Part Two
"Wake up, sleepyhead!" calls a cheerful voice. James rolls over, his hand groping the other side of the bed only to find it cold and empty. He sighs and sits up, reaching for his glasses and searching for the absent voice.
"Lily, where are you?" he calls into the kitchen. "What are you doing up so early?" He stands and stretches and begins to pull on his clothes from the night before.
Lily puts her head through the doorway with a smile. "Making breakfast of course," she laughs. "Today is a big day."
Shaking his head, James struggles to remember.
"My wand," she says. "I'm getting a new wand today. You said you'd take me, remember?"
"Of course," James replies, walking over to her and taking her in his arms. He begins to nuzzle her neck, but she pushes him away with a laugh.
"You can put your wand away, thank you very much," she says, pulling him into the kitchen. "At least until later. I can't wait to get to Ollivander's."
James sits down at her small table and pretends to groan. "Rejected for a barmy old wizard with fancy wands," he says, digging into some eggs.
"I'd hardly call last night a rejection," she winks at him, pouring them each a cup of coffee.
"No, last night was amazing," James agrees, the words slipping out before he can stop them. "I mean, uh…" He is embarrassed; usually he is much more reserved about these things.
Lily takes his hand and squeezes. "I know," she says. "It was wonderful." She tucks into some bacon. "And I even enjoyed meeting your friends."
James snorts. "You don't have to lie about that," he says. "I know they're a motley sort of crew."
"Oh, they're perfectly nice," she says, "if a bit cheeky. I don't know what you were so worried about."
"I wasn't worried about you, I was worried about me," James laughs. "I'm sure next time I see them, they will completely take the piss out of me."
"Why?" she asks. "Because you're seeing me?"
"Because it's just what they do," James says. "But yes, because I'm seeing you. And they don't mean it in a bad way, they just know how much…well, they just know me."
"They certainly do," Lily muses. "You seem very close. Can I ask you a question?"
"Go ahead," says James, helping himself to more eggs and some bacon. "I can make up a good answer to just about anything."
Lily laughs, and James grins at her, his heart full. She had walked back into his life just six weeks ago, but if feels as if they have been together far longer. He could do this forever, waking up next to her, eating breakfast with her, just being with her.
"How did you get your nicknames?" she asks, watching him curiously.
He almost spits out his coffee, he's so surprised at the unexpected question. It hadn't even occurred to him to get into that part of his life with her. He chokes a bit and her eyes widen even as she suppresses a smile.
"I'm sorry!" she exclaims, then laughs as he wipes his mouth. "It must be quite a story."
"You have no idea," he murmurs.
"So are you going to tell me?" she asks, pouring him more coffee.
He leans over and takes her hand. "Ask me again, sometime," he says softly. "It's not just my story, and I'm not sure if I can share it without asking."
Instead of getting angry like the old Lily might have, this new Lily nods slowly, taking it in. "Okay. I will. It must be really brilliant."
"In some ways," says James. "It's fairly mental in others." He finishes his breakfast quickly, hoping to move away from the subject. As much as he wants to tell her, he knows that more than his own health and happiness are involved. "All right, I'm ready, how about you?"
She raises an eyebrow at him. "I was ready an hour ago. Let's go!"
After a quick shower and change, he is soon holding her hand as they set out for Diagon Alley. It is only a few blocks, and she talks the entire way there of her new spell book and how she can't wait to cast her first charm. She finally feels ready, she says.
"Charms sound the most easy and natural," she tells him as they enter the Leaky Cauldron and make their way toward the back wall. "I'm almost starting to believe I'm a witch. This will make it…official."
James nods, remembering clearly the day his parents took him to purchase his wand. Even growing up in a magical household, he had not truly felt like a real wizard until he had waved the eleven-inch mahogany wand through the air in Ollivander's and accidentally knocked over a vase of flowers with a shower of gold sparks.
They hurry through the streets to the wand shop, laughing and talking. It is a beautiful spring day, and the streets are crowded with witches and wizards enjoying the sunshine after a particularly dreary winter. The ever-present threat of war seems miles away at that moment, though James remains alert to his surroundings. His time with the Order has taught him that danger can strike at any time.
They enter Ollivander's and find the old wizard behind his desk, carving a delicate piece of wood. He looks up at them and nods brusquely.
"It's about time you came by, Miss Evans," he says without greeting. "Ten and a half inches, rowan with a dragon core." He stands and moves to the back of the shop, returning with several long boxes. "It will be a challenging one to replace, but we'll start with these."
Ollivander hands her one wand at a time, motioning her to wave them about a bit. James watches, a small smile on his face as she grows more and more skeptical of the wandmaker and his mutterings. When the old wizard turns back for more boxes, she leans over to James and whispers, "What is he looking for?"
"The right wand," James says. "You'll know it when you find it."
Lily's face suddenly goes pale. "What if I don't find it?" she asks. "What if I already did and I don't get a second chance?"
"Nonsense," says Ollivander, returning to the counter. "Wizards frequently break or even lose their wands, and we always find them a second one. It may not be as comfortable as the first, but it will work perfectly well. It may even be better. Try this."
Lily waves several more wands. James notices that after each one fails to get any response from Ollivander, her face grows a little tighter and her eyes more strained. He can tell she is holding back tears. Ollivander, on the other hand, seems to delight in the challenge and hurries to the back for more. Lily turns to James again, her eyes bright.
"James," she whispers, holding out her hand for support. "What if I'm not a witch anymore? What if the accident took away more than my memories?"
Although he feels his insides go cold, he takes her hand and smiles. "I've never heard of someone losing their magic," he tells her. "Especially in a car accident. You'll find your wand. I know wizards who have tried dozens."
"But what if…" she starts, then falters. "What if it wasn't a car accident that took my memories? What if it was something else, something that could erase my magic?"
James frowns, not because he is confused, but because he has reluctantly wondered the same thing. Yet even a powerful Memory Charm would leave her magic intact…wouldn't it?
"All right, Miss Evans," says Ollivander, coming back with one more box. "I think we've narrowed it down. This should be it."
Lily looks nervously at the black box, then takes out a small, thin wand.
"Ten and a quarter inches, willow with a unicorn core, and swishy " says Ollivander. "Rather different than your first, but then, you're a bit different as well."
Lily nods, then waves the wand. She jumps when a brilliant flash of light bursts forth. James ducks as the entire shop is filled with sparks of red and gold; Ollivander dissolves them before they can start a fire. He nods with satisfaction while James whoops with glee. Lily just stares at her new wand, stunned.
"It works," she whispers. "I really am a witch."
* * *
Lily learns quickly with her new wand, mastering basic spells within the week. Within the month she is casting fifth-year charms, curses, and countercurses. Whether some part of her remembers or whether she is simply that talented, James does not know. He only feels a deep pride and even greater love for her each and every day.
Her newfound skills are tested as they walk through London. Lily shows James some of her favorite places from her former life as a Muggle, including the shop where she worked, and he delights in spending time with her. He knows, however, that things are not well. It has been a difficult month in the Order, for Voldemort's forces have stepped up their attacks on witches, wizards, and Muggles alike. He is still sore from his last duel with Death Eaters in Hogsmeade two nights previous, and keeps a wary eye on the surrounding street, knowing they will surely come after him for seriously injuring one of their own.
They are returning to Lily's flat when it happens: from the shadows of a dark alley, an invisible rope wraps itself around their waists, pulling them without warning into the inky shadows. James barely has time to murmur under his breath and release a bright light from his wand before they are thrown to the ground, and their arms are pinned behind them by magic. Five wizards surround them, their faces hidden by the cruel mask of the Dark Lord's Death Eaters.
"Hello, blood traitor," sneers the tallest. Though his gravelly voice is muted by the mask he wears, James still recognizes the Death Eater as a former classmate. He fights against the invisible bonds holding him captive, knowing what the man is now capable of.
"Sod off, Avery, and take your dirty little friends with you."
"Shut it, Potter," snaps Avery, and James feels a sharp Stinging Hex slice across his upper arm.
"Leave him alone!" cries Lily, struggling uselessly against the spell pinning her arms behind her.
"Look, Potter's got a girlfriend," says Avery, hauling her up and peering into her face. "You look familiar. Another bloody Gryffindor. You're a Mudblood, too, aren't you? What's your name again?"
"None of your damn business," she snaps, spitting into his face. Avery swears violently and doesn’t even bring his wand up: he slaps her hard across the face, leaving a red welt on her cheek.
"Stop!" demands a second voice. James freezes, for he recognizes this new voice as well. Severus Snape steps from the shadows and removes his mask. "Lily? Lily Evans?" he asks, much as James did when he found her wandering outside the Leaky Cauldron. James can hear the disbelief in Snape's voice, disbelief tinged with shock and loss. It makes him sick, to think she used to be friends with someone like Snape.
"That depends on who's asking, you slimy tosspot," she snaps. "Let us go." James can't help but smirk up at Snape. The look on the other man's face is a mixture of hatred and confusion and longing.
Snape motions to the others to back away. He steps closer to Lily, tilting his head and peering deeply into her green eyes. They widen as she struggles against the invisible bonds again.
"Stop it," she gasps. "That hurts!"
Snape steps backward in surprise, then turns on James, hauling him to his feet next to stand next to Lily. "What happened?" he demands. "What have you done to her? Why doesn't she know me?"
"I can speak for myself, prick," Lily snaps. "I lost my memory last year. And if I knew you before, I'm certainly glad I don't remember you anymore."
"How?" Snape whispers, stepping away. He is clearly rattled; the others laugh, but he silences them with a cut of his hand.
"Car accident," Lily says curtly.
Snape narrows his eyes at her again, as if deciding the truth of her statement. He blows a frustrated breath out through his nose and the familiar sneer returns to his sallow face. "And yet here you are, with Potter of all people?" He practically spits out the name.
Lily glances at James, confused. "He just can't accept you'd ever go out with me," James says, glaring at Snape. "He couldn't even stand it when you looked at me at school, yet alone talked to me."
"You were an imbecile at Hogwarts," snaps Snape. "Strutting around with your self-centered band of thick-headed friends as if you owned the castle. You were an arrogant bastard, and you're little better now!"
James shrugs. "I was. And you were a greasy-haired arsehole already playing at Dark Magic by the time you got to school. Apparently I'm the only one who grew up."
"Yet here I am, and there you are, and who has the upper hand?" Snape points out, his voice level again. "The Dark Lord will be pleased when we bring him the former Head Boy and Head Girl of Hogwart's last class."
"She's a Mudblood," hisses one of the others, a large Death Eater James recognizes as Mulciber. "Kill her."
"Shut it!" shouts James, struggling uselessly once more. "Don't call her that."
"She's a Mudblood without a memory, Snape," says Avery, leaning in closer. "Don't bother with her. Just bring in Potter--much as you'd like to kill him."
"Him, I would." Snape narrows his eyes. "But we bring them both."
"Like hell you will," James mutters. Lily stares at him, wide-eyed and obviously looking for some sign of what to do. He gives her an almost imperceptible nod, and she relaxes, trusting him.
"Believe me, I find it equally tedious," Snape says, raising a thin eyebrow. "Yet for some reason, you are wanted. The Dark Lord would like to see you personally. Something about an incident up north. Let's go."
Before he can replace his mask, there is a loud crack, and two more figures materialize at the end of the alley. Sirius Black immediately takes down Avery, releasing the invisible ropes on James and Lily. He turns toward Mulciber next. Remus Lupin starts dueling with the remaining two Death Eaters. James leaps in front of Lily, his wand aimed at Snape.
"How did they get here?" Snape demands, casting a Trip Jinx. James blocks it easily, laughing confidently.
"The upper hand, Snape," he says, firing a hex of his own. Behind him, Lily turns so she is back to back with him now, and from the corner of his eye he sees her cast a jinx at one of the Death Eaters dueling with Remus. "The Order has its ways, and we don't need to burn it into our arms."
"The Order," laughs Snape. "Dumbledore's gone weak if he's accepting your lot into that pathetic excuse for a ragtag band of Muggle-loving defenders."
James growls as he sends another curse at Snape. Snape, on the other hand, seems to be enjoying it and continues to provoke, smirking cruelly and casting a Backfiring Jinx.
"Of course, we caught you easily enough. Must have been distracted." Snape motions his head toward Lily, now dueling alongside Remus Lupin as if born to fight. "I can't believe she's with you. Of course it would take a Memory Charm to get into her knickers."
"What are you talking about?" demands James, blocking another curse and casting his own. "She was in a car accident."
"Highly doubtful," says Snape. "More likely magic. You know it, but you just won't admit it."
"If it was a Memory Charm, then it was likely a Death Eater who did it," James snarls. He slashes with his wand, casting curse after curse and blocking Snape's spells expertly until he is close enough to put his wand at the other man's throat. They are both breathing heavily. "Maybe even you."
Snape merely raises an eyebrow. "Don't be thick, Potter. I had no idea."
"You don't seem broken-hearted," James hisses, furious at the implication. "Your best friend loses her memory and all you can do is drag her before your master. Some friend."
Snape doesn't even move his wand, he simply inclines his head as if acknowledging what is about to happen, and James finds himself thrown across the alley by a powerful nonverbal Hurling Hex. He hits the wall hard and sinks to the ground, his head bleeding and his senses reeling. Before Snape can move any closer, Lily's wand is at his temple, shaking.
"Drop it," she snarls as James struggles to stand, the alley spinning around him.
"Lily," says Snape, sounding conversationally calm with her wand at his head, "come with me. We could be friends again. I'll help you remember what you were really like."
She laughs, a sarcastic bark that obviously cuts into her former friend. "I know what I was like. And I'm fairly sure I wasn't friends with you."
"But you were!" he says. "We were close, Lily. I was the one who showed you your magic, not him." He motions down at James, who laughs bitterly.
"He called you a Mudblood, Lily," James tells her, rising shakily, his hand on the wall for support. "He was always more interested in Dark Magic than you. He joined the Death Eaters because he doesn't believe Muggleborns even deserve to live."
"I didn't mean it!" Snape shouts, his eyes suddenly wild. "It was your fault, Potter! Yours and Black."
"I didn't put the words in your mouth, Snape. I just washed your mouth out afterwards."
Lily frowns, obviously confused by a conflict she has no memory of. She lowers her wand slightly, and Snape casts a Langlock Jinx on James, forcing him silent as his tongue sticks to the roof of his mouth. Before Snape can cast another curse, Lily cries, "Impedimenta!" but is disappointed when he blocks it easily and raises his wand to fire back. Like Lily, he hesitates.
James casts a silent Stunning spell, but Snape turns on the spot and Apparates away, the jet of red light passing through empty space. James kicks at the ground in frustration. Lily sinks to her knees, hands covering her face.
Not far from them, Sirius finishes his duel with Mulciber. Remus ties up the other two Death Eaters and looks for Avery, but the bigger man has also Apparated from the alley.
"Cowards," he mutters as he approaches James and Lily. "Are you hurt?"
James can only shrug, his voice silenced by Snape's spell. Murmuring the countercurse, Remus releases his friend and asks again. "Are you two okay?"
"Lily?" asks James, hurrying to where she is kneeling, terrified she has been injured. She looks up at him with a blank stare, shaking her head.
"What's wrong?" he asks, his voice cracking as he kneels in front of her. "Lily, what's wrong? Are you hurt?"
"No," she says softly. "Just…sorry."
James wraps his arms around her. "What are you sorry for? You were brilliant."
"I'm sorry I was friends with a man like that," she whispers, laying her head on his shoulder. James looks up at Remus and Sirius, the concern he feels written across their faces as well. He helps her to stand, his arm around her shoulder.
"We'll clean up here and get them back to the Order," Sirius says softly. "You guys go. Get that arm tended."
James looks down at the bloody gash across his upper arm. It does not bother him as much as his pounding head or his deep concern for Lily. Yet she surprises him once again as she takes a deep breath and stands up straight.
"No. I'm okay. I want to help," she says. "I want to fight."
"What?" says James, echoed quickly by Remus and Sirius.
"I want to join the Order," says Lily, facing him. "I didn't really understand how bad it was until tonight. Now I know."
"Lily, you can't," protests James. "You might get hurt, you might get killed—"
"I might save someone from losing their memory, like me," she says, her voice tight. "You know he was right. I wasn't in a car accident. It was a Memory Charm, wasn't it? I was attacked by Death Eaters, like you said, and I lost all memory of having even been a witch."
"Are you remembering?" James whispers, hardly daring to believe it might be happening, or that she is right. Yet he has wondered so many times, he is not surprised that she has voiced it as well.
"No," she says, shaking her head. "I just know. I felt it, when he was in my mind."
Remus shakes his head as Sirius hisses under his breath.
"I knew the oily snake was a Legilimens," Sirius says, his face contorted with disgust. "I knew it!"
"What did he want with you, anyway?" asks Remus. "Why did they attack you?"
"Snape said something about the incident up in Hogsmeade," replies James, running his hands across his face. "But Voldemort wanted me alive, not dead."
"That's not good," murmurs Remus.
"Who's Snape?" Lily demands. "Was he right? Were we really friends at Hogwarts?"
James can only nod. He had always glossed over Snape, not wanting to bring up her friendship with a man who was now the enemy. He had not wanted her to remember, for fear it would cause her more pain. And deep down, he had worried that she might go back to him, try to save him.
"Why didn't you tell me?" she asks. She does not seem as angry as he would have expected, perhaps because she has seen for herself just what Snape has become. He still feels guilty, though, for keeping that part of her past from her.
"Because he's a bloody twat, that's why," says Sirius before James can answer.
"Obviously," says Lily, glancing at the three of them. "So why was I friends with him? And why does he hate you so much?"
"He's a Slytherin, Evans," says Sirius, "And a jealous, no-good, untalented one at that."
Remus shakes his head. "He's got talent, there's no doubt of that, Padfoot. He's always been a formidable wizard."
"Still a sodding tosspot," mutters Sirius.
Lily turns to James, waiting for him to say something. Although he feels contrite, he stands tall. "He knew what he was doing at Hogwarts, I'll admit. But Sirius is right—Snape was jealous, and he was no-good from the start. He was already using Dark Magic by the time he came to school. We didn't get along from the first day."
"Then how did I become friends with him?" Lily asks again, clearly confused.
"He was telling the truth. He showed you your magic." James hates admitting it; it had always galled him that her best friend had been Severus Snape. Even Lily's friends had questioned why she had remained so close to him for so long. "You met him before you came to Hogwarts."
"And yet he called me that…that word?" she asks, lips tight. "A friend?" James nods, and she continues, obviously determined to hear the truth of it to determine her own story. "And what did he mean, it was your fault?"
"We were giving him a hard time after O.W.L.s," says James, leaving out the details of the scene by the lake. It was not something he was proud of. "You stuck up for him and he told you off. I think that's when you stopped being friends."
Lily is silent for several moments. "You should have told me," she says, her face unreadable.
"Snape's a bloody wanker, Evans," says Sirius, his face dark. "Why would you want to remember an arsehole like him?"
She simply stares at him, until he looks away, rolling his eyes.
"I should have told you," James admits. "I'm sorry."
Lily is silent for a moment, then nods. "Considering what he is now, I couldn't care less." She takes a breath to steady herself. "What was that light you sent? Is that how you knew where we were?" She looks at Sirius and Remus, and Remus nods.
"It's called a Patronus," he tells her. "It's how we communicate in the Order. James sent one just as you were captured."
"It's a N.E.W.T. spell," James tells her. "We haven't worked on it yet."
Lily gives him a challenging look. "Then I've still got a lot of catching up to do, then, haven't I?"
"Lily, I don't think you're—" James starts, but she cuts him off.
"I'm not fighting you about it, James. I'm fighting them." She points to the Death Eaters tied up on the ground, and then back to him. "And you know you can't stop me, so don't even try."
He knows it, and he loves her even more for it.
* * *
Remembering Lily by Gmariam
Chapter Endnotes: Thank you so much to Lea/Muggle girl marauder for once again being my alpha-beta and reading this over. I must confess that it was her idea to include a confrontation with Snape in the story, for I had always envisioned this as a series of short scenes between James and Lily exclusively. Yet I needed something to balance the first scene, and couldn't resist the challenge. I will also admit that I am in no way, shape, or form a fan of Snape and Lily, and so if you picked up on any animosity toward Snape, it was entirely intended, I assure you. While they might have been friends for a while, people change and so do their relationships, and I see no reason why Snape's undying love for Lily should have kept her tied to a man who called her such names and was obviously unwilling to turn aside from his dark path for their friendship.