The first thing Remus heard was his mother’s voice. His head felt like it was about to explode and he had no desire to open his eyes, but he clung to his mother’s hand which had been lying on his stomach. She gave a small gasp.
“John! John, he grabbed my hand!”
He heard his father’s voice. “I know, I saw. Remus, it’s all right, it’s okay. You can wake up now.”
“Oh, darling,” Mrs. Lupin squeezed his hand. “I’m so sorry.”
Remus forced himself to open his eyes slowly, ignoring his aching head. His mother’s pale face looked down at him. His father sat on the other side of the bed. Both stared anxiously at their son. Remus knew he had to say something.
“Mum,” was all he managed to get out before his mother burst into tears and began to kiss him repeatedly.
“Oh, sweetheart! I thought-“
“Easy, Lisa. He’s confused; let him breathe for a minute.”
Mrs. Lupin moved away, her hand still clutching Remus’s.
“Of course, of course. I’m sorry, it’s just…Oh, Remus!”
She brushed his hair out of his eyes, her eyes still bright with tears. Remus mustered a small smile to reassure her.
“I’m fine, Mum. It’s okay.”
She nodded. Remus looked at his father who had put his hand on Remus’s leg and was watching him.
“I’m all right, Dad.”
Mr. Lupin smiled gently at Remus before turning away. He stood up abruptly.
“I’ll get Madam Pomfrey,” he said in a strangled voice.
“Your father was very upset,” Mrs. Lupin seemed unable to keep her hands off of Remus. She was currently readjusting his blankets. “He seems to think it was his fault. Of course, that’s ridiculous, but your father…he’d blame world hunger on himself if he could get away with it…”
She trailed off, her hands suddenly dropping into her lap. Sensing Remus’s discomfort, she smiled again.
“But, of course, it doesn’t matter now because you’re fine. You know, you’ve been unconscious for nearly a day and half. For a while, Madam Pomfrey wasn’t sure if she could fix you.”
Remus was about to respond when he heard several sets of feet thundering towards his bed. They were halted by Madam Pomfrey who had just emerged from her office with Mr. Lupin.
“Boys! This is not a playground!”
“Is he awake yet?” It was James.
“He just woke up about five minutes ago, according to his father. I’m afraid you can’t see him right now, though.”
There was a great deal of protest to this proclamation. Remus heard Sirius and Peter as well. He wished Madam Pomfrey would let them see him. But she was firm in her resolve, and the boys were forced to leave.
“You can visit him after dinner tonight,” she said, apparently hoping to cheer them up. It hadn’t worked; Remus could hear the boys grumbling as they exited the Hospital Wing.
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“At least he’s okay,” James said.
“I don’t know why we can’t just see him now.” Sirius didn’t seem comforted by James’s comment. “What difference do a couple of hours make?”
“He probably wants to spend time with his parents.” Peter looked hesitantly at Sirius.
“Oh.” Sirius fell silent. Of course Remus wanted to spend time with his parents; he loved them. He couldn’t relate, for he knew he would never want to spend alone time with his own parents no matter how hard his head had been hit.
The boys went upstairs to try and find something to do to pass the time away before dinner. When they entered the Common Room Sirius saw Lily Evans eying them. She was sitting alone with her Transfiguration text book on her lap.
“He’s fine, Madam Pomfrey says,” James said, saving Lily the trouble of asking. She smiled and looked back down at her book.
“Well, you’re welcome anyways, Evans.” James glared at Lily, who was blatantly ignoring him. Sirius nudged him.
“Come on.”
James sighed, but he followed Sirius and Peter up to the boys’ dormitory. Sirius understood his frustration. It seemed that no matter what he did, he would never be able to get Lily to tolerate, let alone like, him.
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James hadn’t decided yet how they were going to tell Remus that they knew his secret. Even now, as they entered the Hospital Wing, he was debating with himself whether to just say it right away, or if it would be better to ease into it. At this point, the only thing to do was to wait and see which course would be smoother.
Remus’s mother and father were about to go home. Now that they knew Remus would be all right, there was no reason to say another night.
“But we’ll come back tomorrow if you want,” James heard Mrs. Lupin say. He watched them walk out of the Hospital Wing. Unlike his own mother, Mrs. Lupin was a young, rather pretty woman, though she had fine lines around her eyes that gave her a tired appearance. Mr. Lupin, seeing them, nodded and smiled. Mrs. Lupin looked at the boys, taking them in for a moment. Then she smiled.
“He’ll be so happy to see you, he’s been asking for you. Just…be gentle with him.”
After a few more words, the Lupins left. James led the way to Remus’s bed. He was propped up on several pillows, nudging the rest of his dinner with his fork. He heard them and looked up. James could tell he was trying to contain his excitement, but Remus had eyes that were all too expressive and would not cooperate with his desire to look calm.
“Hey,” James sat down at the chair next to Remus’s bed. Sirius took the other side and Peter was left to stand awkwardly over James’s shoulder.
“Hi.” Remus had never looked very healthy, but James didn’t think he had ever seen Remus so pale and weak. Of course, it made sense. The full moon was coming up in only a few days. Paired with Remus’s injuries, the whole effect was rather horrible.
“How are you feeling?” Sirius asked.
“Better,” Remus said. “My head still hurts a little, but it isn’t so bad.”
James looked at Sirius who raised his eyebrows. James nodded. He had to just say it. There was no use in beating around the bush.
“Remus...we know what’s going on.”
“What?” Remus looked at them all, clearly wary. “I don’t know-“
“You’re a werewolf.”
Remus didn’t respond and instead stared blankly at his sheets. Peter squirmed behind James; the silence was becoming incredibly awkward. Finally, Sirius spoke up.
“Remus, we aren’t mad at you.”
Remus looked up. “You just don’t want to hang around me anymore.” He said it quietly and as if it was simply a matter of fact.
“We didn’t say that!” James stood up from his chair. “Of course we still want to hang around you, you’re our friend.”
Remus stared disbelievingly at Sirius and then Peter, who both nodded.
“Is that why you lied to us?” Peter asked. “You thought we wouldn’t like you anymore?”
“I…well, yeah.” Remus looked down again. “I’ve never had any real friends before, see, because nobody wants to be friends with a werewolf. So, I didn’t want to tell you. I thought you’d stop wanting to talk to me.”
“Well, glad to know what you think of us,” Sirius said sarcastically. “Apparently we’re a bunch of snobs.”
“Well, you are sometimes,” Remus said quietly. “Like with Snape. I thought maybe…once you found out…you’d start to make fun of me…”
Sirius and James exchanged glances. James didn’t know
what to say. Sure, he and Sirius could be bullies when they wanted to be. But he had never had any desire to be that way with Remus, and while Sirius had initially disliked him, James knew that he wouldn’t want to bully him either. James just couldn’t see how anyone who knew Remus could possibly be cruel to him. There was no reason to be. He was shy and reserved, but once you got past his barriers you saw the other side of him: the side that was intelligent, funny, and kind. They wouldn’t make fun of someone like that; he had always assumed Remus knew that. James felt an odd feeling in the pit of his stomach he had never really felt before. It hurt, and it wasn’t clear whether it was guilt or pity that was causing it.
“We wouldn’t do that.” Sirius looked at Remus, and James knew he was feeling the same way. “I mean, we only mess with people that deserve it. You aren’t…we wouldn’t do that.” He looked down at his lap.
There was a long silence. Sirius had always been the one who was never fazed, who always had something clever to say. Once he had found himself lost for words, nobody else had the nerve to speak. Sirius still stared at his hands. Peter was biting his lip and looking nervously at the other boys, clearly waiting for a cue on what they were to do next. James looked at Remus, who looked back at him. James smiled at Remus, who beamed and let out a small laugh, almost accidentally. At the sound, Sirius looked up.
"We're all all right then, are we?"
In a matter of moments all of the boys were laughing and talking as though nothing had happened at all. Everything was back to normal, and James couldn't be happier.
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Remus had been so relieved and heartened at finding out he would not be losing his friends that he nearly forgot what had landed him in the Hospital Wing in the first place. However, Dumbledore’s visit the next morning reminded him.
He had only personally spoken to the headmaster twice before. Once was when Dumbledore had personally come to his home to speak with him and his parents about coming to Hogwarts. The second time Dumbledore had come he was joined by Madam Pomfrey. Together, they had gone over what Remus was to do each full moon. From the first time Remus had set eyes on the old man, he had felt a deep respect for him. There was no question in Remus’s mind that he was, as his parents had always said, the greatest wizard of all time. But Dumbledore was not only great; he was also incredibly perceptive and kind. He had treated Remus like his opinion was worth something and with respect. As a child and a werewolf, this treatment had shocked him. It had only made his trust in Dumbledore firmer.
Dumbledore greeted Remus kindly, inquiring how he was feeling. Remus felt himself grow uneasy. Despite the gentle look on the Headmaster’s face, he couldn’t help but feel that he was about to be told something unpleasant. Would he have to leave school? Perhaps Dumbledore didn’t want him there and thought he was too much trouble.
“Now Mr. Lupin, before we get to what I wish to speak with you about, I think it is important that you know that Professor Calhan has been fired. Unfortunately, we cannot press any charges since your status as a werewolf does not give you the same rights as your classmates. He can harm you without any legal repercussions.”
Dumbledore looked at Remus, apparently waiting for a response. When none came, he continued.
“What I came to speak with you about, though, is whether or not you would like to continue here at Hogwarts.”
Remus’s heart leaped. Dumbledore was giving him the choice of whether he wanted to stay. Of course he is, he’s the greatest, the best…But then, what would happen if he did stay? Calhan couldn’t be the only teacher who hated him. He knew Slughorn wasn’t very keen on him. Besides, other students would find out. How long, really, could they keep it up? Perhaps it would be better if he simply left.
“Now, before you answer, let me tell you that your mother wishes for you to stay home regardless of what you want and your father is firmly set on you going back if that is what you want to do. And I have been told in no uncertain terms by several teachers, your Head of House included, that they have no desire for you to leave. Even Professor Slughorn, who I daresay you have noticed has not been entirely comfortable with you being here, has told me that in no way does he support what Professor Calhan did to you. In fact, he told me to tell you that he thinks you have made a good deal of improvement this year, far beyond what he would have expected. I assure you, Mr. Lupin, that every staff member here is willing to let you learn here, even if they are not all eager about it. And I will see to it that this is not something that happens again.
“As for me personally, I would quite like for you to return next year. All of your teachers have said that you are polite, kind, and intelligent. You have clearly made friends as evidenced by the three boys I had to tell to wait outside while I spoke to you. Miss Evans was also with them, though she made it clear to me that she was only here to see you and was in no way associated with Mr. Potter and his friends. You have been given the opportunity to have an education and it would be a shame to give that up because of an incident that, sadly, will repeat itself, not here at Hogwarts, but in the real world. There are many people that will hate you purely for being a werewolf. It is regrettable and I wish that it was not the case, but your life will be more difficult than that of your classmates because of that prejudice. Staying at home now will not change that fact.
“Well, I’ve said enough. Do you have any questions, any concerns? There is no need to make a decision now, in fact, I would like for you to think about it.”
Remus knew he didn’t need to think about it. Of course he had to come back. He had friends, and if what Dumbledore said was true, the teachers all thought he would make a good student. And Dumbledore would make sure it was all right, that everything worked out.
“I think I do want to come back. There’s no use in hiding at home, is there?”
Dumbledore smiled.
“I'm glad to hear you say that. All the same, you will have to discuss it with your parents. But I think that your mother will come around. She only wants you to be happy, after all.”
After saying his goodbyes, Dumbledore departed. Only a few moments later, James, Sirius, and Peter all came racing in, follow by a clearly disgruntled Lily.
“Honestly, we are in the Hospital Wing,” she said. When she saw Remus, her expression softened.
“Hi, Remus.”
“Hi”
“I’m really glad you’re okay.” Lily pushed past Sirius to sit down next to Remus.
“‘I’m really glad you’re okay’ “, Sirius repeated a breathy, high voice imitating Lily’s own. “Maybe we should leave...give Evans some alone time with Remus.”
Peter laughed, but stopped abruptly when he saw glares on both Lily and James’s faces.
“Shut it, Black.” Lily didn’t even turn around. She smiled at Remus and shook her head.
“They’re just being stupid.”
“Yeah,” Remus nodded. “Just keep ignoring them, they’ll leave you alone.”
"Thanks for the support, Remus," Sirius stood up. “Well, I’m going to go wait outside until Evans has left. You coming?”
Peter began to follow Sirius, but James looked hesitant. Sirius rolled his eyes.
“Come on, James. I was just kidding about Remus and Evans. Remus is too nice to like such a-“
“I’m going,” James left with the others.
Lily sighed. “I don’t know how you hang out with them. They are so...stupid”
“They can be, I guess. But they aren’t always. I mean, they came to visit me. They aren’t as bad as you think.”
Lily nodded. “Well, I don’t suppose anyone could act the way they do all the time. They’d explode”
There was a pause, and then:
“Remus?”
The tone of her voice made Remus uncomfortable. He didn’t know that he wanted to answer her. Hesitantly, he replied.
“Yes?”
“You know what Black said? About me liking you?”
It took Remus even longer to answer. He didn’t want her to think that he had suggested something to Sirius, which he was sure she was about to accuse him of doing. He didn’t want to lose Lily as a friend, not when everything was going so well.
“Yeah.”
“Well…see…I sort of…Remus?”
“What?”
Why was she stuttering? Remus was becoming more confused by the second, and he wished that Lily would just say what she was going to say.
“Have you ever kissed someone?”
Remus didn’t speak. She couldn’t mean…? But James…James would kill him. James liked Lily, and he couldn’t kiss her. Besides, he didn’t know if he even wanted to. She was attractive and he liked her quite a bit. But he couldn’t kiss her. He didn’t even know how.
“N-no. Lily, I-“
“Oh, I understand. Sorry.” Lily’s cheeks blushed until they were as deep a red as her hair. “You don’t have to…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
“No, it’s not that I don’t want to…you’re really pretty and nice…and smart…but I don’t know if I…”
“Oh!” Lily nodded in comprehension. “I get it. Potter likes me, doesn’t he? And you’re afraid he’ll find out.”
Remus knew that if he told her James fancied her, James would personally murder him. Probably in a very painful, gruesome way. He also knew that Lily expected an answer, and likely already knew that James liked her.
“Well, I-“
That was all he got out before her lips touched his. It was barely a second, just a quick peck, but it startled him all the same. He stared at her for a moment. She only frowned.
“That wasn’t what I thought was going to happen.”
What was that supposed to mean? Remus instantly felt self conscious and defensive.
“Why did you-?”
“Did you like it?”
“Not-not really.” Remus didn’t know what was happening. Why on earth had she kissed him? He wasn’t sure if all girls were like her, but if they were, he didn’t know how he was ever going to have a girlfriend. You didn’t just randomly kiss someone, did you? She hadn’t even asked him.
“Me neither. I guess we shouldn’t kiss anymore.”
Remus nodded, feeling relief in the pit of stomach. “Probably not.”
“We can still be friends, though, can’t we?”
“Of course.” Remus just hoped he could put the image of her kissing him out of his mind.
“Good. I’m glad I got to have my first kiss with you though. You were really sweet, telling me I was pretty.”
“You are,” Remus said. It was true, and he knew it. Perhaps he should have been more excited that she kissed him. But as it was, he only felt a little bit awkward.
Lily beamed. “Well, I guess I should go now. You probably want to talk to your other friends. I’ll see you tomorrow, then. Bye, Remus.”
“Bye.”
The other boys came in and although they teased Remus about what had happened while they were out, Remus didn’t even hint at what had really gone on. Perhaps he would tell them later, but not today. Right now he just wanted to enjoy the company of his friends. After what had happened, he would never forget how lucky he was to have them.
Hearts of Red and Gold by moonyschick
Chapter Notes: Hope you enjoy!
Chapter Endnotes: Hope you like it! And please review, if you have anything to say.