“Stupid Potter,” I muttered, kicking the chairs in the Hog’s Head. I couldn’t believe he had made me look this bad in front of everyone. Surely, secretly, everyone thought I was right. I mean, why would everyone sacrifice themselves for the life of a half-blood? I know I wouldn’t, and my fellow Slytherins thought the same. After all, self-preservation was above everything else in the Slytherin book and well, probably pure-blood supremacy as well.
All of them had left. Not a single Slytherin had stayed, except Draco, Crabbe and Goyle. I wondered what they were doing, since they hadn’t come to the Hog’s Head as the teachers had instructed. The one thing I was sure, though, was that they weren’t staying because of Potter and that they weren’t going to risk their lives for the Dark Lord.
Last year, he had confided me that he was scared of the Dark Lord. He was afraid to fail and be punished. That was the only time I had managed to make him to open up to me.
I sighed and slumped back into a chair. Everyone had already Apparated away with all the small kids and all… yet I was still here. I would never admit it to anyone”I could barely admit it to myself”that I was still sitting in the Hog’s Head because I was waiting for Draco.
I was never the one to worry about anybody else but me. I always had put myself in front of anybody else, even Draco, when we were together. But I guess… that something happened while we were together.
Draco never opened up to me; he never talked to me about anything. I begged him to let me help him, but he never accepted me. Draco had been an entire mystery to me but… I think that I have grown to care for him.
Why, though, if he had been so unfair to me? I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair.
I wasn’t sure of what I felt about Draco. I had… mixed feelings about him. I knew that he never really cared for me the way I did. But over the past few years, I had always been there for him. Last year, my parents were glad that I was dating someone from a very respected pureblood family.
I was sure that whatever I felt about Draco wasn’t love. I mean, how silly would it sound, Pansy Parkinson, in love? I laughed out loud, but rather quietly. I liked how I felt around him. People were jealous of me; they all wanted to be in my place since I was beautiful and very confident and I was Draco’s girlfriend. It was like, I had power around him, but not over him.
The pub was lonely now. It was only me and the bartender, who was already getting ready to leave.
“You, girl,” the bartender said, snapping me out of my small reverie and making me look up. “Are you leaving, or what?”
I glared at him and glanced fleetingly at the portrait hole where everyone had gotten through. Draco was not coming, I told myself.
“Yes,” I answered curtly, with dignity and grabbed my wand. I was ready to Apparate but I slowly turned and watched as the bartender finished packing up. I supposed he was going away, now that the Dark Lord was near, and was going to kill everybody but pure-bloods.... But he proved me wrong by walking into the portrait hole and disappearing towards Hogwarts. I snorted; he was basically condemning himself to death. But then I stopped laughing and thought about Draco. He was doing the same, too. I was sure that Death Eaters would kill anybody that stood in their way, not caring about what side whoever was in front of them was.
Just as I was thinking about the three D’s”destination, determination and deliberation (I was never really good at Apparition)”I heard a crack, and I quickly hid under a table. I saw an elderly woman with round features, the same roundness that the stupid, little Longbottom had. I bit back a snicker, for now I was sure that this was Longbottom’s grandmother, and she was heading towards Hogwarts!
I watched as she looked around the pub, and stepped back into the portrait hole, closing it behind her. I assumed she sealed the entrance because a loud thud was heard after a few seconds (it was either that, or the old lady had tripped and fallen upon her face).
I stood up again, brushing the dust off my robes, straightened up, and with a crack, I Disapparated from the spot.
***
I popped into my family’s manor living room. I think I woke the house elf up because she came rushing into the living room with a flustered look on her face. When she saw me, Libie the hous- elf bowed.
“Miss Pansy! Hello! You is back home early!” Libie exclaimed. “Libie is glad to see you! Do you want Libie to do your bed, miss? Draw you a bath? Prepare you dinner? Do you””
“Yeah, yeah, just shut up,” I said, batting my hand, and the house elf’s mouth snapped shut. “Where’s Mother?”
“Mrs Parkinson is in her study, miss. She’ll be delighted to see you!” Libie squealed. “Oh, Libie is going to prepare some cakes, yes, yes, Libie will, Miss Pansy’s favourite kind...” And she left mumbling to herself.
I rolled my eyes and made my way to Mother’s study. She worked for the Ministry and I knew that at times like this she would be very busy. I knocked on the door but got no answer. I knocked again.
“Come in,” came the muffled reply. I hesitantly opened the door. My mother never really treated me as a princess, like Mrs. Malfoy did with her little... baby. I sighed inwardly and walked in the study. Mother turned around and I could see that she really did not expect me to be there, because the wide-eyed look in her eyes and the way that she dropped her cup of tea in surprise.
“Pansy,” she said, regaining her normal cool. “What are you doing here? Term isn’t over yet.”
I told her what had happened very reluctantly; omitting the part where Potter had embarrassed me (I was sure Mother would rage at me because I was ‘putting the family’s reputation in danger.’ How very foolish of me...).
Libie the house elf came around with some treats halfway through our conversation, and I found myself having lots of them, more than I usually would have. I mean, they were good, but every time I thought about Draco, I shoved one more into my mouth.
“... and so,” I said with my mouth full of crackers, “McGonagall sent us home through this passage through a very filthy pub...” I grabbed another cracker, thinking about how Draco had not come out of the passage. “...and all of the Slytherins left, for the sake of our lives...” I shoved a tenth one into my mouth, wondering how Draco was right now, if he was safe. “...now, I am here,” I ended lamely, dismissing the house elf. I didn’t want to eat any more crackers. I was going to gain some weight, and if I did, I was going to blame Draco
“Very well,” Mother said, looking not even mildly interested. “Why don’t you go to bed and think about what are you going to do after this mess is over? We’ll need to think up of something that will bring our family shine above all others,” she exclaimed with delight. “We shall help all those people who were injured, except those filthy Mudbloods, of course and then...”
I left the room. I hated how much Mother cared about how our family looked like in front of the other pure-bloods. I found it rather ridiculous.
I made my way towards the top of the stairs, to the last door of the corridor to the right which was my bedroom. I liked my bedroom; it was the only place I could think about life without being disturbed, for Mother knew how much I hated to be interrupted.
I sat down on my bed and sighed. Mother was right. What was I going to do after all this is over? Well, there were many possibilities. I had taken N.E.W.T.s to become a part of Magical Law Enforcement in the Ministry, just like Mother had wanted. But I didn’t want to be who Mother wanted to be. I didn’t want to be the girl that Draco was going to use, and then dispose of, and use again, as I had been over the years.
I wanted to leave this place. I wanted to go. I wanted to be independent. I wanted to be a new person. I didn’t want to depend on Draco, or Mother to give me what I wanted.
I was going to open a shop in Diagon Alley or something. A clothing store that will be much better than Madam Malkin’s and that everybody was going to go. I was going to find myself a boy who will respect me and want me as Father did with Mother. I grinned to myself, thinking about how great my future would be.
I was going to be a new Pansy.
I stood up from my bed and looked around the room. There was nothing in here, really. My things were all at Hogwarts.
I honestly had no idea where I was going to stay for the night. I had no idea how I was supposed to manage living by myself, without my parents’ money. But I guess independence has a price, and I was willing to pay it.
I gripped my wand tightly, shut my eyes close and I left.
New Beginnings by IckleRonnieX
Story Notes:
I really don't like this much. But I hope you enjoy it (and I hope I get a nice grade? uhh....)
Disclaimer: Oh, how I wish I could own JKR's world... unfortunately, I don't. I am forever thankful to be able to mess around in her world for a while, though :D
Chapter Notes: Again, thanks to my betas, Hannah and Annalise, because, honestly, I don't think this would be half as good without your help. Annalise, thanks for the title :) I hope you enjoy this!***