It started out as another warm, uneventful summer day. She had no plans to completely make a fool of herself and no thoughts of completely ruining someone’s life plans. Luna was simply shopping in Diagon Alley, replenishing her father’s stores of dittany and gurdyroot.
The older he got, Luna mused, the more often Xenophilius Lovegood seemed to need dittany to heal the many wounds he accidentally inflicted upon himself. The older she got, the more Luna came to see that sometimes, just sometimes, her father was wrong. He was right about wrackspurts, Rowena Ravenclaw’s Diadem, and right about the Deathly Hallows according to Harry, Ron, and Hermione... but he’d found another Erumpent horn.
Having finished Hogwarts and now turned nineteen years old, Luna realized that while she still believed Crumple-Horn Snorkacks existed, she had to admit that the horn her father had bought her three years ago was most definitely not from one of them. The new one he’d found only weeks ago had also exploded, outside the house this time, and it had taken all of their remaining dittany to heal his many large gashes.
What would he have done if I hadn’t been there? she wondered. Mulling these things over in her mind and looking down at the contents of her bag while walking out of Slug & Jiggers Apothecary, Luna ran straight into someone.
“Sorry!” she sighed, picking up her thankfully unbroken purchases. “I must be elf-shot, I can’t focus on anything today.”
A familiar laugh caught her ears and she looked up to find a confused Neville Longbottom. “What does elf-shot mean?”
“Neville!” she cried. Luna straightened up immediately, feeling her heart beat loudly from surprise and embarrassment. Ever since their relationship ended at school, wrackspurts always took full advantage of her in Neville’s presence. They made her forget how to speak, what to say when she could speak, and just overall made her look too dull to have ever been a Ravenclaw.
She and Neville were still good friends, and they owled each other often, but they hadn’t spoken face to face in over a year. She had to get it together quickly. “It’s been a while, how are you?”
He flushed a little, “Um... fine. How’re you?”
“Fine,” she nodded, aware that his countenance had gone south with the small-talk. She’d said something wrong...again. Say anything! “Wow, it’s good to see you. What have you been up to lately? Are you still working as an Auror?”
“Ah, no actually I left that job. I accepted the Herbology position at Hogwarts for this coming year.”
“That’s great!” she cried, placing a hand on his arm. “You always loved Herbology. I’m glad you got away from that Rotfang Conspiracy thing too.”
“Yeah,” he gave a small smile, scratching his head. “Barely escaped that one. Poor Harry and Ron, I had to leave them behind.”
He was teasing her and she knew it. “Harry and Ron would never get themselves into something like that,” she replied.
“No, I suppose not. So what about you? What do you do with your free time now?” Neville redirected the conversation.
“Oh,” she blushed. He would probably think her silly. “I help Father with The Quibbler. And he and I have started doing more intense research on rare magical animals. We go on trips looking for them. Though our last trip didn’t turn up any Snorkacks.”
“Too bad,” Neville responded. “I can’t wait to see you find one and shut everyone up.”
Luna had to genuinely smile at this. Whether he truly believed with her or not, Neville had always been one of very few people who didn’t roll their eyes at her ideas or straight out snort and laugh. She remembered the time he’d stopped Parvati and Lavender being rude to her in the Library in her fourth year. He’d asked her out not two days later. She shook her head to get rid of the memories that made her a bit self-conscious at the moment.
They stood awkwardly for a second and Neville looked as if he were about to say something before another blonde girl that Luna vaguely remembered came bounding up and looped her arm through the one of Neville’s that Luna was unaware she was still holding. Neville closed his mouth, looked down at her and flushed a little. Luna felt sort of hurt watching the scene, but remembered she had no right to be jealous.
“I know you...” Luna said conversationally to the girl as she took a step back from Neville, trying to recall the girl’s name.
“Hannah Abbot,” the girl nodded, eyeing her suspiciously. “I was in Dumbledore’s Army with you.” The girl gazed oddly at Luna and she stared right back for a moment before a solid memory finally struck her.
“Oh yes! You were the Hufflepuff girl with the odd patronus.”
“A German Shepherd is not an odd patronus,” Hannah huffed defensively.
“I didn’t mean anything rude. It’s nice to see you,” Luna tried to correct herself.
Neville spoke up to alleviate the moment, but apparently didn’t think before he spoke. “Um, Hannah, I’m sure you remember Luna. Luna, Hannah and I are to be married next week,” he reddened a bit as he said it, aware that it made the situation worse rather than better.
Luna felt herself pale and decided it was time to leave. He was obviously uncomfortable, and given the way Hannah was now glaring at her, she didn’t want her around. “Con... Congratulations. Well, I must get this dittany to Father. He’ll be hurt again by the time I get home, I expect.”
“Oh, yeah,” Neville nodded. “Don’t let us hold you up.”
“Bye,” Hannah shot as Luna turned and retreated down the alley. She had to get away. She had to get home.
Neville sat in a booth in The Leaky Cauldron two days later with the only person he felt he could really talk to about it. Harry and Ron wouldn’t understand and he didn’t feel close enough the Hermione to call on her, but Harry’s wife Ginny knew both Luna and Neville well enough to get it. He and Ginny had been friends for a long time, and when he’d asked, she’d met him within an hour. “Ginny, I have never been so flustered in all my life, and that’s really saying something.”
“I’m sure it wasn’t all that bad,” Ginny soothed. “It’s not like you said anything strange.”
“I just blurted everything out! I couldn’t think. Merlin, I made myself look like an idiot.”
“You’re not an idiot, Neville. You’re a guy reliving your first crush. Was it that bad to see her again?”
“No, it was great to see her. Really great,” he sighed. “I didn’t realize how much I miss her.” He sat contemplating for a moment as he drank.
Ginny put her drink down and leaned in to face him fully. “Okay, something got under your skin about it. What is it that’s really bothering you?”
“I’m supposed to get married in five days, Ginny,” he muttered.
“So...” Ginny pressed him.
“So I shouldn’t have felt the way I did! I’m not supposed to want my future wife to go away so I can talk to the girl I dated at school! I shouldn’t have wanted to hide it from a friend I was getting married!”
“Neville, it’s normal to be a bit freaked this close to your wedding. It is also normal to act strange toward someone you used to feel something for,” Ginny insisted.
“Did you get like this before your wedding?”
“Well, no,” she admitted reluctantly. “But then it was always Harry for me anyway, wasn’t it? Even when I was dating other people, I always fancied him.”
“I should have told her before. In an owl or something. Anything but face to face in front of Hannah.”
“She had to find out sometime, Nev,” Ginny sighed.
“I know. I just wish it hadn’t been like that.”
“Yeah,” she sighed. “Guess that was kind of embarrassing.”
“Hannah was upset as well,” Neville admitted. “I told her Luna was just a friend, but she remembers us dating at school. She got all miffed about things Luna said and was really angry. She told me she actually sent a letter telling Luna she’s not invited. I felt like I’d been Confunded.”
“Did you write Luna to tell her it was all Hannah? To tell her to come?”
“No! Godric, how would I even say that? No, I don’t want to confuse or mortify her anymore than I already have. Plus, Hannah would have been livid.”
“She always struck me as the jealous type,” Ginny grinned. “Look, just because you felt something doesn’t mean you’re going to ditch Hannah and run after Luna. You and Hannah have been together for a year now. And weren’t you the one that broke it off with Luna?”
You have no idea how much I want to do just that. The thought scared Neville a little. “Sort of,” he muttered in response. “I think she was pretty much finished with me.”
“So exactly how did it happen?” Ginny asked.
Neville felt somewhat embarrassed, but began to tell her easily of the time he’d spent with Luna. It was surprisingly pleasant to relive the memories of their days sitting by the lake and talking or studying in the library together. Their relationship wasn’t a secret, but they’d felt no need to noise it abroad. She’d been fourteen and he fifteen when they started dating.
Odd as she could be sometimes, Neville had found her charming. She had a refreshingly different view of the world around her and she held her ground. He’d also thought her uncommonly pretty. He talked about their first trip to Hogsmeade together, the first time he’d told her he loved her.
After nearly a year together, Neville had spoken of getting married after Hogwarts. Wasn’t that what all couples did? Plan for a future together? He’d known they had a long way to go before then, but the thought of spending the rest of his life with Luna had been... wonderful. He hadn’t proposed by any means, but he’d told her he intended to marry her.
“Her exact response was ‘Well, that’s nice. Did you know that Blibbering Humdingers only live in this specific area of Scotland?’ She sounded terrified. I’ll never forget it,” Neville put his head on the table.
“So that was it? You just ended it because she didn’t respond correctly?” Ginny sounded exasperated.
“No! It just...” he searched for words. “It made it obvious she didn’t see me the same way. Nothing was ever the same and it seemed we were both always uncomfortable together. So I let her go.”
“Wow,” Ginny murmured. “You know I had no idea. You two still seemed so close.”
“Yeah,” Neville chuckled. “She made it really easy to stay friends. She never went away or avoided me. But it still hurt to know she only saw me as a friend. I thought I’d die when we got separated at the Ministry at the end of that year. Remember?”
“Yeah, I do.” Ginny’s eyes went to the table.
“Sorry. This is why I don’t ever bring up the past. It’s so full of hurt for everyone,” he sighed.
Ginny shook herself and smiled. “I like to think that there’s always some hope to be found in even our painful memories.”
Luna smiled and nodded as her father made conversation while she cooked. He was sitting at the table and planning another trip for the two of them, this time searching for Dabberblimps, but she couldn’t focus on anything besides the letter she’d received the day before.
She’d spent her time the past few days staring at the ceiling paintings of her friends, which she’d done years ago, and convincing herself that Neville was happy with Hannah. He had to be. And as long as he was happy, it would be okay. She would survive it if she knew he could be happy. But even as she focused on the stove before her, the words from Hannah Abbott’s letter replayed in her head over and over.
‘We don’t want you to be there.’
It was so... rude. Cold, even. Neville wasn’t like that at all. There was no way he’d had a part in the letter. Could he ever be happy with someone like that?
Could he ever be happy with someone who hurt him the way you did?
She shook her head of all the painful thoughts. “I think I’ll get some of the Dirigible Plums to go with this,” she stopped her father as she stepped outside for a moment. A quick flick of her wand gathered several of the plums into her mother’s apron, which she wore any time she cooked.
What would mother do? She’d asked herself this question a hundred times since yesterday, and each time, the voice in her head said that her mother would have been brave enough to present her side. Brave enough to stand up in protest of something that could hurt someone she loved.
She started a little at her own thoughts. Love? Even now?
Still completely undecided, she swept inside and let her father continue with his travel plans.
I should not be doing this, Luna thought days later as she pulled on her best dress, if not her favorite. She wanted to look pretty, but she also needed to blend in, so she’d chosen a light blue dress and matching robes that complemented her eyes.
Hermione had graciously supplied Luna with the time and place of the wedding, unaware of the uncomfortable meeting in Diagon Alley or the nasty letter from the bride. Luna again debated the wisdom of her upcoming actions in the mirror. She was a Ravenclaw after all, and the fact that these actions didn’t seem to make sense bothered her. Since the fall of Voldemort, life had been so much simpler that no really major decisions had come her way. Until now. But she was nineteen, she’d finished Hogwarts, and she was a woman now. She could do this. But would he want her to?
Guess I just have to hope so. Otherwise, this would be very embarrassing. She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair one last time. She removed her wand from behind her ear to keep from being noticed right away and stowed it in her robes, but she would not risk a Nargle problem and take off her Butterbeer cork necklace. She took a deep breath, looked up at her ceiling, and Neville’s painted face smiled at her. This is right, she decided, and the thought propelled her out her door.