Being with Leda was easy, James found.
It was the next day, and they had gone down to Hogsmeade together; James, who hadn’t gotten back to his dormitory until everyone was asleep, had pretended to be asleep himself that morning as they got up. Only after the room was empty did he slip down the stairs to meet Leda in the common room.
They had been Quidditch teammates for several years now, so they had plenty to talk about on the walk into the village. And this, too, was a relief of sorts for James; if there was one thing that didn’t remind him of Lily”or, for that matter, any of his friends”it was Quidditch.
They were debating Gryffindor’s chances for the cup”James thought Ravenclaw had a good chance of beating them, and Leda thought he was overreacting”when they passed the Three Broomsticks. It was starting to snow, and James angled his head towards the door.
“Oh, did you fancy a Butterbeer?” Leda asked him, rubbing her mittened hands together.
“I wouldn’t be opposed to the idea,” James grinned, holding the door open for her. “It’s cold out here.”
She nodded in agreement, walking inside. He followed, glad she hadn’t protested in favor of a place like Madame Puddifoots. James didn’t think he was quite ready for that level of exposure.
They had barely taken their seats at the bar when he heard a familiar voice in his ear; “I heard I might see you two here today,” said Mary Macdonald, elbowing her way between them.
“Hi, Mary,” James said dryly, but she ignored him, turning her back to speak to Leda. The two girls bent together over the bar, talking intently in an undertone.
James turned back to his Butterbeer, unruffled. He wasn’t surprised that Mary had heard something about him and Leda”she was, after all, the Hogwarts gossip. It was her business to know. And people had seen them together, and he was sure that news of that would spread like wildfire. He didn’t mind the gossip chain; it would make things easier on him, later, when he finally got around to telling Sirius and Remus”and especially Peter”what had happened.
Thinking about Peter made him uncomfortable. He took a long pull of his drink, trying to ignore the rising feelings of guilt. But surely Peter would understand, he reasoned. After all, Peter had never officially dated Leda, and surely he was over her by now. Besides, James thought, this was good for him. Being with Leda wasn’t particularly exciting, but it was uncomplicated; being her boyfriend wouldn’t be hard. He wouldn’t have to fight for anything. It was what he wanted.
He wondered how many times he would have to say this to himself until it was true.
---
Lily was sulking.
She wasn’t particularly proud of this, but she couldn’t be bothered not to sulk; she rather thought she deserved it. She had slunk cautiously into the common room that morning, feeling again that odd mixture of relief and disappointment when James was nowhere to be found. She supposed he’d gone to Hogsmeade with Leda, and the thought caused a hard fist of anger to curl in her stomach.
She’d been surprised to find that Sirius, Remus, and Peter had all chosen to forgo Hogsmeade as well, and were clustered together at their usual table by the window. Lily had joined them, wordlessly sliding into the empty seat behind Remus. He and Sirius had both greeted her normally, and for a moment, she thought that perhaps they had heard nothing, but then they exchanged a surreptitious look over her head, which she pretended not to notice.
Peter, she realized as soon as she sat down, was a mess. He didn’t speak, but he was fidgety and nervous-looking, darting jittery looks towards the portrait hole every few seconds. Lily was half-aware that, after a short while of this, Sirius and Remus began speaking to each other in an undertone, but she couldn’t be bothered to listen in. Instead, she rested her chin in her hands and watched Peter watching the door. She figured that she would know when James and Leda returned by his reaction.
She was right; after a quarter of an hour, Peter suddenly stilled, become rigid as he stared across the room. Slowly, Lily turned her head, trying to look as casual as possible. The portrait had swung open, admitting a flood of students returning from the village; among them was James, who clambered through before turning and offering his hand to Leda, helping her through.
Neither of them looked over at the table as they went to sit by the fire, although Mary, following them in, did catch Lily’s eye for a second before they both looked away.
Abruptly, Peter stood up, turning towards the boy’s dormitory. After a quick, worried glance at Remus, Sirius rose and went after him, catching him just before the stairs. Lily watched detachedly as Sirius put a hand on Peter’s shoulder, saying something to him in an undertone. Peter nodded once, muttered something back, then started for the stairs as Sirius clapped him on the back.
Sitting back down, Sirius looked across the table at Lily, who had dropped her chin to her hands again, and at Remus, who shook his head. Sirius, however, ignored him, turning his gaze once more to Lily.
“What?” she snapped at him, a little unnerved.
“So it’s true, then?” Sirius asked.
“What’s true?” Lily said hostilely.
Sirius scowled at her. “James and Leda. Together. Like that.”
He gestured sharply towards the pair by the fire. Lily looked and then wished she hadn’t; they appeared to be holding hands.
“He didn’t tell you?” she asked, looking between Sirius and Remus.
“No,” Sirius said through clenched teeth. “Not a word. In fact, the last time I spoke to him, he was getting ready to go find you. So unless he got Confunded along the way…”
He trailed off, still staring intently at her.
Lily’s mouth dropped open. “Are you saying this is my fault?” she hissed across the table.
“I don’t know!” Sirius said. “Is it?”
“No!” Lily said, her temper flaring. “All I did was tell him that I didn’t want to date anyone right now. I didn’t tell him to go…throw himself at the closest available girl.”
Silence fell for a moment. Remus, looking distinctly uncomfortable, fidgeted with his quill. But then Sirius, unable to contain himself, burst out, “Why did you tell him that?”
Lily glared at him, then crossed her arms and sank down in her seat, looking as miserable as ever. She cast one glance towards the fire, where James and Leda still seemed to be engaged in conversation, and then looked away.
Sirius made a disgusted sound in the back of his throat. Lily said nothing, although her eyes narrowed. Remus tried to look invisible.
“Snap out of it,” Sirius said to Lily.
“Excuse me?” she said, her eyes burning dangerously.
“I mean it,” he told her. “I feel bad for Peter. I think he has a right to be unhappy right now, because James has, apparently, started dating Leda knowing full well how Peter felt about her. But you have absolutely no right to be upset. You had your chance, Lily! More than one, I’ll wager. And you turned him down. So whatever you’re so upset about right now, get over it. It’s your own damn fault.”
For a moment, Lily just blinked at him. Then, wordlessly, she got to her feet, turned her back on them, and disappeared up the stairs to the girl’s dormitory.
Remus, who had sunk so low in his chair during this exchange that only the top of his head was visible, hoisted himself back up and gave Sirius a long look.
“What?” Sirius asked him, and Remus sighed.
“Oh, I don’t know, Padfoot,” he said. “Don’t you think that was…a bit harsh?”
Sirius bit his lip, and his shoulders sagged. “Yeah,” he said. “I know it was. But it needed to be said. I just…I guess it’s no secret that I don’t like Leda. I like Lily a lot better. She has personality, for one. And you and me, we’ve been watching her skirt James for months now, and I’m tired of watching her resist just because she’s scared. I want her to realize that she made a mistake.”
Remus looked at him. “Yeah, but…it’s not really our place, is it? You can’t get so involved in other people’s lives.”
Sirius grinned. “Oh, Moony. The voice of reason. I guess I could try to control myself…”
Remus laughed, a little sadly. “You’d be a good spy,” he told Sirius. “You notice a lot about people.”
“I’m pretty sure spies just have to watch, though,” Sirius said. “And I like to meddle.”
Remus rolled his eyes. “I know you do,” he said. “So. What are we going to do about this ball tonight then?”
---
Upstairs in the girls’ dormitory, Lily flopped onto her back on her four-poster and lay there, stewing, her arms crossed. What does Sirius know anyway, she thought, angrily replaying their last conversation and ignoring the tiny voice in the back of her head whispering that, maybe, he had a point.
Suddenly exhausted, Lily closed her eyes and breathed out, wondering how long she could get away with staying in bed. There was the masquerade ball tonight, of course, but she didn’t really have to go to that…no one would miss her, anyway, not with the list of people she wasn’t speaking to growing longer by the hour…
I don’t think so, said the tiny voice in her head, sounding more insistent. You’re not skipping that dance just because of a few boys.
“Oh, shut up,” Lily muttered to herself, then wondered briefly if she was going insane. But a moment later, she sat up slowly and resignedly, knowing that, however much she would try to talk herself out of it, her enduring stubborn streak would force her to get dressed and walk into the Great Hall tonight with her head held high.
A few hours later, that was exactly what she did. She’d gotten ready for the ball in the Prefect’s bathroom, in order to properly avoid Leda and Mary, and skirting them had taken time; when she finally arrived at the Great Hall, the dance was in full swing.
Just outside the entrance, Lily paused, sighing, and wished she was the kind of person who could let herself skip something like this without feeling like she was giving in on something. She adjusted her mask with her fingertips”like many people, she’d gone with the animal theme, and her mask was a russet-colored fox face, precisely the same shade as her hair, that covered her from her forehead to just above her mouth. Her dress robes, which she smoothed nervously now, were the same green as her eyes.
All right, she told herself. Showtime. And she walked forward.
Even as involved in the decorating process as she had been, Lily couldn’t help but stifle a gasp as she entered the Great Hall. Hundreds of pumpkins floated in the air, some just several feet above the heads of the tallest students, eerily illuminating the room in a soft, ghostly yellow. The only other source of light were candles, which flickered in holders on the walls and from the tables, which had been pushed against one wall and were laden with what looked like an entire Halloween feast. The castle ghosts drifted here and there through the walls, most looking quite pleased”although the Bloody Baron added, as always, a distinct sense of spookiness.
The dance floor, which took up most of the room and was crowded with dancing students, was marked by four tall pillars, one at each corner. They were wound with black and orange streamers, and each had a different small bronze statue on top. As Lily drew closer, she could see that they were the animals of each house. The one closest to her was topped with the Gryffindor lion, standing regally on its four paws, mouth open in a silent roar.
Lily smiled, but suddenly caught a flash of black hair out of the corner of her eye; instinctively, she drew back against the lion pillar, her back to it, ducking out of sight. She was glad she did; a moment later, Mary walked past her, clearly scanning the dance floor for a suitable partner. Lily recognized the other girl almost instantly, despite the mask she was wearing”Mary had gone tiger, though her orange and black striped mask only covered her eyes, and her dress robes were a deep orange that, somehow, she managed to look good in. She was so clearly on the prowl that Lily almost laughed, and the sight was so endearingly familiar that she was on the verge of going over to say hello, had a couple dancing nearby not caught her eye.
Unlike the other night, it was James she recognized first this time, not in the least because he suddenly had antlers. Dimly, she suspected that he had Transfigured them there himself”the left one was a little crooked”and his mask was the soft brown of deerskin. Of course he had come as a stag.
Leda, who was beside him, was wearing snowy white robes and a feathered white mask, both of which contrasted sharply with her dark hair. The feathers made Lily think she was supposed to be a swan, although”and Lily couldn’t help smirking slightly at the thought”she could also be a goose. Or a seagull.
Lily knew she should turn away, that she wasn’t doing herself any favors by watching them together, but she couldn’t stop. She saw James offer Leda his hand with an ironic little bow, but just as Leda was about to take it, Lily heard someone say in her ear, “May I have this dance?”
She was so desperate to be somewhere else, anywhere else, that she accepted without thinking, sliding her hand into his. It wasn’t until he pulled her onto the dance floor and she started to place her hand on his shoulder that she glanced up to see who, in fact, she was dancing with, that she found herself face-to-face with a grinning, black dog mask.
“Hey, Lily,” Sirius said from behind it.
“No,” she told him, shaking her head in disgust as she tried to pull away. He, however, tightened his grip on both her hand and her waist, holding on firmly.
“Let go of me,” Lily snapped. “I’m still mad at you about earlier.”
“I’m glad you came,” Sirius told her earnestly. “We”stop trying to bite me, I’m not letting go”we weren’t sure you would. But listen, Evans…there’s no way I’m going to let you mope after James all night.”
At this, Lily softened, stopping her escape attempts and looking at him miserably. Behind the dog mask, his eyes held more understanding than she would have ever imagined. It was because of this, perhaps, that she said, almost without meaning to, “I made a mistake, Sirius.”
To her great surprise”and annoyance”he laughed. “I’m sorry,” he said as she glared at him, “I’m sorry. It’s just…well, good.”
“What do you mean, good?” Lily asked, outraged. “I just told you I made a mistake. A pretty big mistake, I think.”
“I know!” Sirius said. “I was hoping you’d say that, because I wasn’t sure you knew.”
“Well, I do,” Lily grumbled. “You don’t need to laugh at me.”
“I’m not laughing at you,” Sirius said, twirling her under his arm. “I’m just relieved. I have a lot less work to do if you aren’t going to be stubborn.”
“What do you mean, work to do?” Lily said suspiciously.
Sirius shrugged. “I haven’t really planned anything out yet.” Looking to his left, he nodded at James and Leda, who were still dancing together. “For what it’s worth, though, I don’t think that will last.”
“Thanks,” Lily said softly, feeling better than she would have believed. Sirius shrugged.
“Just how I see it,” he said, then squinted. “By the way, what is Leda supposed to be?”
“A swan, I think,” Lily said, rolling her eyes. “But maybe a seagull!”
“It figures,” Sirius snorted. “I hope it’s a seagull. She is quite the little scavenger.”
“Don’t be mean,” Lily chastised, but when Sirius looked at her, she grinned. “Well,” she amended, “you can be a little mean.”
“Thanks for the permission,” Sirius said dryly. “So what are you going to do about this whole situation?”
“James and Leda?” Lily asked dubiously. “Ride it out, I guess.”
Sirius sighed disappointedly. “Really?” he asked. “You’re not going to like, cut off all her hair while she’s asleep, or put Wartcap powder in all her””
“Don’t give me ideas!” Lily laughed as they waltzed in a circle. “I am going to be mature about this.”
“That’s no fun though,” Sirius muttered. Then he brightened. “Hey, James is looking over here,” he said. “You could always kiss me again, like you did last year, if you want to make him jealous…”
Lily made a face. “Urgh, no,” she said. “And I did not do that to make him jealous. I was proving a point.”
“Sure you were,” Sirius said. “Although I guess you’re right, that didn’t work too well last”hey! What do you mean, urgh?”
“I didn’t know you too well when I did that,” Lily told him. “I do now. It would be way too weird.”
“So what if you know me now?” Sirius demanded. “I’m still devilishly handsome, aren’t I? It wouldn’t be that bad, there’s no need to damage my ego here Evans…”
“I’m sure your ego is fine,” she said. “Come on, let’s get off this dance floor for a while…aren’t Remus and Peter around here somewhere?”
“Oh yeah,” Sirius said, looking around. “We had to practically drag Peter here, but we managed it in the end. Let’s go.” And Lily followed him off the dance floor, not looking back.
They found Remus and Peter near the food, standing with, to Lily’s delight, Alice Rourke, who looked beautiful in pale yellow robes and beaded, cream-colored mask. “Lily!” Alice cried, giving her a hug. “I was hoping you were around here somewhere, I was getting worried”I thought I missed you, what with all the masks around. It’s a little scary how many people I don’t recognize with half their faces covered…”
“I think that’s half the point,” Lily grinned. “I do love yours, by the way.”
“Oh, thanks,” Alice said. “I was just telling Peter, I would have liked to come as an animal, but I couldn’t think of anything in time…I love his mouse mask, though!”
“I’m not a mouse!” Peter protested from behind Alice. “I’m a rat!”
Lily looked around at him; Peter was wearing a soft silver mask, and someone”by the grin on his face, Lily suspected Sirius”had Transfigured two gray, round, and undeniably mousy ears on the top of his head.
“It could probably go either way,” Lily said diplomatically, and Peter sighed.
“Excuse me,” he said, reaching behind his back and pulling forward, to Lily’s surprise, a hairless pink tail, “do mice have tails like this?”
The only honest response that Lily had was “Ew,” so instead she said nothing, winking at him and turning towards Remus, who greeted her from behind a white, woolly mask.
Lily burst out laughing. “What on earth are you supposed to be?” she asked him, giggling. “You look like a cloud!”
“I’m a sheep,” Remus said with dignity.
Realization dawned on Lily, and she raised an eyebrow. “In sheep’s clothing, anyway?” she asked, and his answering grin let her know she’d gotten it right. “Clever,” she said.
“Thanks,” Remus smiled. Then he looked past her, to where Sirius, Alice, and Peter were standing together, apparently debating mouse-versus-rat characteristics. “So…how are you doing, anyway?” Remus asked in an undertone.
“I’m fine,” Lily said after a moment’s pause. “Really.”
“About what Sirius said earlier…” Remus said hesitantly. “It was””
“No,” Lily interrupted him. “No, he was right. At least in part. And I’m not terribly happy about the way things are right now, but there’s nothing I can do about it tonight. I just want to have a good time and not think about it”at least for right now.”
“Fair enough,” Remus smiled. “Come on, then. Let’s see what they’re getting up to over here.”
They rejoined Sirius and Peter just as Alice was saying, “All right, all right! I concede! You’re a rat!”
“Thank you,” Peter said huffily. “So. Now what?”
“Why are you all just standing around here? You should be dancing!”
The familiar, bubbly voice came from near Lily’s elbow, and she turned to see Mary standing there, her hands on her hips. She’d taken her mask off, and was wearing it looped around her wrist, and her eyes were wide as she surveyed them all. “This is a ball after all,” she continued.
They all blinked at her, not entirely sure where she had come from, and Mary rolled her eyes. “Oh, I’ll show you. I’ll take the mouse. Come on, Peter!”
“I’m not a mouse!” Peter protested. “I’m a rat!”
Mary wrinkled her nose. “Oh, don’t advertise that,” she advised him. “Mice are much cuter. Now let’s go!”
And towing an alarmed-looking Peter by the hand, she marched off to the dance floor.
“She’s always a whirlwind, isn’t she?” Sirius asked finally, and then offered his arm to Alice in a fashion that was, Lily noted with surprise, almost gentlemanly. “Let’s go keep an eye on them, shall we?” Alice curtsied jokingly, and accepted his offer.
Lily turned to Remus, who looked at her uncomfortably. “I’m a terrible dancer,” he said, making a face.
“Oh, so am I,” Lily assured him, putting her hand through his elbow. “It’s what makes it fun. I promise.”
Remus groaned reluctantly, but he laughed as she pulled him towards Alice and Sirius, who greeted them so enthusiastically that Lily, smiling herself, wondered if, maybe, she would be able to count tonight as a success.
Stars Apart by Willow Rosenberg
Chapter Notes: Sorry the wait time on this chapter was a little longer--finals kind of ate my life. If I haven't responded to your reviews yet, it's for the same reason. It's not because I don't love you!Also, fun fact (and if you want a little background music while reading this), I wrote practically this entire chapter to Matt Nathanson's "Sad Songs." I sort of felt like James would appreciate it ;)
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