“Coming?” asks Louis as he dips his hand into the bowl.
I have seconds before I give my answer. On one hand, I want to escape to Diagon Alley with Louis and Fred; on the other, I feel like I should stay back, and then talk to Mum at least. I need something out of my system before I leave for Hogwarts.
“Nah, you guys go ahead.”
With a nod, I leave them to it and make my way out of the kitchen.
“Hello,” I wish Lucy, who has suddenly appeared out of sight and is now standing in front of me. She must have just arrived.
She returns a barely audible “Hi” and passes me without another word as she walks into the kitchen. Well, we have never been close even though we’re in the same year at school. Though, Lucy, to be honest, is not close with anyone.
“Hello, Hugo!”
That came out of nowhere again. “Hello, Uncle Percy.”
“Hugo!” cries Aunt Audrey, who has followed her husband into the house.
“Hello, Aunt Audrey!”
“Where’s your mother?” she asks me, while I watch Uncle Percy going up the stairs.
“I “ uh “ she was just here a few moments ago,” I tell her. “Maybe she’s upstairs?”
“Oh, all right then, I shall look for her,” she says, taking off her cloak. I offer to hang it up for her. “I have something very important to discuss with her.”
“Yeah…sure.”
“Your sister’s still in Germany?”
“Yeah, she is.”
“Good, good.”
“Yeah.”
“All right then, I will go up and look for your mother.”
“Okay.”
“Where did Lucy go?”
“In the kitchen.”
There is the smallest hint of a frown before she remembers I’m here, then she forces a smile and goes up the stairs. So, Lucy didn’t want to come. I don’t know why they bother if she doesn’t want to. I mean, all right, this Sunday-before-Hogwarts-at-The-Burrow is a tradition with us, but not everybody has to come. Rose isn’t here, for one thing, though that has to do a lot with her being in another country. James has his Quidditch practice, and there is an eighty-to-twenty percent chance of him not coming in the evening either.
But I haven’t got time to argue Lucy’s case in my mind; I have to get to Mum before anyone else does. And believe me, Mum’s always in demand. Everybody has something to say to her. Usually, I find that an excellent thing as it keeps her eyes away from me. Not today. Today, I really got to talk to her.
I’ve even sent Aunt Audrey upstairs, even though I know Mum had accompanied granddad to his garage. He had some questions for her as well. I hurry outside, hoping to get to her before Dad and Uncle George turn up. They are still in the shop at Diagon Alley. Uncle Harry and his family aren’t here yet, thank God. I can’t stand Lily nagging me to get a move on. As for Uncle Bill -
Shit.
Is that Victoire’s voice?
“Hello, Hugo!”
“Hey…Victoire.” There she is, walking towards me, looking as perfectly put together as always in her cool blue satin dress and long blonde hair.
“Not happy to see me?” She has a frown on her face.
I should get a grip on myself. “You look great.”
“Thank you.”
“Is Teddy coming?”
Something passes over her face, but she recovers quickly. “No, I don’t think so. Rose still in Germany?”
“Oh yeah.”
She nods and starts tying her hair into a bun. That’s something she does that when she’s uncomfortable. I wonder what’s making her uncomfortable.
But I’m not about to bring it up. “So…where are Uncle Bill and Aunt Fleur? Don’t see them around.”
“They’re coming soon,” she tells me, her hair done.
I need to move. “I’ll see you later then.”
“In a hurry?” she asks me, eyebrows raised.
“I need to talk to “”
“Victoire!” someone shouts.
“Hey!”
Then, she completely forgets about me and runs off towards her favourite cousin. Thank you, Roxanne, for rescuing me. I must go to Mum now. It’s important that I do. I have had an entire summer to talk to her about this, and I haven’t been able to. School starts in three days. There isn’t much time left.
I can hear her voice as I get closer to the garage. They’re discussing something, her and Granddad. Granddad wants to install a telephone line, as a few of us have started using them “ our family, and Lily’s. Grandma is not keen on it, so I’m thinking Granddad wants to enlist Mum’s help.
“…if you tell her, she might agree,” I can hear him saying earnestly.
“I’ll try my best, Arthur,” Mum replies. She won’t succeed.
I knock on the door; there’s a crash. “It’s me, Granddad,” I call out. “Hugo.”
“Oh “ oh!” He sounds flustered; he must have probably thought it was Grandma. “Come in, Hugo.”
I can’t help but grin when he gets like this. “Uhm…yeah, so we’re talking telephone lines here, eh?”
“Shhhh.”
Both Mum and I laugh, and Granddad joins in. “So…you’re gonna talk to grandma about this?” I ask Mum.
“I’ll try,” she answers.
Granddad pats her on the shoulder. “Just this last time.”
There is a pause when both of them turns towards me and looks at me expectantly, waiting for me to speak up.
“Can I have a word with you, Mum?”
“Of course,” she says.
I wait.
Mum has a questioning look on her face now, while Granddad just stares at me. I refuse to elaborate.
“Ah,” says Granddad finally, getting up from his stool. “I’ll leave you two to it.”
As soon as he leaves, I close the door and stand near it, unable to walk any closer towards her.
“Hugo,” she starts. “Wh-”
“I need to discuss something with you before I leave for school.”
“Okay,” she says. She looks surprised, but calm too.
I can do this.
But as soon as I nearly blurt out what I want to say, she speaks again. “Is this something we can’t discuss at home?”
No. “No,” I say aloud, shaking my head unnecessarily at the same time. “Not when…not when Dad is there.”
Now she looks nervous. Great. I should have just done this before she got a chance to speak. This is hard.
“Mum…look,” I begin, and I realize my voice has started shaking. “This is… I really want you to know this now because I’m going away to school and I’ve been keeping this secret for two years and I don’t want to keep it that way any longer…especially…especially from you, Mum…I…”
I nearly say it “ nearly, even though mum looks positively scared by now. But I can’t because I have just heard Aunt Fleur’s voice outside.
“Urrthur, ‘ow are you? Is Victoire already inside?”
I hear it loud. Clear. My mind is going blank.
“Hugo?” prompts mum.
“Mum…I…”
She waits. I suddenly find I can’t do it, even though I must.
“Tell me what’s wrong,” she says gently.
“I…I am…”
She gets up and walks towards me, and that gives me some courage.
“Mum…I’m gay.”
This makes her stop before she reaches me.
“Wh-what?”
“I…am gay.” Now that it’s out, I should just tell her the whole story. “I’m gay.” I like that my voice is suddenly growing stronger. “I like boys. I’ve known this for some years now. I’ve even…I’ve even gone out with boys.”
For a long, long time, she doesn’t reply. We stand there, unable to break the eye contact, while Aunt Fleur’s voice rises between us and eats up the air. It’s suffocating. I wish she’d just shut up and go inside.
“Is that why…” Mum croaks. Clearing her throat, she begins again. “Is that why Fleur’s voice is bothering you?”
Is it that obvious? “Yes,” I answer truthfully.
“Hugo…” she says. She sounds like she is pleading. “Hugo…”
“Mum,” I say, raising my hands, “if you…if you aren’t comfortable with it, you just have to bear me for three more days, and I’ll be off to school.”
This must have shocked her; her mouth’s hanging open. I was hoping that I wouldn’t have to say this, but I cannot bear hearing her say I disgust her or something like that.
“I’ll keep it quiet, okay? It won’t have to be like what happened between Dominique and Aunt Fleur.” And my throat is hurting now. “Just wanted you to know, all right? Because…you need to know. I’m not going to change. It has to come out one day or the other, and I want you to know now.”
“Hugo…”
“Lily knows,” I continue stubbornly, not wanting to hear to anything she has to say, “and that’s about it. No one else does. She’s been nagging me to tell you, but I couldn’t, not after the fuc “ freaking fiasco that happened last time somebody tried to tell you all…It can’t be helped, all right, Mum? So, just…”
“Are you going to let me speak at all?” she asks me coldly.
“Go ahead,” I reply in the same tone, though she scares me when she gets like that.
“I’m not going to pull a Fleur on you,” she continues. “I thought you knew me better.”
“Oh.”
“I’m only…” She pauses. “Oh! Hugo…” She goes soft again, yet she’s walking towards me again, so that must be a good thing. “Well, I won’t lie to you. This is…a bit shocking. Yes, I’m shocked. I suppose I never really gave it a thought…that one of my…one of my…”
“One of your kids could be gay?”
“Yes.” She pauses again, and then shakes her head. “No, actually, after Dominique, I did think about it, and I discussed it with your sister, but you…I just didn’t give it enough thought, I suppose.”
“Wait. You discussed this with Rose? Why did you leave me out?”
Tears are welling up in her eyes now. “It never struck me. I thought you liked “ I thought you liked Elsa.”
“Elsa?” I ask, stunned. “Elsa Nott? Rosie’s friend?”
“Well, yes. We met her at Diagon Alley, didn’t we? And the two of you were hitting it off so well…”
“Mum, just because I hit it off with a girl doesn’t mean I’m going to fall in love with her. Besides, she’s Albus’ girlfriend!”
“What?”
“Not that I was supposed to tell you that.”
“Why?”
Shit. I never meant to go into this. “Well…Elsa used to date…Mum, this isn’t important, all right?” She looks as though she wants to go on a bit more on Elsa, so I hit her with my question. “What are you gonna do now that you’ve found out your son is gay?”
“Nothing,” she answers me, completely forgetting about Elsa. Then she hurries over, crossing the last remaining distance between us, and gently puts her hands on my chin. “Hugo…It doesn’t matter. You’re still the same to me.”
“Really? I mean…that is too good to be true…”
“I’m serious.”
“You aren’t…you aren’t freaked out?”
“I’m just surprised, Hugo. That’s all.”
And then, she hugs me, and I feel like crying. I also feel light, now that the burden is off my chest. Of course, my dad has yet to know and that will be something, the day he finds out, but everything’s brilliant at the moment.
“So,” she asks me when she lets me go, “are you seeing anyone in particular?”
That’s something even my Mum isn’t prepared for yet. “Nope,” I lie.