Fortune brings in some boats that are not steered. ~William Shakespeare
Lily watched with narrowed eyes as James Potter met Cynthia Morris at the main gates of the castle and took her hand. They shared a quick kiss and began to walk toward Hogsmeade together, talking and laughing and completely at ease. It was a cool, crisp November day, and when Cynthia shivered, James put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close.
Lily kicked at a rock in front of her and grumbled under her breath as she reluctantly joined her friends nearby. None of them had dates for the Hogsmeade trip, so they had decided to go together and enjoy one of the last weekends of fall. They followed the throng of students down the path, not far behind James and Cynthia.
Only Lily did not feel like walking with her friends and listening to them gossip about the happy couples in front of them; she just wanted to grumble some more. They didn't seem to notice her foul mood, though, so she slowly lagged behind. As she fell further back and watched more and more couples pass her, Lily decided she simply could not go to Hogsmeade that day. She had no desire whatsoever to walk from shop to shop, pub to pub, mindlessly following her friends; she just wanted to be alone with her bad mood, nothing else.
Determined to avoid the village, Lily headed back toward the castle. As she walked alone with her bleak thoughts, she heard someone come running up behind her. Thinking her friends had finally realized that she had disappeared, she turned to snap at them to leave her alone; she was stopped short to see James Potter coming toward her instead. With a heavy sigh, she turned back to the castle and entered the grounds, hoping that he wouldn't say anything to her.
"Hey, Evans!" he called, coming up beside her, breathless. "What's up? You're heading the wrong way!" He smiled brightly, and Lily was hit with the irrational urge to punch him in the face for being so cheerful.
"I'm going back to Gryffindor," she muttered, shoving her hands into her pockets and picking up her pace. "You're the one heading in the wrong direction."
He laughed as he kept up with her. "No, that's where I'm going, too. I'll walk with you."
Lily raised her eyebrows. "Quick date. Cynthia ditch you?" she asked nastily. She halfway regretted it when he frowned.
"No, she wanted a warmer cloak," he said. "I told her I'd get it for her since I wanted mine as well. I'm meeting her later."
"How gallant of you," Lily said as they entered the castle. "It didn't occur to you to just use a Warming Charm?"
James gave her a sideways glance as they hurried through the corridors of the castle. "I'm not as good at charms as you, Evans, so no — it didn't. What's got your wand in a knot, anyway?"
Lily sighed. "Nothing. Sorry. I'm just out of sorts today."
"Then why are you hanging around here?" he asked. "Get out, have some fun in Hogsmeade."
"That's exactly why I'm staying here," she snapped. "Besides, Hogsmeade is overrated."
"If you say so," he replied with a shrug.
They arrived at the entrance to Gryffindor Tower to find the Fat Lady reading a book. "Felix Felicis," said James, and she nodded absently as she let them through. The common room was filled with first and second-years, some studying, some engaged in various games of gobstones or chess. They looked up when they heard the portrait hole open, saw that it was only the Head Boy and Head Girl, and immediately turned back to their friends.
With a nod, James headed toward the boys' dormitory first. Lily walked over to the sofa and threw herself down, arms crossed over her chest. Her mood had soured even more since running into James; she realized that he was actually the very cause of it. Though it left a bitter taste in her mouth, she was forced to admit that she was jealous, and it galled her.
She was jealous of Cynthia Morris.
At first, Lily had been glad to get James off her case. He had stopped asking her out, stopped teasing her — had in fact started talking to her like a normal person, not some lovesick prat who hadn't the faintest idea about how to actually start a relationship with a girl.
Yet he had somehow won over Cynthia, and now they were the most popular couple at school. Even worse — they seemed happy. They weren't constantly groping each other, like other couples who only hooked up for sex, but seemed to actually enjoy one another's company whether they were studying, walking to class, or sneaking off for an obvious quick snog. They seemed so happy that Lily felt bad about the rumors she'd heard about Cynthia and Ryan Sloper.
Maybe that's what she was jealous of: their relationship. She'd dated several guys, but hadn't ever felt that comfortable closeness with anyone…except James. That admission bothered her even more. Now that they were Head Boy and Head Girl, they spent more time together, and Lily found herself actually enjoying it. Things were different somehow: they talked, they joked, they actually got along. Lily found she rather liked it, and wished she had that sort of relationship with someone she could call her boyfriend.
Or did she want that with James? She couldn't decide, but when he appeared in front of her, Cynthia's cloak in hand, her sour mood returned in full as she felt the irrational urge to rip up the cloak and jinx the boy who was holding it. Only James looked down at her with concern, and she felt even worse.
"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked.
"I'm fine." She shrugged, hoping he would both leave and stay.
"You look like you need a Cheering Charm or something," he said. "Why not come back to Hogsmeade? It might be fun."
Lily rolled her eyes. "With you and Cynthia? I doubt it."
James stuttered a bit. "I didn't mean with us. What about your friends? I thought you had a whole day planned with them."
"Just my luck I'd never find them," Lily muttered, imagining herself wondering aimlessly through the streets of the village looking for her friends as couple after couple passed her by, holding hands and laughing. "I'm just going to catch up on homework or something."
James frowned again. "Well, I hope you have a good afternoon catching up then. Good luck with that Potions essay. I'll see you at the meeting tonight."
He studied her one last time, gave her a small smile, then turned and left through the portrait hole, leaving her alone on the couch, steaming.
A sudden, reckless idea hit her: Felix Felicis. Maybe the password had triggered it, maybe her offhand comment about bad luck, or maybe it was James's remark about the Potions essay. Either way, she sprinted up the stairs to the girls' dormitory, dug out a tiny glass vial from her trunk, and stared at it, her heart racing. Though she had won it from Slughorn at the beginning of sixth year, she had never used it; she didn't even know if it would still work. The color had dulled from a liquid gold to a pale yellow, and she wondered if it was even worth trying.
The thought stopped her. What was she doing? Why did she feel this sudden urge to drink it all? She wasn't down on her luck, she was lonely and sad. She was jealous of Cynthia Morris and simply wanted a relationship of her own. James was right: she needed a Cheering Charm far more than a draught of liquid luck.
Yet maybe a quick sip would improve the day enough for her to actually enjoy a trip to Hogsmeade. Maybe she would have a good time—or maybe she would get lucky and actually meet someone. While it seemed a pathetic excuse for using the potion, at least she wouldn't feel guilty about taking it for any of the other reasons she had often considered and rejected.
Nodding to herself, Lily took a small sip. She felt a warm tingle spread through her body from her lips to her toes, and she grinned, suddenly certain her day was about to get much better. Grabbing her warm cloak — since she had no one to send back for it — Lily hurried back to the common room and through the portrait hole. She was determined to find James Potter.
She sprinted through the corridors and flew down the main steps of the castle, catching up with him just past the gates. As she came flying up beside him, he glanced at her in surprise. She grinned as the wind blew her hair around her face. It was a beautiful day, and she felt great.
"You did try a Cheering Charm, didn't you?" he asked, a teasing tone to his voice.
"No, I just had a change of attitude," Lily replied, slightly out of breath. "I think it might turn out to be my lucky day." For some reason, she was feeling naively confident now. She was alone with James and felt the liquid luck flowing through her. Perhaps she should make a move. He did have a girlfriend, though, so she decided to take it slowly.
"How are things with Cynthia?" she asked as they continued toward Hogsmeade together. He grinned, a genuinely happy smile that she was decided would not bother her. It was her lucky day, after all, and things would turn out perfect, right?
"Great!" he replied. "She's amazing. I thought we'd just walk around the village a bit before getting some hot chocolate at the Three Broomsticks. I need to do some shopping."
"Sounds lovely," Lily replied, although she rather wished he had given any other answer. She knew her friends were planning on a warm butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks and she did not fancy the thought of watching James and his girlfriend cozying up at a corner table.
"Yes, well…" said James. He sounded uncomfortable, and Lily wondered if her luck was changing.
"Something wrong with Morris, Potter?" Lily asked innocently. She was waiting for him to tell her it was over, and he was still madly in love with her.
"Actually, since you're here, can I ask you something?" He definitely sounded nervous, like a man about to admit his undying love. She almost laughed with joy, certain he was going to confess that he was breaking up with Morris to be with her.
"Of course, James," she said, trying to stop her beating heart. She patted down her hair and licked her lips for any unplanned snogging.
"Do you think you…you could help me with something? For Cynthia?" he asked, the words tumbling out. "I need to get her a birthday gift, and I could really use your help picking something out."
Lily stopped dead in her tracks. "What?" she asked, her voice a low growl. So much for the lucky potion. Did she not take enough?
"I wanted to pick out something with her in Hogsmeade, only maybe we could nip into a shop instead, and you could help me find something special, and then it could be a surprise." He looked at her, his hazel eyes sincere and shining through his stupid round glasses as he rambled.
Lily felt her confidence deflate like a broken balloon, whooshing from her with one swift puncture to her heart. She bit her tongue, holding back an angry retort as well as tears, and simply told him, "No," as she turned back toward the castle. Perhaps the lucky potion was no longer potent; perhaps Slughorn had given her a bad batch. This certainly wasn't her idea of a lucky day anymore.
"Oh," he replied, watching her go. "Er, Lily, Hogsmeade is that way." He was smiling, although it was an uncertain sort of smile.
"I know," she tossed back over her shoulder. "I changed my mind. I don't feel like going anymore."
"Why? Because I asked you to help me pick out a gift for Cynthia?" James asked. Lily stopped, turned, and glared at him. To her surprise, he stood his ground and stared right back. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was a sore point."
"It's not," she said, sounding sullen and not caring. "I'd simply prefer not to help you shop for your…girlfriend." She felt like choking on the last word and hated herself for it.
"Fine," he said, holding up his hands. "You should still go to Hogsmeade, though. Don't cancel on account of me." He turned and continued down the path toward the village alone. Taking a deep breath, Lily followed. Maybe the Felix Felicis just needed a bit longer to start working.
Gathering herself, Lily hurried to catch up. "You're a prat, you know," she told him.
He rolled his eyes. "I know. You've told me several times this year. And last year. And the year before that. And probably the year before that."
"Just so you know," she replied airily, striving for a comeback. The bristling confidence she had felt earlier had been replaced by an uncomfortable uncertainty.
"What did I do this time?" James asked curiously as they entered the village and made their way down the street.
She gave him her most withering look. "Never ask another girl to shop for your girlfriend's birthday present, Potter. It's tacky."
"I wasn't asking you to shop for her," he replied, sounding defensive. "I was asking you to help me. You know, as a friend."
"Then ask a friend," she snapped, instantly regretting it when she saw the hurt look on his face. Apparently the potion did not help her say the right thing when she needed to, or else her foul mood was simply too strong for the potion to overcome.
"I thought we were friends," he replied softly. With a shrug he turned away and began to walk away. "Apparently I was wrong again. See you later, Evans."
Lily swore under her breath as she hurried after him. "Potter! Wait!" She caught his cloak and turned him around. "Look, I'm sorry. I guess I'm still in a bit of a snit. I'll help."
He looked away, obviously still upset with her. For some reason, it stung. She did not want him to be mad at her, even if he had started it with his incredible lack of sensitivity. She offered him her most remorseful smile, and finally he gave her a small smile in return and nodded. She blew out her breath in relief as he led the way toward a nearby bookshop.
"Why do you need my help, anyway?" she asked, still feeling slightly sore about agreeing to help him. "I'm sure you'd be able to find something on your own if you tried."
"Maybe," he said, as he held open the door for her. "But I want it to be different. Special."
"Why?" Lily asked again. Something was niggling at her.
"Because…" He trailed off as he began to peruse the shelves. Glancing around to see if anyone was nearby, he lowered his voice so the shopkeeper wouldn't hear them. "Well, I just want to get something special. What's wrong with that?"
"Nothing," she said. "It's nice." She sighed, wishing there was someone shopping for her at that moment.
"See, I'm not as bad as you make me out to be," he replied, rolling his eyes. "To be honest, though, I just don't want to get anything wrong — like something that pushes her away."
"Toward Sloper, you mean?" she asked without thinking.
He whipped around, and she saw a flash of anger fly across his face.
"Sorry," she said softly, touching his arm. "I didn't mean to imply anything."
He ran his hand through his hair and sighed. "I know. I've heard the rumors, too. We talked about it, and she said nothing was going on with him, but I still…" He trailed off, obviously uncomfortable talking to her about his feelings. That made her sad, because at that moment she wanted to help him.
"You still want that extra special present," she finished. "I get it. Cynthia is a lucky girl, I think." Lily put aside her own feelings, and taking him by the hand (which was so nice and warm), she pulled him from the bookshop back onto the street. "However, a book is not what you're looking for. Follow me."
They hurried down the road toward, stopping in several shops as they searched for the perfect gift, talking and laughing in much the same way Lily had seen James acting with Cynthia. She pushed the thought out of her mind, however, and enjoyed her time with him, ignoring the fact that James would go back to Cynthia as soon as they found whatever it was that they were looking for. If things went back to normal later, at least she had had a good day after all.
Finally they came to a small shop tucked around the corner. It was a crystal shop, with delicate curios sparkling in the window and throwing soft rainbows across the ground. Lily always enjoyed browsing through the exquisite creations and felt certain James would find the right gift inside.
She took his hand again as they entered, slightly surprised when he did not let go. She smiled, relishing the moment for as long as she could, and they talked softly as they walked the narrow aisle, bodies close together. She wondered if her luck were changing again. She could almost forget he had a girlfriend and wondered if he had forgotten as well. He was still holding her hand, after all, although Lily wondered if he was more worried about breaking something than anything else. She showed him her favorite piece in the shop, a beautiful glass flower pendant that was etched with green and yellow. It was delicate yet strong, and she had been attracted to it from the first time she had entered the shop.
James stopped in front of a shelf of small crystal birds, starlings and wrens and even a robin. They were stunning, so life-life that she could imagine them coming to life and flying about the shop. She pictured herself opening a beautifully wrapped box and finding one inside, but then remembered that James was shopping for his girlfriend, and not her, and she dropped his hand, suddenly disappointed that the charade was not real.
"What's wrong?" he asked. "You don't like it?"
She smiled sadly. "No, it's beautiful. She'll love it. I'll wait outside for you." She turned and walked back into the street. A few snowflakes were starting to fall, and more and more students were heading indoors for a warm drink to stave off the chill. Rubbing her hands together, Lily peered through the window and saw James pick up a small glass bird and frown. He glanced around the shop and moved toward the back. She did not see what he chose, but watched him take something to the counter. The shopkeeper wrapped it in green paper with a large white bow.
When James came out, he found her staring forlornly across the street, her mind going over the strange turn of her afternoon. She had taken a sip of Felix Felicis and ended up with almost exactly what she wanted: spending the afternoon with James in Hogsmeade. The only twist was that they were shopping for his girlfriend, and she couldn't figure out why the potion had manifested in such a cruelly ironic way— if the potion even had anything to do with it at all.
James put his hand on her shoulder, and she turned toward him with another sad smile. It was time for him to meet Cynthia, and her strange luck would run out as he went back to his girlfriend. It hadn't really worked after all; all she had gotten was a glimpse of something that she would never truly experience.
"Thanks, Lily," he said, and she just about melted. She wanted nothing more at that moment than to grab his neck and pull his lips down to hers, but she wasn't sure if the Felix Felicis would work that particular magic for her. And really, her conscience balked at snogging a guy who was already with someone else, no matter how badly she wanted to.
Yet as she looked into his face, trying to smile even as she held back tears, she saw his eyes widen. He gazed back at her, and to her shock, something passed between them. She held her breath; it seemed like he was moving toward her, parting his lips to kiss her, but then he seemed to come to his senses and stopped, actually shaking his head. Lily sighed.
"You're welcome," she finally replied, looking away as she felt her eyes begin to water in spite of her best efforts to stop them. He coughed and inclined his head toward the road.
"We should go," he said. "I have to meet…" he trailed off, looking at her in that same way again.
"Cynthia," she reminded him.
"Right," he said, but he didn't move.
"Then let's get going, already." She turned away, but he caught her arm and held her back, and she felt her heart begin to beat madly in her chest.
"Wait," he said. "Lily, something's wrong. Something's different. I…" He stopped, his arms flailing with his inability to express himself.
"I know," she said softly, stepping away from him even though she desperately wanted to move closer. "I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what?" he asked, clearly confused.
"For whatever's changed," she said.
"Why? It's not your fault," he said. "I just didn't anticipate…this." He motioned between them, and she knew he felt it, too.
"Well, I told you it was my lucky day," she murmured. When he looked even more confused, she actually laughed, releasing the tension that wound between them. It also seemed to snap the spell, and she again remembered that he was not hers, not really. She took his hand one last time and led him down the street. Taking a shortcut through a narrow alley, Lily dropped his hand and smiled. "Look, I had a really good time, James, but you're with Cynthia. I know that." She knew it and hated it, but forced herself to say it.
"If I'm with her, then why did I —" He broke off as Lily gasped.
Standing in a nearby doorway tucked out of sight was Cynthia Morris. And she was there with Ryan Sloper. . . arms wrapped around his neck, happily snogging away.
"What's wrong?" asked James. He started to turn, but she grabbed his cloak and spun him back around.
"I don't feel well," she gasped, doubling over with false pain. "Can you walk me back to the castle?" He put his hand on her back in concern.
"What happened?" he asked. "You were fine a minute ago. Maybe you're just hungry. Come on, let's get you something to eat." He helped her stand straight just as Cynthia and Ryan broke apart for air. They engaged in another long kiss. James turned back toward the doorway behind him.
Desperate, Lily grabbed him once more and pulled him toward her. His eyes widened as she slammed her lips to his, in possibly the most unromantic first kiss ever experienced. He just watched her in stunned surprise before she finally pulled away, slightly breathless. Glancing over his shoulder, she saw the couple inside still locked in their own embrace and swore under her breath.
"What was that for?" James panted. "Lily, you just said it — I'm with Cynthia now. You can't just grab a bloke and snog him like that!"
Lily looked away, feeling her face redden under his confused and angry gaze. "I'm sorry," she stuttered, not having to pretend she was embarrassed. "I was just feeling lucky, I guess."
"Lucky?" he asked. "That's the third time you've said that. Did you…" he trailed off, studying her through narrowed eyes. "Did you take that lucky potion you won last year? Is that what's going on?"
Lily didn't say anything, but knew her silence was answer enough from the look on James's face.
He ran his hand through his hair again. "I don't get it," he murmured. "Why would you do that?"
Lily felt her face crumple under his accusing gaze. "I don't know! I just wanted…" She stopped, unable to articulate just what it was she wanted. Did she want him? Did she just want a relationship with someone, anyone? What did she think would happen when she took the potion? That he would instantly dump his girlfriend and proclaim his everlasting love for her? She realized how ridiculous it was and shook her head. "I'm sorry," she whispered again.
"Look, we need to talk," said James, still upset, "but I have to go. I'm just glad Cynthia didn't see any—" He turned around and stopped short when he saw Cynthia and Ryan, saying goodbye with another embrace at the end of the alley.
Lily wanted to disappear as every emotion she could think of crossed James face; she couldn't bear to watch anymore and turned away. Finally the couple seemed to sense someone looking at them and broke apart. They glanced around and saw James standing there, his face pale and his breathing heavy.
Cynthia dropped Ryan's hand and hurried toward them, but James had already turned on the spot to Apparate away. Lily grabbed his arm and followed.
* * *
When the horrible feeling of Apparating wore off, Lily realized she was still in pain. She took a step and felt her knee buckle, and realized she had been Splinched; apparently grabbing onto someone just about to Apparate was not a good idea.
When she turned to James, she was further dismayed to see that he had Splinched himself as well, although not nearly as bad as she had: he had left behind his cloak, and was completely uncovered in the snow.
Snow? She suddenly wondered. Where were they?
Limping to a nearby rock, Lily cast a simple healing spell on her knee, relieved to see that it was nothing more than a deep scrape: she had only left behind the first layer of skin. It stung, but the pain lessened as the spell began to heal her wound. Potter didn't move: he stared at her knee in stunned shock.
"I'm okay," Lily said, worried about the look on his face. "I'll probably want some dittany when we get back, though." To prove it, she stood and flexed her knee a few times, ignoring the stiffness. He was still staring at her, though, and she finally realized he wasn't worried about her. He pulled his hand from his side, covered in blood, and collapsed in the snow as more blood began to stain the ground red.
"Burdock's back, you're worse off than me!" she exclaimed, rushing over to where he was clutching his abdomen. A large chunk of his left side, from just below his rib cage to his waist, had been left behind, leaving an ugly, gaping wound that was bleeding profusely. He was obviously in pain, biting his teeth so hard she could hear them grinding together.
"Thanks a lot, Evans," he ground out as she gently turned him over. Her hands were shaking as she stared at his side, unable to comprehend just what had happened.
"Oh Merlin," she whispered. "I didn't mean to…"
"Get us Splinched?" he snapped. "What the hell did you think would happen, grabbing onto me like that?"
"I'm sorry," she repeated, beginning to feel defensive. "I didn't want you running off by yourself after that scene back there."
"What, the one where my girlfriend was snogging another guy?" He tried to sit up, but fell back with a groan. Lily pushed him down and conjured a blanket to keep him warm. "Thanks for that, too."
"What?" she asked, genuinely confused. "How was that my fault?"
"You took the potion, didn't you?" he accused her.
"I did," she admitted. "But I don't even know if it worked. And I certainly don’t see how my taking a sip of Felix Felicis would make Cynthia have a pull at Ryan.
"Why did you take the potion?" he threw back at her.
Lily was silent as she contemplated both the answer and James's injury. He needed medical attention immediately, far more than she did for her less severe injury. She knew several rudimentary healing charms that would get him stable, but nothing that would truly fix the gaping hole in his side from the Splinch. She quickly began casting a few charms to stem the bleeding, lessen the pain, and stave off any beginning infection.
She saw him start to relax as the pain became more bearable. "You still haven't answered my question," he pointed out as he gingerly sat up. "Why did you take the lucky potion this afternoon?"
"It's a long story," she mumbled. "Come on, let's get you up out of the snow, at least." She helped him stand and led him over to the rock she had been sitting on. He held his side as she draped the blanket around him and cast a Warming Charm over it. Glancing around for some sticks, she began to gather a small pile of timber. She used her wand to light it, relishing in its warmth, then conjured herself a second blanket to further ward off the chill and sat down next to him.
"We've got some time," he replied, sounding sarcastic. "I don’t know about you, but I'm not about to try Apparating back to Hogsmeade at the moment."
"No," she murmured. "You're hurt. You should rest. Where are we anyway?"
James glanced around and frowned. They appeared to be in a clearing in some sort of forest. "I'm not sure. I was aiming for the Shrieking Shack, but I think I missed."
Lily raised her eyebrows. "I'd say. There was no snow in Hogsmeade yet. We're a bit further north, I'd guess." She paused and looked at him curiously. "Why the Shrieking Shack?"
"Why the potion?" he asked again.
"It's none of your business," she sighed. She felt bad enough for getting them into their current situation; she didn't want to complicate it even more with things she wasn't completely sure about herself.
"It's why I'm here with half my ribcage missing," he pointed out.
"And I apologized," she snapped, "so stop reminding me I messed up."
"Maybe when you tell me what the hell is going on," he retorted.
"Look, Potter, I don't want to get into it now," she said, standing and turning to face him. "Let's just go. I'll do a Side-Along now."
"I'm not ready," he mumbled, looking away wit a grimace. "I don't want to go back yet."
"Your wound—" she started, surprised at his sudden recalcitrance. She wondered if it was his injury or if he didn't want to face Cynthia.
"I'm not ready!" he repeated. "I'll be fine." He fell silent, staring bleakly into the fire, and Lily felt her heart go out to him. He had just bought his girlfriend a birthday gift only to find her sneaking around with another guy. He had then left the scene only to find himself lost in the wilderness, seriously injured, and stuck with the person who he blamed for it.
"I'm sorry about Cynthia," she finally offered, uncomfortable with the silence.
He shrugged. "She played me. It happens."
"Sloper's a git, if that helps," she said.
"Actually, he's a decent guy," James replied. He closed his eyes and leaned back, obviously struggling with it. "That's what stings. I just don't understand why this happened today."
Lily swallowed hard. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "It might be my fault after all."
He glanced at her, his eyes shadowed. "I don't get it."
"I think it could have been the lucky potion," she said.
James frowned. "But like you said, I don't see how that is going to get me dumped, Splinched, and lost in northern Scotland."
"I didn't tell you why I took it," she said, avoiding his eyes as her voice grew smaller and smaller. "Although, I think you've rather figured it out." She raised her eyes to glance at him, waiting for him to figure it out.
He seemed as reluctant to admit it as she was. "You were having a bad day. You wanted your luck to change."
"With you," she said, barely audible. She felt a horrible combination of embarrassment, disgust, and resentment. At the time, it had seemed the right thing to do; she just hadn't anticipated her good luck changing someone else's for the worse.
"With me," he repeated. She nodded.
"And it worked, I suppose, but not in the way I thought. I got to go to Hogsmeade with you, only I had to shop for your girlfriend. I got to kiss you, although that was a bit of a wreck." He rolled his eyes, the barest hint of a smile crossing his face, and nodded his agreement before she continued. "And now I'm here alone with you, only you've just seen your girlfriend snogging another guy, and you're hurt pretty bad. So it definitely didn't turn out quite how I expected."
"Well, it's over a year old, isn't it?" he asked. "You won it beginning of last year. Maybe it lost its potency."
Lily shook her head. "Maybe. Or maybe I didn't use it right. Maybe I shouldn't have taken it, trying to get closer to you when you were already with someone else. Maybe it's one of those situations where my good luck turned out to be your bad luck."
"I didn't think it worked like that," he murmured.
"I didn't either," she replied. "But that's what happened: I got what I wanted, only at your expense. I'm sorry. I really am." She sighed and reached for his hand. It was still cold, in spite of the blanket and the fire. His face was pale and his eyes seemed dull as well. She was suddenly more concerned for his health than anything else. "Come on, let's get back. I can Apparate us right outside the gates of school. You need the hospital wing."
He took her hand and squeezed it as he stood. "Thanks."
She shrugged as they stepped away from the rock. "For what? I got you into this."
"You didn't have to tell me why, though," he said, wincing as he moved.
"Nothing to lose at this point, I guess. Are you ready?"
"No," he replied. "I want to talk more."
"About what?" she asked, feeling weary. Nothing good could come of bringing it up again. She just wanted to get back to Hogwarts, get James to the hospital wing, and move on. She needed to forget how much she had enjoyed spending the afternoon with him, how much she had wanted to kiss him, or how she had wished he was looking for her birthday gift, not his girlfriend's.
"This afternoon," he said. He looked at her in the same way he had looked at her back in Hogsmeade, when she had thought he might just lean down and kiss her. "I had a really good time."
"It was probably just the potion." She shrugged, telling herself it had to be true, just so she wouldn't be disappointed.
"Maybe," he replied. "But I bought this after you left the shop, and I don't think any potion made me do it." He pulled a slightly beat up box from the pocket of his robes and handed it to her. It was the green box she had seen him purchase at the crystal shop, and it had her name on it.
"You bought this for me? What about Cynthia's gift?" she asked, taking it with shaking hands.
"I couldn't decide. I knew you liked this one, though, and wanted you to have it. Open it."
She carefully undid the box, not daring to think that it might be…
The crystal pendant.
"Oh my," she breathed, taking the delicate necklace from of its cushioned box. It must have been charmed to not have broken during their botched Apparation. It was even more beautiful than in the shop, the delicate etching catching the light and sending sparkles across her face. She felt herself getting choked up, and coughed to cover her sudden inability to speak.
"Thank you," she finally murmured. She placed it back into the box and held it out to him. "But I can't accept it. You're with Cynthia; this should be hers."
"I bought it for you," he replied, refusing to take the box. "Consider it an early Christmas gift. And do you really think I want to give her anything now? It's obviously over between us."
Lily shook her head. "You don't know that, James. Maybe you can work it out —"
"No, it's over," he said, sounding determined and disappointed at the same time. "And you're welcome. I hope you like it."
"I love it," she said, taking his hand again and squeezing. She laid it on her arm and smiled at him, but he seemed distracted. She felt terrible for causing him such pain, and her momentary delight over the unexpected gift evaporated quickly as her guilt returned in full force. "I’m still sorry, though."
"Stop apologizing," he said, and he rolled his eyes at her again. "It was over before I even saw them together. Hell, it was over the minute you grabbed my hand."
"Oh," she said, slightly stunned at the implication. "James, I don't —"
He put his finger to her lips and smiled. "It's okay. Really. Or it will be, once we figure things out. But right now I'd just like to get back to Hogwarts."
She nodded, wanting to say more, but she knew that it wasn't the time. James was injured, upset, and probably confused. They would talk later. She did not know when, and she did not know what they would talk about, but at least they would talk.
Turning on the spot with the castle gates fixed firmly in her mind, Lily felt the suffocating compression of Apparation, and then abruptly reappeared on the roadside outside the entrance, exactly as planned: James was still on her arm, and they were both in one piece this time.
They entered the gates and walked toward the castle as quickly as James could manage. Lily couldn't help but think of all that had happened in just the few hours since they had last entered the castle together. She had been in a foul mood and had initially dreaded the thought of walking back to Gryffindor with James Potter. Yet perhaps it was a good thing James had turned back for a warmer cloak.
And perhaps the Felix Felicis had worked after all.
* * *
As Luck Would Have It by Gmariam
Chapter Endnotes:I leave it to you, the reader, to decide whether the potion worked. Was it too old? Did Lily not take enough? Did she use it incorrectly, taking it for the wrong reasons? I realize this stretches canon a bit when it comes to the lucky potion, but I also feel it's one of those things that can be stretched--and that the answer is a bit obvious. And while it's is a somewhat unconventional portrayal of Lily, I do hope you enjoyed it.
Many, many thanks to Elene/coolcatelly for beta-reading this and giving great comments and support. And to Jess and Carole for their help as well.