Marty Pyttin's wand is broken. It does not work as well as it used to. It does not please him any more. He takes it down to Ollivander's-- who, unfortunately, is dead, decased, ceased to be, and has left his rather incapable assistant, Ollivander Jr. in charge of Britain's best wand shop.
A mash-up, mix-up and rip-up, er, off of the legendary Monty Python sketches Hungarian Phrasebook, Cheese Shop and Dead Parrot, set in the wizarding world. Irrevocably silly.
Story Notes: If I owned the worlds of Harry Potter and Monty Python, I would be the awesomest dude in town and my milkshake would have brought all the girls to the yard. Unfortunately, it doesn't, and I don't.