Sirius sank into a decaying armchair in the parlor. As usual, there was little happening at Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place. Molly Weasley had sent his godson to bed at a very reasonable hour, to his own disappointment. The room was cast in shadow when Remus interrupted his solitude. Already Sirius had emptied several shots of firewhisky; Remus, however, wisely corked the bottle and placed it in a cupboard.
“Well, you’re no fun,” complained Sirius.
“Neither are you, when you’re drunk,” Remus retorted.
Sirius smiled, shaking his head.
“We haven’t changed a bit, mate. I’m an irresponsible school boy still obsessed with motorcycles and, as usual, you’re keeping me in check.”
“We’re only missing a couple of mates and it would be just like old times,” commented Remus, on a rather more depressing note. Sirius sobered.
“It would be,” he agreed. A rather blissful smile crossed his face as he turned tipsily to Remus. “We’d certainly have more game with the ladies, eh?”
“What, with older women?” replied Remus teasingly, grinning. He indicated the door silently. He could hear several teenagers on the other side listening in.
Sirius immediately grinned as well, catching on immediately.
“Remember how I heroically saved her from the Giant Squid?”
“What a convenient memory you have, Padfoot. As I recall it, it was the other way around, to your delight. Remember? Didn’t it start on the first day of classes in our fourth year? You and James had stayed up late planning pranks the night before…”
………………………………………………………………………………….
“What’s your first class, mate?” Sirius inquired of James.
“Well, Mondays, it’s electives first “ I’ve got Arithmancy at 9:00,” responded James, yawning at ‘Arithmancy.’
“Those first and second years have it easy. They have free period first,” complained Sirius, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
“Electives aren’t so bad,” offered Remus, though preoccupied with highlighting different things on his schedule. He had begun snoring quietly at least an hour before James and Sirius had consented to sleep.
“Unless you take Muggle Studies. Remind me why you took that class?” James inquired of Sirius.
“’Cause Mum would hate it,” Sirius stated, as if it were obvious. “Anyhow, you should be jealous, you know. That’s the class I share with Evans.”
“You’re not serious. Why would Evans take that class? Didn’t she grow up in a Muggle community?”
“Don’t ask me. She said something about a different perspective.”
“Didn’t you take Muggle Studies last year, too?”Remus asked Sirius, emerging from the study of his own schedule.
“Yeah. But it’s an easy class, so I decided to take it again. Or it was. Last teacher retired.”
“Who’s the new one?” asked Peter.
“Some bloke named Professor Bernhardt,” replied Sirius after consulting his schedule.
As Sirius made his way to Muggle Studies, he saw Evans’ red hair and caught up with her. He deigned to associate with Evans in this class because he didn’t want to look like one of the poor kids who had no friends to touch base with before class.
“Evans! Evans! Cripes, must you walk so fast?” queried Sirius, catching up to her.
“Only when I hear you approaching, Black,” Lily responded sweetly.
“Ha, very nice, Evans. So what do you think about there being a new teacher and all?”
“I don’t know much about the new professor. I hope to find out shortly. Why, do you know something I don’t?” Lily looked at Sirius as if she highly doubted that.
“Naw - probably some old codger ready to give us loads of homework.”
“Well, that shouldn’t be too much of a problem for you to sluff off onto some poor unfortunate just as well as you do the rest of your homework.”
“You know, Evans, you ought to learn the difference between 'sluffing off' and delegating. It’s a very minute difference that only the most delegated “ I mean, dedicated scholars would know.”
“You could teach a class on delegating, Black,” Lily informed him, exasperation in her tone. “…No, never mind. You couldn’t…you’d delegate it.”
The two entered the classroom, and stopped for a moment to survey the professor sitting at the desk. Sirius’ face was contorted into several expressions at once “ the least of these being shock and a hint of admiration. Lily wore a mildly surprised, yet triumphant expression.
“What was that about an old codger, Sirius?” she asked pointedly, and passed him to sit down at a desk.
Old codger indeed. The man sitting at the desk was not a man at all, and certainly not old. The man sitting at the desk was a young, twenty-something woman, with hair so black, the sun highlighting it made it appear blue. She had arched, shapely eyebrows, a prominent nose, and very fair skin, sharply contrasted against her dark hair and bright red lipstick. Her figure, too, was attractive and womanly, clothed in a knee-length red robe that she belted around her little waist, and to finish the ensemble, polka-dotted high heels.
Sirius sat in his first ever front-row seat that day.
By the end of lunch, the rest of Sirius’ gang was thoroughly acquainted with Eva Bernhardt.
“How does Sirius get all the luck? He’s in a class with a hot professor and Evans,” James pouted.
“It’s not luck, mate. I’m Sirius Black. When I was born the first thing I did was wink at the nurse. The opposite sex just loves me, and that’s the end of it.”
James rolled his eyes and tried to change the subject, but it was no use. Even after most of their lunch period, Sirius hadn’t finished his extremely detailed description of Professor Bernhardt.
“Sirius, she’s right there! We can see her with our own eyes.” cried James exasperatedly, indicating the staff table at the head of the Great Hall, where Professor Bernhardt was mounting the steps.
“Yeah, but you don’t see all her mannerisms just by looking at her. You have to…observe her in action,” Sirius explained, ignoring James’ glare.
And when the four boys went to Transfiguration, you can be sure that Sirius passed notes on the same subject. When Remus and James stopped writing back, Sirius gave Peter an Eva Bernhardt lecture.
On Wednesday, when the class occurred again, Lily, who happened to be directly behind him, would poke him when he stared at Professor Bernhardt too long. Although he pretended to be annoyed with Evans, he was secretly very grateful, for she had saved him from being made a fool in front of the professor several times.
Eva Bernhardt was half-blooded- that is, her father was a wizard and her mother was a Muggle. She grew up deeply immersed in the wizard community until her parents had divorced, in which case, she went to live with her mother. In response to their divorce, her mother banned all magic from their house, and so Eva really lived as a Muggle. When she was old enough to leave her mother’s house, she finished her Hogwarts’ education by correspondence, but had decided to go back as a teacher because she had never truly finished her Hogwarts experience.
Professor Bernhardt made a point of being a very accurate teacher, so Lily wasn’t half so amused as she had been in the previous year with Professor Finley, who had given very bogus explanations of the invention of the refrigerator (“You see, students, it keeps food cold by waves of magic. That is why it was primarily wizards who made the first refrigerator, and Muggles stole the idea.”) and he had been sure that a paper airplane couldn’t really fly, and he had shown them all by demonstrating and making a very poor airplane, which promptly fell to the ground when Professor Finley let it go.
That Friday, Professor Bernhardt walked into the classroom and found a note on her desk.
Professor Bernhardt:
Would you kindly meet me on the Castle Grounds by the rear entrance on
Monday afternoon at 4:30? I would greatly appreciate your time.
Sincerely,
Your admiring fellow staff member
The next Monday morning, Sirius was already at breakfast when James, Remus, and Peter joined him. When they had woken up that morning, they had been severely alarmed that Sirius was missing. Always, always, always, _ the three had to drag him out of bed. But Sirius was eating his breakfast thoughtfully - yet another unusual occurrence. Perhaps he had gotten tired of talking about the professor.
Remus and James exchanged looks. They telepathically agreed not to say anything, as, for the past week, Sirius had given them no rest from his banter. Remus, however, was slightly suspicious of the glint in James’ eyes.
Peter hadn’t caught their significant looks, and soon began to prod Sirius into an explanation.
All Sirius gave in response was, “You’ll see.”
Later that day, after classes were over, the Marauders met at their usual spot by the Lake. Well, all of them except for Sirius. It was another twenty minutes before Sirius appeared at the steps of the castle, walking toward them. But instead of stopping at their spot, he continued on right past them.
“Psst, Sirius!” Peter called after him.
“Hey, Sirius! Where are you going?” Remus cried.
Remus looked worriedly at James. This hadn’t been in any of their plans, had it? His next look at Sirius told him that this had to have been entirely Sirius’ own doing.
Sirius had his wand pulled out, and began waving it around madly“ they weren’t exactly sure what he was trying to accomplish. Then all of the sudden they saw one of the Giant Squid’s enormous tentacles break the surface of the lake and lash about. It found its way to Sirius and slithered around his leg.
The three boys jumped to their feet and ran to the edge of the lake. By the time they reached it, Sirius was flailing around above them, and was quickly pulled underneath the surface. Lily Evans appeared next to James, breathless.
“What just happened?” she cried. After taking one look at Evans, a look of decision crossed James’ face. He hastily kicked off his shoes and ripped his necktie and vest off. Then without further hesitation he dove into the lake. Remus, Peter, and Lily were left to stare at the water, waiting for the two boys to resurface.
After what seemed an eternity, they did, and James made it to the shore, dragging Sirius onto dry land behind him. Professor Bernhardt had come running when she saw the disturbance near the lake, deciding that it was more important than a secret admirer...even if it might be the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.
“Move aside!” she barked at the students standing around, gawking at the spectacle. She shoved James away from Sirius and knelt next to the apparently unconscious boy.
“Everybody,” she said, loud enough for everyone to hear. She had decided it was a good teaching moment. “I’m about to perform a maneuver that the Muggles use on unconscious people.”
With that, she bent over Sirius and placed her lips to his.
“What is she doing?” whispered one of the students.
“Is she snogging him?” asked another.
Professor Bernhardt turned her ear to him and then placed her open mouth on his once more. Then they saw Sirius stir. Professor Bernhardt leaned back and waited for more movement. His next movement was a very sudden one. He reached both of his arms up, wrapped them around her neck, and pulled her down, planting a wet kiss on her lips.
She shrieked and jerked away, standing up immediately. “You little git! Ugghhh!” She turned heel and began marching away, then turned back to him.
“You are getting months of detention for this, Mr. Black! I hope you’re happy!”
Sirius was, indeed, very happy. He had blissful euphoria written all over his face. All the other boys surrounding him looked down on him with admiration.
Remus was appalled. Evans was shocked. James had a big grin on his face from ear to ear. Sirius stood and clapped James on the back.
“Thanks, mate.”
“No problem,” replied James, glancing at Lily. He addressed her. “Pretty neat, eh?”
Lily suddenly realized that James had been in on the plan the whole time. She gave him a very nasty face and left also.
For the rest of the school year, Sirius was in detention. But everyone in the school was talking about Sirius Black. He had done something no one had done yet, and had earned a place of honor that would remain his until he left. Miss Bernhardt told him not to sign up for her class again the next year. But every once and a while she would look down from the staff table in the Great Hall, and smile, shaking her head at Sirius Black.
……………………………………………………………………………………
The five teenagers outside the door of the parlor at Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place were a lovely shade of blue from laughing silently so hard that tears leaked from their eyes.
“That was the mother of all pranks!” commented Fred gleefully. “Too bad George and I never had a teacher good-looking enough to pull that one on.”
“Yeah, don’t think that would have gone over so well with McGonagall,” said George with a strained look.
“Don’t you try anything like that!” warned Ginny…rather uselessly. That year, their prank would surpass all others, for their lovely Professor Umbridge.
"This Magic Moment" by type-n-shadow
Story Notes:
Disclaimer: If you think this story is AWESOME, it's probably thanks to either J.K. Rowling, whose characters are AWESOME, or thanks to LuNaLoVeGoOdLoVEr/ Andi, my beta, whose name is synonymous with AWESOME. However, I do give you permission to call me awesome if only to make me feel good. :)
A small warning: I recognize there are cliches in this fic. It's all for humor. :)
And: The title and the chapter heading are from the song "This Magic Moment" by Lou Reed, which plays during the "kissing" scene of the Sandlot.
Chapter Endnotes: If you smiled, please review! If you threw your computer out the window because you couldn't stand it....ah....then, I guess you can't write a review. If, however, your computer is still intact, you know what to do. *nods at that mighty attractive review box down there.*