Lily Evans stood at the end of the garden path, staring at the prim house before her. She adjusted her skirt and blouse, knowing how much it bothered her sister when she wore more traditional wizards’ robes. With a sigh, she walked toward the front door, feeling uncomfortably nervous. It was her first visit to Privet Drive in the two years Petunia had been married to Vernon Dursley, and though they were family, she felt like she was approaching a stranger’s house.
Pausing at the door, Lily considered turning around and Apparating back to her own flat in Diagon Alley. Petunia had made it quite clear she had no interest in attending the ceremony the following day in spite of several letters and a phone call. Did she really think she would convince her sister to come just by showing up on her doorstep and asking?
She had to try; Petunia was all she had left. Their parents had died just after Petunia’s wedding, leaving Lily to finish seventh year on her own. Petunia had hardly kept in touch before the accident and had virtually ignored her since. The last time she had heard from her sister was when she had come home from St. Mungo’s several months earlier. Petunia had reluctantly sent a card with a wilted plant, half-heartedly inquiring about her recovery in a very stilted letter. Lily had the distinct impression that Petunia would not have missed her much had she been killed up in Liverpool. She had written back and told her that she was fine and James Potter had proposed, leaving out most of details of her kidnapping and the terrible curse Voldemort had placed on her, however briefly. She had not heard from Petunia since.
So here she was, alive and well and trying to convince her sister to come to her wedding tomorrow. Deep in her heart Lily knew there was no chance Petunia would change her mind; not only would she have to spend the day in wizarding company, but she would have to watch her sister marry a man Petunia considered a lazy, arrogant good-for-nothing teenager. Never mind that James had matured into a well-mannered, war-weary man, and never mind that Vernon Dursley was a cruel, piggish lout; Petunia was set in her ways and beliefs.
Lily knocked; though she saw lights inside, there was no answer. She cast a silent spell to see if anyone was home and was not surprised to learn that both Petunia and her husband were in the house. Her heart sank at the rejection, and she turned to leave her last connection to the Muggle world behind.
The door opened just as she walked away, and Petunia stepped out onto the stoop. –Lily,†she acknowledged, straightening her dress and avoiding her sister’s eyes.
–Hi,†said Lily, smiling. She did not even care that Petunia hadn’t invited her in; she was just happy to see her, to speak with her. –How are you?â€
–I’m fine,†Petunia replied stiffly. –And you?â€
–Well, I’m getting married tomorrow,†said Lily. –Did you get my messages? I tried not to send owls since I know how much they bother you.â€
–Yes,†said Petunia. –I did. Congratulations.â€
A long stretch of silence passed between them. Lily sighed as she thought about all that they had lost as sisters over the years. More than anything, she missed the close relationship they had once had as children. On the eve of her wedding, she should be laughing and celebrating with her loved ones, not begging the only family she had left to attend the most important event of her life. And though she was meeting with her friends later, she owed it to herself to at least try and repair the breach between sisters.
–Will you come?†she asked, though she knew the answer.
Petunia finally looked at her, and Lily saw the conflict in her sister’s face. At least there was that much: at least Petunia had considered it and struggled with the decision. Yet the divide that had started when Lily had gone to Hogwarts, leaving her sister behind, was now complete. Petunia was married and living a respectable Muggle life, and she would have nothing to do with Lily’s magical world whatsoever.
–I understand,†Lily said softly. –Well . . .†She did not know what to say. She did understand, but she was still disappointed. She wanted to stay and talk with her sister, but what was there to talk about anymore?
–I have something for you,†Petunia offered. –Wait here.†She left Lily outside, closing the door as if hiding her sister’s presence on the stoop. Lily was suddenly irritated; she was still a human being, after all. She may have magical powers that Petunia did not, but she also had feelings that Petunia seemed to have forgotten.
Lily turned to leave. If Petunia couldn’t be bothered to invite her inside, why should she bother waiting? Lily rarely grew angry, but found herself undeniably annoyed at her sister’s constant lack of consideration. She was finally ready to sever the last tie to her old Muggle life and let Petunia move on with hers.
As Lily left number four, Petunia stepped out of the house with a small box. It was wrapped in fine white paper with delicate golden ribbons, and it was certainly one of the nicest gifts she had ever given. Lily stopped and waited while Petunia hurried down the path, glancing sideways at the neighbours, as if embarrassed to be seen exchanging gifts on the front lawn.
–It was mother’s,†she said as she handed the box to Lily. She stepped back, allowing Lily the privacy of opening it. Lily opened it slowly and gently, subconsciously holding her breath. She thought she knew what it might be, but surely it had been lost, or Petunia would have kept it for herself.
It was their mother’s pearl necklace, the one she had worn for every special occasion Lily could remember: church, holidays, weddings. Their father had given it to her as an anniversary gift long before Petunia or Lily had been born, and she could not think of her mother without remembering the simple necklace she had worn so frequently.
Lily was somewhat stunned that her sister would entrust her with something so valuable and sentimental. It made her feel slightly better to know that while her parents might not be at her wedding, at least she could carry a piece of them with her as she exchanged vows. She closed the box and embraced Petunia, ignoring how her sister stiffened at the contact.
–Thank you so much,†she murmured, wiping tears from her eyes. –You have no idea how much this means to me.â€
To her surprise, Petunia relaxed into the embrace and patted her back, albeit somewhat awkwardly. Lily imagined her sister might even be smiling, though as she pulled out of the embrace, the moment was lost; they were distant acquaintances once more, not two sisters who had once been close.
–You are welcome,†said Petunia. –I hope you will be careful with them. They are a family heirloom, after all.â€
–Of course,†Lily replied, trying not to be offended. –It’s my wedding, nothing is going to happen to them.†Petunia raised her eyebrows skeptically. Lily had to privately admit that her statement was not entirely accurate given the threats against her and James.
Petunia nodded and turned to go. Lily watched her walk back toward the house, wondering when she might see her sister again. A small part of her wondered if she would see Petunia at all, but she clung to the hope that someday they might set their differences aside and be sisters again. Perhaps their children could be friends.
Lily smiled at the thought, unable to imagine any child of hers getting along with any child of Petunia and Vernon Dursley. Before Petunia returned to her Muggle life, she stopped at the door, and Lily thought she saw a familiar look of longing cross her sister’s face before it was covered by the mask of disdain and indifference she had adopted years ago.
–Good luck,†Petunia offered in farewell.
Lily waved goodbye, the white box clutched firmly in her hand, and hurried down the street. When she was sure no one was looking, she Apparated away from Privet Drive, ready to leave the Muggle world behind once and for all.
* * *
James found her later that evening in the park at Spinner’s End near where she had grown up. She was sitting in the grass with the pearls around her neck, a blanket spread out beneath her. She had tucked her knees up to her chin, her wand moving idly through her fingers, and was thinking about the following day when he sat down silently beside her. She leaned her head on his shoulder, and he put his arms around her.
–How did you know I would be here?†she asked.
–I didn’t,†he ruefully admitted. –I went to your flat, to Mary’s, to the manor, even my dad’s--just about everywhere. I only stopped here on a lark.â€
–I’m glad you did,†she admitted. –I’m getting cold.†She snuggled closer to him, trying to warm up.
–Why are you out here?†he asked as he rubbed her arms. –Did you see Petunia?â€
–I did,†she replied with a shrug. –She was her usual stuffy self, although she did give me these. They were mum’s.†She showed him the pearls and he smiled. –I just wanted to be alone for a while."
"Is everything all right?†he asked. She heard the unsaid question in his voice and turned to gaze at his face in the moonlight. He looked worried, as if he did not really want to hear the answer.
"Yes," she told him, smiling. "Everything is fine." She nudged him gently on the shoulder. "I'm still getting married tomorrow, don't worry." He kissed her forehead; she could tell he was relieved.
"Then what are you doing out here?†he asked once more, lying down. He pulled her down with him, and she laid her head on his chest. –I can think of a dozen other places you could have gone to just be alone. Why here?â€
–So many questions!†she laughed, playfully swatting at his stomach. He pretended to wince in pain, and she laughed again before settling into some answers. –First of all, I came here because this is where I first found out I was a witch. Petunia and I played here all the time…â€
–Yes, I know,†said James, and she could imagine the slightly exasperated look on his face. –This is where you met Snape, he revealed your magical destiny, and you became best friends.†He paused, and she felt him tense. –You’re not thinking of him, are you?â€
–Merlin, no!†she exclaimed. –I haven’t talked to him since we left Hogwarts, why would I be thinking of him? He’s a Death Eater now!†Severus had been her best friend once, and had sometimes been a point of contention between her and James, but she had abandoned that friendship years ago. Severus had chosen to side with Voldemort, and Lily could not condone his path at any price.
–I know,†James grumbled. –I’m sorry. I still don’t get why you came here then.â€
–As I was saying,†and she paused to let him know she had been planning to say more before he had interrupted, –Petunia and I played here as children. We were very close. This is where my magical life started--and my relationship with my sister ended. I guess seeing her again tonight brought back those memories.â€
–And regrets?†he asked softly.
Lily thought about it. –No,†she answered. –No regrets. My place is with the magical community; hers is with the Muggle world. I wish we could cross between them, but Petunia is too bitter and close-minded now.â€
–She’s jealous,†James pointed out, as he had several times before.
–I know,†Lily admitted. –I guess I had hoped she could get past that now. I really thought she might come tomorrow.†They were silent for a while, simply laying together under the dark sky and enjoying their time together. –I came here to say goodbye to the Muggle world once and for all. She was my last tie to that life and it’s over. Tomorrow my new life starts.â€
James ran his hand up and down her back and kissed her hair. –And you’re still okay with that?†he murmured.
–Absolutely,†she replied without hesitation. –I’m yours.†She turned to kiss him and noticed the look on his face: doubt, uncertainty, and even fear. –You don’t look very happy about it, though,†she pointed out.
He grinned half-heartedly at her. –It’s not that,†he said. –Not at all.†He did not say anything else, just turned his gaze back toward the stars.
Lily sat up. –Okay, Potter--your turn. Why were you out looking for me? Aren’t you supposed to be with the Sirius and the others tonight?â€
–I was,†he said, turning over to his side and leaning on his elbow to face her. –Had a great run with Sirius.â€
–So?†she prodded. Something was bothering him, and now it was her turn to worry. Was he having second thoughts about the wedding?
–Are we doing the right thing?†he finally asked. –Should we really be getting married right now?â€
Lily was stunned: she felt like she had just been slapped across the face. –You don’t want to get married tomorrow?†she asked, embarrassed to hear her voice quaver.
–Of course I do!†James exclaimed. He sat up and took her hands. Lily did not feel reassured and waited for him to continue. –It’s all I’ve ever wanted, I’m just . . . worried, that’s all.â€
–About what? Spending the rest of your life with me?†she asked sarcastically.
–No.†He shook his head, running one hand through his hair like he did when he was nervous. She was puzzled; what could be bothering him so much? He looked at her very seriously when he continued.
–I’m worried about how long we’ll have,†he admitted. –I’m terrified that as soon as we’re married, I’ll lose you.†She started to protest, but he stopped her. –Not to someone else--to this damn war.â€
Lily took him in her arms. She wanted to reassure him, but couldn’t find the words. They had been attacked once already and knew they were marked; he had every right to fear for their lives. Yet that did not mean they had to stop living them as they wanted to. He had told her so many times, when she had wondered the same thing
–It’s a risk,†she finally admitted. –But we can’t let Voldemort tell us what to do or what not to do. We have to live the way we want to, the best we can. If we want to get married, we can't let the war stop us. We have to take risks,†she repeated. It suddenly struck her as absurd that getting married was such a risk, but such were the times they were living in.
James pulled her down again and kissed her. It was a long, tender kiss that, that had they not been in the middle of a public park on the eve of their wedding, would have left her wanting more. She couldn’t wait until she could wake up to a kiss like that, or fall asleep after a kiss like that. She was ready and nothing could stop them from being together--especially not Voldemort.
–You’re right, of course,†he said when they parted. He lay down on the blanket once more and pulled her close. –Do you think it’ll be safe tomorrow? I’d hate for anything to happen to our guests.â€
Lily snuggled up close. –Let them come. I’m not going to let anything stop us, are you?â€
–No,†he murmured, holding her tight. –I’m getting married tomorrow.â€
* * *
In Love and War by Gmariam
Chapter Notes: A happy marriage is a long conversation that always seems too short. ~Andre Maurois
Chapter Endnotes: Thank you once more to my beta, Samarie/Hopeful_song for reading this over!