Lily woke up early the next morning. Instead of getting out of bed and going down to breakfast early however, she decided to have another look at that silly book of Laura’s. After all, she thought, it can’t hurt to have another read. She reached under her bed to retrieve the book, and flicked to roughly the centre.
Boys like slim girls. It is a fact of life: the slimmer you are the more likely a boy is to have an interest in you.
Becoming slim is not a hard thing to do. Instead of eating normal amounts, eat a little, but just enough so that it looks normal. Boys do not like girls who do not eat at all. And remember: fat is bad. The more you eat, the fatter you will get. Fat is our enemy; we want to get rid of fat. Constant exercise...
Lily snapped the book shut in anger. That was completely ridiculous! She had never read such a load of rubbish in her life. Who would listen to that? She was glad she had the book and not Laura; at least she had enough sense not to act on the book’s silly suggestions. Still seething with anger, Lily got out of bed and ready for breakfast.
The day went along smoothly. Lily was thankful that the teachers had not assigned any homework and the work in class so far was easy. She quietly settled herself down at the Gryffindor table for dinner and started to fill her plate. A while later, Laura joined her.
“Aren’t you going to eat anything?” Lily asked her, staring at the meager handful of peas on her friend’s plate.
“N-no, I’m not hungry. I ate a lot at the feast last night and I think I’m still a bit full,” Laura told her as she picked at her peas.
Lily looked at her plate and thought back to the book: Fat is bad. Boys like slim girls, not feeling hungry anymore. That’s it. I have to get rid of it. Laura hasn’t eaten since we got here. How long has she been like this? Lily asked herself, her brow furrowing.
“Laura, I have a question for you and I want you to answer it truthfully, alright?” Lily waited for the other girl to nod before continuing. “How often have you been eating?”
Laura mumbled something and shook her head.
“Sorry, I didn’t get that.”
“Every day, but not a lot,” Laura told her in a shaky voice.
“Did you eat like this during the summer? I swear you’ve gotten smaller,” Lily told her with a grimace.
“I ate like I normally do.”
Lily took a bite of her potato and looked down at her friend’s hand. Her knuckles were red and scraped as if she had rubbed them against something hard. Mum might know what is wrong with her.
“You know what, Laura? Being skinny isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. When I go to my grandmother’s house, she’s always pushing food into my face. It’s always, ‘Lily, you’re much too thin. Men like a girl with a few curves!’”
“A few curves. What do you call this?” Laura grabbed at the small bit of fat at her stomach.
“Laura, you’re being absurd,” Lily said in a comforting voice. “Look at this.” Lily pulled up her shirt to reveal her stomach. She pinched a soft patch of skin near her bellybutton and smiled. “See? I have it too; it’s normal. I bet you that nearly every single girl in here has it. It’s nothing to worry about.”
“But I have more than you. I have it everywhere.” Laura cried.
“Laura, you’re a beautiful girl. You don’t need to change.”
“But boys won’t like me like this. I don’t like me like this.”
“Laura, don’t do this to yourself! My mum works as a doctor in a Muggle hospital. I’ve seen girls who won’t eat. It’s not pretty “ they’re not pretty. They look like skeletons and are really sick. And what about Paul? He likes you now, doesn’t he?”
“Y-yes, I guess so,” Laura muttered.
“Well, then why change?”
“I guess you’re right.” Laura looked down at her plate and then stated to load some food on to it. “Thanks, Lily. You really know what to say.”
Loud laughter from down the table made Lily and Laura turn their attention to the Marauders. The seventh- and sixth-year Gryffindor boys were all gathered around Sirius.
“Any in Slytherin, Black?” one of the sixth-years called out.
“Yeah, how about Gloria Lerwick?” Peter snickered.
“Well, for one thing, she looks a bit like an ape, and for another she’s bigger than I am!” Sirius cried, the other boys roaring with laughter and slapping his back.
Laura gasped.
“Don’t listen to them, Laura,” Lily whispered, stabbing her baked potato with her fork.
“Ah, Padfoot, don’t be like that!” James quipped. “That just means there’s more to hold on to!”
Laughter filled the group again, causing students from the other houses to look over. Lily heard a small squeak come from Laura before she stood up abruptly and ran out of the Great Hall. Lily rushed out after her; when she looked behind her she could see the Gryffindors watching her and Laura run out. Just before she turned the corner she caught James Potter’s eye and thought she saw remorse.
I can’t believe he would say that! And here I was thinking he’d changed! Lily thought, running up the stairs. Pushing past some fourth-years, Lily caught up with Laura, who was leaning against a statue of a beautiful witch.
Laura slowly slid to the floor crying. Lily dropped to her knees and put her arms around the girl.
“Don’t listen to them. Don’t you ever listen to that Sirius Black. He’s nothing but trouble.”
“Lily? Laura?” A male voice was coming towards them.
“Over here,” Lily quietly called to him. Remus quickly came into sight, a worried look plastered on his face. The girls stood up as he approached.
“I think I want to go back to my dorm,” Laura whispered, wrapping her arms around herself.
“Of course. I’ll meet you in the common room, Remus,” she told him before taking the lead towards the Gryffindor Tower.
When they got up to their dormitory, Lily sat on her bed looking at Laura, who was laying face down. “Laura, please don’t take it personally. They weren’t talking about you. Please don’t listen to anything Sirius says.”
“Lily, you don’t have anything to worry about. You’re perfect. I told you that boys don’t like fat girls.”
“Laura, please. You’re hurting yourself. I know that you get sick every time you eat. If you don’t stop now, you never will.”
“Just go away. Please. Just leave; I don’t need your sympathy.”
A short time later, Lily and Remus were sitting on the old couch in front of the fire.
“I hope Laura’s going to be okay,” Remus said softly.
“I hope so too. She’s been having a lot of physical problems.”
“Sirius can be a prat sometimes.”
“It’s entirely Sirius and James’ fault, and now she’s going to be even more concerned about her weight.”
Remus frowned. “Did you ever think that James was trying to help? Maybe take the sting off of what Sirius had said?”
“If he wanted to take the sting off, he would have told Sirius to shut up,” Lily retorted.
The portrait hole opened then and Sirius, James and Peter walked in.
“Did you see how fast she left the-” Sirius stopped talking when he saw Lily. “Why, hello Evans, fancy seeing you here! I don’t believe I’ve ever seen you move so fast before!”
“You shut your mouth, Sirius Black!”
“Oh, love, are you mad about the little remark I made in at dinner? I’m terribly sorry, but that had nothing to do with a woman of your size.”
“Size doesn’t have to do with anything. It’s what’s on the inside that counts.”
“Now, now, now. Girls should look pleasant to be attractive. And I don’t know if you’ve seen Miss Lerwick, but she’s not that pleasant. Well, goodnight!” Sirius smiled and walked up the stairs to the boys’ dorms. Following behind him, Remus and Peter said their goodnights.
Lily’s teeth were clenched.
“Hey Evans! Sirius was only joking when he said that. He only wanted to annoy you,” James told her, smiling apologetically.
“Joking? I have a friend upstairs who is probably crying herself to sleep because of what he said. And you have no right to talk, Potter. You didn’t stop him, you just made it worse! ‘More to hold on to’!” she said scathingly. “I thought you’d have matured, what with becoming Head Boy. I suppose I thought wrong.”
A hurt expression came across James’s face. “Lily, listen…”
Lily sighed and shook her head. “No, James. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped. It’s just… Laura isn’t doing too well. I think… I think that she might have an eating disorder. I’m certain of it and I think that it’s important that you and Sirius should apologize. She needs to hear that she isn’t fat from a boy. I don’t think she believes me anymore.”
James took Lily’s hand and squeezed it. “I’ll talk to Sirius about it. Don’t worry.” He dropped her hand and smiled.
“Goodnight,” Lily said before turned around and going up the stairs to the girls’ dorm without looking back.
Laura was already sleeping when Lily walked into the dorm. Getting into her pyjamas, Lily climbed into bed and pulled the curtains tight.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with Potter. One minute he’s a complete prat and the next, he’s a perfectly fine,” Lily said to herself.
“Shut up and go to sleep,” one of the other girls called out in a tired voice.
Don’t worry about him, Lily. Don’t stress yourself before you even start class work.
Lily sighed and laid there listening to the breathing of her roommates. Merlin, how she wished Katie was there. Slipping out of her bed she walked over to her trunk. Sticking her hand in slowly, she pulled out her cloak and slipped out of the door. The Gryffindor common room was empty and the fire was slowly dying, with only a few embers burning in the fireplace. But Lily didn’t care; she needed to clear her head. She walked silently towards the portrait hole.
Once outside she felt free. Then she ran. She didn’t know where she was going; her legs wouldn’t obey her mind. She didn’t stop until she came to the spot. Her spot “ their spot. The spot where she and Severus would come and talk for hours.
“Hello.”
Lily turned to see Severus Snape. He looked different. He was thinner. His hair was longer and, if at all possible, his eyes were blacker.
“What are you doing here?” he asked
“I was walking and my feet brought me here.”
“I’m surprised you remembered where it was,” Severus said, folding his arms.
“I would never forget this-”
“Like you would never forget our friendship? Whatever happened to friends forever?” He had a hateful look on his face.
“You called me a-” Lily swallowed, “a Mudblood,” she whispered the last word.
“I didn’t mean it! It was from hanging out with my-” He stopped.
“Your what? Friends? Ha! I would hardly call them that. I told you that you should stop hanging out with them. I told you it would lead you to bad things, but no.” Lily laughed darkly. “You’re just like them.”
Severus was speechless. Lily had never talked to him like that. Not even when he called her a Mudblood. Lily pushed past him, her footsteps echoing in the night.
The next morning, Lily woke up from her uneasy sleep, the previous night’s events still on her mind. She got up and washed her face in the basin of water that stood on the windowsill. Pulling on her clothes, she heard someone coming up the stairs. Laura slipped in the door, her eyes red and puffy form not getting enough sleep, and walked over to her trunk. She opened it roughly and started digging through it.
“What are you looking for?” Lily asked pulling her shoes on.
“My book. Have you seen it?”
Lily’s eyes got wide. “What does it look like?”
“It’s a thick book that is a beautiful colour green with gold writing. It’s the one that I was reading on the train.”
“Uh, no.” Lily felt her foot hit something; she gasped and kicked the book back.
“What?” Laura asked, looking at Lily.
“Nothing. Let’s go to breakfast.”
Walking into the Great Hall, Lily could feel James watching her. She glanced at him and smiled, knowing that he and Sirius had spoken to Laura. She sat down next to Laura, and began putting pancakes on her plate.
“How are you this morning?” Lily asked her.
“Fine,” Laura said, looking down at her plate.
“You’re going to eat this morning?” Lily asked eyeing the food on her friend’s plate.
“Yes, I think I might,” Laura told her in a small voice. “James and Sirius spoke to me this morning. They told me that what they said had nothing to do with me. They told me I wasn’t fat.”
“That’s wonderful!” Lily told her, smiling.
“I guess so. I think Sirius might not be too pleased about it. I know he didn’t want to apologize.” Laura picked up her fork and looked at her food.
“I won’t leave until I see you eat,” Lily told her friend.
Laura scooped up some eggs, put them in her mouth and swallowed.
“That wasn’t that bad was it? Laura, please promise me that you’ll eat the rest of it. I’ll see you in a bit; I have to go, Potions first.” Lily got up and left the Great Hall, he friend still heavy in her mind.
Lily was already perched on top of her stool as the other students made their way through the door. James and Sirius came in, following a group of Slytherins. James caught Lily’s eye and smiled at her before sitting next to Sirius. Sirius looked over at her and caught Lily looking at him. He sent her a look that could have curdled milk. Lily looked down at her book. Sirius could be immature sometimes. It’s not like she forced him to apologize and it wasn’t like it killed him or anything. She knew that she should go apologize to him, but knowing Sirius he wouldn’t accept it.
Professor Slughorn walked into the room a huge grin on his face. “Good morning, boys and girls. Are you ready for today’s lesson?”
Walking down the corridor, Lily caught sight of a short boy.
“Peter!” The boy turned to see Lily running towards him. He gasped when she reached him and pulled her behind a statue.
“Peter, what’s this for?”
The boy looked up and down the corridor before speaking. “James and Sirius would kill me if they knew I was talking to you.”
“But Remus talks to me all the time,” Lily pointed out.
“Yes, but James and Sirius already think they’re losing him. They said they don’t want to lose me too. So what did you want?”
“Sirius doesn’t really want to speak with me, so can you tell him that I said thank you?” Lily asked, shifting her weight.
“All right, I guess I can do that…” Peter said slowly. “Between you and me I think that James is getting his hopes up again. You two have been getting along so nicely that I think he might assume that you like him.”
“Tell him that I’m sorry.” Lily took a deep breath. “Tell him I’m not really looking for a relationship right now.”
“I really don’t want to, Lily. It’s not my place to get into. Maybe you could do it yourself.”
“Right,” Lily said before Peter turned and started to walk away. “Thank you, Peter.”
“So, I saw that you were with Evans,” Sirius said to Peter, holding the Marauder’s Map. “What were you doing with her?”
“N-nothing! Can’t two people talk?”
“You were fraternising with the enemy!” Sirius bellowed, his wand pointed at the other boy. “We’re already losing Moony, now you? I’ll ask you again. What were you doing with her?”
“We were talking!” Peter cried. “She wanted me to tell James that she isn’t ready for a relationship. Oh no. I wasn’t supposed to say that. I told her to tell him herself. I’m sorry, James.
Sirius lowered his wand. “Of course she isn’t.” He looked over to James who had a blank expression on his face. “James… are you… okay?”
James looked up at him slowly, a small smile on his face. “Yeah, of course, Padfoot. I’m completely fine,” he lied.
Lily tossed and turned. She was having the dream again.
“Professor Flitwick, could you please excuse Miss Evans?” Professor McGonagall asked her face dark. Lily followed McGonagall down the corridor towards Dumbledore’s office.
“Professor, what is this about?” Lily asked worried.
“The Headmaster would like to see you. Important matters.”
They walked towards the stone gargoyle which guarded entrance the Headmaster’s office; it opened up when the older woman said the password. They stood at the door at the top to the stairs.
“Come in, Minerva, Miss Evans,” Dumbledore said gently. He was seated behind a large, wooden desk. He motioned for Lily to sit in the high-backed chair opposite him. “Miss Evans, I’m afraid that I have some terrible news. Your father has… passed.”
Lily gasped. “What? How?”
“It seems that there was a car crash. Your mother was with him, but she’s making a full recovery.” He paused. “Your mother has asked that you be sent home for the remainder of the month.”
Lily nodded.
“Minerva,” he directed to McGonagall. “Could you please gather Miss Evans’ things and inform her roommates of what has occurred?”
“Of course.”
“Miss Evans, I am sorry for your loss. Any school work that you miss will be held off.”
Lily woke up, tears streaming down her face. She closed her eyes, but couldn’t go back to sleep. She opened her mouth and a sob came out. The salty taste of tears was on her tongue.
Lily climbed through the portrait hole to the common room. It was her free period after lunch and she knew what had to be done. A little while before in the Great Hall, Laura still hadn’t eaten. Lily had to get rid of that book. She climbed the stairs to her dormitory and opened the door. Just as she hoped, none of her roommates were in there.
“Damn!” Paul said throwing his quill aside.
“What is it?” Laura asked, tilting her head to the side.
“My bloody quill broke!”
Laura jumped up. “I’ll let you use mine! Be right back.”
She raced up the stairs, her heart beating wildly at the thought of Paul needing her. She placed her hand on the cool door knob.
Lily pulled the book out from under her bed and held it a good two feet away from her body. She pointed her wand at it and cried, ”Incendio!”
Lily heard the door knob turn. She fumbled with the burning book and dropped it. Laura stood in the doorway.
“Lil-” Laura’s eyes widened. “Lily! What are you doing?” Her eyes feel upon the half charred book lying at Lily’s feet. “My book! Lily, why the hell did you do that?”
“This book is leading you to become an anorexic!” Lily said defensively. “I was trying to help you. I can’t believe you listen to this stupid book!” Laura’s hands were balled up in fists. She pushed past Lily and grabbed her book.
“I hate you!” Laura yelled, and with that she turned on her heel and threw open the door, tears streaming down her face.
Lily sank slowly to the cold, wooden floor. The room went blurry as tears took over her eyes.