Chapter 3
“What’s up with you?” Sirius asked the next morning as James sat in the Great Hall, moodily picking at his breakfast. “We didn’t see you last night, and now you’re about as lively as a kelpie stuck in a dry well. What gives?”
“Nothing,” James replied, with a shrug. He took a sip of juice, ignoring the rather knowing look that Remus gave him. He tried not to glance at the entranceway for the twentieth time that morning, but failed, and Sirius followed his gaze suspiciously as Remus grinned.
“Who are you looking for?” Sirius asked. “Julie? Is that where you were last night?”
Across the table, Remus sputtered as he choked on a muffin. “Er, about that…” he started.
“She ran off with Remus,” James told Sirius with a forced wink. “I guess she likes the scrappy, brooding type.”
Remus looked embarrassed as Sirius whooped. Peter joined them and asked what was so funny. “James lost his Ravenclaw to Remus!” Sirius crowed. James gave him an irritated look; it didn't bother him that much, but Sirius giving him a hard time would certainly drive him mad.
“Is that why you were out last night?” asked Peter, helping himself to breakfast. “We were looking for you for ages. Sirius ended up practicing Charms on some fifth-years when we couldn’t find you either of you.”
“No,” said James, idly wondering how the fifth-years had fared. “I’m fine with it. I’ve just got other things on my mind.”
“Can’t imagine what that might be,” said a voice behind him. He turned to see Lily Evans standing there, a slightly amused look on her face.
“Hi, Lily,” he stuttered, forgetting he usually called her Evans in public. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sirius frown; Peter mouthed “Lily?” to Remus, who was once again grinning like he knew something. James ignored them all.
“Just Head Boy stuff,” he continued nonchalantly, trying to regain his composure. He was not going to let anyone see how much she had affected him the previous day”especially her.
“Then maybe we should talk,” she said. James saw his Invisibility Cloak tucked into her robes, and apparently Sirius did too, for he sat up straighter, a big grin on his face as if he had just figured something out. James jumped up before his friends could say anything.
“Great, let’s go,” he said. Without thinking, he reached out to take her hand, but let his arm drop at the last second. The small move was not lost on Lily, who smiled; nor did Sirius miss it, either, for he snickered as they walked away.
“Have fun, Prongs!” he called. “Don’t stay out too late!” James rolled his eyes and cast a silent jinx at his friend, quieting him with a mouthful of bubbles. He grinned when he heard Sirius cough.
“I still don’t understand why he calls you that,” Lily said as they left the Great Hall.
“Just a nickname.” James shrugged; she had asked him about it before, but he obviously wasn’t going to explain the true meaning behind it. “So, anywhere in particular you’d like to yell at me?” he asked.
She looked at him curiously. “I’m not going to yell,” she said.
“That’s a first,” he murmured.
“Don’t be such a prat,” she replied, but there was no real rancor in her voice. He glanced sideways at her, slightly surprised at how well she looked after the previous day. Her hair was tied back in a long ponytail, and her eyes were clear and deep green. She did not appear angry or upset, and for the first time since she had kissed him in the corridor, he thought that things might actually work out between them. He hoped they would; he had hardly slept all night as his mind had gone over and over what had happened the previous day.
They finally arrived at an empty classroom. Lily closed the door behind them, and James leaned against the empty desk at the front, trying to appear casual even though his heart was pounding. He gave her a questioning look, but she did not meet his gaze. She took out the cloak and handed it back to him.
“Thank you,” she said. “I appreciate your help yesterday.”
James was not sure what to say that wouldn’t get him hollered at, especially since he didn’t think he had helped her all that much, so he simply said, “You’re welcome.” He waited for her to continue, but she was silent for a long time.
“Waiting for me to blow up, are you?” she finally asked. When he grinned and nodded, she shook her head. “Merlin, what a horrible reputation I have!” she exclaimed.
“It’s not your reputation,” he replied in a teasing tone of voice. “It’s just the expectation. I’m expecting you to blow up…because you usually do.”
“Well, not this time,” she said, beginning to pace in front of him. “Things change.”
“You do remember what happened yesterday, don’t you?” he asked, curious to know just how much she recalled about their encounter in the corridor.
“Of course I do.” She waved her hand dismissively. “I didn’t actually have that much to drink, just a bit of Firewhisky. I remember everything.”
“Okay,” said James, not sure what that meant. She stopped pacing, standing in front of him and gazing into his eyes with a look he couldn’t read. Much like the yesterday, he wasn’t sure if she was going to slap him or kiss him again. “So you”“
“”knew what I was doing,” she finished. “Just like I do now.” She leaned forward and kissed him, sending shivers all the way down his spine to his toes. Though he was surprised, he closed his eyes and relaxed, relishing the soft feel of her lips against his. Unlike the previous day, this kiss was tender and sweet, a bit more like what he had imagined their first kiss might be.
Lily was the one the end the kiss this time. “Mmm,” she murmured. “You’re good.”
“I’m also confused,” he admitted, because he was. He did not want to assume anything and ruin something he didn’t quite understand yet. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on, or just keep assaulting me in random parts of the castle?”
Her eyes flashed, so he stopped her retort with another kiss, pulling her close to him and wrapping his arms around her. When they finished, she laid her head on his shoulder, and he stroked the back of her neck as he embraced her, unable to believe what was happening.
“Oh, James,” she said, sounding confused.
“You hardly ever call me that,” he joked, though he was genuinely glad. He loved the way it sounded to hear his real name. “Usually it’s just Potter, or prat, or even toerag.”
She giggled and looked up into his eyes. “Well, you usually are,” she pointed out.
“A prat? I know,” he replied. It was the truth: he liked to goad her, though he did so less and less now. “But not today, apparently.”
“Not lately,” she answered thoughtfully. “Isn’t it amazing how things can change?”
“That’s the second time you’ve said that. You mean like us?”
“Yes,” she said. “Both of us. I really couldn’t believe it when you were made Head Boy, you know.”
“I know,” James replied dryly. “Nor did Sirius, Remus, Peter, or even my parents. You all let me know quite clearly.” It had been a little disheartening after a while to hear one skeptical reaction after another; perhaps that had been another reason he had taken his duty so seriously and focused more on school and less on play this year.
“I certainly did, didn’t I?” she said, a sheepish smile on her face. “I’m sorry. You really rose to the occasion.”
“Thanks. So that’s why you like me now? Because I defied your expectations?” he asked playfully.
“Who said I like you now?” she countered.
He surprised her with a kiss that made her gasp. Starting to feel more confident, he pulled back and grinned. “That did.”
He watched her wrestle with indignation before she burst out laughing. “Touché,” she replied wryly.
“So what about you?" he asked, genuinely curious. "Have you changed?”
Lily frowned, her good mood darkening slightly. “I guess so,” she said. “You’ve risen to the challenge of Head Boy, but I don't think I have. It’s been hard.” She shrugged as if she did not really want to talk about it.
“So you decided to slum it with me yesterday to feel better?” He didn’t mean to sound bitter, but he did not want to be her one-night stand, either. He wanted to know that there was something real between them, that he was more than good time when she was feeling down. He certainly felt a connection every time they kissed; did she, or was she just using him?
“Of course not!" she exclaimed. “I would have gone to Sirius for that.” She winked; he wanted to defend his friend, yet he couldn’t help but agree, and they shared a laugh. It still did not answer his question, however.
“Lily,” he finally said. “What's going on”here, with us?”
She was quiet for so long that he began to wonder if she was trying to think of the best way to let him down. Perhaps he shouldn’t have asked; maybe he had pushed her too fast. Finally, she simply said, “I’m not sure. It’s confusing.”
James was frustrated. There was clearly something she wasn’t telling him, and he was starting to think she never would. The feeling of being slightly used by Julie Higgins to get to Remus was nothing compared to the feeling of being used by someone he actually cared about. His encounter with Lily yesterday had released all his pent-up feelings for her, and they boiled over with disappointment as he watched his ill-used hopes vanish with her silence.
“Fine,” he said with a shrug, forcing himself to stand up. “Owl me when you figure it out.” He knew he should be patient, but for some reason he felt like she was playing him. She had always been up front with him; she had certainly never minced words during any of her countless rejections of him in the past, and had never hesitated to throw cringe-worthy insults during a fight. Why was she suddenly so tongue-tied? Did she really like him, or was it just a game?
“No!” she exclaimed. “Wait! I’m failing Transfiguration.”
He stopped and stared at her in confusion. “What?”
“Transfiguration. I’m failing,” she repeated, and he saw that she was flushed with embarrassment. “Since Christmas.”
He put the pieces together immediately. “And you want my help?” he asked. He didn’t bother to hide his irritation.
“Yes, but”“ she started.
“You thought that the only way I’d help you was if you snogged me.” Her wide-eyed look of panic answered for her; he shook his head in bitter disgust and walked away.
“Thanks for giving me credit, Evans,” he tossed over his shoulder. “And here I was, believing all that stuff you said about how things change. You’re the one who’s changed, Evans. You’re a big fraud.”
“I’m not,” she protested. “That’s not why I”“
“Forget it,” he snapped. “Find someone else to kiss up to for a better grade. I’m not your bloody house elf.”
He left the room, his hands balled into fists at his side. He ignored the sound of her muffled sobs, determined to bury his feelings for her once and for all. She had been using him, after all, and he would have to forget what had happened in the corridor as nothing more than the sham it had been.
* * *
Things Change by Gmariam
Chapter Endnotes: Once again, my thanks to Apurva, the wonderful beta who fixes my comma blunders and catches me slipping in tenses. I rather hope you found that as unexpected as I did: I had no idea James was going to walk out until the very moment he did so. Which is why I love writing: the characters take over and lead you on an amazing journey!