man, and I do miss him. It is a lonely life being a widow. But then you’d know about that, wouldn’t you? Having lost your wife ... when was it?”
“Oh, only six months ago. Why, it must still hurt very much. I find that talking can help, Tiberius. Confiding in someone who has been through the same experience can be cathartic. So, talk away, and you shall find I’m a sympathetic listener.”
“Do you know, Tiberius, I think I met your wife at a party Honoria had ... oh ... it must have been two years ago. You could not have been there, for I’m sure I would have remembered you. Let me see her name was ... don’t tell me ... Gen ... something ... ah, Genister. I remember her telling me it was a flower. Such a pretty name, but I never found out what the flower looked like.”
“Small with yellow petals, you say? That sounds pretty ... and delicate, like your wife.”
“Oh, she’d been ill for some time, had she? That must have been so hard for you, having a wife who could not share your life fully. Warwick and I had a very active life together. Of course, his family disapproved, but we were happy, Tiberius, in every way.”
“Oh, the light is fading now. I think I should stop for the day. Does Friday afternoon, next week suit you?”
“Good. Right, let me pack up my things, and I’ll leave you in peace.”
“No, I’d prefer to take the canvas; I wouldn’t want you to peek, Tiberius.”
“Dinner? Why, that would be delightful. I haven’t been out for so long, not since my husband died. Yes, this Saturday would be wonderful. I look forward to it.”
“I’m early again, aren’t I? I do hope you’re not annoyed. I’m never usually this enthusiastic about a commission, Tiberius. You could say that you inspire me. That, and I’m so grateful for Saturday night. It’s been a long time since I enjoyed such stimulating conversation. Although I loved him dearly, Warwick, rest his soul, wasn’t particularly erudite. He wasn’t cultured like you. He was a very physical man “ in every sense of the word right up until his death. I do miss him, but Saturday night was wonderful and you are a very entertaining man. I just hope I didn’t bore you.”
“That is kind of you to say so, and I am pleased you liked my dress. The corsage you gave me was so beautiful. I took it off when I got home, and placed it in a crystal bowl to revive it. I did feel like a fool when I couldn’t pin it on properly, Tiberius. Thank goodness your nimble fingers were there to attach it to my dress.”
“Oh, Tiberius what must you think of me? I haven’t even set up my things. Why don’t you take a seat and I’ll erect the easel and the canvas. Chin up a touch and look just slightly to the left. That’s right.”
“‘Will you dum dum dum dee dah dah dum dum dah dah dah dah dah.’ Sorry, Tiberius, it’s this dreadful Muggle nursery rhyme that keeps running through my head. I can’t remember all the words, but the tune has stayed with me. Most infuriating. I shall try not to sing, it must be annoying for you. “
“Oh, that is kind of you to say so. I do enjoy singing, but Warwick never cared for my voice.”
“Charming, you say? Why, thank you. I shall smile to myself whenever I sing now. ‘It is dee dum dum dum dee dah dah dum. Dee dah dah dum dee dah.’ I wish I could remember the words.”
“You look uncomfortable. Shall I fetch you a cushion?”
“Here you are. Let me slip it behind your back. OOOH “ Tiberius, I am so sorry, I don’t know what happened there; I must have slipped. I hope I didn’t hurt you when I landed on you like that. Thank goodness your arms were there to catch me.”
“Yes, I’m fine now, you can let me go. Oh, I got paint on your robes. Let me rub it off. Ah, I think I’ve made it worse. All smudged now, I really should not have rubbed at it quite so hard. . Oh, Tiberius, you look a little flushed. Shall I fetch you a drink? No? Well, if you’re sure then I shall get on with the portrait. “
“Did I tell you, I found a magnificent chair last week, in an old wizarding antique shop? It is said to have come from ancient Greece. I thought of you when I saw it, Tiberius, for it was a very fine chair. I wanted to buy it right then, but alas, it is not cheap and I couldn’t afford it. It is a shame though, because I could see you sitting in it as I painted you. Such a majestic chair.”
“The shop? Oh, it was that small one in Diagon Alley, on the corner near Flourish and Blotts ... Oh, what is it called? Attica Antiques “ yes, that’s it!”
“You know the shop, do you? I could spend forever in there. Mmm, well, I am rather fascinated by our forebears in Greece. I find it amusing that Muggles called them gods, when we know they were just magical folk like us.”
“Ha, ha “ yes, Tiberius, I often wonder what they’d think of us now. As you say, our ancestors weren’t nearly as skilled in magical arts as us. And to think there were only twelve of them, and all those Muggles.”
“Oh, there were more than twelve, were there? Why, I never realised you were so well informed about ancient Greece. I feel so silly now, prattling on to an expert like yourself. You must think me a very foolish woman Tiberius.”
“That is very sweet of you, but I’m sure you do not wish to hear me chattering like this. I shall be silent, just whilst I finish this bit. OhOh, damn! I cannot quite get your eyes, Tiberius. The shape is no problem, but the colour is an unusual shade. Please, excuse me, I must come closer.”
“You do have beautiful eyes, Tiberius. I could lose myself in them ... and your lips too ... Oh, there I go again, thinking aloud. And now I’m very embarrassed. This is hardly appropriate... I think I should go ... save you further embarrassment.”
“No, no, it is too kind of you to say so, and very chivalrous of you, but I am making a fool of myself here, imagining that so fine a gentleman as yourself could be interested in “”
“OH! Tiberius, I-I-I don’t know what to say. Th-That was so unexpected. I-It has been a long time since I’ve been kissed like that.”
“No, not a liberty at all.”
“This evening? Yes, I am free. A party at the Ministry? Well, if you’re sure I won’t embarrass you, Tiberius, then I would be delighted to accompany you.”
“Yes, I suppose I am quiet today. I’m not really feeling myself, to be honest.”
“No, it isn’t your concern, Tiberius, and of course it’s not your fault. It’s nothing you have done. I have a bit of a headache, that is all.”
“No, I’m not crying ... really, Tiberius, there’s nothing wrong. Clean brushes, damn! Where did I put that rag? Oh, NO! Now, I’ve spilt the paint on the floor. I’m useless today. At least I managed to avoid that beautiful rug and only splatter the wooden boards instead. I doubt even Tergeo would get oil paint out of that.”
“You are sweet. I’m not sure I can carry on today. I-I had a bit of news today, that’s all and it’s upset my plans a bit. I mustn’t burden you, though.”
“ Are you sure? Very well, then. It’s my son. Yes, I have a son “ he’s just started at Hogwarts, which is why you haven’t seen him.”
“No, no, he’s not Warwick’s “we were never blessed “ I had him when I was married to my first husband. Well, I was hoping my son would be home for Christmas, but he’s told me he wants to spend Christmas with his grandmother “ his father’s mother. Oh, Tiberius, I was so looking forward to seeing him again, but he doesn’t want to spend time with me, and now I shall be all alone for the holiday “ with not even commissions to keep me occupied. After all, no one wants to sit for a painter when they’re carrying all that extra festive weight. December and January are my leanest months, and my clients’ fattest. Anyway, you don’t want to listen to my tales of woe. I’m sure I’ll be perfectly happy at home when the day actually comes. I can paint landscapes instead of people, listen to the wireless, and crack open a bottle of Butterbeer with my house-elf.”
“Friends? I suppose I could spend time with friends, but most of them are married and I do hate that feeling of being spare, as it were. Christmas is one of those times when you need to be with someone special, I have always thought. But enough about me, let’s get back to your portrait. Burnt umber and a touch of mustard yellow, hmm, yes, that’s about right for your hair. Must get the sweep of it right. The way it caresses your cheek …”
“‘Will you dum dee dah dah dah dah dah dah dum dum dum dee dah.
It is the prettiest dum dee dee dah dah dum dum dee dah dah dah.’“
“Ah, that’s better. Now, I still haven’t decided on the chair. Of course you have some fine chairs here ... it is a shame I didn’t buy that one when I saw it. I expect it will have gone now. You would have looked wonderful in it, like an emperor surveying his subjects. Of course, it would have looked ridiculous in my front room, but somewhere else ... like Malfoy Manor ... no, not there ... You know, Tiberius, I can only see that particular chair right here in your home.”
“What, now? You want to go and look at the chair right away? Well, yes, I am free to show you, although it will mean your painting will take longer. Let me just clean my brushes and we can leave straight away. I really should pack all of my equipment away and return home with it, but then the shop may be closed. Do you mind if I leave it here?
That is kind of you, Tiberius. I could drop by tomorrow to pick everything up.”
“Well, I suppose it would make more sense to leave it here. You’re right; it can be a nuisance lugging it around everywhere. Won’t your family object to my clutter ... Oh, I hadn’t realised it was only you, I thought your son lived here, too.”
“You don’t have any children? Oh, I thought Bartemius Crouch was your son. Ah, your nephew, that explains it. I have met him “ a long time ago. He’s a very upstanding citizen, isn’t he? I can’t imagine him doing anything wrong. Mmm, I do remember he had a son. There was a bit of a scandal about it at the time, wasn’t there? Well, I was barely out of Hogwarts when it happened, but I do remember all the articles in The Daily Prophet. It must have been very hard on you, Tiberius. Were you fond of your great-nephew?”
“You never met him? Ah, family estrangements, they are hard to bear. My first husband’s family barely speaks to me now, although they remain civilised for my son’s sake. As for the McLaggans, well, they didn’t acknowledge me when Warwick was alive. They thought it odd that I would want to be with a man of his years. They don’t understand that men my age are so callow in comparison. I really should stop prattling on, or we’ll never make it to Attica Antiques. Shall we go by Floo?”
“Oh, Tiberius, you do look grand sitting in that chair. Your painting is going to surpass all my other commissions, although that’s hardly down to me. It does help having such a glorious subject. . .”
“B-Before I start, I’d like to say thank you for being so kind to me last night.”
“No, it wasn’t an imposition at all. I enjoy your company very much and just hope I’m not too gauche for you. After all, what do I have to offer you in terms of conversation? I’m hardly a sophisticate. No wonder Honoria was looking at us in surprise last night. If she’d known I spent the night here... Merlin, she’d have had a field day.”
“The spare room was perfect, Tiberius, and yes, you’re right, it means I can continue painting today instead of returning next week.”
“How many more sittings? Normally, I’d say another two or three, but then I don’t normally have a subject that sets up intriguing distractions, like dinner and spending sprees in antique shops. You, Tiberius, are making it very hard for me to concentrate. I’m beginning to suspect that you don’t want me to finish early. ‘Will you walk dee dum dee dum dum dum dee dum dee dah dee dah.’
“Tiberius, you are a rogue. You flatter me outrageously and I simply cannot do justice to your features today “ or that wonderful chair. Would you think it awful of me if I decided not to paint today? I’d rather just talk with you. I wouldn’t charge you, of course. Let me pack away the paints and then perhaps you’d show me your rose garden. I have been told it is quite beautiful ... a very romantic spot, I believe.”
“I cannot believe it has been over a week since you last sat for me. I know we have been very busy “ ‘delightfully occupied,’ as you say. But I really should get on with this. I want to do you justice, Tiberius. I want everyone looking at this portrait to realise how lucky I am to be marrying such a sophisticated and handsome man. And I want my son to have something noble to aspire to.”
“Oh, I shall have to tell my son before we make a formal announcement. I am sure Professor Dumbledore would allow a visit, just this once. Do you mind? We could go to Hogwarts together to tell him, or maybe I’ll go alone.”
“What is he like? He’s a quiet boy, Tiberius. Reserved and formal. I think it’s his father’s influence. He’s respectful, too, which is unusual, don’t you think?”
“Where will he live? He’s only eleven so he’d be at Hogwarts most of the year. Then he has his father’s family to visit in the holidays. I doubt he’d disturb you, darling. You may even find you don’t notice him. “
“That robe you’re wearing, it is a beautiful colour. A glorious ruby red. I must get the colour right on my palette. Hush, a while. Let me concentrate, my love. ‘Will you walk dee dum dee dum dum dum dee dum dee dah dee dah.’ Mmm, it is annoying that I cannot remember the words. I shall try to stop singing it, Tiberius.”
“There, that’s finished. You have my complete attention again. Would you like me to set down my brushes, or shall I carry on while you talk? We could discuss dates, I suppose.”
“June? Hmm, I was a June bride to Warwick ... I’d rather not marry in that month."
“No, no, that wasn’t insensitive; you weren’t to know.”
“No, you choose, darling. Any other month would be lovely.”
“Next August yes ... except ... well, I like to spend August with my son, and he could hardly accompany us on the honeymoon, could he?”
“September? Hmm, that’s his birthday and if he’s not happy about us marrying then I’d hate to make a meal of it. How about March? Oh, Genister died in March “ that would be insensitive, too.”
“What month would I choose? You’ll think me silly, Tiberius, but I’ve always fancied being a December bride “ especially if there’s snow on the ground. Can you imagine how perfect the setting would be if we got married from here. The trees glistening and the clear crisp sky. Then a honeymoon somewhere warm. It’s just a shame we’d have to wait so long ... thirteen months when we could be man and wife so much sooner. Plus next Christmas, my son will be around and I won’t be able to devote myself to you.”
“Well, I suppose I could organise it in four weeks. It would mean I couldn’t finish the portrait before Christmas, but then again we have the rest of our lives to complete it.”
“Oh my, I can’t believe it has been so long, Tiberius. When was it I last looked at a paintbrush? It must be nearly three months. A long and extensive honeymoon, wasn’t it, my love? Now, you sit down in your magnificent chair and I shall get started.”
“‘Will you walk dee dah dah dah dah dum dee dah dee dum dee dah’ My singing irritates you does it? I thought you found it charming. Perhaps we could talk instead. Although it might be best if you kept still, so I can concentrate on your face.”
“No, I shouldn’t be too much longer. Are you restless? Stay still a while longer. I tell you, this might amuse you, my love. I ran into Nikolas, the owner of Attica Antiques, yesterday. He told me a bit more about the history of the chair. Yes, I know you are an expert on ancient Greece, but I thought this might interest you.
“Oh, it doesn’t. I shall say no more then. I’m sorry to have bored you!”
“No, I don’t think you’d be interested. You’ve made that perfectly clear, Tiberius.”
“I am not getting over-emotional. You sound bored with me, and it was such an interesting tale.”
“Very well, I shall tell you, although you obviously don’t want to know. According to the former owner, this is the chair of Theseus “ the Athenian King.”
“Oh, don’t scoff so, Tiberius. It could be his chair. No, he did not ‘see me coming;’ he told me the history after we bought the chair, remember.”
“I ran into him by chance, that is all.”
“No, of course I didn’t arrange to meet him. What are you implying? Really, Tiberius, you are paranoid. I shall carry on with the tale when you are reasonable.”
“That’s better. You’ve settled down beautifully. May I continue? This is supposed to be the chair Theseus sat on when he went to Hades. You don’t know that tale? Theseus and his friend Pirithous “ who were both the sons of gods and Muggle women -- declared they’d only marry the daughters of Zeus. Theseus kidnapped Helen of Sparta, but Pirithous said he’d only be happy with Persephone. Unfortunately, as you know, the young and beautiful Persephone was married to the much older and ugly god of the Underworld, Hades. Ah, I see you are interested now.”
“Yes, that’s right, both were punished for their insolence and made to sit on the Chairs of Forgetfulness. Once enthroned, they could not move. Theseus, however, had a powerful friend, Heracles who visited him and ripped him from the chair, tearing at his flesh. It’s why Athenian men have such sculpted thighs.”
“No doubt you’re right and it’s just a tale. After all, how could a chair stop someone from moving?”
“What’s that, Tiberius? Are you finding it hard to get comfortable? Hmm, that is odd. Perhaps you have a touch of cramp? Fleshy tones can be quite hard to get right, so would you stop talking, just for a while? Thank you.”
“What do you mean ‘How do I know about Athenian thighs?’ Really, Tiberius, you have no idea how ludicrous your accusations sound.”
“Yes, I think Nikolas is from Athens. His thighs? How on earth would I know?”
“Oh, now look what you’ve made me do! Your mouth is all wrong. Your jealousy is quite ridiculous, you know. Why would I be interested in him? He hasn’t got two Knuts to rub together.”
“Oh, don’t be so naive; why do you think I married you? And as you’ve admitted, you didn’t marry me for my conversation, which seems to annoy you, I can only assume it was my ability in the bedroom that you were after. It was the perfect trade off, my love.”
“What’s that? Divorce? Oh, no, no, no. I don’t think so. I don’t believe in divorce, Tiberius.
“Why am I smiling? Because you look comical struggling in that chair. Are you finding it difficult to move? I think you should stop trying as you’re getting quite puce in the face, and that would make your portrait look a touch strange.”
“The chair? Oh, no, of course it’s not the real one. Nikolas is very good at making cheap chairs look impressive for old goats like you. My Charm, however, is just as effective as the one Hades cast. You cannot move, Tiberius. The chair will not release you whilst you are still warm and whilst it feels your heart beating.”
“I could release you, that is true, but I don’t wish to. Not now.”
“Oh, don’t be stupid, Tiberius. Of course, no one will suspect me. All they’ll see is an old, old man who died in a chair. I, of course, will be devastated. I think a year wearing black widow weeds should suffice. It did with Warwick.”
“Ah, Warwick. Now he was a lovely man. I think I can safely say he went out with a smile on his face. I sat astride him and urged him on. Death not by my hands but by my body.”
“You, however, do not deserve the same treatment. The funny thing is that I was quite prepared to let you live. You are cultured, you have position and influence in our world and I did enjoy being Mrs Crouch. I may even have given you an heir. I would have put up with your ghastly anecdotes “ goodness you made dear old Abraxas seem exciting by comparison. I could even put up with your repulsive lovemaking. No wonder your wife was delicate. You have no finesse at all.”
“Hush, don’t struggle, you’ll only make it harder. And no one can hear you. Don’t you remember you dismissed all the house -elves so we could have total privacy.”
“So, you probably want to know why. Hmm, shall I tell you? I suppose I must.”
“You should not have hurt my son, Tiberius. Three days after the wedding and you lost your temper. Of course, I knew it was always there. No one can be that controlled, but I thought it was merely sexual frustration and I was quite able to deal with that. But Blaise is only a child. The moment you hexed him was the moment I decided you would die. All the influence and money in the world cannot make up for the scars on his chest.”
“You’re finding it hard to breathe now, aren’t you? Just a few more minutes “ if you’re lucky.”
“I shall finish painting your dying face and then go for a walk. The rose garden looks bare at this time of year, but I do enjoy the perfect peace of that place.”
“Before I go, would you like me to sing? I have remembered all the words of that infuriating tune.”
“‘Will you walk into my parlour?’ said the spider to the fly.
'Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you may spy.
The way into my parlour is up a winding stair,
And I have many curious things to show when you are there.’
‘Oh no, no,’ said the little fly; ‘to ask me is in vain,
For who goes up your winding stair can ne'er come down again.’"
“You see I did try to give you a chance, Tiberius. But you just didn’t listen. “