Chapter One
The journey back to Hogwarts was cold and snowy. The grey sky opened up just as they came over a hill and snowflakes began to drape the trees, quickly coating the ground with a second layer of powdery fluff. James was walking with Remus and Julie Higgins, a sixth-year Ravenclaw prefect. Though she had initially accompanied James to Hogsmeade for the day, she was now walking close to Remus, laughing and touching his arm as they discussed a lesson from Defense Against the Dark Arts. Though James felt slightly used, it didn’t bother him too much to see Remus enjoying her company.
As they turned one last corner, James was surprised to see a lone figure walking through the snow, robes bundled tight against the chill wind. A long, red braid revealed the figure’s identity: Lily Evans. To his greater surprise, she was slightly unsteady as she tilted her face to catch snowflakes on her tongue.
He frowned, unsure what he should do. He and Lily had a tenuous relationship at best. They shared Head Boy and Head Girl duties well enough and got along much better than they had in years past; yet he sensed a lingering animosity from her, the feeling that she still found him arrogant and annoying and wanted as little to do with him as possible outside of their shared duties. It bothered him, but he had thrown himself into his increased responsibilities”Head Boy, N.E.W.T.s, Quidditch”with as much diligence as he could, and had found that, though his feelings for her had not actually changed, they were now buried beneath several layers of defenses and the silent acceptance that she would probably never see him as anything more than an immature prankster.
“You guys go on,” he told Remus and Julie. “I’ll help her out”Head Boy and all.” He gave them a small smile and walked toward Lily, who had collapsed in the snow and was making a snow angel. Julie didn’t seem bothered at all, and even took Remus’s hand as they continued to the castle. James shook his head, amused at the strange turn his day had taken.
“Lily!” he called, and she lifted her head to look for him.
“That’s Evans to you, Potter,” she said.
He rolled his eyes, not wanting to get sucked into an argument on semantics. “All right”Evans. You okay?” He stopped beside her, and she gazed up at him, her green eyes slightly unfocused.
“Yes,” she stated. “Mostly.”
“You’re completely pissed,” he pointed out. “That’s against Hogsmeade rules, even for the Head Girl.”
“Especially for the Head Girl,” she said, giggling.
James sighed; she obviously needed his help, however unwilling he was to give it or she was to receive it. He pulled her up and guided her back toward the castle, taking out his wand to dry off her wet clothes.
“Hey!” she exclaimed. “Stop that”it tickles!”
“Better than catching cold,” he replied. “So where did you go?”
“The Hog’s Head,” she replied proudly.
“With who?”
“With whom,” she corrected, and he rolled his eyes again. “Friends,” she finally answered.
“And why aren’t they walking you back?” he asked.
“Dunno,” she said, with a shrug. It was probably the first time he had ever heard her admit she did not know something.
“Some friends,” he said as they neared the gates. “Well, we can’t have you wandering the castle like this. We need to get you back to Gryffindor without running into any professors.“ He reached into his robes and pulled out his Invisibility Cloak; why he had taken it to Hogsmeade, he couldn’t have said, but he was glad he had it now, even if he had to reveal his secret. She probably wouldn’t remember in the morning, anyway.
“What’s that?” she asked curiously, leaning toward him. Her eyes were bright and her nose was pink from the cold; James was struck with the sudden urge to kiss it to warm her up. He shook his head of the thought; he had stopped imagining what it would be like to kiss Lily months ago . . . right?
“Here, take my arm. This will hide us.” She did as she was told, and he threw the cloak over both of them as they entered the castle grounds.
“Ooh, it’s an Invisibility Cloak!” she exclaimed.
“Quiet!” he hissed.
“This must be how you sneak around every month,” she whispered. “Very nice.”
“Thanks,” he replied dryly, ignoring her comment about his nocturnal wanderings.
“Do you bring your girlfriends under here often?” she continued as they walked up the steps into the castle. He steered her down the corridors toward Gryffindor Tower, away from the crowds entering the Great Hall. “It’s cozy.”
“You’re the first,” he whispered back, unable to resist the subtle innuendo.
She stuck out her tongue sideways at him. “I doubt it. Besides, I’m not your girlfriend.” She stumbled as they climbed the stairs together. James grabbed her around the waist to keep her from stumbling, but immediately dropped his hands when he realized what he had done. To his surprise, she giggled again.
“Did I burn you, Potter?” she asked coyly. “Or are you trying to stay true to Jooooo-lie?” She said the Ravenclaw’s name with exaggerated slowness and laughed at her own joke. James quieted her again as they walked down a third-floor corridor.
“No, you didn’t burn me,” he whispered, although he had certainly felt something when he put his arms out to steady her. “And Julie’s not my girlfriend. I think she’s into Remus, actually.”
Lily stopped so abruptly that James almost pulled the cloak off them both. “Oh. I’m sorry,” she said. “That’s awkward.”
He shrugged as he tugged her along once more. “Not really. I don’t mind. They have much more in common.“
“Unlike us,” she laughed, but there was a cynical edge to it now, not the innocent giggle of earlier.
“What does that mean?” he asked.
“Well, we have nothing in common, do we?” she replied. “We’re Head Girl and Head Boy, but Dumbledore only knows how that happened since you weren’t even a prefect! Yet here we are, sneaking around under this cloak!”
Something about her tone of voice bothered him, but he resolved to ignore it and just get her back to Gryffindor before things got out of hand. They had fought quite a bit at the beginning of the year as they had tried to find balance in their strange relationship as Head Boy and Head Girl, but had gradually found a common ground where they could get along without fighting every time they talked. Things had really calmed down after the winter holiday: Lily had come back to Hogwarts rather more quiet than usual, and he had decided to keep his distance to uphold the tenuous peace that had somehow sprung up between them.
“Stranger things have happened,” he shrugged. He bit his tongue to keep any sharper retort inside.
“That’s true,” she agreed. “Like this.” And, without warning, she stopped, wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him hard.
James felt the heat rush to his face and spread across his entire body. He wanted to throw off the cloak and snog her senseless right there, but of course he couldn’t: she wasn’t entirely sober. She probably didn’t even know what she was doing, and she certainly wouldn’t remember it the morning. If she did, she would most likely be incredibly angry about it, even though she had instigated it.
He pushed her away, breathless from the intensity of her kiss, and looked at her warily, wondering what her reaction could possibly be.
“Not bad, Potter,” she murmured, surprising him yet again. “Why did you stop?”
Taking her hand once more, he hurried her along toward Gryffindor Tower. “Because you obviously don’t know what you are doing,” he hissed, angry at himself more than at her. He almost wished he hadn’t stopped to help her outside, hadn’t gotten out his cloak to sneak them into the castle, because the temptation to stop and kiss her again was practically overwhelming, and yet he was also glad for it, because it had been better than he had ever imagined.
“I know exactly what I’m doing, Potter,” she whispered as she practically ran alongside him to keep up. “I should have done it a long time ago. Don’t tell me you didn’t feel anything.”
He glared at her, suddenly tired of her teasing. She couldn’t possibly mean it, after all: she had spent years rejecting him. Why would she suddenly want to snog him now? “Not at all,” he replied as blandly as he could, ignoring how untrue it was: he had certainly felt something, and his lips still tingled with it.
“Liar,” she said. “You did and you know it. You want to kiss me again. I can tell. What’s stopping you?”
“Your mouth,” he snapped. “I knew you could be annoying, but I didn’t know you could be such a drama queen.” He regretted saying it as soon as the words left his mouth, but it was said, and he could only wait for the inevitable explosion.
“Jerk,” she snapped back, pushing him away.
“Diva!” he responded, mostly by instinct.
“Prick!”
“Forget it!” he shouted, flinging the cloak to the ground and leaving them exposed. “Walk yourself back to Gryffindor. Get in trouble, for all I care.” He turned and stalked away, leaving her standing in the corridor, speechless. He was glad there was no one there to see him, for he knew his face was flushed with anger and embarrassment.
“James.”
Her voice was calm and level. He stopped and took a deep breath before he turned around. He didn’t move, didn’t say anything, but waited for her to make the next move.
She walked toward him slowly, a small smile on her face. He couldn’t tell if she was going to apologize or slap him. To his amazement, she kissed him again, and it was even more passionate than the first time. It was all he could do to force himself to grab her wrists and pull away.
“What the hell, Lily?” he exclaimed.
“What the hell, Potter?” she snapped back. “I’m throwing myself at you, and you’re pushing me away? You spent two years asking me out, and now you’re saying no? What the hell, is right.”
“Look,” he said, running his fingers through his hair for the first time all day; she was getting to him. “You’ve had too much to drink. You don’t know what you’re doing. I’m not such an arse that I’m going to take advantage of that.”
She raised her eyebrows suggestively. “What if I want you to?” she asked. She stood chest-to-chest with him, looking into his face with her deep green eyes, and James felt his breathing hitch at her closeness.
“Then you’d probably regret it tomorrow,” he said, but he felt the pull of her lips, moving closer, and it was almost too strong to resist.
“Then I’ll deal with it tomorrow,” she murmured, running her index finger down his cheek. He couldn’t help but shiver. “What about now?”
“Shit,” he mumbled as he claimed her mouth for a third time. Yet, this time, it felt more real, more right. He could almost forget that she wasn’t completely sober. He could almost believe that she really did mean it.
All the feelings he had buried and given up on returned in an intoxicating rush. He wrapped his arms around her tight, his tongue greedily exploring her mouth. He ran his hands down her back and heard her moan softly as she pressed closer to him. He thought he might explode with the sudden need to be with her forever. He never wanted it to end; that it was just a drunken delusion that they would both regret in the morning only briefly entered his thoughts. Instead, he could only think of how perfect the moment was”whatever it was.
And then it hit him: it was nothing, just a single moment of weakness for both of them. It was not the start of anything, but the end. It would mean nothing the next day, only anger and hurt and confusion. They would have to rebuild the fragile working relationship they had lived with all year, and he would have to go back to ignoring how he really felt about her. Everything”and yet nothing”would change.
James abruptly pulled back, gasping, “I’m sorry.” He was: he was sorry for taking advantage of her, for breaking down the walls they had carefully built up. Already, he felt bitter over experiencing something he could never have, and resentful for knowing what could have been.
“Don’t be,” she said, stepping back and straightening her robes. “I’m not.”
“Not yet,” he murmured, pushing his glasses back into place.
She gave him a small smile. “No, not yet,” she repeated. “Can I keep this for a while?” She gestured to the cloak, lying on the floor in a rumpled heap.
“Sure,” he said, at a loss for words. “Do you want me to walk you back?” he offered lamely. Some assistance he had turned out to be; he felt like a complete cad for trying to get her back safely only to end up groping her in the hallway.
Lily gave him a pointed look as she picked up the cloak. “I think I’ve let you help me quite enough,” she said.
There it was: the reproach, the rejection he’d been waiting for. This time, he felt angry; she had given him a glimpse of something great, something that could never be, and now she would blame him for it? His thoughts must have been obvious, for she reached up to touch his cheek and smiled.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” she said softly. “I’ll return the cloak tomorrow. Can we talk then?” She held his eyes for a moment, and James felt a little shock as he gazed back. She was clear-eyed and didn’t appear as regretful as he would have expected.
James could only nod as she walked away, throwing the cloak around her shoulders and disappearing as if into a dream. He fell back against the cool walls of the corridor, eyes closed as he tried to wrap his mind around what had just happened. He couldn’t figure it out. He only knew that he couldn’t wait to talk to her tomorrow, no matter the outcome.
* * *
Things Change by Gmariam
Chapter Endnotes: Thank you very much to Apurva for betaing reading this story, I appreciate your wonderful help! And thank you to Carole for helping me out with some British insults, I hope it works!