Navy robes.
She had been inside Twilfit & Tatting’s for two hours until she could decide on them. They were rather beautiful though, she thought with a smile as she glanced into her bag. Dark blue, with the outlines of differently sized stars in a lighter hue. Of course they hadn’t been exactly cheap “ nothing at Twilfit & Tatting’s was exactly cheap “ but especially in these times, you just had to seize the day sometimes, and buy a pair of gorgeous robes even if they did set you back sixty galleons.
Diagon Alley was deserted. There was an old Prophet on the street, the front page of which showed three wild-looking wizards, and the single word “Danger” written beneath their picture. She knew two of them “ Mulciber and Avery. They had been in Slytherin in the year ahead of her. She had no idea how they had managed to get enough OWLs, but for some reason they had stayed on for their NEWTs. There wasn’t really a question why they did it “ at Hogwarts; they had had a relatively easy time torturing Muggleborns and Halfbloods, far removed from the real dangers of the outside world.
Her own final year would start in three weeks. It was an odd thought “ going back to Hogwarts. Her sister had graduated, as well as the main school bullies “ the ones in Slytherin, anyway. Their leaving should make the day to day life at Hogwarts easier, brighter even, but at the same time, people kept disappearing, Muggle hospitals burnt down, families of Muggleborns were hunted... She shook the thought off. It just wouldn’t do. Things were happening, terrible things, but there was nothing she could do about them before she finished her magical education.
And then of course there was the other thing she had been mulling over in her head all summer...
Sirius Black. She spotted him a couple of shops down the road, in front of the Apothecary. It wasn’t exactly hard to spot anyone in Diagon Alley, when “ despite the beautiful weather “ the only shoppers were a handful of nervous looking housewives, and it was even easier when the person you were trying to spot was six feet two. For a moment, she hesitated. He hadn’t spotted her yet, and she wasn’t sure whether she wanted him to.
Near the end of their last year, there had been quite an amount of snogging in deserted corridors, that one other night not to be forgotten, and just the thought of that made her want to run over and greet him very enthusiastically. But then she also remembered the expression on his face when she had entered his compartment on the Hogwarts Express back home. He hadn’t looked surprised “ he had looked shocked, and he hadn’t said a word to her. Of course, she hadn’t really given him time to explain before she had slammed the compartment door back shut, but it was quite clear to her that he didn’t want his friends to know that he had been meeting a Hufflepuff.
Arse.
“Carrie?”
She had been standing in the middle of the street just a bit too long, going back over that very confusing summer in her head. Now he had spotted her, and there was no crowd to disappear into.
Crossing her arms across her chest, she leaned to one side, and looked right at him as he walked over.
“Hello, Black. I assume you’re not with your friends today, or how is it that I’m suddenly cool enough to talk to in public?”
“What?” He gaped at her, open-mouthed. At least the stupid grin had disappeared from his face now.
“Oh please,” she went on, and started walking away. She wasn’t sure whether it irritated or pleased her that he was following her, but she decided to let him, anyway.
“Is this about what happened on the train?”
“Well, what do you think?”
“Look, Carrie, I“”
“Oh please, do continue, I can’t wait to hear this explanation.”
“But it’s hard to explain,” he said, and he was almost pleading.
She glared at him for a second, then focussed back on the street in front of her. “I don’t think it’s that hard, actually. I’m good enough for a snog, but you’re embarrassed that I’m a Hufflepuff, so you can’t speak to me in front of your incredibly cool friends.”
“What? What do you even mean?”
“Are you really that daft? I mean, what else was that about? Obviously you think I’m not cool enough for your Marauder friends, because you’re all the kings of the school, and whatever.”
For a second, that grin flickered back across his face. It vanished just in time; otherwise, she would have smacked “ or maybe kicked “ it away.
“And you let Lily Evans sit there with you through the whole journey. I mean, she’s all right, but I’m not? I shouldn’t have thought that you were that prejudiced about other houses.”
“But that’s just it!” he began, but Carrie cut across him.
“Yes, of course that’s just it! I’m a Hufflepuff, and you lot still think that Hufflepuffs are“”
“No we don’t. Oh please, do you really think that you of all people aren’t cool enough? No, it’s... Oh blimey.” He ran a hand through his hair, which had grown out a bit over the summer. “Well, it’s Lily, to be completely honest.”
It was Carrie’s turn to gape now. “Seriously? Her? Oh good gracious Helga. I thought you had some taste. And even then, you could have told me before, you know.”
“Honestly, what are you talking about?” Sirius was looking quite desperate. “Here, have a Fudge Fly.”
“I don’t want a sodding Fudge Fly. Merlin, you’re infuriating!” She picked up a faster pace, but he had no trouble keeping up. “And your legs are ridiculously long,” she spat.
“Well, that was snappy,” he replied. “But what’s wrong with the Fudge Flies? Really, what have I done to you?”
“‘Lily Evans’ ring a bell?”
“But how does she make you mad at me? Just because she was sitting with us?”
“No, more the fact that because of her, you choose to completely ignore me. I mean, obviously you’ve been“”
“Been what?” He paused for a moment, then his eyes opened as realisation dawned. “Oooh you think I’ve been“ with Lily? No way!”
Carrie stopped abruptly and looked up at him. “Right, so you haven’t been going out with her? But then what is it about her?”
“Well...” He hesitated for a moment and looked at a spot above her shoulder. “James is kind of going out with her. Or going to be going out with her. I don’t know. She’s been at his place a lot over the summer, it’s all very confusing for me. He won’t talk about it really, but I think it’s more or less definite.”
“So? I don’t want to go out with Potter, and you don’t want to go out with Evans. What’s the problem then? I don’t get you. Come on, I need to go in here.”
“Where, Madam Primpernelle’s?”
“No, you twit. Scribbulus.” She glared at him for a moment. “Why, do you think I need Madam Primpernelle’s Potions?”
“I“ Merlin.” He massaged his forehead. “Let’s just go in, okay?”
For a moment, she wondered whether she was being too hard on him, but then she recalled that scene on the train, and the guilty feeling almost vanished.
“So, what is your problem?” she asked as they entered the shop, and her voice sounded a bit less harsh than before.
“Well, it’s Evans“ Lily, I mean, and James. I think they’ll end up together, as in seriously together. And she’ll be around a lot then, and the only way we can all stay friends is if I get along with her, you know?”
It stung a bit when he said ‘we’, because she realised that he wasn’t including her in that, but she ignored it for the moment.
“So?”
“So... I know you don’t like her. I don’t know why, to be honest, but I don’t think you ever really got along.”
“But I don’t want to go out with her, or your friends, I want to go out with you!” She looked at some exclusive bird of paradise quills, then realised something, and hastily added, “And I’m not even sure about that right now.”
For a minute or two, she let him search for words as she browsed the quills on display. Finally, he began to speak. “But that’s impossible, you know. My friends are all I’ve ever had. And now more than ever, we need to stick together. I need them. That’s why I can’t go out with you if you don’t get along with them, or even one of their girlfriends.” He paused. “I don’t get why you don’t like her. Do you even really know her?”
“I never said I didn’t like her,” Carrie said defensively. “Some people just... don’t get along. We’ve had Herbology and Potions together since the first year, and we used to work at the same table sometimes. Sure, we haven’t talked in a while, but I got to know her well enough to see that we’d never be best friends. I mean, she doesn’t watch Quidditch, not even when her own house plays! And after all these years, she still listens to Muggle music and doesn’t even have a wizarding wireless!” She suddenly realised that she had talked herself into the beginning of a rage, and quickly broke off. “Let’s go over here, I don’t need a quill.”
“What do you need then?”
“Some ink, and a notebook.”
“What do you need a notebook for?”
“I plan on writing in it, you muppet. Help me pick out one.” They were standing in front of a very wide shelf, full with notebooks in different sizes and colours. Some were self-sealing, so that they would only open at the touch of the owner’s wand, others had auto-straight pages, for people who had trouble writing on the same line. There were self-colouring notebooks, and those with covers that flashed different patterns at you or even changed their shape.
“Lily’s scared of heights,” Sirius said suddenly.
“What?”
“That’s why she’s never watched the Quidditch matches. We always thought that she was really weird for that, but she told James last winter. Heights make her really nervous, so she can’t even go up in the stands, let alone watch people fly.”
“That’s rubbish, I remember her in our first year flying lessons!” Carrie exclaimed.
Sirius replied, “Something must have happened in the holidays before our second year. I don’t know.”
“Oh.” For a moment, she didn’t know what to reply. “What do you think of this one?”
Sirius shrugged, his hands in the pockets of his Muggle trousers. “I don’t like purple much. It’s okay, I guess.”
“No, you’re right, it does look a bit weird,” she agreed. “Maybe I’ll get the red one.”
“What, Gryffindor red?”
Carrie pulled a face and put the notebook back on the shelf.
“You know,” Sirius said, “it seems like I’m not the one who has the prejudices against other houses. You think we’re all very big-headed and exclusive, but it’s not like that at all. Of course it looks like we’re only friends with Gryffindors. How many Slytherins or Ravenclaws are you friends with?”
“Well, there is a girl in Ravenclaw who“”
“One girl is not the point here,” he continued quickly. “The point is, we share a common room, and even a dormitory with the other boys. We have all our classes together, we eat together, we have the same break times “ of course most of my friends are in my own house. But that doesn’t mean that I think Hufflepuffs are uncool. How could I, having met you?”
He grinned at her, and she wanted to hate him for that grin. Stupid, cocksure Gryffindor. But something “ and she wasn’t sure whether it was what he had just said, or whether it was what that smile did to his face “ prevented her from loathing him. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, he was right in a way. She didn’t know Lily that well at all, and now that she thought about it, she didn’t even remember what it was that had made her dislike the girl. Maybe it was her overall popularity that she hadn’t understood and subconsciously tried to rebel against. Or maybe it really was the fact that she didn’t like Quidditch or listened to Muggle music. But then so did some people in Hufflepuff “ and Lily was a Muggle-born, after all. It couldn’t be easy for her, and in these days, admitting to listening to Muggle music was making quite a brave statement, actually.
Almost unconsciously, she had picked one of the notebooks that softly changed colour at irregular intervals, and some dark orange ink. They didn’t speak until after she had paid and they had left the shop.
“Well, I have to be off now,” Sirius said. “If you want to, you’re welcome to sit with us on the way back to Hogwarts.”
“Really?” Carrie asked, confused about this change.
“I’m convinced that my little speech has made you think, and your thoughts will lead you the right way, I’m sure.” He winked at her, and turned to leave. Suddenly, he turned back around, and added, “You can send me an owl, too, if you want to meet up before then, you know. I’ve kind of... It’s been a long summer, sort of, without hearing from you or anything.” A grin spread across his face once more. “Or you can call me on a Muggle phone. I’m renting a flat here in London now, in a Muggle area.”
Involuntarily, Carrie had to laugh. “I’m a witch, Sirius. I’ve only ever seen one of these phones when Maggie showed me a page of her Muggle Studies book.”
“Oh, right,” he said. “Well, send me an owl, anyway. You know. If you want to.” With that, he turned and Disapparated.
Send him an owl, she wondered as she walked along down the road. She had been wracking her brains about him for the past weeks, had been angry at him, frustrated, clueless. And now she had her explanation, and it was a good one, too. So good, in fact, that she herself felt guilty now. She could get along with Lily Evans. She could at least try “ he was right, she didn’t really know her at all.
She felt the bag with her new robes in her left hand. Seize the day, she had told herself. Maybe it was time to do that in all parts of her life.