The next day dawned bright but cold, and Sirius, despite having stayed late at the Halloween masquerade ball, found himself awake early, restlessly pacing the empty Hogwarts corridors. He had too much on his mind to sleep”too much, even, to be contained within the castle walls. He pushed his way out to the grounds, suddenly craving fresh air and the simple, happy oblivion of his dog form.
But he had barely stepped onto the grounds when he came face-to-face with the source of all his problems; James rounded the corner, almost bumping into Sirius as he headed towards the Quidditch pitch, broom over his shoulder.
“Oh,” James said, looking cautiously at Sirius. “Um, hey, Padfoot.”
“What are you doing out here?” Sirius asked, somewhat snippily.
“I could ask you the same thing,” James said, raising an eyebrow.
“You didn’t come back last night,” Sirius said evasively, turning to walk across the grounds.
James fell into step beside him, smirking. “Yeah,” he shrugged. “Well, you know.”
“No,” Sirius said vaguely, looking across the grounds, into the dark edges of the trees. “Fill me in.”
James shifted his grip on his broom, looking distinctly uncomfortable. “What’s wrong with you?” he asked finally.
Sirius threw him a disgusted glance, looking at him for the first time. “Did you have fun last night, James?” he asked sarcastically.
“Yeah,” James said aggressively. “But that still doesn’t answer my””
“Oh, you did?” Sirius asked, stopping so abruptly that James walked a few paces farther before turning to face him.
“What’s it to you, anyway?” he said.
“Oh, I don’t know,” Sirius said sarcastically. “None of us have properly spoken to you in days, and apparently you’re off all night messing around with a girl you didn’t even see fit to tell us you were dating. I can’t understand why I’d be curious about any of that.”
“Well you shouldn’t be!” James said hotly. “It isn’t as though it’s any of your business.”
“Don’t,” Sirius snarled, “use that excuse. Not on me. You know it doesn’t work like that with us.”
“No,” James said. “I guess you just think you can show up now and tell me how to live my life.”
“I’m not!” Sirius said. “I’m just telling you that you’re…you’re making the wrong decisions here, and I don’t understand why.”
“Is this just about Leda?” James said, crossing his arms. “Because I know you don’t like her, but, come on. She’s not that bad, you know, and””
“Oh, great endorsement,” Sirius said. “She’s ‘not that bad.’ Yeah, great reason to date a girl.”
James rolled his eyes. “That’s not the whole””
“I don’t really care, to be honest,” Sirius said. “I’m just confused because you never seemed to be interested in her before. And I don’t get why you would hurt Peter over this for a girl you could care less about. And I don’t really know what happened with you and Lily””
“Don’t talk to me about Lily,” James said violently. “That doesn’t matter. I’m passed it.”
“I’ve heard that before,” Sirius spat. “And Peter? He’s a mess.”
“He’ll get over it,” James said. “He should be over it by now, anyway, I mean it’s been””
“Are you even listening to yourself?” Sirius cried, interrupting him yet again.
“I don’t care!” James exploded. “I’m just doing something for myself right now, that’s all. And I don’t know why you suddenly think you should tell me what to do, but””
“Because you aren’t the only one involved here,” Sirius said. “And I’d have thought that by now you’d know that. That you’d care that Peter is inconsolable, and Lily…well, she’s not telling us the details, but she’s been really upset too…”
“You’re sure mentioning Lily a lot,” James said, his eyes narrowing. “How come you’re so interested, anyway?”
“What are you implying?” Sirius asked, furrowing his brow.
“I think you know,” James said calmly. “And you’ve done your duty. You’ve stuck up for Peter. But now I’m out of the picture, and the road to Lily is clear.”
“You think I’m interested in Lily?” Sirius scoffed. “Right, because that makes sense.”
“Are you going to tell me I’m wrong?” James pressed.
Sirius grimaced, his eyes full of contempt as he turned his back on James, ready to head back to the castle.
“You aren’t, are you?” James said fiercely from behind him, and Sirius spun around, in half a mind to tell this strange, combative version of his best friend exactly where he could stick his broomstick when, to his surprise, James’s fist swung out of nowhere, connecting with the side of Sirius’s face.
Startled, Sirius staggered backwards a few steps, his hand going gingerly to his eye. Then he looked at James, who stood there, looking back at him. Despite everything, Sirius couldn’t help but marvel inwardly at how young James appeared in that moment”standing there, his hair characteristically mussed, both his hands curled into fists at his sides, his expression stubbornly defiant. Sirius gave a brief bark of utterly mirthless laughter before balling his own hand into a fist and, in one smooth motion, drove it into James’s jaw.
The force of the blow knocked James flat onto the ground. Seemingly astounded, he blinked up at Sirius from his back for one moment before pushing himself up by his hands.
“You,” Sirius told him calmly, “are stark raving mad.” Then, with complete disdain, he turned strode away, not looking back.
James didn’t follow him to the common room right away, and Sirius was glad for it; at the moment, he had absolutely nothing left to say to him. By the time he reached Gryffindor Tower and had clambered through the portrait hole, he saw that other people had begun to wake up. Remus and Lily, he saw, were sitting in their usual corner table, a Potions book between them. He didn’t see Peter, and for a moment he was worried, but then he saw Leda sitting in an armchair by the fireplace, talking to a blonde fourth-year whose name he didn’t know, and he understood”Peter still tended to make himself scarce when Leda was around. Sirius hesitated for a brief second before walking over to join Remus and Lily, his head bowed. He had to resist the urge to stick his tongue out at Leda as he passed her.
Lily looked up as he approached, ready to call a greeting, but as he came closer, her jaw dropped.
“What happened to you?” she asked, clambering to her feet and reaching out to grasp his chin, turning it to the side so she could examine his eye, where he now realized a spectacular bruise must be blooming.
“It’s nothing,” he said, waving her away and sinking into the chair next to Remus, who proceeded to do the exact same thing.
“That doesn’t look good,” Remus said, frowning. “Don’t you want to put something on that? It’s going to look lovely in a few days…”
“I told you, I’m fine,” Sirius snapped, then felt guilty as they both looked rather hurt. “I want to keep it,” he joked, trying to sound lighthearted. “Anyway, you should see the other guy.”
“And who might the other guy be, exactly?” Remus asked in an undertone.
Sirius looked at him guiltily, unsure if he should answer or not. But a moment later, the decision was made for him as, almost simultaneously, the portrait to the entrance swung open and Leda, from the fire, gave a loud, dramatic gasp.
James heaved himself into the common room as Leda leapt to her feet, and ran to him. Her friend by the fire, Sirius noticed, had an odd expression on her face, half amused and half calculating. But she didn’t hold his attention for long, as Leda, now making a scene in front of James, provided far more amusing entertainment.
“What did you do to yourself?” she was shrieking, examining James’s jaw which, admittedly, looked bad already. Sirius mentally”albeit a tad bitterly”congratulated himself on a punch well thrown.
James muttered something that Sirius couldn’t hear, but a moment later Leda was saying loudly, “What do you mean you fell down? That’s the oldest excuse in the book, James, and I’m not stupid you know…”
Grinning slightly, Sirius turned back to Remus and Lily, both of whom were looking at him with eyebrows raised. He stopped smiling immediately.
“Well,” Remus sighed, shaking his head, “I guess that explains that mystery.”
“What happened?” Lily asked, looking both rabidly curious and as though she was trying not to look curious.
“Uh,” Sirius said, looking uneasily back at James, who was now being fussed over by Leda, then spoke directly to Remus. “Well…you know how we weren’t really sure if he was mad at us or not?”
“Yeah,” Remus said. “I mean, he did seem to be avoiding us, anyway.”
“He’s definitely mad at us now,” Sirius said glumly, then corrected himself. “Or me, anyway. You’re probably the safe, neutral ground.”
“Are you sure?” Remus asked, looking worried. “I mean, it isn’t just…”
“I’m sure,” Sirius said emphatically. “Something’s wrong with him. Maybe he’s possessed.”
Remus and Lily exchanged a glance. Noticing this, Sirius shrugged. “Look at the facts,” he said. “He’s dating Leda, of all people. He doesn’t seem to care that Peter’s so broken up about it that he barely comes out in public anymore. And he punched me in the face.”
“He punched you first?” Remus asked, surprised.
“Of course he did,” Sirius said, offended. “I am a man of reason, Moony. I don’t fight unless I’m provoked.”
Remus looked vaguely exasperated, but Lily squinted over at James. “That looks like a good punch,” she said, almost approvingly. “He’s already swelling up.”
“Oh, well, you know,” Sirius said modestly. “He’s an only child. He never learned how to fight. My younger brother was a biter, so I had to develop a technique from an early age.”
“Why”” Remus started to say, but Lily cut him off.
“You have a brother?” she asked.
Sirius blinked at her. “Yeah,” he said, surprised. “Regulus. He’s a few years below us, in Slytherin. Did you really not know that?”
“I don’t know much about your home life, to be perfectly honest,” Lily admitted. “You don’t talk about it much, and neither does anyone else.”
“Oh,” Sirius said, feeling awkward, as he always did when his family came up. “Yeah.”
Remus coughed impatiently, and they both turned towards him. “Why did James hit you first?” he asked.
“Right, that,” Sirius said. “He thinks Evans and I are madly in love. Secretly, though.”
Lily started coughing loudly. “He what?” she choked out.
“Yeah,” Sirius said, sliding over the table to put an arm around her. “I told him not to spread it around, though. I mean, all of the fire will go out of our mad, passionate affair if everyone knows about it. Am I right or am I right?”
“Get off me,” Lily laughed, shoving him.
“I knew it,” Sirius said mournfully to Remus. “Use ‘em and lose ‘em, that’s how she operates.”
Hearing this, Lily sobered. “No, it’s not,” she said quietly. Almost inadvertently, she glanced over towards the center of the room, where James and Leda still stood facing each other; she thought she saw James turn quickly away, as though he had been looking at him, but the light was too dim for her to be sure.
“Sorry,” Sirius muttered, fidgeting uncomfortably with Remus’s quill and returning to his own seat.
For a few minutes, all three of them just stared at each other. Then Remus shrugged, saying, “I think it’s a good sign, actually.”
“What?” Sirius asked.
“What happened with you and James this morning.”
“Not for me it isn’t,” Sirius groused. “I’m going to have a bruise on my eye. A big one.”
“Vanity aside,” Remus said, sighing. “He got mad because he thinks you and Lily have a thing. I don’t know, I guess he’s not as into Leda as we thought.”
“Frankly?” Sirius said, his eyes going hard. “I don’t really care right now.”
“But”” Remus said, looking concerned, but once more, Sirius cut him off.
“No,” he said, “I mean it. I don’t care what he’s going through right now, he has no right to treat any of us like this. He’s just trying to make himself feel better, and I don’t have time for it. When he comes to his senses, then he can come find me. And after an extensive apology, then maybe I will consider being understanding and forgiving. But right now, well…I can be stubborn too.”
Remus looked pained; he glanced beseechingly at Lily, but she merely shrugged. “Fair enough,” she said, and he sighed.
“Anyway,” Sirius said, standing up, “as much fun as this has been, I’m off. I have wounds to lick, here, people. I’ll see you later.” And he turned his back on the common room.
---
Lily could only handle watching James and Leda sitting by the fire for so long; after a little while, she made an excuse to Remus, gathered up her Potions book, and disappeared upstairs into the girls’ dormitory.
To her dismay, however, Mary and Leda came in a few minutes later, giggling as usual. Lily considered feigning sleep, but they ignored her, chattering.
“He won’t tell me what happened,” Leda was saying, “which makes me think it was something embarrassing.”
“Probably,” Mary said, her voice uncharacteristically quiet.
“But I’ll get it out of him,” Leda said, smiling. “I have my ways.”
“Yeah, I bet,” Mary said, casting a sideways glance at Lily. Lily shuffled some books around, wondering just how, exactly, she always seemed to end up in this situation.
“Are you coming to the Quidditch match next week?” Leda was now asking Mary as she flopped backwards onto her bed. “Because we’ve got a pretty good chance, the team’s never been more unified. I think me and James being together now has a lot to do with it, honestly…sometimes we stay late after practice and just hang out. Or, well, you know, maybe a little more than just””
That’s it, Lily thought, knowing that if she stayed in the room a moment longer, she was likely to hit Leda over the head with her textbook. And as tempting as the idea was, she knew that, ultimately, it wouldn’t be worth it. Probably.
Mercifully, the common room was mostly empty, as most people had gone down to lunch”only a few younger students were still scattered around. Lily sank into an armchair, frowning slightly and wishing she didn’t feel so uncomfortable in her own room these days. Maybe I should be less of a pushover, she thought. This isn’t the first time they’ve basically chased me out of the dorm…where on earth is my spine?
Rather suddenly, she remembered that, a month or so ago, Sirius had given her a small bag of Wartcap powder. “For emergencies,” he’d said, pressing it into her hand. “Just in case being Head Girl gets too stressful.” It was hidden away beneath her mattress, all but forgotten about until now. No, she thought firmly. I don’t care how tempting it is, that won’t solve anything.
“Hey.”
Startled out of her reverie, Lily looked up; Mary was standing, almost awkwardly, at her side.
“Um,” Lily said eloquently.
“This is kind of weird, isn’t it?” Mary asked lightly, and then seated herself familiarly on the arm of Lily’s chair.
“Which bit, exactly?” Lily asked wryly, and Mary shrugged.
“All of it,” she said. “This whole Leda and James thing.”
“Not to mention the fact that you and Leda are the best of friends these days,” Lily said, a little snippily.
“Well, she follows me around,” Mary grinned. “But you know, you always used to spend more time with Severus Snape than me, so I figured you wouldn’t mind too much.”
Mary spoke matter-of-factly; there was no bitterness in her voice at all, and Lily bit her lip. “Well, I wouldn’t,” she admitted. “But, you know, lately…”
“Lately Leda stole the boy that you didn’t realize you were in love with until it was too late, and now she’s rubbing it in your face every chance she gets?” Mary asked sweetly, and Lily’s eyes widened.
“That’s one way to put it,” she said finally.
“Yeah,” said Mary. “Well, here’s the thing. On one hand, I sort of think Leda deserves something like this. I know you don’t like her much right now, but you don’t know her as well as I do, and she’s been really lonely for a really long time. She’s always been nervous, you know, whether in class or when it comes to talking to guys, and it hasn’t been easy.”
Lily felt a strangely both ashamed and stubbornly defiant, but just as she was about to say something, Mary continued.
“But on the other hand,” she said, “why’d it have to be James, you know?”
Lily nodded once. “Yeah,” she said.
Mary looked at her, almost sadly. “It’s just,” she said, “well, I really was rooting for you two.”
“Me and James?” Lily asked, and this, more than anything, surprised her.
“Yeah, of course,” Mary said. “Since forever. It was just so…so perfect. I mean you used to hate him, and then you didn’t hate him anymore, and that’s how all the best ones start, of course, and Leda knows that. She knows that you two sort of had something, but it never really played out, and she knows that James was hung up on you for a long time, and that even though she has him now, she doesn’t really have him. So I know it’s not an excuse, but that’s why she’s acting the way she’s acting. It’s a territorial thing, really. She’s threatened by you. For what it’s worth, though, I think she’s been going to far, when it comes to rubbing it in your face and everything. ”
“Everything’s a mess, Mary,” Lily said glumly. “James and I aren’t speaking. James and Sirius aren’t speaking. Peter isn’t really speaking to anyone. You and I don’t hang out so much anymore. Leda’s being almost unbearably smug about all of this. And it’s all my fault.”
Mary said nothing, just looked at her, and Lily, quite suddenly, wanted to talk about the whole thing in a way she hadn’t wanted to talk to Sirius or Remus. “He asked me first, and I said no,” she confessed. “I said that I didn’t…didn’t love him, or want to date him, or be with him. And I don’t know why I said it.”
She hadn’t told that to anyone”Sirius and Remus knew the vague outline of what had happened, but none of her rationale. And she didn’t really understand it, either; all she knew was that she had said no to James, and that she knew, as soon as she had said it, what exactly a lie felt like.
To her everlasting surprise, however, Mary laughed, the sound clear and light and utterly unexpected. “Oh, that,” she said. “Well that part’s obvious.”
“It is?” Lily asked doubtfully.
“Well, of course,” Mary said. “I mean, look at it. I know you and that Snape never dated or had any romantic attachments or anything, but you were best friends for years. He was the last guy that you were really close to, and he ended up, for all intents and purposes, breaking your heart. So it just goes to show that you would have trust issues when it comes to boys, since you don’t really have the world’s best track record now, do you? And then what James was asking…I mean it made sense, and everyone else in the world could see that, but you freaked out, because it was such a big step. It makes perfect sense, really.”
Lily gaped at her. “When, exactly,” she asked, “did you get so insightful?”
Mary giggled. “Oh I’m not, really,” she said carelessly. “I just get boys.”
“More than I do, anyway,” Lily murmured. But talking to Mary had, somehow, made her feel a little better. I guess this is what girlfriends are for, she thought, letting her gaze drift around the common room.
Her eyes fell on the ash-blonde girl that Leda had been talking to earlier. Suddenly curious, she said, “Hey, Mary…who is that girl?”
Mary squinted across the common room. “Oh, her?” she asked. “That’s Annabelle Fletcher. She’s Muggle-born. Fourth year.”
“How does she know Leda?” Lily asked.
“They’re related,” Mary told her.
“Wait, what?” Lily asked, confused. “How can they be related? Leda’s not Muggle-born.”
“Not blood related,” Mary amended. “Annabelle’s older sister, who’s also a witch, married Leda’s older brother a little while ago. So I guess their families know each other pretty well now. And I think Annabelle joined the Quidditch team this year”Chaser. So there’s that.”
“Like James,” Lily said absently.
“Yep,” Mary said. “Anyway, I’m going to go upstairs now. And I’m going to get Leda, and we’re going to go to lunch, and you can sneak back up into the common room like I know you so desperately want to, and be Leda-free for a little while.”
“Thanks,” Lily said, grinning up at her as she rose. She hesitated for a moment, then called, “Hey, Mary?”
“Yeah?” the other girl said, turning around.
“I’m sorry for all the times I hung out with Severus instead of you.”
Mary smiled. “Don’t worry,” she said. “I get it.” And she disappeared into the girls’ dorm, Lily watching her go.
A little while later, after Mary and Leda had left for lunch, Lily did climb the stairs herself. Once inside the room, she paused, staring hard at her mattress, and then, hoping she wouldn’t regret this later, gave in to her inner marauder. Slipping out the bag of Wartcap Powder, she carefully sprinkled a bit of it on Leda’s pillow. Then for good measure”and, at the moment, without an ounce of guilt”she swiftly emptied the remainder of the bag into the drawer containing Leda’s robes. Sirius, she knew, would be proud.