This fic is dedicated to a couple of people in my life:
Jamie, thanks girl for supplying me with his letters and quotes!
Earl, even though he doesn't know about this fic, thanks man! You really know how to write to her sweetly! Court her already! ;)
My Grandmother, who forced me to stop procastinating and finish this story!
My sister Maureen, for her support to all my works!
Oh and um, some quotes from the letter and this fic did not come from me. It came from my friend, Earl who is damn shy guy!!!
Part I
I, Hermione Jane Granger, am your ordinary witch. Ok, so that's not ordinary. But I still am human. I know happiness, pain, sorrow and love. Love in my case has many meanings. Most people think that love is attraction between two people, well it is. Others say it is like a rose, beautiful and enchanting but its thorns can hurt you.
But I? Love is a mystery, never to be solved....
~*~*~*~*~
"Hermione!" A spectacled raven haired boy called out, cutting my train of thoughts. He was closely followed by another boy with red hair. Both seemed rather glad to see me as they stopped to lean on their knees and gasp for air.
"Hey guys!" I say as a greeting. I cocked an eyebrow at them and put one hand on my hip. "Did you know that it is rude to pant before a lady?" I cheekily said.
"Sorry 'mione!" The boy with red hair said. The one with glasses and black locks looked up and grinned at me sheepishly and I grinned back.
This boy's name is Harry James Potter. I confess, I've had a crush on him from my first year in Hogwarts to my fourth. It was just a schoolgirl crush. Only until my fourth because that was the year I met Viktor Krum. Sigh, Viktor drove my feelings for Harry away when we danced together at the Yule Ball...That summer, I visited him as a promise. By the end of that very same summer, we broke up but remained good friends. Though I'll never forget him. He was the only boy who loved me for what I really am and not because I am the smartest witch in Hogwarts.
Here came my fifth year, now that I felt liberated, my feelings for my best friend started to come back but was crushed so terribly when he nodded to my question, "Did you kiss?". I swear I wanted to run up to my bed and cry my eyes out! How can I compete with Cho chang? With her long straight black hair and Asian eyes! Love's thorns hurted me so much that I vowed never to go near one. At least that I knew how to accept the pain of love. Well, another reason was because the N.E.W.T.s were near and I really wanted to concentrate on my studies. I didn't want to have a foolish crush that may disrupt my goals.
As of today, I look at Harry as my best friend, not as my crush, nor the boy-who-lived, just my best friend. Everytime I look back on those years, I'd always remember of how much I have loved him. Sigh, those mesmerizing emerald green eyes behind his glasses, his boyish smile that makes girls swoon before him, the way his hair is so cutely messed up....
But lately, Harry has kept a solitary and silent behavior. He hardly talks during the day and spends most of it thinking. Ron and I are the only ones who can get at least three words out of him. They say that one's eyes are a window to one's soul. I looked through that window and saw it. All the sorrow and burdens Fate had placed upon him were there. It is a wonder that he could still stand up with the future of the Wizarding world on his hands. Many nights he had cried on my shoulder, wishing that he wasn't 'The One' or he saying that he wants to join Sirius to the Other Side. It broke my heart to hear these things, but all that I can do is to wipe his tears as a friend...
"Hermione, come on! Or we'll be late for Flitwick's!" Ron said. I quickly gathered my things and ran off with Harry and Ron yelling at me to slow down.
~*~*~*~*~
The bell rang, signalling the end of classes. I fixed my books as I shouted at Ron and Harry to wait for me. Charms was the last subject of the day. Ron, Harry, and I walked to the dorms to put our stuff back. We entered the portrait and and went our seperate ways. As I dumped my books on my bed, I noticed a small folded note sticking out on one of the pages of my book.
"Funny, where did this come from?" I thought. Picking it out and unfolding it, it read:
Hermione,
Can I talk to you later? There's something I want to discuss. Meet me in the old DADA classroom around 9:00.
Harry
I wondered what could be so important. Probably about Sirius or something, and I'm always there for him.
After dinner, I wandered around the corridors for a while, using my status as a Head Girl as an excuse. My watch beeped 8:45. I decided to go there before I'm late. Ok, so I'm fifteen minutes early, it pays to be punctual you know. Anyways, I pulled open the door and sat on one of the desks there and waited patiently. Then without warning, a very familiar voice spoke up.
"You're early."
I snapped my head around and stood quickly. "You startled me," I said. But Harry did not turn away from the window he was staring at.
"So, um, what did y-you want to talk to me about?" I said tentatively. Oh dear, I hope he doesn't break down. He finally tore his eyes away from the bright full moon he was staring at. He walked over to me and all of a sudden, he took hold of my cheek and caressed it while staring into my eyes! What the..Oh no....please, he can't...why now?
"Hermione, I..." he whispered huskily. I looked bravely into his eyes, and I saw it...love. It took me a few seconds more to realize that he was closing in on me. Why does his eyes have to be so mesmerizing? I tried to look away but I just can't bring myself to do so. Then after what it seemed like an eternity, he placed his lips upon mine, our bodies fusing into one. As if my hands has a mind of its own, it found their way to his neck, then to his hair. I subconsciously took notice of how warm and soft his lips feel to mine. It's making me feel so... Wait! This is Harry! My best friend! But it just can't be!
Finally he pulled away. I felt slightly disappointed that he stopped. No! This is Harry, remember!? He looked at me for a while then suddenly looked very embarassed.
"I-I-I'm sorry!" He stuttered. My head told me to reply but my mouth disobeyed. "I'm so sorry! I-I must've--I mean--you--"
"It's ok, Harry," I hear myself say. Harry slowly sank to the seat next to him and buried his head in his hands. "Why me, Harry? And why tell me only now?" I couldn't help but raise my voice a little. He looked at me. The corner of his eyes shined with tears and sorrow.
"I-I was...scared"
"Scared?" I sort of scoffed. Harry Potter, scared?
"I couldn't tell you. I forbidden myself." He looked at me. It was almost pitying. "But...I guess there are somethings that couldn't be kept buried forever..." He sighed deeply.
"I realized that Voldemort's plan was to weaken me before the war by killing all the people I'm...close to. There was S-Sirius a-a-and Lu-Lup...," his voice shook and his eyes shimmered with tears. The death of the last and only good marauder affected him very deeply. Lupin was killed none other than Bellatrix Lestrange which gave Harry more than just a reason to loathe her. Just this year, Ron was nearly killed, only to be saved by me and Harry. I nodded in understanding, telling him also to continue. He drew air in deeply.
"I-I didn't want to show that I....love...you." He paused and looked at me. Those words were a big impact on me. I really don't know how to feel. Urg, love is so confusing! "Because if I did," he continued. "Voldemort would've killed you, and I wouldn't forgive my self if he did. Now that I only knew that love is a sin for a person like me."
I was sort of touched. But it was hard to think of your best friend being your lover. It's...weird. After some time, I placed my hand on his shoulder and as I did so, the tears that were threatening to spill from his eyes fell. I suppose the fact that we can't be together hurted him so much that there's probably an unhealed wound somewhere in his heart. I watched him pitingly, kneeling down and rubbing his shoulder.
"I'm sorry, Harry," I whispered in his ear, lifting my hand from his shoulder and left the room. This was too much for me to take in. I didn't dare look at Harry's expression because if I did...I don't know what stupid thing I'll do. I closed the door quietly, tears of my own streaming down my cheek.
The moment I regained conciousness, I shutted my eyes quickly due to the blinding sunlight. Groaning as I got up from my bed, I did my morning routine. You know, shower, dress, fixing myself. I treaded to the Great Hall for breakfast, subconciously looking around. It took me a moment for myself to realize that I was watching out for Harry. Now why on earth would I want to look for Harry? I heard my inner voice reply, "...maybe you want to avoid him..." I dismissed that thought immediately. Me? Avoid Harry? Really! Uh-oh, there's Harry. Whew! Ok, he didn't see me! As I drew near the Great Hall, I held my chin up and pretented that there was nothing wrong with me, a feat that I'm not sure if I can accomplish.
I wearily stepped out of the Transfiguration classroom. Behind me were my fellow Gryffindors grumbling about how difficult the lesson was. Oh come on! What is so difficult about Human transfiguration? Viktor did that! Anyways, after the last class of before lunch, I rushed to the library to look up about a little more about Human Tranfig. I sat on my usual table with the big book on my arm. As I settled down, I felt a soft tap, it was more of a gentle nudge, on my shoulder. I looked up and found myself facing none other than Harry himself.
"Hermione?" he said softly. Then he took out the chair next to me and sat on it which made me feel a bit tense.
"I'm sorry, ok?" he began nervously. "It's...just that I lost control of myself. I-I didn't mean to--"
"It's alright. I'm cool," I said then returned to reading. Well, actually I wasn't reading. I can't since he is next to me! I hope I didn't sound rude to him.
"Are you mad? You seem to be avoiding me," he said quietly so only I can hear it. I looked at him, feeling slightly guilty. He had a hint of curiousity and hurt in his eyes.
"No. It's just..." I paused. Yeah, why am I avoiding him? And as if on cue, Ron came and sat at the chair across mine.
"Hey guys! 'sup?" he said, looking at the both of us. Harry nodded mutely and rested his head on the table while I smiled at Ron. Lately, it was normal for him not to say anything when we ask him a question. It would be those rare times when he enjoyed himself by the lake or at Hogsmeade. Giving him a last look, I went back and tried to immerse myself in Human Transfiguration.
Throughout the entire day, my mind was buzzing around about Charms, Transfiguration and, you guessed it, Harry. I kept on thinking about last night. Why is love like this? Do I still have feelings for him? What should we do about this?
For once in this year, I wanted to see him happy and cheerful again. Just once at least! But he's still brooding over the preparation of the war. Would my love make him happy again? But then I would be risking my life which would be a shame because I really don't have that kind of feelings left for him...
The past few weeks went quickly. The final war was drawing nearer and nearer that even Professors McGonagall and Snape were actually twitching with nervousness. Dumbledore still stayed the same as he always is but the twinkles in his eyes are gone. Now it is filled with thoughts and ponderings. But no one was more nervous and tense that Harry. He definetly did not talk for a whole week for we all know what is on his mind. Will he be the murderer or the victim?
Only Ron and I understood what he was going through right now. I also noticed that there are moments in where he wants to talk to me. I couldn't help but try to avoid him. I really can't help it! But I knew, there are those times when he would give me longing looks behind my back, his face blank from expression, eyes full of emotion. One week before the battle itself, I found another note stuck in between my book. I recognized the handwriting as Harry's. I guess this is better than talking to him. Curious on what has he to say now, I opened it.
Hermione,
I'm sorry again. I do try you know. I don't have any other option, I need to forget that I love you. I don't want you killed all because of me. I blame myself, our friendship fell apart because I showed my true feelings to you. They say that forbidden love is the sweetest kind of love. To me, it is a bitter painful feeling, knowing that we can not be together.
Everyday I keep asking myself, "why is life like this to me?" Why can't I be a normal person? To be happy and carefree for no reason at all. To shout your love to someone to the world and not be afraid. I feel so stupid because the point came that you were there but I just left. I'm sorry, I'll try to control my feelings next time.
When I look back, I realize that Cho meant nothing to me. It was just a schoolboy crush. But now, it feels nice to be in love...especially if it's you.
Next week is the war. I don't know if we, including Ron, can survive all this. But whatever happens, I'll always be yours. If we get separated after the war and if I did forget you, my heart will always still remember you.
Hermione Granger, I love you.
love,
Harry
I bit my lip to try and stop my self from tearing. How can a guy like Harry sound so...romantic? Finally, I couldn't help it. I cried silently, not only because it was sad but so touching! So sweet! Sniff! I felt like running to his arms, embracing him till the end--No wait, must not do that, must not do that. Now I knew how he felt, he can't keep his feelings hidden forever.
I had this urge to go and talk to someone about this. Now who...no not Ron. It has to be female...Ginny! I looked for her everywhere around the school, only to find that she was at my favorite spot in the library. Sigh. I wanted to break this to her gently but before I can be within two feet away fom her, she spotted me.
"Hello Hermi--oh my! What happened?" The red head murmured concernedly. I sat across her, my eyes still brimming with tears.
"Nothing. I just...want to talk to you about s-something."
After a nanosecond I said that sentence, I began pouring out my soul, all my feelings to her as she listened intently. When I finished, I was grateful that she didn't become like Parvati and Lavender and tease me mercilessly. She just looked solemn and smiled knowingly.
"Hermione, you want to sort this out, right?" She said. Well yeah, duh! I nodded slowly. What is she saying? "Then go talk to him. You won't understand all this if you don't go up to him and ask." I blinked. Talk to Harry....
"Ginny, I...can't."
"Why not?"
"Because....look I just can't ok!?"
Ginny shook her head. "Then wait. Wait until it is time for the war to talk it over. Be contented with yourself and rather not talk to him and see how hurt he will be if he lost you." She then returned to her book, giving me time to reflect.
Just do I have the guts to talk to him? I can face the war as a bold Gryffindor but talking to someone like Harry can make me back out anytime. What is wrong with me!? I stood up abruptly causing Ginny to beam that said, "Go get 'em, girl!"
I walked out of the library with my head held high. Now where do I start looking? My first choice ould've been the common room but then I remembered his most solitary and reserved-for-thinking spot; by the lake. Sprinting at full speed, I came upon his place. And true enough, he was sitting under the tree with his knees folded and bespectacled eyes reflecting the glassy shimmering water. I stood behind him and took a deep breath.
"Um, Harry?"
Harry swiftly turned at the sound of his name. He looked at me and moved to the side allowing me to sit next to him. We both said nothing until it was he who broke the silence.
"Do you think we'll make it?" I turned curiously at him.
"Make what?"
"The war. Will I ever be able to defeat Voldemort?" Harry muttered, looking at me solemnly. I nervously took hold of his hand and grasped it comfortingly.
"You will, Harry, You will," I said in the same tone. Harry lowered his head. Of course, being the type who sympathizes, I lifted his chin a little hesitantly with my finger. "We will defeat Voldemort and survive. And you will become the most famous and powerful wizard ever." I dared myself to look at him straight in the eye, to show how serious I am. I suddenly became mesmerized with his stare...
And it was that night, a night two days before the wizarding world finds out its destiny, that Harry and I kissed before the beautiful glow of the sun setting behind the lake. Ok I admit, I, Hermione Granger am immediately falling in love with the boy-who'll-live and my best friend and liking it. There! Happy? Possibly both of us was secretly hoping that this wasn't our last kiss...
"RON! WATCH OUT!" I shot a stunner spell at the stalking figure behind Ron and perfect hit.
"Thanks 'mione!" Ron gasped.
The battlefield was a mess! All covered in blood and corpses. A few feet away, Tonks and Nott were dueling intensely while Dumbledore and McGonagall were rounding up the Death Eaters and Dementors with ease. Even farther, I caught a glimpse of Harry and Voldemort. Each had major concentration on their faces. On reflex, I shouted "Avada Kedavra" to a distant figure and aimed it without feeling the slight bit guilty that I just killed a human being. This WAS the point of the war.
As soon as I, Ron, Ginny, and the rest of the Order cleared the field of Death Eaters and allies of magical creatures of Voldemort, we watched the real and final battle between Harry and the Dark Lord. I gasped as Voldemort disapperated and then the next second, Harry was screaming in pain. Voldemort is possesing him! I would've gone and curse Voldemort out of there if Ron and Ginny weren't holding me back. I didn't exactly catch what happened next but somehow a black wispy smoke emmited out of Harry's chest, who stopped screaming, and before the black smoke can even materialize, Dumbledore bounded it with thick chords that came out of his wand.
Harry had only a second to vanquish the man before who killed his parents and close ones, who terrorized the Wizarding community for years, who turned the pure hearts to the wicked. We watched with our breaths held as Harry gathered his remaining strengths and shouted "AVADA KEDAVRA!" with success. The green curse shot towards the struggling figure and as if time stopped, Voldemort shrieked in anger and in a flash of blinding white light, he dissolved.
It took us some time to realize that the Dark Lord was gone forever, Voldemort was gone! I looked at Harry's triumphant face, but there was none. Instead he looked horrified and was pointing something over my shoulder.
"HERMIONE, LOOK OUT!" was the last thing I heard as a flash of green hinted in my eyes then I felt a strong force go through my back. Everything....blacking out...Harry....
~*~*~*~*~
A/N: Believe me! They will eventually get together! Flame me if you have to...*pulls out fire extinguisher*
I'll be asking sweetly, may I please have some reviews from you? Then I'll update! Please? OR ELSE! Just Kidding!