Chapter Eleven
Lily was perfectly aware that she should have met James in the common room ages ago, and that he was probably thinking the worst about her absence. Yet she rather liked the idea of him squirming a bit after all he'd put her through the last week. She'd chased after him enough; if he was really interested, he'd find her. He had a magical map, after all.
She didn't even turn when she heard them come up behind her. Remus saw the look on her face and hid a grin; he was so perceptive, he figured her out immediately. She winked at him before finally turning towards James, Sirius, and Peter with as indifferent a demeanor as she could manage.
They were all standing there with equally astonished looks on their faces, although she was slightly surprised and somewhat glad to see that James also seemed a bit jealous. She saw him try to swallow it and appear unconcerned, and she couldn't help but smile sympathetically at Remus just to make James glance away.
"Morning, Evans," said Sirius, trying to sound casual. "What are you doing up here?"
She stood and crossed her arms over her chest, raising an eyebrow as she paused before answering. "Listening to a very interesting story, Black," she finally answered. She was enjoying their discomfort and intended to prolong it for as long as she could.
"Nothing about us, I imagine. We're not that interesting." Sirius was obviously trying to flash Remus a very pointed look; Lily raised her eyebrows even higher.
"Actually, it was fascinating, Padfoot," she replied. James actually gulped and took a step forward.
"Lily, look — I can explain, really. I—" He seemed positively mortified at her reaction, which was odd, since he had little to apologize for to her. Yes, he was an illegal Animagus who left the school grounds after hours to run with a werewolf, but Remus's tale explained it much better and almost painted their nocturnal wanderings in a sympathetic light.
"Oh, there's no need," she said, still giving each of them her most withering Head Girl look and enjoying their reaction. "Remus told me everything."
"He did?" James blew out a breath and turned to his friend. To her surprise, he wasn't worried about her reaction now; he was concerned for Remus. He was more worried about his friend's secret, and that both irritated her and endeared him to her.
"I'm sorry, Moony. I showed her my form last night." He did not look at her, only at his friends, and Lily suddenly felt like she was intruding on a private moment. "I should have checked with you first."
Remus was silent, but Lily saw the small smile he was hiding. "It's not just up to us, mate," said Sirius, coming up beside Remus. "Besides, Evans is okay." He winked at her, and she couldn't help but roll her eyes.
"Thanks, Black," she murmured.
James glanced at her and then back at Remus. "Are you okay with it?"
Remus relaxed and actually laughed. "It's not like we can take it back, Prongs. And Sirius is right — Lily has every right to know now. I trust her."
"Thank you, Remus," she said, and this time she meant it.
James gripped his friend on the shoulder before turning back to her. "So now what?" he asked, simply and directly.
"I'm not going to tell anyone," she said, suddenly feeling defensive.
"I know," he said. He looked confused, and the other three boys grinned at his discomfort. "That's not what I meant at all. I meant, what about…" He trailed off as Sirius snorted, and Peter hid a grin behind his hand. "Oh hell, let's get out of here." He grabbed her hand and pulled her down the ward toward the door. Lily grinned at his friends, unable to resist letting them in on her act, and they burst into laughter at her and James's hurried exit.
"So where are we going this time?" Lily asked conversationally. He was almost running and had not let go of her hand. Instead of being irritated, like she had been the previous night when he had practically pulled her out of the common room, she was instead rather enjoying his uneasy nervousness. She completely ignored the dull pain in her ankle.
"I don't know," he panted. "Someplace private. Someplace away from all this." They had reached the Entrance Hall, and he gestured around at the dozens of students coming and going from breakfast in the Great Hall. Then he stopped dead in his tracks and groaned. "Someplace away from him." He turned and pulled Lily the other way, but she heard a voice behind her.
"Potter! Where's your gear?" It was Thomas Kirke, the Gryffindor Quidditch captain, and he was frowning as he maneuvered through the crowd to catch up with them. James stopped and gave him an exasperated look. "I'm glad you found your girlfriend, but we've got a game on in two hours. We let you out of practice last night because you said you'd make it this morning. Be there or you're off the team, Potter — Head Boy or not."
"I said I'd be there, and I will," snapped James. "Sod off, I've got time."
"You've got fifteen minutes, Potter," said Kirke, unruffled by James's attitude. "And don't forget to eat."
James ran his hand through his hair as he watched Kirke head to practice. "Bloody prat," he muttered under his breath.
Lily squeezed his hand. "No, he's right. You've got a game; you need to be there. We can talk later."
His face whipped toward her, and for the first time that morning she realized just how run-down he was: he'd been seriously injured in the hallway duel with Snape just two days ago, only to spend most of the previous night up running around the grounds keeping his werewolf best friend in line. His eyes were dull, his cheeks pale, and he looked almost ready to collapse.
"Although, he's also right about eating something," she pointed out. "You look terrible, and some food might help. Come on, we can talk in the Great Hall." He protested, but she dragged him back towards the doors. Breakfast was almost over and the hall was now half empty. They found a place alone at the end of the Gryffindor table and ignored any interested or amused looks from their fellow students; instead, they both tucked into their food, silent for several minutes as they ate.
"I almost wish you could cast that charm from the hospital wing," Lily murmured, helping herself to a second glass of pumpkin juice and more porridge. She was surprised at how hungry she was, but she hadn't had anything to eat since dinner the previous day, and it had been a rather long, emotional night. Her ankle was sore, and she propped it on the bench next to her.
"The silencing charm?" James mumbled through a mouthful of sausage and eggs. "I suppose I could, but I don't think it would go over well with McGonagall if she noticed." He inclined his head toward the table in front, where the professors were just finishing their own meals.
"I suppose not," said Lily. She passed him a plate of biscuits. "But then, what more is there to say? I think everything is out there now. Kirke even called me your girlfriend."
James abruptly put his fork down, staring at her with his mouth half open. "He did, didn't he?" he asked, sounding surprised. "And you didn't blow up."
Lily rolled her eyes. "You're right, I didn't! Would you like me to do that now? Make a big scene, like we used to?"
"Of course not!" he exclaimed, glancing around the hall to see if anyone was watching. He reached across the table and took her hand. "I'd much rather you just say 'yes.'"
"To what?" she asked, not sure what he meant, although she rather hoped it was what she was thinking.
"To being my girlfriend," he replied. "You do want…I mean, after all that's happened, I just thought…" he trailed off, his face falling.
Lily leaned over and kissed him soundly. They were obviously being watched, as there were a few jeers and whistles from down the table, but she ignored them. "Yes. After all that's happened this week, how could I say no?"
"You almost had me for a minute," James breathed. He looked immensely relieved. "Look, are you done?"
"Well, no…"
"Grab something to go. I need to get my equipment, but I want to keep talking." He stood, finished one last glass of juice, and tossed an apple in his pocket. Lily followed, grabbing a biscuit for later.
"It's always something with you, isn't it?" she murmured as they hurried from the hall. She winced as her ankle protested, but James just grinned, and she was so glad to see him looking better that she once again ignored the pain.
"You have no idea."
* * *
Lily shook her head and laughed, and James felt his heart leap at the sound. He remembered a time when she would have narrowed her eyes and jinxed him for everything that had happened over the last week. That she was still talking to him made him think she really was interested; that she had said yes to his extremely inelegant question confirmed it, yet he still felt uncertain.
Or rather, he felt guilty. He felt like he had treated her badly, when in reality their timing had just been terrible all week. He had been injured and laid up in the hospital wing, he had been out with his friends the night before, and now he had to hurry to a Quidditch game that suddenly mattered less than anything else at the moment. He just wanted to find someplace private, sit down for a good long talk, and perhaps finish with an uninterrupted snog.
Lily may have been right, though: there was probably little to talk about. He had bared just everything out on the grounds the previous night. She could have run off and reported him, or even worse, rejected him then and there and refused to have anything to do with him. Yet she hadn't, and once again his heart did a little flip. Even after hearing the rest of the story from Remus, she was still here, still hurrying through the castle with him. What was there to say after all that?
James heard a sharp intake of breath next to him, and realized with a start that she was limping. Of course there was something else to talk about — how had she found Remus in the hospital wing? Did it have something to do with the reason was she limping? With a frown, he slowed down and steered her into a nearby classroom. It was the same classroom they had talked in not less than a week ago, when he had walked out because he had thought she was using him. Shaking his head at how wrong he had been, he helped her sit and kneeled in front of her, concerned.
"What's wrong?" he asked. "Are you hurt? Did something happen last night?" He was suddenly worried about what had happened after he left her at the entrance, and kicked himself for not asking her sooner.
She reached down to rub her ankle. "Actually, yes. I broke my ankle last night." James gasped, and she appeared amused at the look of horror on his face. "It's okay now, though," she laughed. "Madam Pomfrey set it, and it feels loads better. It's just all the fast walking we've done…" she trailed off, looking sheepish.
"Lily!" James exclaimed. "Why didn't you say something? I'm sorry! I didn't know—"
"You didn't ask," she pointed out, sounding amused.
James shook his head as he sat down next to her. "I'm sorry. I'm so distracted, not to mention dead tired. What happened? Are you sure you're okay? Is there anything I can do?"
"I’m fine," Lily laughed, her eyes twinkling merrily, no doubt at his unease. "Really, I am. And there's nothing you can do. I should be resting it. As for what happened, it's a bit embarrassing, really." She was blushing, but James took her hand and smiled.
"It couldn't possibly be more embarrassing than me being a complete arse for not even noticing. What happened?" he asked again.
He listened as she told him about her accident on the steps, how Remus had finally found her, and how she had come to the hospital wing with him. He couldn't believe that she had suffered so much, all so he could cavort with his friends under the full moon.
"And that's how I ended up talking with Remus this morning," she concluded. "So it's not as dramatic as it sounds — bit thick of me, really."
James wrapped his arms around her, stroking her hair. She sighed as she leaned into him, and if he could stay that way with her forever, right then and right there, he would gladly give up his place on the Quidditch team. It felt so right, so natural, that it was a wonder he had ever stopped thinking about the possibility.
"I'm so sorry that happened," he murmured. "All because I had to run off with my friends. I should have stayed with you."
"No!" she exclaimed, turning to look at him. "I understand, I really do. I won't say it's fun being rejected for a guy's best friend—" He made a strangling sound in his throat, but she stopped him with a finger to his lips. "—but after Remus told me why you were out there last night, everything made sense. That's a remarkable thing to do for a friend. Dangerous, but brave."
James snorted somewhat bitterly. He didn't feel brave at all, and he knew it was dangerous every month they went out there. Yet it hadn't stopped them yet, and now Lily was calling it remarkable. It made him feel worse. "There's nothing remarkable or brave about it, Lily. It's just something we do for Remus — or rather, we justify it by telling ourselves we're helping him, and ignore the danger."
"Well, it's over for this month," Lily pointed out. "Maybe we can finally have some peace and quiet together — no duels, no midnight running."
James raised his eyebrows. "You mean, some quality alone time? Whatever for?"
"There was something else you said the other night…" Lily trailed off, looking uncomfortable. James stiffened; he had been hoping she would not bring that up. He had to admit it seemed rash to have said such a thing, first to his friends, and then to her. And yet, it was true: he had liked her for so long that, even when he had given up on her, it was inevitable he would fall in love with her now. Having said it out loud, he couldn't take it back, and he wouldn't do that anyway, because he had meant it. He only hoped it didn't push her away.
"Well," he began, scratching idly behind his ear before running a hand through his hair in the nervous way he had. He knew it was a habit that drove her nuts, but didn't care at the moment; he was more worried about saying the right thing. "I meant it," he finally replied. "I know it seems sudden, and I hope it doesn't scare you, but I've always liked you, Lily. This week has only shown me how much more."
He couldn't read the look in her eyes, and thinking back to what had happened a week ago, when she had been so unpredictable, James braced himself for a slap, or worse. He was surprised when she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, long and deep and passionately. How many times had she kissed him like that over the last twenty-four hours? She must feel something. She had agreed to be his girlfriend, after all.
"I think I feel—" she began, her tongue so close to his ear that he felt shivers down to his toes. He gasped as an electric shock seemed to pass through him, and he grabbed her around the waist, wrapping her legs around him as he stopped her with another kiss, his hands almost unstoppable as they roamed up and down her back, under her shirt, down her thighs…
"Oops, we've interrupted again," said a voice from the doorway. James groaned and let his head fall to Lily's shoulder. She sighed and turned to face their repeated tormenter: Sirius stood in the doorway, with Peter next to him, holding the Marauder's Map.
"Sorry, mate," said Sirius, though he did not seem quite as apologetic as the previous night. He grinned. "Kirke sent us after you. Said you had practice this morning for the big game." He tossed a bag at James's feet: his Quidditch equipment, the very bag he had been on his way to Gryffindor for before he had been waylaid once again.
"Thanks," James muttered as Lily stood and straightened her clothes.
"Great timing once again, Black," she murmured.
"Thanks, Evans," he replied. "But Prongs here has interrupted me so many times he probably deserves it."
"I don't," she pointed out. She limped toward him and looked up into his face. "In fact, next time you use that map and show up when I'm trying to enjoy some private time with my boyfriend—" James grinned at the slightly surprised look on Sirius's face "—I will personally and painfully charm your bollocks so they are the size of acorns." She stopped and smiled sweetly. "Got it?"
Sirius actually seemed speechless; Peter answered instead. "Sorry, Lily. We'll leave you guys alone." He turned Sirius around and pushed him toward the door. Over his shoulder, he gave her a silent, "Nice one!" and left, grinning as Sirius shook his head, muttering about nuts.
"Come on," said Lily, taking his hand. "Let's get you to practice."
James reluctantly picked up the bag of his equipment and followed her from the classroom. "I can't believe you just said that to him."
"Do you think he believed me?" she asked, her eyes sparkling mischievously. "Because I meant it."
"Oh, he believes you," James laughed. "And you threatened him in just the right place, too."
"I thought so," she replied. "I just don't want them constantly appearing wherever we happen to go."
"That'll be a change," James murmured as they hurried through the Entrance Hall out onto the grounds. The crisp air hit him in the face, shocking him with its brittle wind. A few snowflakes fluttered in the wind. He wanted more than anything to turn around and head right back to the empty classroom and pick up where they left off. He even slowed down, dreading the thought of flying off into the cold air when he could be wrapped in Lily's warm arms.
"Hey, Potter!" Lily waved her hand in front of his face. "I know your thoughts are elsewhere, but we'll have to continue with them later." She gave him a coy look. "After you win the match, perhaps."
"Are you trying to motivate me?" he asked, rubbing her hands warm for his own sake as much as hers as they made their way toward the Quidditch pitch.
"Is it working?" she asked.
"You're a cruel woman," he lamented, "but I'll do my best to bring home the victory."
"I hope so. I'll feel responsible if you don't."
"More like you'll be responsible if we do." He stopped and turned toward her, taking her face in his hands one last time before he headed to practice. "I can't believe this is actually happening."
"What, the game?" she asked, though the sly look on her face gave away her clear understanding of his meaning.
"Yes," he replied sarcastically. "I can't believe the game is finally here, when I could think of any other number of things I'd rather be doing today."
"Hm, me too," she replied, moving closer. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.
"I can't believe us," he said softly, shaking his head to himself. "After all we've been through, and after the week we've had, I can't believe how lucky I am."
He felt her smile against his chest. "Yes, you are. But stranger things have happened." She threw his words from a week ago back at him with a smile.
"Things change," he agreed, echoing her own words.
She tilted her head up to kiss him quickly. "They certainly do. And I'm glad, James. Not everyone gets to literally date a stag." She giggled, and he laughed with her.
"Or a beautiful doe," he murmured, embracing her again.
"Go play your match, Potter," she finally sighed, pulling away. "I'm going to go back to the castle and stay warm until the game starts."
"But you'll be there?" he asked, throwing his Quidditch gear over his shoulder.
"I'll be there!" she laughed, walking away. "I promise!"
As she walked toward the castle, she titled her head toward the sky and began catching snowflakes on her tongue. It was exactly the way he had found her a week ago, coming back from Hogsmeade, and he was reminded of their encounter that day, that now seemed so long ago. He wondered what might have happened if he hadn't stopped to help her, if she hadn't kissed him, if they hadn't talked and fought and talked some more. He wondered what her Patronus would have been in Defense Against the Dark Arts, if he would have still dueled Snape in the corridors, or if Lily would have followed him out to the grounds and learned his secret.
With one last glance over his shoulder, James headed toward the locker room to get ready for the game. He shook his head and smiled to himself: things had certainly changed, and he wouldn't change a thing.
* * *
Things Change by Gmariam
Chapter Endnotes: Thank you once again the Elene/CoolCatElly for beta-reading this last chapter. Yes, it is finished! I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you for all the reviews! And don't worry, I'll certainly be writing more James/Lily. :)