Chapter Two
Lily turned the corner, tossing the Invisibility Cloak around her shoulders. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw James sag against the wall behind her. She wanted to stay, but sensed that her out of character behavior was confusing him—although he had certainly returned that last kiss with enthusiasm. The part of her mind that was thinking logically recognized how horribly she had just treated him, and yet the other part of her—the part that never did anything impulsive—rejoiced at having done something so impetuous, something she had wanted to do for a very long time: kiss James Potter.
She just hadn't found the courage to act on it until today, until a drink or two at the Hog's Head had loosened her normally calm and rational nature. It hadn’t even been that much, just enough to let her relax and embrace the opportunity to have fun with her friends a bit without worrying about school. She certainly hadn’t expected to run into James Potter in that state of mind, and could hardly believe what she had done.
Lily decided not to return to Gryffindor right away. She didn't want to run into any of her friends now, especially Mary, and have to answer questions about her long walk home alone. It would be even worse to run into James again, since she was definitely not ready to talk about what had just happened. Instead, she headed up toward one of the long hallways on the seventh floor, hoping to find a window niche where she could watch the snowfall and think about what she was going to say to James the next day.
As she rounded a corner, she nearly ran into a couple pressed against the fall, kissing passionately. She almost gasped when she realized it was Remus Lupin and Julie Higgins, the Ravenclaw who had apparently gone to Hogsmeade with James…only to end up with one of his best friends. Stuffing a hand in her mouth to stifle her laugh, she hurried past them. Unfortunately, Remus seemed to have good reflexes.
"Did you feel something?" he asked, ending the kiss and glancing around the corridor. Lily slowed down to listen.
"No," said Julie. "Why? You're not worried someone is going to see us up here, are you? Everyone is in the Great Hall now."
"Well, no, not exactly," Remus hedged. "It's just not very private, is it?"
Julie giggled, and Lily rolled her eyes at the girlish sound; surely she hadn't been making that same sound with James? "You're worried about James, aren't you?" That stopped Lily, and she turned to listen without shame.
Remus nodded somewhat guiltily. "I am. You were spending the day with him, after all."
Julie ran her fingers along Remus's jaw, and Lily saw him shudder a bit; hadn't she just done the same to James as well?
"He went off with Lily Evans, didn't he? So I have every right to snog his best friend, don't I?" Lily was slightly surprised at how manipulative she was—and how Remus didn't seem to mind at the moment. Did women really have so much power over men? Was that how James had looked moments ago?
"He was just trying to help her," Remus offered, beginning to nuzzle her neck.
"Yes, but he still fancies her, doesn't he?" she replied. "They're Head Boy and Head Girl, they spend a lot of time together—for all we know, they could be doing the same thing we are right now!"
Remus stopped to think about what Julie had said, then laughed. Lily couldn't help but feel slightly irritated: was he laughing at the thought of James still liking her, or the thought of them kissing? Was either really so improbable?
"I doubt it," he finally said. "He says he’s over her, and she barely gives him the time of day outside of Head duties."
"Things change," murmured Julie, silencing Remus with a kiss. "Look at how my day turned out." Lily turned and fled before she witnessed anything else, or before she heard more gossip about her and James.
"Things do change," she said to herself. She had changed a lot over the past few months. The responsibility of being Head Girl was challenging and finally starting to affect her N.E.W.T. studies. The additional aggravation of working with a boy who had spent over two years teasing, taunting, and tormenting her with endless invitations to go out with him—and who had now matured into a responsible Head Boy who was doing exceptionally well in class—only made the situation worse. The very scary things happening outside of Hogwarts were slowly starting to affect the castle as well, and tensions were high between the houses. Lily found herself feeling less content every day; instead, she felt unsure, uncertain, and unsettled.
Coming to her favorite niche, Lily settled down under the cloak and looked out at the new snow. She sighed as she realized that the biggest part of her problem was not her increased responsibilities, or her more challenging classes, or even the war outside. It was James: she wanted to hold on to her irritation with him, but found it slipping away more every day as her feelings slowly morphed into something she desperately wanted to deny.
She still didn’t understand his appointment as Head Boy. He hadn't even been a prefect! Why wasn't Remus Head Boy instead? Or Rob Goldstein? Or Kieran Tyler? She could have worked with any of them. The truth was, she had been expecting James to screw up, but he hadn't. It had been a rough start, yet he had settled into responsibility like he had been born to it; perhaps Dumbledore had known it all along and had just been waiting for it. James had grown into a solid Head Boy, and managed his Quidditch game with his N.E.W.Ts as well. In fact, he was getting higher marks than her in some classes, and that galled her even more: he was actually doing better than her, when for so many years she had been at the top of the class and able to thumb her nose at him, his attitude, and his annoying pranks.
Now that she couldn't look down at him, Lily had to look him square in the face every day and had come to gradually admit some things to herself: he was handsome, in an quirky sort of way. It was not the same good look as Sirius Black, but he had a nice face. When he smiled at her, it was no longer with the cocky, conceited attitude that he had spent years perfecting. Instead, he seemed more open, relaxed, and confident, not brash. He had become a man who was comfortable with himself and successful at what he did, and not only was Lily slightly envious of that, but she found it extremely attractive. It was unsettling to think of him so differently.
She did think about him—a lot. Too much, in fact. She had gone home for her sister's wedding over the Christmas holiday, and something about it —though Vernon Dursley was an ugly pig of a man—had opened her mind to the possibility of romance. For whatever reason, James Potter had slipped in and wouldn't leave.
She found herself staring at him more and more, wanting to be with him more and more. She looked forward to their duties as Head Boy and Head Girl, and sometimes wished there were other reasons for them to work together. She occasionally daydreamed about kissing him, and she even missed him when he excused himself to sneak off with his friends, something that had bothered her to no end at the beginning of the year.
Lily didn't want to admit it, but she was really starting to like James Potter. Even worse, she had probably messed it all up with her impulsive, uncharacteristic actions in the corridor. She dropped her head to her knees, suddenly embarrassed for what she had done, and sad for what she had probably ended before it even began.
“I see you learned the secret tonight,” said a voice behind her. Lily looked up to see Remus Lupin standing there, leaning against the opposite wall as he regarded her curiously. He motioned at the cloak that had fallen to the floor. “At least one of them.”
"One?” she asked, leaning over to pick up the cloak. She had been so wrapped up in her thoughts that she hadn’t even realized when it had slipped off. “There are more?”
“Maybe,” he replied, with a wink. “So how did you come by the cloak?”
“James let me borrow it so I could get back to Gryffindor unseen.”
Remus raised his eyebrows. “It works better when you keep it on, you know.”
Lily rolled her eyes at him. “How did you know I would be here, anyway?” she asked.
“I didn’t,” he admitted. “I felt something brush by me and had a feeling someone was sneaking around under the cloak, so I decided to walk around a bit. I’m surprised you’re alone.”
“Why?”
“Because I assumed James was helping you back to Gryffindor, like he said.”
“He tried,” she sighed. “But I made things rather difficult.”
Remus gave her a mock frown. “You? Make something difficult for James? Never!”
“Not the way you might think,” she said with a half-hearted smile.
“I’m sure it was a stimulating encounter,” he murmured.
Lily gave him a studied look and decided to tell him. She had worked with Remus as a prefect and felt like she could trust him. Of all James’s friends, he was probably the only one who might actually listen and try to help her. “It was a bit like your encounter with a certain Ravenclaw prefect nearby,” she said, hoping he would understand, and enjoying the opportunity to tease him after what she had seen in the corridor.
Remus blushed and looked away. “You saw that, did you?” She grinned and nodded; he seemed even more embarrassed. “Everything?”
“Just about,” Lily replied. “Where did she go?”
Remus coughed. “Some Ravenclaws went by and caught us. They dragged her off to dinner, giggling like mad.” He sat down beside her. “So, what exactly did you see?”
"Enough,” she admitted with a sigh. “I heard you tell her that James doesn’t fancy me anymore.”
“If your encounter was anything like mine, that would seem to be untrue, wouldn’t it?” he said.
Lily shrugged. “I don’t know. I kissed him first.”
Remus had a huge grin on his face now. “And?”
“And then again.”
“Nice.”
“He pushed me away,” she told him.
“He was probably in shock,” Remus offered.
“But the third time…”
“Yes?”
“It was better. Right. And unexpected.”
“Why?”
“He didn’t push me away, for one. I didn’t think I would feel anything, but I did.”
“Then why did you kiss him?” asked Remus.
Lily looked down at her hands, not sure how to reply since she could barely answer the question for herself, let alone articulate what had driven her to do something so rash as to throw her arms around James Potter and kiss him not once, but twice.
Remus took her silence as answer and shook his head. "Things really do change," he murmured.
Lily looked up curiously. "What do you mean?" she asked, even though she had already given the matter a lot of thought. She was curious how someone else saw the situation.
"Well, you've always hated him, haven't you?" he asked matter-of-factly. "He’s had a thing for you for years, practically driven you mad trying to get you to go out with him, but you probably never even considered it. And yet now…” he trailed off.
"He’s changed," she said, feeling defensive. "I'm sure I'd still loathe him if he were a smug, big-headed prat like he was before."
Remus just nodded, a sly smile on his face.
"I mean," she continued, suddenly feeling the need to talk it out, "he's actually…nice this year. He's handling his responsibilities as Head Boy better than I expected, playing well, even top of the class in some lessons. And he's not asking me out every other week, which is a good thing. In fact, we've hardly fought at all in months."
"It has been rather dull and quiet around Gryffindor, hasn't it?" teased Remus.
"He's changed," Lily said, ignoring his remark. "So it's only natural that I change, too."
"Of course," he assured her.
“Why shouldn’t I like someone like that? Why can’t I find him attractive? I can change, too, even if no one thinks I can.”
Remus nodded once more.
"I just wish I knew how he did it," she continued.
"Did what?"
"How he keeps up!" she exclaimed. "How does he manage his duties, his classes, and his game—and still find time to sneak around with you guys every month?" Remus looked slightly surprised at that; she filed it away for later. "I'm trying my best, but sometimes it's almost too much."
He nodded sympathetically. For some reason, Lily felt comfortable; perhaps it was the lingering effects of her trip to Hogsmeade, or her impulsive actions with James, but at that moment she needed someone to confide in, so she continued.
"I'm having trouble in class. I can't manage a Patronus Charm yet in Defense Against the Dark Arts, and don't even ask about my Transfiguration grade." She looked sideways at him, hoping he wouldn't laugh.
"I can help you with Defense Against the Dark Arts," he offered. "I can do the charm, so maybe I can see what you might be missing."
"And Transfiguration?" she asked hopefully. Perhaps, if she were able to get her studies back on track, she would be able to focus more. Of course, she knew perfectly well that it was the other way around: her grades were slipping because she was unfocused, and she was unfocused because of James Potter. That, however, was no longer part of the conversation. Or so she thought.
"Ah, no," Remus replied, grinning. "You should actually ask James about that. He's top of the class in Transfiguration, after all, and for good reason."
He seemed to be holding back a laugh, and Lily wondered what was so amusing. She also wondered whether or not she could actually do it: could she ask James Potter for help? Especially after what had just happened? Would it make things better—or worse?
"Do you think he would?" she finally asked. "After what happened today?"
"I think it's well worth asking," Remus said.
"But what if he's mad at me? What if he doesn't like me anymore, like you told Julie?"
"He's been saying that for months, but none of us believe him," Remus said. "I think he's just buried it. Like you said, he's changed—he's grown up a bit, taken on some responsibility. He's put his feelings aside, but we see the way he still looks at you. I don’t think that’s changed. So maybe studying together will bring that back. You said there was something there when you kissed him, right?"
"I think so," she said. She hoped so, even if she wasn’t ready to admit it to anyone.
"Then talk to him tomorrow. First thing. If I know James, he'll be stewing over it until you do."
"What do I say?" she asked, suddenly panicking. It was the reason she had come up there to think, and she hadn’t even considered how she would approach him. She only knew she needed to be the one to talk to him first, because she was the one who had started…something.
"Do you like him?" Remus asked, standing to leave. She nodded. "Then just tell him that, and tell him why—you know, how things have changed. Talk to him about Transfiguration later. If you just ask him about tutoring you, he might get the wrong idea.”
Lily stood with him, ready to head back to her dorm and think some more about how she was going to work things out with James. "And the Patronus Charm?" she asked.
"We can work on that Tuesday after class if you want," he offered.
"Thank you," she said. "You're a good friend, you know?"
Remus raised his eyebrows. "I was snogging his date; it only seems right I should get him a new one, doesn't it?"
She playfully punched his arm as they headed back toward Gryffindor Tower. Lily only hoped she could find the same courage to talk to James in the morning as she had found in the corridor that afternoon.
* * *
Things Change by Gmariam
Chapter Endnotes: Thank you again to Apurva for beta-reading this chapter! I hope it explains Lily's side of things a bit better after the roller-coaster of the first chapter. More to come—enjoy and thank you for reading!