Chapter Ten
Lily slowly entered the castle, glancing behind her one last time when she heard another howl from the Forbidden Forest. She wandered across the Entrance Hall toward the main staircase without really paying attention to where she was going. For some reason, she felt almost light-headed with giddy delight about her unplanned rendezvous with James on the grounds and could only think about meeting him for breakfast the next morning.
A part of her wondered where he was going and what was so important that he had risked becoming an Animagus for it. Yet, she felt like he was being as honest as he could with her, and that he wasn't doing anything…dangerous, anyway. It was certainly irresponsible, given that he was an unregistered Animagus running around the forest after hours, but she sensed that he was doing something important to him, not something that would hurt someone.
As she made her way up the main staircase, Lily heard voices and was suddenly filled with irrational dread at the thought of being caught out after curfew. She was still wearing James's Invisibility Cloak, and she could probably talk her way out of it as Head Girl anyway if she were somehow discovered, but she didn't particularly want to try at that point; she just wanted to avoid whoever was coming through the Entrance Hall and make it back to the Gryffindor dormitories unseen.
When she recognized Professor Slughorn's voice, Lily relaxed slightly; she was one of his favorite students, and he would certainly overlook her being out after curfew. Then she heard Professor McGonagall's voice as well and decided she did not want to be caught by her Head of House. She could never talk her way out of it with McGonagall, and no matter how much Slughorn tried, he wouldn't be able to help her, either.
She hurried up the stairs, glancing over the edge when she heard Professor Brookstanton laughing at something Slughorn had said. She completely forgot about the trick step in the staircase until she put her foot out and sank straight down. Biting back a cry of surprise, Lily twisted awkwardly for the railing; she missed and felt something snap in her ankle as she slid into the step almost up to her waist. The Invisibility Cloak fell off and landed just out of reach several stairs below her.
Trying to pull herself out, Lily realized she had no leverage. She was stuck, and her foot was throbbing with pain. Behind her, she could hear Professor Brookstanton saying goodnight to the others — she guessed they had gone for a late drink in Hogsmeade — and begin to climb the stairs. She swore as panic set in. If she didn't want to be caught after curfew, she certainly did not want to be discovered trapped in the trick step of the main staircase so late at night.
Although her wand was stuck in her cloak pocket, Lily concentrated and somehow managed to cast a Disillusionment Charm just as Professor Brookstanton started up the staircase. She felt it trickle over her head and shoulders and, glancing at her hands, was relieved that to see that they blended in with the staircase perfectly. She held her breath, hoping Brookstanton wouldn't see, hear, or sense her. She knew she should probably ask him for help in getting out, but now she was too embarrassed. In the back of her mind, all the good things she had been thinking about James Potter vanished, and she cursed him for getting her into such a mess.
Lily ducked her head as Brookstanton stepped nimbly over the trick step. He didn't even look down as he whistled an old wizarding tune, although when she released the breath she had been holding, he turned and frowned at the staircase. She held her breath again, hoping he didn't cast some sort of revealing spell that would give away her presence, but he just shook his head and continued upward.
Below her, Professor Slughorn said goodnight to Professor McGonagall, and the Entrance Hall was once again silent. Lily began trying to wiggle her way out of the trick step again, struggling uselessly to free herself. Instead, she only managed to get herself more thoroughly wedged into the pesky stair, which made her ankle ache, and her eyes blur with frustrated tears.
She tried several other non-verbal spells, but with so much of her body trapped beneath the magic of the step, including her wand in her pocket, nothing else worked: she couldn't levitate herself out, she couldn't summon herself out, she couldn't do anything. She certainly couldn't set her broken ankle, and the pain grew to a red-hot throb that slowly worked its way up the rest of her leg.
Setting her head down on one of the steps above her, Lily angrily dashed away the tears from her eyes as she tried to figure out what to do. It was the middle of the night, and she was stuck in the staircase with an injured ankle. Once again she blamed James Potter and irrationally hated him for it. She had snuck out because of him, therefore it was his fault.
Yet even as she thought it, she knew it was wrong. James had had nothing to do with it. She had gone out on her own and had simply been careless and distracted on her way back. She would figure a way out of it herself. She was not going to spend the night in the staircase, waiting until morning for the first students heading down to breakfast to find her there; she could almost hear them laughing at the Head Girl, who tripped while sneaking out…
Lily shook her head, trying to stay awake, but she was tired, emotionally drained, and in pain, and she felt her eyes begin to drift shut once more. She thought she saw a stag, a dog, and a large wolf running through the Entrance Hall below, but realized she was only dreaming and ignored it, letting her eyes close and following them out into the Forest, where the moon lit the sky and a silver doe joined them…
A sudden noise made Lily start awake, her eyes flying open with alarm. She realized she was not in fact a silver doe, and that the sky through the castle windows showed the barest hint of light; it must be close to dawn. Glancing around for the noise that had awakened her, Lily saw Madam Pomfrey coming up the stairs below; walking beside her, his head bowed with fatigue, was Remus Lupin.
Lily gasped and saw Remus frown as he moved slowly up the staircase. Madam Pomfrey stepped right over her, but Remus's keen ears had heard her, and she knew he would help her. "Remus!" she whispered. He glanced around, finally pinpointing her position even though he couldn't see her. "I'm stuck in the step!" she murmured.
He looked terrible: pale and exhausted, his eyes were dark and shadowed. Yet she saw the smallest hint of a smile as he realized where she was and what had happened. If she hadn't been so tired and in pain, it might have infuriated her, but she was too spent to care. She just wanted to get out, have her ankle tended, and fall into bed.
"Madam Pomfrey, I think I dropped my wand," Remus said. "I'll be right there."
"Be careful, dear," said Pomfrey. "Watch out for the trick step, it's easy to miss when you're tired." She continued up the staircase, and Lily thanked Merlin that she might get out of this yet without being seen by an adult.
When she was sure Pomfrey had moved down the corridor toward the hospital wing, Lily released the Disillusionment Charm. Remus looked down at her, a highly amused look on his face.
"Don't tell me you've been there all night," he said, smiling gently.
"I have, and I think I broke my ankle." Lily felt her eyes sting again and brushed away the tears once more. "So if you could please help me out without any teasing, I would very much appreciate it."
His face changed from amused to concerned, and he took her hands and pulled as hard as he could. The stair did not want to give up that easily, however, and he had to grasp her under her shoulders to finally get her out. Her ankle throbbing with the sudden release, Lily groaned as she tried to stand, but couldn't support herself and began to lose her balance. Remus caught her.
"Thanks," she murmured. She felt dizzy and lightheaded after the long night. She needed to see Madam Pomfrey, regardless of the consequences.
"I assume you're heading toward the hospital wing?" she asked as he put her arm around his shoulder and helped her up the stairs. He could feel him straining and felt bad for it; whatever had happened to him, he was obviously suffering as well.
"Of course I am," he replied. "Looks like I'll have some company. What shall we tell Pomfrey?"
Lily thought about it; maybe she could still save her dignity after all. "How about I tripped coming down the stairs in Gryffindor and hurt my ankle? We're allowed to be up and about in our own houses, after all."
Remus nodded as she limped down the corridor with him. "And if she asks, I'll tell her I found you making your way here when I went back for my wand."
"Thank you, Remus," Lily murmured once more. "I owe you again."
"Maybe." He shrugged. "Although I suspect it's my fault you were out so late."
Lily frowned. "How is it your fault? I went to see James, actually."
"He didn't tell you, then?" Remus asked, glancing sideways at her in surprise.
"He told me…" Lily hesitated, remembering her conversation with James out on the grounds. She had not seen Remus's name on the map, but James had implied that Remus knew what was going on, only he had a different secret of his own. Lily suddenly wondered if it had something to do with Remus's frequent visits to the hospital wing.
"He told me he was an Animagus," she finally finished. "He showed me, actually."
"Ah," said Remus. "That's a big step, isn't it?"
Lily burst out laughing: he meant it seriously, but it just struck her as riotously funny at that moment. "I guess so. But then, I accused him of being a werewolf, so he sort of had to prove he wasn't."
Remus stopped just outside the doors of the hospital wing. "You thought he was a werewolf?" he asked, his voice sounding odd. "Why?"
Lily gave him a puzzled look. "He told me it was dangerous to be outside tonight. When he kept staring at the full moon, I thought maybe that was why."
She was surprised to see his lips curl into a bitter smile. "And so he showed you he was a stag instead."
"He did. Remus, what's wrong? Why are you looking at me like that?"
"You didn't wonder why he was out running around the Forbidden Forest as a stag during the full moon?" he asked, and Lily heard the bitterness in his voice now. She frowned again.
"Of course I did, but he said it really was a matter of life and death. He said it was just something he had to do." She shrugged. "He was very worried and very sincere. I believed him."
Remus sighed as he led her into the hospital wing. "He's a good friend, and so are you."
Before Lily could say anything, Madam Pomfrey turned and saw them. She made a clucking noise when she saw Lily limping into the room with Remus and hurried over.
"Mr. Lupin, what are you doing? You've had quite a night already. You know where you should be." Remus nodded, obviously too drained by helping Lily up the stairs to react to the nurse's reprimands. She suddenly wondered if he had slept at all as he dragged himself to the end of the wing, where a bed had apparently been prepared for him. He started to pull off his shirt as he moved behind the privacy screen, and Lily noticed a long scar running down his back.
"What happened to you, Miss Evans? It's far too early to be about the castle, you know." Madam Pomfrey guided her to a nearby bed and pushed her down. She quickly took off Lily's shoes. Lily glanced down to see that her ankle had swelled to twice its normal size, and had to look away as the nurse examined it with gentle hands.
"I fell down the stairs in Gryffindor," she said softly, holding back tears as Pomfrey cast a spell on her foot. There was a blinding pain as Lily felt the bones in her ankle grind back into place, but with another flick of the wand, she felt the pain begin to subside. She glanced at it and saw that the swelling was going down as well, although she knew there was nothing to be done about the bruising. "I thought I could make it here on my own."
Pomfrey shook her head. "Of course you did, you all do. I suppose you went back to get dressed before you came?"
Lily felt herself flush. "I was up early and decided to study in the common room."
"In your shoes and cloak?"
"I was cold."
"That's what robes and slippers are for, dear. Now, you're lucky Mr. Lupin helped you up the stairs; you would have just made it worse on your own. You'll have a nasty bruise, but I've set the bone and the swelling should be gone by tomorrow."
"Is he okay?" Lily asked, glancing down the ward toward Remus's bed.
"He'll be fine," Pomfrey replied curtly. "You both need a bit of rest. You look like you've been up all night as well."
"No, I fell asleep on the…" Lily stopped herself, shaking her head as she realized she was confusing her stories. "…on the couch studying."
"Mmm-hmm. I thought you got up early to study." Pomfrey clearly didn't believe her, but didn't seem inclined to ask any more questions either. Lily was grateful, as she didn't feel like trying to explain her mismatched lies.
"Well, get some sleep, and in a few hours you can go to breakfast," Pomfrey said. She pulled the blankets up to Lily's chin and gave her a very stern look. Lily simply nodded and closed her eyes.
She listened to Pomfrey's footsteps move away, then peaked through slit eyelids to watch her make her way toward Remus's bed. She did not hear what they said, but could imagine the stern nurse tending Remus in much the same no-nonsense manner. She did not stay long, but left the hospital wing in semi-darkness.
When Lily was sure Madam Pomfrey had gone, she quietly limped down to Remus's bed. She was not surprised to see him lying there with his eyes open, as if he had expected her. She knew she shouldn't be prying, but she was concerned for her friend. A strange idea had begun to form in her mind as she struggled to place his bitterness from earlier.
"Are you okay?" she asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed. She studied his face and was once again struck by how weary he looked. He was pale and had a deep scratch across his arm. He also seemed bitter and guarded, as if something more were bothering him than whatever had put him in the hospital wing.
"Same as usual." He shrugged, sitting up against the pillows but not looking at her. "How's your ankle?"
"It'll be fine," she replied. She was quiet, trying to figure out what to say. He was not usually so closed. "Were you with James tonight?" she finally asked. "Out on the grounds?"
He nodded, but did not say anything. She thought he was probably waiting for her to puzzle it out. She continued.
"You're not an Animagus, like him, are you?" she asked. He shook his head, turning toward her and watching her face.
"Are you…" She hated even saying it after James's reaction, but this time she felt she was right. It made sense now. "Are you a werewolf?" she finally finished, her voice barely a whisper.
He merely tipped his head to her, and she felt a piece of her heart go out to him.
"Oh, Remus," she said, taking his hand. "I'm so sorry. Why didn't you ever say anything?"
"And risk further torture and estrangement?" he replied bitterly. "This is quite enough, thank you. I'd rather the entire castle didn't shun me."
Lily frowned. "You don't really think people would do that, would they? You're a model student, a Gryffindor prefect, a—"
"A werewolf," he interrupted, his face hard. He sighed as he looked away. "And that's all they would see, if they knew. It's a scary thing."
"I'm not scared of you," she said.
"You would be if you had seen me earlier tonight," he murmured. "Werewolves attack wizards, you know. And turn them into werewolves as well."
"Is that what happened to you?" she asked without thinking. "I'm sorry, if you don't want to tell me, you don't have to."
"No, it's okay," he said. "It happened a long time ago. I was attacked when I was just a boy." He paused before continuing, and Lily sensed that he really wanted to tell her what had happened to him. She steeled herself, knowing it would be both painful for him to share and painful for her to hear. And yet, she wondered if he had ever really talked about it with his friends, and so she listened to his story: the horrible attack by a werewolf named Fenrir Greyback, his first painful transformation, his difficult life following the night that changed his life.
She was saddened to hear that his mother had struggled with his lycanthropy more than either Remus or his father. She learned that Remus had never expected to attend Hogwarts, until Professor Dumbledore had assured John Lupin that there was indeed a place at Hogwarts for his son. She was shocked to hear how that was made possible.
"The Whomping Willow?" she exclaimed. "What does that have to do with your transformations?"
Lily listened in amazement as Remus told her how he snuck through a tunnel beneath the massive tree to a shack in Hogsmeade, where he could be alone and away from other humans during the full moon. She shook her head, unable to believe the truth behind the Shrieking Shack, as it had quickly come to be known. She could not imagine the pain and suffering he suffered there each and every month to inspire such a heartbreaking name.
"And that's my story," he finally concluded. "I'd appreciate it if you kept it to yourself, of course."
"Of course!" she exclaimed. "But Remus…can I ask one more question?"
"Absolutely," he replied. She was glad to see that he seemed less bitter after sharing so much with her. He seemed stronger somehow, as if by sharing such a dark secret he had somehow made it easier to bear.
"What does James, Sirius, and Peter being Animagi have to do with you being a werewolf?" Lily asked.
To her surprise, he actually smiled. He sat up a bit straighter and learned towards her, lowering his voice.
"James and Sirius figured out what was going on during our second year," he began. Lily gasped.
"They've known all along? And they kept it secret?" she asked.
"Of course," he replied. "That's what good friends do. Only they took it one step further. They decided that if they couldn't help me with my transformations as humans, they would help me as animals. It took them almost three years, but they finally managed the Animagus transformation during our fifth year."
Lily was wide-eyed with amazement. "All on their own?" she asked, once more impressed with the accomplishment, in spite of its unusual inspiration. "So James is a stag, Sirius is a dog, and Peter is a…?"
"Peter is a rat," Remus grinned. "Which actually works out perfectly. There's a way to stop the Whomping Willow from actually whomping you, a small knot at the base. Peter transforms and stops the tree so the others can use the tunnel. Every month they join me in the Shrieking Shack using their Animagus forms. For some reason, werewolves don't attack other animals, only humans."
"Oh my," Lily said, shaking her head. "So James was serious when he said he had to go, that he couldn't let you down. That's where he goes every month, to the Shrieking Shack to help with your transformation."
Remus nodded. "Go easy on him, Lily. I know he really wanted to be with you last night, but as a stag, only he and Sirius are large enough to keep me in control should something go wrong."
"Has it?" she asked without thinking once more. Remus blanched and looked away.
"No, and we probably take a terrible risk every month we do this." He looked back, his eyes pleading with her to understand. "But it's the only way my transformations are bearable. Locked in the Shrieking Shack by myself, I used to bite and scratch the only thing available: me. But with them, I'm more in control, somehow — more myself."
"Now I understand why he thought it was so dangerous for me to be out last night," she murmured. She smiled at him. "I'll go easy on him. I might make him sweat a bit, but I think I understand now. I'm glad he's such a good friend to you."
"He'll be just as good to you, Lily," Remus said, his voice sincere. "If not even better."
"Better than what?" called a voice from behind her. Lily saw Remus's eyes widen slightly as she heard them: several people came running into the hospital wing and skidded to an abrupt stop behind her. Someone dropped a very unflattering word, and she knew that James and his friends had found her.
* * *
Things Change by Gmariam
Chapter Endnotes: Many thanks to my beta, CoolCatElly/Elene! I really appreciate your commitment and attention to detail! Any mistakes are my own. And this story really is wrapping up soon.