Type Beautiful by kit-kat-rina
Chapter Notes: The following words in italics is an excerpt from the poem This Type Love by Shihan (as performed on Def Poetry Jam).
And of course, anything you recognize goes to JKR.
See, I want a love that makes me wait until she falls asleep
And wonder if she’s dreaming about us being in love type love
Or who loves the other more
Or what she’s doing this exact moment
Or slow dancing in the middle of our apartment to the music of our hearts
Closing my eyes and imagining how a love so good
Could hurt so much when she’s not there
I met Remus Lupin when I was only sixteen years old, turning seventeen in two months. I met him at a summer program I attended in London. It was for people who were interested in the Ministry - not necessarily in a career there, but just people who liked to be aware and involved. In the Muggle World, you would call it Politics. I'm a half-blood and my older, non-magical brother attended one when he was my age. He called in a Leadership Program, but I don't like calling it that - it sounds too stuffy and fancy. I just call it camp. Anyway, my parents, being my parents, were ecstatic when they realized the magical world had it's own version of a Leadership Program and sent me there right away.
There were about two hundred or so kids at the program, and we were all randomly split up into teams. I was in Team A. I like to think it was "A for Awesome." But honestly, we should've been called "Team S for Slacker." You could say that my team did not give a hair on Merlin’s head about the program. I mean, we all cared about what the Ministry did, but none of us thought the program was productive at all. We would sit through three lectures straight at times, and our days ran from 7 A.M. to 9 P.M. It was absolutely ridiculous because everyone was so tired and stressed out, that it was impossible to be productive! I think it was because of the program’s insanity that my team became so close. To this day, five years prior to the camp’s ending, my love for my teammates has not faded one bit.
Each of my teammates taught me so much, but in general, they all taught me the true meaning of friendship and how to love properly. That program was both the best and worst experience of my life. It was so intense; it was like being thrown into the ocean without knowing how to swim. My teammates were like life vests and floats that I somehow conjured without a wand.
While my parents were driving me to camp, I was thinking about a topic that is frequently on the mind of an adolescent girl: boys. I desperately hoped that there would be some cute boy who would become my “summer fling,” or at least many cute boys to provide me with some eye candy. Or both.
But have you noticed that the best things happen when you’re not thinking about it? I arrived at the site too nervous to even think about boys. I didn’t even think about boys until I met my team for the first time. One boy in particular caught my attention: Dominic Wood. I thought he was pretty attractive, but what really attracted me was the air of confidence he held. At the first meeting, he leaned back in his chair and made cheeky comments the whole time. I was intrigued. So I did what I do with everyone: I observed him.
I avoid using the word 'watch' because then I'll sound like a creepy stalker person, and I'm not. I have this quirk about me: I like to observe people and take notice of the little things most people never see or hear. My favorite things about people are their eyelashes (because I wish I had long eyelashes) and they way people talk. The way people pronounce things is like fingerprints - everyone is different. It's very interesting!
So for the first couple of days I observed my teammates and I came to a surprising realization: I did not like Dominic at all. He was always so cocky and slightly condescending to anyone who did not think the same way he did. He was one of those rich, pureblood party boys, who was sent to the program by his parents. He liked to drink and smoke and be "dangerous and hardcore," and looked down on anyone who didn’t do the same. I’ve never been one to judge a person, and I really didn’t care what he did with his life because it was his life. But it really annoyed me that he was trying to impose on everyone else. Don’t get me wrong, I thought he was funny as hell! He just wasn’t my type.
When I realized this, I also realized that I was attracted to someone else. A boy named Remus Lupin, who didn't even catch my attention on that first day we all met. It was weird how we all became so close and friendly within those first few days. For the first time in a long time, I began to like someone based on personality rather than looks. Don’t get me wrong; I’ve never been so shallow that I’ll only like someone for his or her looks. But usually it starts with looks and then goes to personality rather than vice versa. And I had never fallen for a friend enough to want to act on it. Actually, I hadn’t really liked anyone in a year or so. My love life was an array of hook-ups and crushes, nothing real. So when I realized I liked Remus, it was kind of surprising. I hadn’t fallen for a friend in years! I had always believed in “having fun while you can” and that “it was too pointless to be in a relationship right now, because it’s not like we’re going to marry anyone we meet at this age.”
My infatuation with Remus showed me how shallow my previous relationships had been. How solid was the ground they were built on? Apparently, as solid as a swamp. I began to question all I ever believed in. Maybe love at my young age was possible. Maybe I had just been looking in the wrong ways.
The days stretched on and soon it felt like we had been there for two weeks, when only one had passed. Remus and I became better and better friends, and I soon realized I was falling hard. He was so nice and sweet all the time! He seemed so perfect, it threw me off a little.
One night, a fire alarm went off in our building at four in the morning, waking everyone in the program up. We all scrambled out of the building, and once the ringing stopped, we scrambled back in. But half an hour later, the alarm went off again! So out everyone came, and that was I saw it: Remus's flaw. Apparently the boy liked his beauty sleep, because he was as angry as Death when he was cheated out of the Deathly Hallows! He was huffing and puffing, and going on and on about how he just fell asleep, and why couldn't they just turn off the damn alarm, and how he wasn't even wearing any shoes! I just stared at him in shock.
After a few seconds of gaping, my brain turned back on and into observation-mode. That was when I realized that I finally found a flaw, and that it made him kind of...hot. He was so aggressive and mannish when he was angry! And when he would wipe his face with his shirt, I could see his abs...and when he clenched his fists, his arm muscles became really defined...
Okay, so that night I fell really hard for the boy. It was also the night I officially recognized that I liked him. So I had to do something right? At first, I decided that I would kiss him on the last day. I had nothing to lose, right? It’s not like I would ever see him again. I attended the Salem Wizarding Academy because I lived with my mother in the U.S. Most likely, I would continue living in the States after I graduated. But as we became closer and our friendship grew, Remus Lupin decided to teach me something else. I realized I valued our friendship more than my feelings for him. I realized that no matter what happened after I kissed him (whether I found out that he liked me too, or that he only thought of me as a friend) both outcomes would be bad in my mind. They would tarnish the memory of him. If he liked me, a relationship wouldn’t work out because we were too far apart. If he didn’t like me back then I would be incredibly sad. There was no good outcome.
For the first time, I valued a friendship first. I wanted to be able to look back on my days at the program with a smile. I wanted to remember Remus as the boy who unknowingly taught me how to love, and who was one of the best friends I had at camp.
Not many people understand my final decision. But I know what I learned. And when I close my eyes and dream something beautiful, I can think of Remus Lupin. The boy who taught me how to love unconditionally, with all my heart and mind.