I never got over Harry. Yes I gave up on him, a terrible thing to do, but I never got over him. I don’t think it would be possible for me to do such a thing part of that infatuation will always still be there.
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I don’t know what it is about Ron. Why or how. It’s really completely absurd, at least to me. He makes me crazy, he truly does. All of the stupid little things he does. The awful things he says. Some days everything about him makes me want to scream but other days…
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He’s a jerk. Prat. Git. Idiot. Bully. An all around stubborn arrogant toe-rag. But he can be funny. I’m not so sure about sweet. But it’s just so much easier to loathe and hate him. It truly is. Then I don’t spend my time and thoughts like so many other girls, thinking about James Potter.
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It started when I first saw him. Not at the train station but at my house the morning Ron and the twins flew the car to his house. He was just sitting there as I came down stairs and I made a fool of my self, which quickly became some sort of embarrassing ritual. Put my elbow it the butter dish, drop my silverware, blush like a tomato every time he looked at me. But he never said anything about it. That was how it really started.
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In third year Ron’s rat disappeared, and it was my fault. I don’t quite know why but it was. Before that there was never a problem. Yes, he was a little annoying. But I really didn’t mind. Turned out I had nothing to do with what happened to his rat, but after that we still fought because 4th year was the year that Viktor came.
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James wasn’t always so horrible. In first year he was alright but after that something in his brain either kicked in, or alternately kicked the bucket. I really couldn’t stomach him after that. Late in our fourth year he decided that the two of us must have been “meant for each other” or something because he pursed me, relentlessly. He literally pursued me. I made a distinct point after that to stay away from him if at all possible after that started.
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I still and probably will always think I was a stupid 11 year old. I poured out my heart to a diary and it almost killed me. Anyone can make that mistake, right. I know I will never know just what Tom told Harry while he was down there but it made me uneasy for weeks after that. I couldn’t stand the idea of Harry knowing I had such an obsession over him. But later it hit me, that he had probably figured that out long ago.
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At first Ron was so beyond exited that his idol was at Hogwarts. But when the Yule ball rolled around and he found out I was going with Viktor he totally lost it. I would have sworn he was jealous but that must have been me. Fifth year he was still getting touchy about the whole thing, with the letters and whatnot. Then I started to wonder…
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That day outside with James and Snape after owls I get couldn’t decide which should triumph over the other for a bit. But when it came down to it he had to be stopped. I was a Prefect after all. But it was still funny. James was different after that but only a little bit. He still hexed Snape and messed with that snitch, which was stupid because he was a chaser anyways, but he was better…
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Two years of avoiding Harry. That what it took to move on from him. But it wasn’t exactly avoiding him. It was more like just not drawing attention to myself. Much Easier Said Than Done. But I did it. And now I can at least stay around him and keep my normal coloring. So I shouldn’t complain. But I can’t help it. Even now I still… there’s no way to put it. But it could be worse; it could be more like Ron’s situation. But I don’t think I’ll ever “be over” him. No, I know it. Never quite get over your first crush, right?
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So, I like Ron, that shouldn’t be a problem. I can still act normally around him, keep my head, think straight. Besides if I’m right, then Ron might like me too. And I’m usually right. But emotions aren’t my strong point. So just cross my fingers and hope for the best, right? It just so odd for me, to be confused. I hate the feeling, why else would I constantly research seemingly random things until I know just what I need to know. But how does one research the mind of a crush. I might be just as bad as he is as far as the opposite gender is concerned. So that’s what I’ll do, be confused and hope for the best. It must have worked before for someone else.
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James is an odd one. All of his friends seem so clear-cut, but not him. He can be a total arse, then turn around and charm someone into a stupor. And I’m the one he wants to charm. Sure it’s been easy to avoid and resist before, but everyone starts to wear at some point. And somehow he’s Head Boy now. To my Head Girl. How much can someone stand before they crack? Avoiding him won’t cut it anymore; we have to work together now. I could just be distant and standoffish, but that isn’t really me. And besides, he’s just too likeable, for anyone to remain in his presence and be like that. So now stands my dilemma. And I stand clueless. Oh well I’ll just have to go bravely into battle never knowing what awaits me, the formidable opponent on the horizon. That just life, right?