The Quidditch game was postponed indefinitely after the events with the Bludgers, due in part because the professors”who had primarily spent that chaotic morning tending to the students who had been struck”wanted to make sure that the balls had not been tampered with further, but also because, with November drawing to a close, the weather was worsening. Snow had come early that year, a think blanket of it already covering the grounds, and the Quidditch season was suspended until the thaw.
There was some speculation amongst the students about the missing Snitch; once the Bludgers had been returned to their case, it was discovered that the Snitch had been released as well, and was reportedly uncaught. Many Hogwarts inhabitants took to scanning the Great Hall habitually, hoping for a flash of gold, while others theorized that the small golden ball had departed with the post owls one morning and was now living in the Owlery.
As far as she could tell, Lily was the only one who knew that this particular Snitch was, in fact, tucked safely into a corner of her school trunk, out of sight. And the only person who knew that she had caught it was James, and he, apparently, had not breathed a word. Despite everything, Lily couldn’t help but be thrilled by this”speaking or not, together or not, they had a secret, and there was something to be said for that bond.
Her optimism, she noticed, wasn’t shared by everyone. Remus grew steadily more morose as the week drew to a close, and she knew he was dreading not only the full moon and his transformation, but what was further proof of the splintering of his friends. Despite how close Lily had gotten with him and Sirius especially, she knew inherently that this was not a situation she could help him with. These particular secrets, these midnight rendezvous, were special to those four boys, and them alone. No matter how much she cared, Lily knew that, here, at least, she was useless.
---
On Saturday morning, Remus disappeared.
He was used to it by now, knew all the best routes to sneak himself into the Shrieking Shack. He could make himself invisible in a way that James’s cloak never could. Madame Pomfrey didn’t even bother to lead him down anymore, the monthly routine was so familiar.
On this particular morning, he left before dawn. They were fast approaching December, and the days were getting shorter, and moonrise earlier. It wasn’t for hours yet, but Remus always left far earlier than he needed to, unwilling to risk any more than he already did.
Lately, he’d taken to carrying the Marauder’s Map everywhere, working on it in his spare time. It was almost complete; there were only a few magical kinks that needed to be ironed out, which meant that consequently, Remus spent more time looking at his friends’ dots on the map then doing any actual work on the map.
Right now, he was watching Sirius, who appeared to be pacing the dormitory. Remus followed the dot as it went back and forth across the parchment, and he could imagine Sirius, his stride loose but his forehead furrowed, as he roamed restlessly in the confines of the dormitory.
Not wanting to dwell on this, Remus scanned the map and quickly found Peter, alone in the library. Remus sighed. A year ago, two years ago, he would have been able to find them on the map in a heartbeat, because he only would have needed to find one, and the rest would be there. They wouldn’t be scattered like this, or alone.
It probably made a kind of sense, he thought resignedly. He should brace himself for the end. They were in their final year of Hogwarts, after all, and people who were close in school didn’t necessarily always remain so. It was all well and good for Sirius and Peter and James to agree to be friends with a werewolf while in the safety of Hogwarts, but it wasn’t the real world. Soon, the time would come when they’d be out, scattered, trying to survive on their own, and they would all realize just, exactly, how discriminated against werewolves were, and how association with him made everything all the more difficult.
But you thought that about going to school, too, said a tiny little voice in the back of his head. You thought you’d never be able to make friends without telling people what you are, and that the people you did meet would hate you when they found out.
But most people would, he argued inwardly. They were just, well…extraordinary. But everything is already falling apart. How can I possibly expect that to last?
It had been James who’d figured it out first, although Sirius had been quick on his heels. James who’d first befriended him after they had been paired together in Potions one fateful afternoon. James who’d started keeping a steady eye on the lunar calendar whenever Remus disappeared, and who’d finally cornered him about it one morning in the fall of their second year. Remus remembered being petrified as he admitted to his condition, sure that James was about to turn away in disgust, and how surprised he had been when instead James had only laughed, clapped him on the shoulder, and said, “Thought so. Don’t worry, though, Sirius has a plan about that…”
“About what?” Remus had asked, knowing even at twelve to be wary of Sirius’s plans.
“Well,” James had said, winking, “since a werewolf is only a danger to humans…”
And so it had begun.
He dropped his gaze to the map again”the map that the four of them used to spend so much time together working on”and perhaps it was because he had been thinking about James that James’s dot on the map caught his eye the way it did.
Like Sirius and Peter, James was alone, not with Leda or anyone else. It wasn’t this that surprised Remus”he’d seen Leda’s dot in the girls’ dormitory earlier. It was the fact that James, unlike Sirius and Peter, was moving forward, rapidly and purposefully, down the passage that led to the Shrieking Shack.
Remus squinted at the dot, sure that he must have read it wrong, or that the map was malfunctioning. Surely this was one of those few glitches it still had”James was probably up on the grounds, and the map was confused”but a few moments later, his dot had reached the Shack, and then there he was, letting himself in.
Remus, almost involuntarily, backed away from him. “What are you doing here?” he asked, panic-stricken. “You know there’s a full moon tonight, you know what that means…”
“Calm down, Moony,” James said, rolling his eyes. “The moon doesn’t come up for hours.”
“Yes, but still,” Remus said nervously. “I just…I like being careful.”
“I know you do,” James said. “I can get out of here before it’s dark. But also, don’t forget, I can turn into a stag, you know…”
“Yeah,” Remus said, sitting on the floor. “Sorry. Overreaction. But what are you doing down here? I mean, the last conversation we had wasn’t exactly…”
“Pleasant?” James finished for him, seating himself beside him on the ground. “Yeah, I know. But I couldn’t remember the last full moon at Hogwarts when I didn’t come out here. And I didn’t know if Sirius was coming down tonight, and we’re really not on good terms right now, as you probably know, so I didn’t want to risk it””
“He’s probably thinking the same thing,” Remus interrupted glumly.
James winced. “I’m sorry,” he said sincerely. “I didn’t mean to bring all of you into this.”
“How could you not, James?” Remus asked, almost frustrated. “Isn’t that how this works? What the past six years have meant? If something happens to one of us, it happens to all of us. It’s why you and Sirius and Peter are Animagi, isn’t it?”
“You’re right,” James said softly. “Of course you’re right. And you were right about everything before.”
Remus looked up. “You mean…”
“Yeah,” James said. “I do. I’ve been an idiot lately, I know that…I was just getting away with it, that’s all. Leda was letting me get away with being a bloody fool, and it was easier that way for a little while, but it never felt right. And I miss you, I miss all of you, and I just want things to go back.”
“You know they can’t,” Remus said, perhaps a bit harshly, and James sighed.
“I know,” he said. “But do you think I can fix them?”
“With me?” Remus asked, raising his eyebrows. “Of course. And Sirius, as angry as he is right now, has been miserable without you. He thinks I can’t tell, but I can. But Peter’s a different story. He’s been really hurt by all of this, and he’ll take a bit more work.” He hesitated for a moment, and then said, “So will Lily.”
James, who had been nodding, stopped abruptly. “Oh,” he said, running a weary hand through his hair, “I don’t have much hope when it comes to Lily right now. That just…it was never going to work out.”
“Maybe,” said Remus impassively. “So…what are you going to do now?”
“About Leda?” James asked. “Well, she’s coming to my house for Christmas Break. She invited herself, actually, and my parents are preparing for guests and everything, and there’s really nothing I can do about it now. But after the winter holidays, it’s over. I’ll be ending it. And maybe I can work everything out with Sirius and Peter then.”
For a moment, he looked so incredibly miserable that Remus softened. “You will,” he said.
James looked up at him. “You know?” he asked.
“I hope,” Remus said.
“Well,” James said, shrugging loosely, “that’s something, I guess.”
For a moment they just sat there, the tension that had been between them since Halloween somewhat lessened. Then James said, “You’re still invited, you know.”
“What?” asked Remus, looking around at him.
“To my house, for Christmas. I know I invited you and Peter awhile ago, but with everything that’s happened, I could understand how you might think…well, you’re both still invited, anyway.”
“And Sirius?” Remus said.
“He still lives there,” James said, biting his lip. “He’s always welcome to my place for breaks. I don’t know if he was planning on coming for this one, but even so…”
Remus nodded. “Right,” he said. “I’ll talk to them.”
And James, for the first time in ages, it seemed, smiled. “Thank you,” he said. “And I really am sorry for everything. I’m going to try to fix it. And I…”
Remus smiled softly back at him. “I know,” he said. “Me too, Prongs. Now get out of here before a wolf shows up and eats you.”
“Yessir,” James grinned, jumping to his feet and leaving the shack with a backwards wave. A moment later, however, he popped back in. “I feel like we should hug or something.”
Remus laughed. “Save it for when you’ve talked to the other two,” he said. “Then we can have a group hug. Much more fun.”
“Sounds difficult,” James said with a wink, and then he disappeared once more.
Remus, after a minute, reached again for the map, and watched as James’s dot followed the tunnel out passed the Whomping Willow, onto the grounds, and towards the castle, out of reach.
---
Sirius was tired of feeling angry.
He was tired of feeling guilty, too”moody as he could be sometimes, extended negativity just wasn’t his nature. But a full moon had come and gone and Remus, he knew, had suffered it alone while Sirius himself had lain awake in bed, listening to Peter’s snores and James’s absence, watching the moon out the window. It was hard for him not to feel bad about this, and also hard for him not to blame James”but still, despite everything, he missed his best friend desperately, missed the ease with which they had navigated the castle together.
He was pacing the dormitory again on Sunday afternoon when Remus let himself back in. They were the only two in the dormitory, and Sirius felt immediately uncomfortable; his failure to make his way to the Shrieking Shack for the full moon lay on him heavily.
“Hi,” Remus said, looking pale and wan, as he always did on the days surrounding his transformations.
“Hey,” Sirius said, facing him. “Look, about this weekend””
Remus waved his apology away. “It’s fine,” he said briskly. “I understand.”
Sirius shifted awkwardly from one foot to the other. “Yeah, but I mean””
Remus looked back over his shoulder. “Look, Peter’s on his way up right now,” he said. “There’s something we have to talk about.”
“What?” Sirius asked, tilting his head to the side.
“Christmas,” Remus said, and Sirius was surprised to hear that his voice was cheerful.
“What about Christmas?” came a voice from the door, and they both glanced over to see Peter standing there, looking glum.
Remus, who did look exhausted, Sirius noticed, flopped backwards onto his bed, crossing his arms over his chest. “What were you planning on doing, Padfoot?” he asked, by way of answering.
Sirius seated himself on his own four-poster and shrugged. “I don’t know,” he said. “Originally I was going to go to James’s for the holidays, but it doesn’t seem like a good idea. I’ll probably just stay here.”
“Don’t,” Remus said. “Go to James’s. I think it will be interesting.”
Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Oh you do, do you?” he said.
Remus half-smiled, and looked over at Peter. “I talked to him earlier. We’re invited for the holidays still,” he said. “And I don’t know, I think it might be nice to have us all together.”
“Is Leda going to be there?” Peter asked sullenly.
“Well…” Remus hesitated. “Yes. But I wouldn’t worry, I don’t think that’s going to last much longer.”
“You talked to James?” Sirius asked. “How…how is he?”
Remus turned his head to look at him. “Worried, Padfoot?” he teased.
Sirius scowled and looked away. “No,” he said. “But I’ll go for Christmas. If you go.”
“Think I might,” said Remus. “Peter?”
There was silence. Sirius raised his head, glancing over at Peter, who was staring blankly out the window. Remus opened his mouth nervously, but Sirius shook his head slightly, and he closed it again, furrowing his brow.
“All right,” Peter said finally. “I’ll go. But I have a condition.”
Sirius started to ask if his condition involved a Bludger to the head, but stopped at the look on Remus’s face”this was not, he realized, a time for jokes. “What condition, Wormtail?” he asked instead.
And Peter told them.
Remus’s eyebrows shot up so high that they practically disappeared into his hairline, and Sirius simply laughed outright.
“Do you think it’s a good idea?” Peter asked, looking back and forth between the two of them.
“Oh,” said Sirius, still grinning half-maniacally. “I think it will definitely make things interesting.”
---
Lily was sitting with Alice in the library working on a Potions essay when she became suddenly, startlingly aware that someone was watching her.
She turned slowly and locked eyes with Peter, who was standing a few feet back, looking at her. “Merlin, Peter,” she said, exchanging a puzzled glance with Alice. “You scared me. What are you doing back there?”
Slowly, intently, Peter came to stand beside her at the table. “I need to talk to you,” he said solemnly. Behind him, Alice, who looked rather as though she was trying not to laugh, shrugged as she caught Lily’s eye.
“Okay,” Lily said, half-curious and half-wary. “Sit down. What’s up?”
“It’s about Christmas,” Peter said. “James originally invited me and Remus to stay with him and his parents and Sirius over the winter holidays, and he told Remus that we’re still invited.”
Lily, who had tensed slightly at the first mention of James, said, “So…that’s good news, then, right?”
“Well,” Peter said, “now Leda’s coming, too. And nobody really likes that idea. Remus said even James doesn’t really like that idea.”
Alice snickered. Lily made a face at her, then said, “Right. Well, understandable. But what’s this got to do with me?”
Peter took a deep breath. “I said I would only go on one condition,” he said. “And by that, I mean that I’ll only go if you go.”
Lily wasn’t sure she’d heard him correctly. “You…want me to go to James’s house for Christmas?” she asked doubtfully.
Peter nodded. “I’m inviting you,” he said. “I’ve been to his place before, and his parents love it when people come to visit. They won’t mind an extra guest.”
“Maybe not,” Lily said, “but I can’t believe that James will be thrilled about this arrangement.”
“I’ll take care of James,” Peter said, sounding more determined than she’d ever heard him sound before.
Lily shook her head. “I just don’t understand why”” she started to say, but then Peter cut her off.
“Sirius wants you to come, too,” he said. “He says that he needs a sane girl in the group or he’ll go mental.”
“And he’s nearly there already,” Lily murmured. “Okay. So, let me get this straight. James is going home. Leda, his girlfriend, is going with him. You’re barely speaking to James because of that. Sirius, who can’t stand Leda, is also not speaking to James for who knows what reason. And the whole lot of you, plus Remus who can mediate, are going to spend the Christmas holidays together, and you want me to come, even though I haven’t talked to James in weeks?”
“Yep,” Peter nodded. “That about sums it up.”
“You are aware,” Lily said, “that that makes no sense whatsoever?”
“Pretty much,” said Peter.
“Well, all right,” Lily said, a slow grin spreading onto her face. “As long as we’re clear on that. Count me in.”