She traced the letters on the plaque with her finger absent-mindedly. In memory of ...
She remembered. It had been cold then too, and raining, but they hadn’t cared. They had skipped their lessons, even her most rule-abiding friends, to give their support. Sometimes she regretted letting her old Head of House talk her round. She wished she had sat there for days, refusing to move, until finally, through sheer exasperation, they allowed her to win.
They probably would have demolished it as soon as her back was turned anyway.
Something, she couldn’t say what, made her look up and see him walking towards her. She smiled faintly, but it was a shadow of that old smile, the one that was so full of passion and belief that it warmed the heart of almost everyone who basked in it. No one smiled like that now.
“Don’t go,” he said as soon as he reached her. She wanted to reach out and touch him, just his arm, for a moment. He looked tired. But then, he always did. She didn’t move.
“It’s a bit late for that now,” she pointed out, trying to force some humour and lightness into her voice. “You do realise where we’re going tonight, don’t you?”
“It’s dangerous,” he said. He sounded calm, matter-of-fact even. But she knew him well enough to see past that.
He was as torn in two as she was.
“No more dangerous than anything you’ll be doing,” she replied. There was an edge of warning in her voice. She did not want to be patronised. She was strong.
“But you’ll be alone.”
“True.”
“And impossible to reach.”
“Not quite true, but go on.”
“All right, incredibly difficult to reach.”
“That’s better.”
“And there’s nothing I can say?”
She smiled sadly. “I need to do it. Or someone needs to. And you know I’m the best person for it.”
“I love you,” he said, as if this was his one last hope. His voice cracked and in one swift movement she had crossed the distance between them and pressed his lips to hers.
They both wished that it didn’t feel like the last time.
“Congratulations on your new job!” screamed the banner over their corner of the café. They had considered “Bon Voyage!” but in truth, it wasn’t the journey they were worried about. To any outsider “ be their intentions sinister or otherwise “ it was incredibly simple. Martina Price, an up-and-coming in the Department of International Magical Cooperation, had been transferred abroad, and she was having a farewell party in her Aunt’s café. The only thing which could possibly allude to a bigger, more meaningful picture, was the slightly sombre undertone in those present. Those who drank or laughed, did so too much, too loudly, as if trying to forget. Those who did not seemed beyond hope completely.
Of course, there were exceptions.
Lily Potter, her bump almost reaching breaking point, was positively glowing, stereotype or not. There really was no other word for it. Of course, there was fear beneath that glow. A crease between her eyebrows that seemed never to relax. After all, it was hardly the time to be bringing a new life into the world. Her husband had still not arrived. And her best friend was going away.
Going for help.
But she still glowed. She couldn’t help it. It was the life inside her. She had loved that life beyond anything else in the world, even before she knew it was there, before it had even begun.
She was hoping for a boy.
She watched Marty quite openly. Somehow pregnant women could get away with slightly odd behaviour, a fact that she had learnt with much excitement and anticipation. She had been supportive for her friend from the start, unlike Remus, who would have done anything to keep her there. But then, she was all he had. Lily just hoped she would be safe. Somehow, though, she knew that she would. If anyone survived this war, it would be Marty. After all, being away from here had to be safer than staying here. She almost wished she and James had been given the opportunity to get away, for her child’s sake. But she knew James would never have agreed. He needed to be fighting on the front lines, no matter how important the work was behind the scenes. And so had she, before her pregnancy had made that impossible. She wished she could be alongside him right now.
She looked over at the door as it opened, but it wasn’t her husband coming in from the cold, it was Peter. He looked nervous, scared, even jumpy. But who didn’t these days? They were all scared.
“Peter,” she said, smiling warmly at him when he made his way over. “Where have you been?”
He looked even more nervous, and shook his head. “Nowhere, nowhere... I lost track of time.”
She laughed. “You must be pregnant. You know, I don’t know whether I’m coming or going most days. If it wasn’t for James, I’d probably be eating breakfast right now, thinking it was a bit dark outside for morning. He’s become my brain, I swear it. It’s like he’s been taken over by the spirit of excessive organisation; every hour of my day is planned out for me, I just have to follow his list... he could be sending me anywhere!” She looked at her watch and her smile faded a little. This tale of her reliance upon her husband’s organisation only served to remind her that he was late. He should have been there already. She never felt entirely complete unless she could see him in front of her with her own eyes.
If she had been paying more attention, she might have noticed Peter’s laughter at her chatter was unnatural sounding and forced. As it was, her mind had rather suddenly shifted to a much darker place. What would she do if James never returned from his mission tonight? She tried to picture going on without him, but all she could see was darkness, carrying on forever in impenetrable silence.
Remus, meanwhile, was having his own doubts as he sat on a stool in front of the counter. It just didn’t seem like a good idea, this going away party. Half the Order were here, and more on their way. But not only that, there were others “ people who weren’t in the Order. Innocents. This café had been a target once before, and if any Death Eater found out what she would really be doing abroad ... he shuddered. They would try and fight them off of course, if they came. But that didn’t mean they’d all survive, it didn’t even mean they’d win. His blood ran cold at the sight of Marty’s two year old nephew, Linden. At the thought of Lily and James’s unborn child. Such easy targets for a group of Death Eaters with too much to prove.
And even without that worry, there was still the fact that she was leaving at all. He couldn’t process it, couldn’t even begin to comprehend life without her. She had been the one thing keeping him sane, after all. It was as if her presence tied him to everyday life, kept him focussed on moving forward. Without it, he feared he would become somehow disconnected from the world “ somehow unable to grasp reality.
The door opened again, and this time Sirius and James came in.
“James!” Lily exclaimed happily, smiling in relief. He strode straight over to her, kissing her briefly on the lips and pulling a chair next to her to sit with his arm around her. She rested her head on his shoulder and let out a contented sigh. He was okay, and the hissy fit she’d been planning over his lateness disappeared before it had even begun. Something made her want to spend as much time with him happily as she possibly could. It was madness not to be on good terms with the person you loved when you might not see tomorrow. She just wished Remus would realise that. He had barely spoken to Marty all night, but they kept sending each other wistful looks when the other wasn’t watching.
If it went on much longer, Lily decided she would put her interfering hat on.
“What took you so long?” she asked James, trying her best to sound reproachful, but reaching across to take hold of his spare hand at the same time.
“Nothing,” he said. “Well, that’s a lie. We ran into trouble. I’ll tell you later, though... not here.”
Her grip on his hand tightened. He tried not to wince too much. Pregnant women were strong.
“Are you “” she began.
“We’re fine. Honestly.”
“You weren’t followed?”
“Definitely not. What have I missed?”
Lily sighed. “Not much. Remus and Marty are avoiding each other.”
“Interesting. Why?”
“Merlin only knows. I imagine it’s something to do with denial, suppressed resentment, possibly some abandonment issues thrown in there to mix it up a bit. It’s all very silly.”
“Poor Remus.”
“Poor Marty. As if she needs this to be her last memory of him.”
James stared at her.
“Before she leaves, I mean,” Lily added. “Her last memory of him before she leaves. Not... not her last memory... ever.”
She stared back at him. And then simultaneously, they pulled each other just a little bit closer.
At around eight o’clock, the door opened again, and a group of three teenagers of about seventeen came in, two girls and a boy. They were laughing, but stopped when they noticed the private party.
“Oh,” the girl in the middle said, looking at her friends nervously. “We’re really sorry. The sign on the door said you were, um, open ...”
Tabby smiled. “That’s right, dears, we are ... as long as you don’t mind us having our own little celebration. My niece has a new job, you see, abroad... she leaves tomorrow...”
“Oh, congratu “ James Potter?” The girl’s mouth fell open, and then she grinned widely. “I don’t believe it!”
He looked behind him with equal surprise, as if he might see another James Potter standing there. “I’m sorry, do I, um, know you?”
The girl laughed. “And Lily! And “ don’t tell me “ Sirius is here somewhere, isn’t he?”
Sirius raised his hand slowly, like a guilty schoolboy admitting to an accusation. The girl seemed delighted, despite their blank faces.
“Don’t you recognise me at all?” she giggled.
Marty stepped forwards, with her first genuine smile since arriving. “Luanne. How have you been?”
“Good,” she replied, and the two hugged. James made a choking noise, and disentangled himself from his wife to make his way through the crowd in shock.
“Luanne? But “ it can’t be you!”
She giggled again. “Hi, Dad.” The two, who had a rather strange history, also hugged. “Don’t tell me you’re a real dad now?” She gestured towards Lily, who waved in a cheery but bemused fashion.
James nodded. “Yep. Or, soon to be. You’re one of the reasons I’m not terrified. Much. I was a good father, right?” he added in a low voice, just to check.
“Absolutely. You see, guys!” she turned to her two friends. “I told you I wasn’t lying. I really did know the Marauders!”
“We thought she was exaggerating,” the boy explained.
James still looked shocked, but happy at the reunion. “Never. I didn’t raise my adopted daughter to embellish the truth. I hope you’ve been good?” he asked warningly.
She shrugged. “When I feel like it.”
James frowned in disapproval, but Sirius stepped forwards, laughing. “We really did raise you well! How old are you now?”
She smiled proudly. “Seventeen. I’m starting my last year in September.”
James started choking, seemingly on absolutely nothing at all. Sirius patted him on the back calmly, but he seemed mesmerised by the image in front of him. “You look great,” he said. James hit him protectively on the arm, but unfortunately wasn’t able to talk yet.
But Sirius was right. When they had known her, she had been eleven or twelve, spirited in nature but pretty awkward in everything else. She had truly blossomed in the five years or so since they had last seen her.
“Are you her boyfriend?” James demanded of the boy when he had regained his composure “ or rather, his ability to speak.
“James!”
He looked at her apologetically. “I’m sorry, Luanne, but I have to ask these questions for your own good.”
“No you don’t, you big “”
“No, sir,” the boy said quickly, shaking his head. “Just her friend.”
James looked pleased. “Good. Then keep it that way. And none of those impure thoughts I know you boys have when you think no one’s performing Legilimensy.” Luanne spluttered incoherently, as Marty and Sirius tried to stifle their laughter. “Now, Luanne,” James continued as if he hadn’t said anything out of the ordinary. “Why are you still standing around like you might leave at any moment? Come and sit with me and Lily... we got married, you know.”
“Yes, I heard,” Luanne nodded, following him over to their table. “I was so pleased for you both... is he a better husband than he is a father?”
James looked shocked, and deeply hurt. “You said I was a good dad! I always looked out for you, didn’t I?”
Luanne laughed again, long and loud. It was the most lively sound anyone had heard that night. It was as if someone had brought some hope back into the room. “Merlin!” she managed to gasp out. “You really are easy to wind up, aren’t you? I’d forgotten, I really had!”
Lily joined in the laughter, earning herself a mock betrayed look from her husband.
“Thank you very much for all your support.”
She composed herself enough to quickly lean over and kiss him on the cheek, before she started giggling madly again.
As things, for most people, slowly began to pick up, Sirius stood up to make a speech.
“Firstly, we’d like to thank everyone we invited for coming... and if you’re a crasher like Luanne, then I suppose we don’t mind having you.” Everyone laughed, and she stuck her tongue out at him. Remus continued to look subdued. “Now I’m fairly sure,” Sirius went on, “that everyone in this room has been blessed by Marty in some way. I have truly never met anyone quite like her, and I am sure numerous charities and various Causes all have a lot to thank her for. But no one more than her closest friends. You may be weird, Price, but you are wonderful, and I think we all know that we would be lost without you.”
Marty, sitting with her nephew Linden on her lap, had a single tear. There was a lot encapsulated in that one tear. Happiness, loss, fear, pure overwhelming emotion that was impossible to name. But it was just the one. She had come a long way from the vulnerable sixteen year old, who so often clung to Remus when she was in need. Now it felt like they had reversed their roles “ except he wasn’t clinging to her. He was just wallowing in his own unnecessary grief, mourning an event which hadn’t even happened yet, refusing to engage in any kind of conversation with anyone. She stared at the back of his head for a moment, desperately trying to will him to turn around, walk over to her, and take her hand. But he didn’t. She tried to focus back on Sirius.
“Now, one of the things I always think of when I think of Marty is the day we first made friends with her one summer, and she announced, quite out of the blue, that she was, in fact, our biographer. She showed us this notebook full of observations she’d made and conversations she’d overheard. Stalkerish? A little bit. But these weren’t just random transcripts, they were really analytical. It was incredible. And there was just so much of it. If there’s anything you want to know about our years at Hogwarts, she’s the one to ask, we know nothing in comparison.”
Marty laughed in a vaguely embarrassed manner. It felt like she hadn’t thought about their school years for a millennia. Not even seeing Luanne brought back the same kinds of memories as the description of The Book.
“Unfortunately, when we left school,” Sirius continued, “We were all far too busy to swan around publishing books, let alone actually writing them, even if there was already seven years worth of research.”
This much was true, considered Marty. It had felt as if they had graduated straight from Hogwarts and into the Order of the Phoenix, with barely a day off since. Sirius had mentioned it flippantly “ unless you knew he was talking about battling Voldemort, you could never have known. But that was exactly what they’d been doing. They were all weary of war, and it was hard to see any hope at the end of the tunnel. That was why she had to go abroad. They had to know that the other magical communities wouldn’t just abandon them if their own Ministry fell. Britain couldn’t be left to burn itself out, like a forest fire that was allowed to rage on, in the expectation that it couldn’t last forever. Because there was no guarantee that that was true “ or that it could ever be contained.
“Well, Marty, we have a surprise for you. Something to remember us by while you go off travelling and get a nice tan. It’s not perfect, because we weren’t sure what you wanted to include, or the order you had planned. But there’s a contents page, so you should be able find your way around. We would like to present, if it pleases you, the very first unofficial publication of our biography and character study. Ladies and gentleman, put your hands together for Our Tale by the lovely, barmy, and frankly delectable Martina Price!”
Marty’s head snapped up. Her mind had been wandering into the future, to the task ahead of her, and to a life without Remus as an everyday fixture. Surely she hadn’t heard what she thought she’d heard?
“What?”
“Come on up here, my lovely!” Sirius insisted, grinning, and holding out a book towards her. When she got closer, she saw that it was true, and they really had made all her notes into the book they’d been intended for. The cover was gorgeous. There was a picture of the four boys, herself and Lily at graduation. James was standing behind Lily with his arms around the front of her waist, his chin resting on the top of her head and his tongue sticking out, while she laughed at whatever the person taking the picture had said. Marty had a feeling it had been one of the other Gryffindor girls, Mary, who had finally gotten over her love for James when she saw how perfectly he fit with Lily. In the middle, Sirius had one arm around Remus, who was holding hands with Marty’s younger self, and had his other hand reaching behind Peter’s head with his two fingers poking over the top like little bunny ears. The picture moved very little. Occasionally the little figures would turn their heads to look at each other, or pull a funny face, but mostly they stayed where they were. Because why would they, at eighteen, have wanted to change anything?
It was one of her favourite photographs. This, the one on the café wall of her, Tabby and her mother on their last holiday together, and one of her and Remus, just a few months after they had become a couple. They had still been nervous, and slightly awkward, unsure of exactly how to act around each other as an official pair, both in private and public. But it was a sweet picture, the happy, nervous and excited anticipation for the future emanating from the frame like electricity.
That feeling had disappeared long ago. They grew more comfortable, fell into their own routine, still in love but more like a contented husband and wife than two giddy teenagers. And lately “ as the war had got worse, pressure had mounted, and she had taken on the mission abroad “ it was almost as if they were strangers. She wondered if they were still together because they loved each other, or because they were too afraid to admit that something was wrong when everything else happening around them seemed so much more important.
Sirius must have picked up on her sudden sombrely wandering thoughts, because he nudged her companionably. “Look inside “ it’s got real words and everything!”
Dragging herself back to the present, she opened the cover and found the contents page “ seven years broken up into sub categories, then an overall analysis of each Marauder. She flicked through the pages and stopped at a random one. It was an interview she had conducted with Professor McGonagall, who seemed more interested in making sure that Marty had performed well in her OWLs. Marty laughed.
“I love this one,” she said, and then reached up and gave Sirius a hug, kissing him on the cheek happily. “I love the whole thing. It’s amazing, thank you so much.”
“We helped!” insisted James loudly, obviously not liking the idea that Sirius would win all the credit.
“Thank you to all of you,” she said, going over first to Peter, then James, and then Lily. “Especially thank you to you, Lily, since I doubt these idiots could have done it on their own.”
She laughed, “You know, they were surprisingly good. But it’s not much of a surprise that they’d enjoy making a book about themselves now, is it?”
Marty wanted to thank Remus too, she was sure he must have been a part of it. But he refused to even look at her, so she went back and stood by Sirius, who smiled and hugged her again.
“Now don’t you be making so many exotic friends that you forget all about us, you hear? I’m not having some foreigners claiming to like you more than us, or taking you out for drinks and making all these new in-jokes that we don’t understand!”
“Your request has been duly noted, Mr Black,” she replied with heavy sarcasm, and then giggled. “I’ll miss you.”
“Hey, don’t be talking like that. You’ll be home before you know it, with lovely tanned skin and lots of souvenirs for all of us I should hope.”
She laughed again. She liked that he was making light of her trip, as if she was simply going travelling to see the world or broaden her horizons. In reality, she knew that there was no way she would have time to lie around tanning, or making friends, or buying presents. She’d be lucky to return home at all. Luckier still to see her friends alive and healthy when she did.
Everyone soon fell back into their own individual groups, and Marty continued to move around, her book under her arm, talking to her guests as she did. She still avoided Remus.
Once she had made sure she had spoken to everyone else, she sat down at the table with James, Lily and Luanne, who were all deep in conversation about Luanne’s current life at Hogwarts.
“For the last time,” she was insisting. “He’s really not my boyfriend. He’s just a friend. And not a creepy friend who’s always trying to look down my shirt or anything, either. Just like Lily is friends with Sirius without anything else going on.”
“Lily has me,” James replied firmly. “Are you saying he’s just your friend because you have someone else and that’s why you don’t think of him in that way?”
“No! For Merlin’s sake, if you keep asking about my imaginary boyfriend, I will actually get up and sit with my normal, platonic friends over there. They’re probably wanting to leave soon anyway.”
“Don’t you dare,” James said. “We haven’t even talked about your plans for the future yet. Do you know what area you’re going to go into? Have you had a careers meeting with McGonagall?”
“Do you know, James, I think you may actually be worse than my real parents. They don’t feel the need to interrogate me about every tiny detail of my life...”
“I keep telling you, we are your real parents,” he said, looking exasperated. She turned to Marty.
“He really hasn’t changed a bit, has he?”
Marty smiled. “You know, I think seeing you has reverted him back to his old ways. For a while I thought he really had grown up a little bit, but meeting you here must have caused him to regress to his teenage state again. It’s very interesting. You know, psychologically.”
Luanne grimaced. “Sorry, Lily. Are you going to have to put up with a sixteen year old boy for a husband from now on? Because that just doesn’t sound like fun.”
“It’s okay,” she laughed, looking at him lovingly as he pretended to sulk. “He’s always been sixteen inside... it’s just something I’ve had to learn to live with. It’s Marty I feel sorry for.”
Marty jumped. “What? Why would you say that?”
Lily looked at her seriously. “Well, I’d rather have a husband who still resembled my teenage boyfriend inside than a boyfriend who resembled a ghost inside.”
Marty’s face reddened, and she looked down into the depths of her drink. “You noticed that, did you?”
James, coming out of his fake sulk and seeming to mature again before their very eyes, rested his free hand on top of the one already entwined with his wife’s.
“Lily, sweetheart, what did I tell you about interfering with this?”
“Not to do it and to let them mess up their own lives if they wanted to be that stupid. But, sweetheart, I’m afraid I just can’t do that when they’re about to be separated for Merlin knows how long. And besides, when did I ever do anything you told me to before?”
“That’s true, although I don’t know why you had to make the ‘sweetheart’ all sarcastic sounding. I was trying to be nice.”
“Just because I need you tell me the way to my own house these days doesn’t mean you can talk down to me like I’m some kind of child.”
Luanne looked over at Marty and raised her eyebrows. She giggled, but Marty could manage only a half-hearted smile in response. Lily was right. This thing with Remus was stupid. They were adults now, surely they needed to be capable of talking about their problems openly, not avoiding each other like children.
“Fine,” Lily was saying grudgingly. “Fine. I won’t say anything else. I’ll leave them to make their own mistakes, because that’s what real friends do.”
“You can say something else,” Marty told her.
She let out a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness, because what I just said was complete nonsense. Marty, you have to talk to Remus about what’s going on, because you’re leaving soon and you might not get another chance. Not for a long time, anyway. Why would you want to spend your last night in the same country as him sulking and avoiding the poor love?”
“I think you’ll find that he’s the one sulking and avoiding me,” she pointed out, indicating Remus, who was sitting in the same space he had occupied all night, completely alone and refusing to engage in any kind of conversation.
“I don’t care,” Lily snapped. Marty jumped at the tone. “Now get your bum over there and demand to talk to him about what’s happening.”
“Bum?” Luanne repeated sceptically.
“We’re not allowed to swear in front of the baby,” James explained. “She thinks it can hear us.”
“It is your son or daughter, thank you very much, and I think you’ll find that he or she can hear us. I’m not letting him or her pick up bad language before he or she can even talk.”
“Do you see how it’s easier to just say ‘it’ until we find out the sex?”
“Our baby is not an object, James, and I won’t refer to it as such! It will think we don’t love it!”
“I’m sorry... you won’t refer to what as such?”
She blinked, and recounted her own words in her head for a moment. Then she realised he was right. “Oh, bugger it...”
Remus knew it had to end soon. Not just the leaving party, although that couldn’t go on much longer unless they wanted to draw attention to themselves. And in this day and age, that was the last thing anybody wanted. But this solitude, this refusing to speak to anyone. To Marty. It couldn’t go on. He knew things had been tense between them lately, even if he hadn’t wanted to admit it. But it wasn’t that he loved her any less. Of course he didn’t. He couldn’t possibly imagine being without her, and that was part of the problem. It was just that there seemed to be this thing between them all the time, that had never been there before. Something stopping them from being at ease again, or even happy.
Maybe it was seeing Lily and James so happy. Everything else was crumbling around them, but when they were together it was clear they wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. They both threw themselves into the work of the Order, but when that was over, it was as if they went back to being a normal couple. He and Marty weren’t like that. It was probably that they thought about things too much, in too much detail. They could both brood, it was just that before, they had always been able to pull the other one out of it. They hadn’t ever both felt like this at the same time before, and one of them needed to make the first move before she left and it was possible that they would never see each other again.
That was it. He had to just swallow his emotion, stride over to her, and insist they talk things through properly. It would be fine. They couldn’t spend their potential last night on these terms.
He downed the rest of his drink and stood. When he turned around, she was just about to reach him.
“Oh!” she exclaimed in surprise. “Are you leaving?”
“No,” he said, sounding surprised that she would think something like that. “Why would I leave my own girlfriend’s send off party?” He said it tentatively, unsurely, wanting to make sure she understood. She looked dubious.
“I am still your girlfriend then?”
“Marty “ of course you are. Why would you say that?”
“Well, it just hasn’t exactly felt like it lately. You’ve barely acknowledged me all night. I mean, I’m not one of those weird girls who needs her boyfriend’s attention every second of the day or she thinks he doesn’t love her anymore. But I am leaving tomorrow, and who knows when I might come back?” She wanted to say if. If I might come back. But she didn’t. “I mean, I know you’re worried about me and you don’t want me to go. But ignoring me isn’t likely to make that happen. You can’t make that happen. I have to go. So I really would have liked your support. And not just tonight, either. Remus, it feels like we’ve barely spoken to each other in weeks.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m sure you are, but that doesn’t explain it.”
“I “ look, I love you, okay? And I’m sorry that I’ve been acting like such an ass, but it’s only because I can’t stand the thought of not seeing you every day. Of not being able to know where you are, or what you’re doing or if you’re even okay. And if “” he stopped himself and lowered his voice. He was fairly certain there were no spies here. But you could never be too careful. “If anything happened to you “ how would I know? Or vice versa?”
“Nothing is going to happen to either of us,” Marty insisted, layering her voice with meaning. They couldn’t talk about it here. She had kept her association with the Order extremely well hushed up. She was never part of the big missions like Lily, James and Sirius insisted on being. She was not naturally a fighter in that way, and rarely even went to the meetings. But she did a lot of work for them behind the scenes, invaluable work that couldn’t be traced back to her. She had insisted upon this when she joined. Her family had already been sent a warning once when her mother was murdered. Everybody knew it was because they had made their opposition to Voldemort too public, and with her Aunt expecting a child at the time, she had not wanted to put them in any more danger than they already were.
“I know,” he said, understanding her and nodding. “But you have to admit... the party... it’s not really low-key, is it?”
“And why should it be? I work for the Department of International Magical Cooperation, and I got an amazing opportunity to be transferred abroad. It’s not surprising “ I’m good at my job, but not so important that they couldn’t possibly do without me. I get on with people, I even speak another language or two. I’m not tied down by marriage or kids. And let’s be honest, if you’re going to leave the country, now’s a good time. And besides, it’s not like I’ve got anything to hide, is it? I’m not moving abroad secretly or in the middle of the night, my Portkey is Ministry authorised, and the only way we could have been more honest about my leaving is if we put an ad in the Prophet. And the real deal-breaker is that my own mother was killed for bringing too much attention to herself, so why on earth would I ever risk doing the same thing? I think You-Know-Who has bigger things to worry about.”
He sighed, and took her hand. “I know. You’re right. But I’ll miss you. And I’d worry about you wherever you were going, you know I would. It’s a dangerous world. And I want to know that you’ll be safe. And that you’ll come home once “ well, that you’ll come home.”
“Of course I will. But in the meantime, you can’t worry about me, I can look after myself. It’s far more dangerous to be inside Britain than out. You just make sure that when I do come home, I’ve got someone to come home to, all right?”
He smiled. “Deal. And I really am sorry, you know. For being so stupid.”
She shrugged. “Please. I’ve been with you since we were sixteen years old. I think I can handle a bit of stupidity every now and then.”
It was getting late, and people were beginning to say their goodbyes and go home; no one liked staying out too late, and they had jobs in the morning, or in some cases an international Portkey to catch. Marty was smiling. She had her new book under her arm and she was finally reconciled with Remus. Yes, the future was uncertain, and no, she wasn’t the person she used to be. But she was still Marty Price, and if that meant anything it meant that she was optimistic for the future. She kissed Peter on the cheek on his way out, and threw her arms around Sirius as if she would never let go. Then she found Lily, and rested her hand on the bump for one final time.
“I’m sorry I won’t be around when it first comes. That is, he or she.”
Lily smiled, and there were silly hormonal tears in her eyes which she wiped away indignantly. She had promised everyone “ Marty, James, herself “ that she would be strong for this moment. “I’m sorry too. I mean, besides from possibly James, there’s no one I want my baby to know more than you. I want you as Godmother, but of course you’ll never be able to make the ceremony ...” she looked at her friend hopefully for a moment, then sighed when she shook her head. “I thought not. But you should know that if you weren’t buggering off to see the world, then I would physically force you to be Godmother, even if I had to kidnap you in order to make you do it.”
Marty laughed. “That wouldn’t be necessary. If I wasn’t buggering off to see the world, then you wouldn’t be able to keep me away. But don’t worry. I expect big things from this kid... and with you and James as the parents, that’s practically a guarantee.”
“With me and James as the parents, the poor love will be lucky to escape complete lunacy...”
Marty laughed. “I love you, Lily.”
She promptly burst into tears. “Oh, for Merlin’s sake, what are you trying to do to me, you nutter? Why’d you have to go and say something like that?”
“I don’t know!” Marty exclaimed, now joining in the tears and enveloping her friend in a hug. “It just felt right! I’m going to miss you so much!”
“Wow,” Luanne said to James, just a little way off as they both watched the girls. “That is pure emotion right there. Anyone would think she’s not coming home again.”
James said nothing, but Luanne didn’t notice, and turned back to him with a large smile on her face, full of innocence and naivety. “So now that we’ve been reunited, are you going to keep in touch properly this time? Because you said you would before, but I think I got one letter and then nothing else ever again ...”
He took a deep breath, knowing what was coming, and then shook his head. She looked shocked and hurt as her face fell. “I’m sorry!” he insisted. “I think you’re amazing, I always have. That’s why saying I’d adopt you wasn’t just a joke I made one time and then forgot about. I thought you were brilliant, and I still do. But that’s why we can’t keep in touch.”
She raised her eyebrows. “How on earth does that possibly make sense?”
“Look,” he muttered, pulling her aside, and pretending to point to a poster on the wall. “Pretend like you find what I’m pointing at interesting. Now, you’ve seen the newspapers. You must know what’s going on. Let’s just say that if it wasn’t for some of the people who may or may not be in this room, the papers would have even more bad news to report. And I wouldn’t want you to have any kind of connection with something that might put you at risk, no matter how casual the link between us was.”
Luanne frowned. “You mean ... you’re, what? Fighting against ... You-Know “”
“No, I haven’t got any idea what you’re talking about,” he insisted, whilst nodding his head up and down slowly. Her eyes widened, but she seemed to catch on to the need for concealment almost immediately, and looked back at the poster with feigned concentration.
“Well good,” she said firmly. “I wouldn’t like the thought of you putting yourself in dangerous situations or anything, that would worry me quite a lot. Especially if I didn’t have any kind of way of knowing that you were safe.”
“Well, you shouldn’t worry, because if that were true, then I’m fairly certain we would be putting ourselves in potentially dangerous situations with the best intentions in the world. We would, I’m sure, be trying to ensure a better future for our children.” At this point, he pulled her into a tight hug, which she reciprocated with equal emotion. “All of our children.”
They pulled apart, and she gave a mock salute. “In that case, I will most certainly get in touch with you in the future. When all this is over.”
He stared at her. When all this is over. It seemed such a simple statement, said without any kind of doubt or uncertainty. How could he explain to her that no matter how optimistic he tried to be, it might never be over? And even if it was, how could he tell someone so young and pure that he might not be around to get in touch with? It was too hard. He liked her too much to do something so cruel, and his throat was closing up at the thought. He had to protect her.
He had to lie.
“Definitely,” he eventually managed to say. He felt like the pause had gone on for years as he tried to collect himself, but she barely seemed to have noticed it. He forced his happy, joking self back up to the surface. He couldn’t lose that. The moment he lost that, the moment anyone lost their way of connecting themselves to normality, they were done for. He forced himself to smile. “We’ll definitely get in touch. I am going to cramp your style so much that you’ll wish you’d never asked me.”
“Is that a promise?”
He pulled her back into another hug, so that she wouldn’t see him close his eyes in utter despair as he lied to her again. “That’s definitely a promise. You and Lily would both murder me if I broke it.”
“True. Take care of yourself, James.” She reached up and pecked him lightly on the cheek, then bounded over to her friends with that infinite energy of youth. He stared after her, and then slowly made his way over to his wife, trying to give her and Marty as long as possible before he had to swoop in and break them up.
“Lily,” he eventually said, feeling so guilty that he almost added a sweetheart, but stopping himself. He didn’t want to get yelled at again. “We have to go soon.”
“No we don’t,” insisted Lily, pulling Marty into another hug. “She’s leaving tomorrow. Haven’t you heard?”
“I know. We’ll see her soon.”
How do you know? Lily wanted to ask. For all she knew, this was the last time she would ever see her best friend. And that wasn’t crazy irrational pregnant lady thoughts. That was the truth. They’d been avoiding it all evening, and part of that was to avoid being murdered in their beds. But at the same time, none of them wanted to face up to the fact that they might be spending their last months on earth apart from each other. She didn’t want that. Not with Marty. Who cared if she was the ideal person to go? She was also popular. Why couldn’t they send someone else? Some nameless, faceless figure who was just as perfectly positioned, but didn’t have quite so many friends.
But she couldn’t say any of this. She had to swallow it down, and smile as widely as possible because maybe then things would be all right. “You know you’re leaving me in the company of four boys, don’t you? You’re the only girl I ever see. And if this baby is a boy too, then Merlin only knows the state I’ll be in when you come back. I’ll be burping and swearing and scratching myself...”
“That’s a very stereotypical view of gender roles isn’t it, Lily?” James asked, mildly offended.
“Shut up, you... man... you. Marty, you have to tell your bosses you can’t go. This is madness, leaving me with these people.”
“You married me!” he protested. He was ignored.
“You know what, I don’t think you have anything to worry about,” Marty assured her. “In fact, when I come home, I expect the opposite. James will be knitting, Sirius will be cleaning, and Peter will have taken up ballet dancing.”
“And Remus?” Lily asked, without wanting to but at the same time not regretting it.
Marty laughed, and Lily was relieved. They must have worked things out for her to laugh like that rather than blush and look away and mumble something about the current economic situation and did she think the price of newt eyes would go up again? She was pleased. “Come on, Lily, Remus doesn’t need to do any of those things. He’s already a woman.”
James burst out laughing.
“I heard that.”
“Remus!” Marty exclaimed, torn between humiliation and joining in the laughter of her friends. She was leaning towards the laughter. “You’re standing right behind me! What a delightful surprise!”
“Come on, Lily,” James said again gently. “We really have to go now. Tabby can’t stay open too late, people might decide to find out what all the fuss is about... we wouldn’t want any gatecrashers after we’ve avoided them all night, would we?”
“Fine,” Lily muttered, pulling Marty into one last hug. “And stop patronising me.”
“I’ll miss you,” Marty told her, not wanting to let go.
“I’ll miss you too. Loser. Be safe.”
“You too. Both of you,” she added, glaring at James over Lily’s shoulder. He shrugged.
Once he too had hugged Marty one final time, he took both of Lily’s hands in his, and they disapparated from the café together, arriving in their living room at Godric’s Hollow.
“Merlin help me,” Lily muttered, sinking slowly onto the sofa. “If I had to smile any more, I think I would have cried.”
James took in her already tear-stained face, and considered making some sort of sarcastic statement. But he didn’t. He knew how she felt. He sat down next to her with his arms around her, and they leaned against each other, both giving and taking strength just from the other being there. From not having to keep up the act any more, even if it was only for an hour or two.
“Do you think we’ll ever see her again?” asked Lily after some time, in a tiny voice that she immediately wanted to take back.
James considered saying yes. But he’d had enough of lying about the future to people he cared about. It was slowly killing him.
“I don’t know,” he admitted, in a voice equally small. He sighed. It was somewhat cathartic, telling the truth for once. Admitting that things might not go quite to plan. If there was anyone he could be truthful to, surely it was her? And he knew that she, in turn, needed the honesty. Just for now.
“Okay.” She closed her eyes, and pulled him a little closer. “Thank you.”
There was a long silence as their thoughts wandered in different yet similar directions. They continued to lean against each other, drawing strength where and when they could. They needed as much as they could get.
“Now,” she said eventually, taking a deep breath. “Tell me what happened to you and Sirius.”
At the café, Marty was saying one last goodbye to the other guests left behind “ not that there were many. Before long, it was herself and Remus, Tabby and Garfield, who had just put Linden to bed, despite his sleepy and yawning instances that he was wide awake.
“Out like a lamp,” Tabby said, warmly.
“You mean like a light,” Garfield corrected her. She shrugged. She had been getting these sayings wrong for so long that one more really didn’t bother her.
“Are you all packed?” she asked her niece, busily wiping down the counter to distract herself.
“Of course I am. I’ve been packed for days.”
“Good. Good. And did you pack, um, any warm clothes? Or will you not need any?”
“You’re not very subtle,” was all Marty said in reply. Tabby looked at her sadly. If only she could know where it was Marty was going, maybe she would worry less. She could at least picture her there. But barely even knowing which country she was going to first ... it was like picturing a black hole, sucking in her niece without any notice as to where she might be taking her or when she would be coming back.
“If you’d just give me a hint ...”
“No! If anyone tries to find out where I am, I want them to use Legilimensy on you, realise you don’t know anything, and move on without any more questions. And besides, there’s no guarantee I’ll stay there for very long.”
“But it’s a starting point, my love, and if we ever need to track you down, at least we’ll know where to go first. And isn’t it on Ministry business anyway? You know ... officially?”
“You won’t need to track me down. I’ll be safe. And yes, officially it is. But it doesn’t matter, I’m still not telling you.”
“Remus, tell her! Just the first country won’t hurt anyone. The first continent.”
Remus shrugged. “Sorry. I stopped trying to persuade her to change her mind about things years ago. She’s very determined when she wants to be.”
“Garfield?”
“If Marty says she’ll be safe, we’re just going to have to trust her. I daresay people are in danger wherever they go these days anyway.”
Tabby sighed bitterly. “Fine. We’ll see you when you get back.” And then she continued scrubbing the counter, like Voldemort himself had been sitting on it.
Marty walked behind it purposefully to stand next to Tabby, pulling out her wand as she went. “Scourgify. Now stop being silly and say goodbye properly.”
Tabby tossed aside the cloth and threw her arms around her neck. The girl may have been her sister’s daughter, but even before Saffy had died, she’d always felt the same maternal instinct. She had raised Marty from a baby, by her sister’s side for sixteen years, and alone ever since then. She had her own son now, and although she had been filled with joy when she first realised she was pregnant, she’d never been sad before then, when she had thought she would never have children of her own. She had never craved them, because she had never felt like she was missing out. And now, like all children, Marty had grown up, and she was leaving. And Tabby didn’t even know where she was going.
Or if she’d ever see her again.
They pulled apart, both wiping away a tear simultaneously, and for a moment Remus was struck with how similar they really were.
And then the moment passed. Marty kissed Garfield on the cheek, and then came back over to where he was standing, and then took his hand simply.
“Come on. Let’s go home.”
And then she blew a kiss to her Aunt, and then she wished she had seen Linden one last time, and then they were gone, appearing in their flat and looking around them, almost surprised to see how quiet and empty it was. They had been surrounded by people all night, and now that they were suddenly alone, it felt strange. They were nervous again, like they were sixteen and still awkwardly trying to figure out how to act around each other.
He looked over at her, to see if she felt the same, and was shocked to see that she was still crying. He had seen her cry before, quite a few times. He remembered the day it had all seemed to begin, when he and his friends had seen her standing outside her destroyed home in Diagon Alley the day, and she had just thrown herself at him. But this seemed different. It was silent, simple. Hopeless. She had always been known for her optimism, but at that moment it had all been stripped away. Without saying anything, he let go of her hand and took her in his arms, holding her against him and trying to be strong now that she truly needed him. Because that’s what they did. That’s what they’d always done. He had said it in their sixth year, moments before they had had their first ever kiss. It had been self-conscious and awkward and he wasn’t even sure she’d understood, but it was still true to this day. They had grown up and had been through so much more since then ... but it was still true.
It’s like where you’re wacky, I’m ordinary, and where you’re scared, I’m strong. But where I’m scared, you’re the one that’s strong. Where I see a problem, you see a solution. Everything bad about me is good about you and the other way around. You know, together we almost make a whole person.
Almost. And yet the next morning, they would be pulled apart. Possibly forever. He could try to deny it, even try to run away from it. But come morning, it would still happen. And maybe now that he had admitted it, it would be easier than he thought. Or maybe it would be harder. But either way it was still unavoidable. So all they could do was make the most of the time they had left.
Because even though it was a silly and dramatic cliché, they didn’t have any other choice.
She landed on the ground gracefully, and went from being excited that for the first time ever, she hadn’t fallen over like an idiot, to irritated that no one had been around to see it.
And then she remembered why she was here. She looked around, and brushed herself down, then picked up her case. She was in an alley, and she could hear people talking in rapid French in the distance. She grimaced to herself. Learning and practising a language with other English people was very different to communicating with natives tongues. And she actually knew French. Some of the places she was going, it was an entirely different story.
She wasn’t sure how long this would take “ months, even years. It was true that officially she was travelling on behalf of International Magical Cooperation. But she was pretty sure she wouldn’t return home until the troubles were either over, or the help she’d secretly been trying raise in case things went too far was actually needed. She hoped it was the former. She hoped that even if she managed to get a secret promise of support from a hundred foreign ministries, she would never have to use it. Never have to be the one to create a wizarding war that was on an international scale. She would keep that from happening for as long as she possibly could. But however long this mission went on for, and even if she never saw the people she cared about again, at least she knew that she had left them on the best possible terms. And that was more than a lot of people got to say. But for now, she just had to do the best she could to help ensure that she would see them again one day.
And this seemed like as good a place to start as any.