Dita lay by their tree and waited. She knew James would be here. Although he was often late, he always turned up in the end, and she didn’t mind enjoying the sun by herself. It wasn’t as if they met every day in the summer now “ just sometimes they’d make plans. Days when she wasn’t with her friends, or he wasn’t with his. Lazy do-nothing days when they’d sit and talk or sometimes say nothing at all. Days when they’d still share Sukey’s delicious cakes.
His mum and dad knew she knew about them. James’ dad didn’t seem at all surprised and welcomed her into their home, treating her like an oddity to be cherished. His mum liked her, Dita knew that, but sometimes she caught a worried look on Mrs Potter’s face and wondered about that. She had broached the subject with James, asking if his mum disapproved of her. He’d answered non-committaly, but had said that it wasn’t disapproval.
She stretched out on the scorched grass and closed her eyes, allowing her thoughts to drift dangerously to James. She was curious about him again. Not the magic. She knew all about the magic, and apart from a faint twinge of regret that she was unable to share that side of his life, she didn’t long for his world “ she was happy where she was. No, it wasn’t the magic she was curious about “ it was him as a boy. They were both sixteen, after all, and she knew other boys noticed her when she walked down the street. Would James though? Or did he only think of her as a friend?
Last summer, when she’d been fresh from a breakup with a local boy from the garage, she’d sobbed on his shoulder. James had been embarrassed, but had offered to go round and hex the offender. That had made her smile and then sniff. Poor Gary; she barely thought of him now, but when she was fifteen, it had hurt so much being dumped because she wouldn’t go ‘all the way’. Well, Gary was now in a one- bedroom flat in a high rise with his young heavily pregnant wife “ a far better revenge than anything James could have done to him.
To distract her, James had talked about school, mentioning a girl in his house, Lily Evans. This girl was, according to James, the most irritating girl in the world.
“She thinks she’s better than us, really she does, Dit. Just because we have a bit of fun. Such a goody-goody. Can’t stand her!”
“Sounds to me, James Potter, as if you quite like her.”
“No. I can’t stand her!”
“You keep talking about her, though. Perhaps you should ask her out.”
“Huh? No way! Girls are ... I dunno ... complicated. I don’t need that.”
“I’m a girl.”
“Mmm, but you’re my mate. It’s easy with you. Look, I really don’t mind hexing this Gary bloke.”
“Nah, it’s cool. I wouldn’t want you getting into trouble.”
When he’d returned to Hogwarts, James had sent her some letters and told her he had tried asking out Evans, but she’d turned him down. Dita laughed as she remembered the outrage that emanated from his first letter, unable to believe that this girl wouldn’t go out with him. He still, he maintained in his letter, didn’t like Lily Evans at all, but Dita knew the girl’s refusal would niggle at him.
She opened her eyes and sighed. Perhaps it was foolish of her to hope for more from him, especially if he was after the girl from school. James and she were friends; anything else could be messy.
“Wow, Dita, you have changed!”
Dita jerked her head round and then quickly tugged down her cheesecloth shirt as stared up to see four boys standing above her. The boy who’d spoken, she’d met a few years before. He was smiling lazily and, to her gratification, rather appreciatively at her.
“Hello, Sirius. Didn’t think you’d be here,” she answered. Standing up, she walked across to the group, gave James a hug, Sirius a punch on the arm, and then waited for James to introduce the two other boys.
She swallowed the disappointment that James wasn’t here alone because in truth it didn’t matter that much. Sirius made her laugh, and James’ new friends seemed cool as well. They sat in the shade, and whilst James unpacked a huge picnic basket , Dita listened to their light-hearted banter and relaxed. They made her feel welcome, being careful not to exclude her too much from their talk about school. Sirius was anxious as ever to talk about Muggle things; his fascination had not decreased over the years. Peter, who was sitting next to him, smaller and slightly plump, asked some questions too, mainly about cars, echoing Sirius’ interest.
“Uh, I don’t know, guys. I can’t drive yet. All I know is that my dad turns it on with a key, presses the pedal with his foot, and we drive off.”
“I thought your dad had a motorbike!” Sirius said, looking puzzled.
“Nah, he sold it,” she replied. “We’re back to having a car again.”
“You’re not the coolest girl in school anymore then, Dit,” James stated.
She turned her head and stared at him. He had a slight grin on his face, almost mocking, but there was something in his eyes that negated the mockery.
“I’m not at school, full stop, James,” she replied, looking only at him. He frowned so she explained. “Dad’s moved me to a private college for the next two years. I need good A’levels for university.”
“What are you going to study?” the boy called Remus asked.
“English at Oxford, I hope.”
Remus nodded; he didn’t look puzzled like the others, and she remarked upon that.
“My mum’s a Muggle,” he replied simply. “I have more of an insight than these two.” He gestured to Sirius and Peter. “But James obviously knows a lot from you.”
“Is that good, being a part of two worlds?”
Remus didn’t answer immediately. It was as if he were struggling to think of the right thing to say. “I’m not a part of the Muggle world. My mum left it behind years ago.”
“When she married your dad?” Dita asked.
“No, a few years later, when I was six,” he replied.
She wanted to ask why, or whether it was a requirement for a Muggle to give up their world, much as her mum had given up her home country when she’d got married, but Remus’ face was closed now, and she didn’t dare press him. It was strange, for he seemed the kindest of James’ friends: he wasn’t sarcastic like Sirius, or irritating like Peter, and yet there was something distant about him, something essentially private that she didn’t think he’d ever share with her.
“I’m between two worlds, you know,” she said in an attempt to bridge the awkward silence that had descended on the group. “Or countries really ... cultures too,” she continued, now babbling. She caught James’ eye, and he smiled gratefully.
“Go on,” Remus said, sounding interested.
“My mum was from India. Her family are still there, but she moved to England when she married my dad. I don’t know them at all. I mean, I was born here, brought up here, and I’m British, but ...” she sighed wistfully “... there’s a part of me that wants to discover that life, discover the missing half.” She sniffed and poked around in her back pocket for a handkerchief. “Does that make sense?”
“It does to me,” Remus replied, and smiled warmly at her. “So what’s stopping you, then?”
“My education, I s’pose. That’s important.” She grinned at Remus. “I can’t wave a wand and make my essays write themselves, you know.”
“Oi!” declared James, holding up his hand. “I had a seriously bad blister on my fingers after writing a History of Magic essay. We have to do some work you know! Quills take a much longer time than those biro things you use.”
“Take some back with you, James,” she said, and stretched out on the grass again listening to their voices wave across her, enjoying their company and this feeling of belonging even though she was an outsider.
“Maybe you could write to your Indian family,” Remus mused. “For all you know, they could be wondering about you, too.”
After a while, when they’d all made steady inroads into the large quantities of food Mrs Potter had provided, even Sirius got bored with questioning her about Muggle television and suggested they walk to the river.
“It’s hot, and I want a swim,” he said decisively. He held his hand out to Dita and pulled her up. “Come on, you’ll join me, won’t you?”
“I don’t have a costume,” she said. “Perhaps I’ll just watch from the side.”
“Pfft, you don’t need a costume,” Sirius said and smirked.
She giggled at his suggestion, but shook her head and then carefully removed her hand from his. Sirius smiled again at her, but allowed her to pull away from him.
“Leave her alone,” muttered James grumpily as he sidled up to them both. “We could go back and get your costume if you want.”
“I’m happy sitting on the bank watching,” she insisted. She knew James wouldn’t swim for long. He didn’t like the water much and once he’d shown willing in front of his friends, he’d join her and they could talk. He was close to her now, and his hand gently brushed against hers, so she touched him lightly with her fingertips. Soon they were holding hands as they walked away from Sirius and towards the river.
“What happened to that girl? Lily Whatsit?” she asked, trying to sound casual, but feeling her heart thump into her throat as she waited for him to reply.
“She turned me down ... again,” he said ruefully. “Said I was ‘an arrogant toe-rag’, or something. Can’t be bothered anymore. Think I’ll give up.” Then he grinned at her, a wicked grin that lit up his eyes. “I only kept asking her ‘cause I knew it would annoy this other boy at school.”
She laughed, relieved that this girl hadn’t made too much of an impression on him. His hand holding hers felt warm, comforting, and they seemed to fit. She wondered what it would feel like if he wound his arm around her waist, his fingertips gently touching the bare skin of her stomach where the hem of her shirt didn’t quite meet the waistband of her shorts. But James kept his hand in hers and didn’t bring her any closer to him.
Dita could hear the others behind them. Peter and Remus were arguing with Sirius, who was making no attempt to help with the basket. He laughed as he bound up to James and Dita.
“What are you talking about?”
James rolled his eyes at Sirius. “Nothing that you need to know about, mate.”
Dita laughed. “James was telling me all about Lily and how he was asking her out to annoy someone else. Don’t tell me it was you, Sirius.”
Sirius laughed suddenly, loudly and ruffled James’ hair. “Not me. I’m guessing he’s talking about Snivelly.” He grabbed Dita’s other hand and this time refused to let her pull away. “Snivellus Snape is a boy in Slytherin. He’s so greasy he slides into the hall. Seems to think he has a chance with Evans ‘cause he’s always staring at her or trying to talk to her.”
“Perhaps she likes him,” Dita said quietly. “Looks aren’t everything, Sirius.”
“She likes him a lot less now,” retorted Sirius and started to roar with laughter. “James hoisted him up by his ankle and then washed his mouth out with soap. Bloody funny seeing his dirty grey pants on display.”
“Yeah, shame we were interrupted,” James said and turned to Dita. “I was about to remove his pants, but one of the professors turned up and slapped me straight in detention. Shame, cause everyone wanted to see the slimeball’s nads. Would have been the best prank ever.”
“Did he fight back?” she asked.
James shrugged. “He tried, and he got me with a hex on my cheek.”
“He had no chance!” agreed Sirius, grinning broadly. “Honestly, what was he going to do? There was him against James and me. Plus we surprised him.”
Dita removed her hands from both of them and stopped walking. Puzzled, James stopped too. “What’s up?”
“You picked a fight with someone “ probably ‘cause you were jealous that this Lily liked him.”
“No, I hexed him because he’s a git!” James argued. “I don’t know what you’re getting so riled about. You weren’t there; you don’t know what he’s like.”
“I know what it’s like to be picked on for no good reason,” she yelled, the anger bubbling inside her. “You know who you sound like, James?”
“Who?” he asked, shaking his head in bemusement. He was smirking, and she was aware that Sirius was pulling faces behind her back. The pent-up anger from all those years erupted in a white-hot fury.
“Del!” she shouted. “Remember him and his gang? They picked on me because I was ‘coloured’. They wanted to beat you up because of your ‘wierdo parents’. That’s what you’ve become, James. A bully and a thug.”
“Now, wait a minute,” he protested. “You don’t know what Snape’s like.”
“I don’t need to. I thought I knew what you were like. You’re always banging on about your school and your wonderful house. Gryffindor “ home of the brave and the chivalrous. Seems to me you’d have been better in that other house ... what is it? Slytherin?” James didn’t answer, but as his face blanched she knew she’d hit home. Behind her, she could sense that Sirius was still laughing.
“You need to grow up,” Dita said, breathing deep. “That Lily Evans has a point. You are arrogant. And I can’t believe I didn’t see it before.”
She stepped back, then feeling a tidal wave of tears threaten to flood her eyes, she turned away and broke into a run. James called after her, sounding desperate, but she was too upset to turn back.
31st August 1976
“Dita, please talk to me,” James entreated from her back garden. “Come on, I’ve said I’m sorry.”
Dita looked up from the bed. It was no good: she’d been reading the same page, same bloody line over and over. She’d already told him to go away and had closed her curtains on him, but he was still there ... and Good God, he’d been there for nearly an hour.
Grinding her teeth, she stepped towards the window. She’d shout at him again and then go downstairs.
“Hi,” said a face staring directly at her through the window pane.
“What... How...Jesus, James, what the hell are you doing?”
“I’m flying, Dit. This is my broomstick.”
“But you’re not allowed to do magic out of school, are you?”
“You gonna tell on me?” he asked, and although he was grinning at her, there was a faint note of apprehension in his question. “Can I come in?”
“Uh...” Dita bit her lip. Her dad was downstairs and would not be happy to find James in her bedroom. But then again ... what he didn’t know ... She opened the window wider, and James stopped hovering on his broomstick and clambered onto the sill.
James looked around the room. He hadn’t been here for years, not since they were thirteen, when her dad had decided it was no longer ‘appropriate’ for his daughter to have a boy in her bedroom. At the time, James couldn’t work out what the fuss was about, but now, here in her room, he understood. He’d been trying to speak to her for two weeks now, but she’d avoided him or yelled more. In the end, Sirius had told him to stop moping and just demand to speak to her. He’d taken Sirius’ advice, little thinking he’d end up here.
Was her bed always that big? he wondered. It seemed to dominate the room. He felt awkward sitting on it, especially as he could see a silky pyjama top peeping out from under the pillow. He sat, instead, on a small chair by her dressing table and studied the posters on her wall.
“You want to talk,” she stated.
James shook his head. “Uh, yeah. Look, I want to say sorry and also explain things to you.”
“It’s not me you should apologise to,” she replied.
“I am not saying sorry to Snape,” James said savagely. “He deserves everything he gets.” He stared at her mutinously. “We went about it the wrong way, I admit that, but he’s evil, Dit.”
She laughed. “Don’t be so melodramatic. No one’s really evil.”
James raised his eyebrows quizzically. “What about Del and his mates? They picked on you cause you were different, Dit. And you told me the last time you saw him, he was in some group, still beating people up.”
She held his gaze and nodded slowly. “Yeah, he joined the National Front. He goes on demos and things, saying that people like me should be sent back to where we came from.” She ran her fingers through her hair, as if she didn’t want to think about Del. “You said that sort of thing didn’t happen in your world.”
“It doesn’t,” he agreed. “But there are some wizards and witches who think pure blood is the only thing that matters.”
“Pure blood?” Dita sat forwards on the bed, so he started to tell her about the differences in the magic world and certain wizards’ theories about supremacy and the victimisation of Muggle-borns.
“Lily Evans is a Muggle-born,” he said softly. “She’s got more magic in her than so many of the pure-bloods at our school, but to them she’s a ‘Mudblood’ “ that’s dirty blood, Dit. Their prejudice is wrong. Every bit as wrong as what Del and his lot do to people like you.”
“You’re a pure-blood, aren’t you?”
“Mmm, and Sirius, but we know what’s right. It’s why Sirius left home. He can’t bear his family any longer, so he’s living with us.” He took a breath, looked around the room again, seeming to take solace in its very ordinariness. “I want things straight between us before I go back to school,” he said at last. “We’ll be okay, won’t we?”
“Yes,” she said, but she looked at him with sadness in her eyes.
“Good,” he replied, “because I wanted this summer to be different. I’ve not seen enough of you, and I’m sorry for that.”
“Different?” she queried.
“I wanted time alone with you,” he admitted. “But then Sirius turned up, and we rowed so ...”
Their eyes locked, and without knowing quite what they were doing, they both stood up. Dita saw James stretch out his hand towards her, so she reached out too, softly touching his fingers with her own. It was the slightest touch, but it seemed to pull them together. This wasn’t like the closeness of friends. This wasn’t him hugging her because she’d been dumped. This wasn’t her consoling him when his mum had banned him from playing Quidditch in the garden. This had nothing to do with anyone else. It was about the pair of them connecting, despite their different lives.
Takingher gently around the waist, James tilted his head towards her, and slowly, hesitantly, began to kiss her. She lifted her hands and ran them through his hair, then closed her eyes as his lips moved to her neck. Gary’s kisses had never affected her like this.
“Dita,” he muttered, “what are we doing?”
“I don’t know,” she breathed as his hand moved upwards to cup her breast, “but don’t stop.”
They stumbled onto the bed, kissing furiously, knowing only that this was for them. But as she began to tug on his shirt, James pulled away.
“We can’t,” he said sounding reluctant. “I can’t do this to you, Dit.”
“Yes, you can,” she replied, pulling him back towards her. She stopped talking and blew faintly on his neckline before returning to kiss his lips.
James groaned. He knew he shouldn’t be doing this, but as she slid her hands over his back, he felt the small shred of resolve die in him. He began to unbutton her shirt, marvelling at her smooth dark-gold skin and the firm swell of her breasts.
“I’ve not done this before,” he admitted, burying his flushing face in her neck.
“Me, neither.”
And then there were no more words “ at least not comprehensible ones “ as he trailed soft kisses from her neck downwards and listened to her heart thumping in perfect time with his own. He stared at her, looking deep into her eyes, and saw the faint flicker of pain flit across her face. But he was too far gone, too caught up in his own moment, to do more than utter a hurried apology. And then she smiled, relaxing into him as she urged him on.
“Oh Merlin, that was ...” he groaned as he shuddered, all too quickly, and collapsed on top of her.
“Good, yeah,” she whispered, and laughed as he nodded.
Feeling the sweat from their bodies, he tried to lever himself off to give her some space, but she wound her arm around his waist.
“You going somewhere?” she said teasingly, but he heard the insecurity in her voice.
James smoothed a tress of hair off her face and smiled down at her. “No,” he said. “I’d like to stay all night, but ... you know, Mum, Dad, and I’m back at school tomorrow.”
“I know,” she whispered. “But Dad’s downstairs, probably asleep in front of the telly, so stay for a while, won’t you?”
He shifted his weight off her and lay on his side. Sirius had once told him that what happened after was boring, the point where the girl would start talking about feelings or something. But here, with Dita, James just wanted to stay this close forever. Slowly, he started to run his hand over her body, finding it thrilling the way she quivered under his touch. His fingertips ran lazily up and down her leg, pausing briefly on the soft skin of her thigh, then sliding upwards. He saw her eyes widen in expectation and smiled at her as soft moans escaped from her lips.
“Oh boy,” she said at last. "That was ...”
James chuckled and gathered her into his arms. “I know.”
Sloppy and sweaty, he cupped her face in his as he gave her a farewell kiss and breathed in the faint scent of her hair. Then hopping out of the bedroom window, he mounted his broomstick, circled her garden, and blew her kisses as he flew into the night.
“Join me,” he called out and flew back to the window.
“I can’t,” she protested, but she was laughing. “It looks dangerous--and what if I fall?”
“You won’t, Dit. You’ll be with me, and I’ll never let anything happen to you.” He flashed a grin at her, then held out his hand. “Come on!”
Giggling, she climbed through the open window and slid her legs over the broom. “How do I sit? Side-saddle?”
“Just sit in front of me, and I’ll hold you,” James replied, adding, “Relax, Dita. This is a lot of fun.”
As James pushed off from the wall, she felt her stomach lurch as they jerked forwards. She screamed, but wasn’t scared. With James there, she was safe, just as she had been all those years ago when he’d run full pelt into Del and his gang. As a gentle breeze ruffled through her hair, he sped up, flying high, then swooping low, around her garden. She could feel the leaves of the bushes tickling her feet, smell the fresh scent of the night air, and see the rooftops of her neighbourhood bathed in silver starlight.
“This is wonderful,” she breathed. “Magical. Oh God, how I want this!”
James slowed down and held her close, his chin resting on her shoulder. “I want this for you too, Dit. I’d love to be able to share everything with you.” Turning the broom, he flew steadily back to her window ledge and helped her back onto the sill. “I’ve gotta go, but I’ll be back at Christmas.”
She smiled sadly. Her brief foray into his world was at an end. “You say that every year, James, but something always keeps you at school.”
“I mean it this time,” he said with utmost sincerity.
She believed him, or at least she believed that he wanted to return, but after that first year, he’d never come back for Christmas, always promising but never fulfilling as something else always got in the way.
“I know you do,” she said and sighed, “but really you don’t have to, not for me.” She pressed one finger to his protesting lips and continued. “I took Remus’ advice and wrote to my mum’s family. I’m going there for Christmas this year, along with my dad.”
Although he looked disconcerted, James reached out his hand and stroked her soft cheek with his thumb. “Summer, then? And I’ll write “ all the time.”
She wasn’t sure who started the kiss, perhaps it was James, perhaps it was her, but it was she who pulled away first. She could feel one solitary tear escaping from her eye and went to brush it away, but James got there first.
“Don’t cry,” he said, but his voice sounded strange, as if he too were struggling to keep his emotions in check. He pushed off from the wall and flew swiftly away, only looking once over his shoulder to shout, “I will come back, I promise.”
“I know,” she called out to the night sky, and this time she didn’t bother to wipe away her tears.
Sept 1st 1976
“Get off me,” complained James. “I’m tired.”
“Shagged out, more like,” muttered Sirius to Peter.
They were sitting in their carriage; the three of them sprawled over all the seats to deter any visitors. Exhausted from his late and then restless night, James was trying desperately to catch up on some sleep. However, with Sirius determined to find out if he’d ‘scored’ with Dita, he was finding it hard to even doze.
“Padfoot, just leave me alone,” he moaned.
Sensing a weakness, Sirius grabbed James by the arms and instructed Peter to sit on his legs. “Spill, Prongs,” he ordered, “or I’ll hex your bollocks off.”
James groaned to himself. He knew how persistent Sirius could be, and also how bloody annoying when he wanted to know the truth. In the past, James had caved in, anything for an easy life. But in the past he hadn’t felt the urge to keep anything private. He didn’t want to share this “ not yet. It was his secret to cherish, at least for a while.
With a superhuman effort, he pushed Sirius off and then kicked out at Peter. “I’m tired and don’t want to talk about it,” James said crossly. He stood up, flexed his wand, and walked to the door. “I’m off to find another carriage where I can have a kip.”
Ignoring Sirius and Peters’ protests that they would leave him alone now (he knew from bitter experience that there was no way they’d let him be), James walked the length of the corridor, checking each carriage and hoping to find somewhere he could crash.
“Looking for someone, James?” called a female voice from one of the carriages. James looked across to see a giggling Mary Macdonald standing by her door. “Lily’s in here, if you want to speak to her ... or ask her out again.”
“Mary!” he heard the unmistakeable voice of Evans cry. “Stop it.”
James paused, weighing up his options. There was something he needed to do before he found somewhere to kip. Taking a breath, he stepped towards their carriage.
Lily was sitting with her group of friends playing Exploding Snap. She looked much the same as last year, complete with the scowl when he approached.
“No, Potter, please just go away,” Lily complained.
“I will in a bit, I just want a word, is that okay?”
“If you’re asking me out again, the answer’s no,” she said witheringly.
He bit back the irritation he was feeling, after last year he probably deserved her scorn. “Can I have a word with you, Lily?”
“Yes,” she said, looking him straight in the eye. “Go ahead.”
“Uh, in private?”
“Oh, Potter, you can’t possibly say anything that my friends haven’t heard before, so just spit it out!” she ordered.
James held her gaze and then smiled slightly. Okay, if that was the way she wanted it. “Lily Evans,” he began. “I am very, very sorry for asking you out five times last year. I solemnly swear,” (he grinned to himself as he said that bit), “that I will not ask you out again, and I apologise “ wholeheartedly “ for embarrassing you in front of your friends!”
Finishing with a deep bow, he smothered the laugh that was threatening to ruin his apology and backed out of the room.
“It was six times, actually!” Lily called after him.
“At least one of us was keeping count,” he called back, looking over his shoulder and giving her a ghost of a grin.
“Wow,” he heard Mary say. “That was unexpected.”
“Another of his stupid pranks, I bet,” said Lily.
“Possibly,” Mary murmured. There was a pause, and James knew he should walk away, but he lingered just long enough to hear the end of her sentence. “I must say, Lily, you look a bit annoyed. You haven’t changed your mind about him, have you?”
He waited a bit longer to hear Lily’s response, but on hearing nothing, correctly deduced that she was refusing to answer. He started walking down the corridor until at last he found an empty carriage where he could sleep and hopefully dream about how he’d found something magical with his Muggle girl.