Remus Lupin sat in his chair thinking. He was doing that quite a lot lately. Mainly it was contemplation of the life he had led. Did he do enough, had he been a good enough person? Could things have been different?
Remus hadn’t dwelt on the past when he was alive. His reasoning for that was quite simple. You can’t change what has already happened. But now that he had left his life behind, he realised all that had been a lie. Inside, the heart is weak, and to struggle through life, you have to learn to let go. And that is what he had done. Remus took what life threw at him and let it pass through him like a wisp of smoke. Strength comes from the determination to hide your weakness. But death brings with it a release from mind, body and soul, and brings with it everything your soul craved for in life. Is death better? Remus mused.
Life had thrown Remus J Lupin a hard hand. Lycanthropy, betrayal, rejection and grief are but a few. And if he had dwelt on those aspects of his life, it would have destroyed him. The heart can only take so much reality before it withers and dies. So the armour goes up and you just get on with it.
However, life isn’t all about hardship. There are happy memories too. And Remus felt blessed to have been given what he had. If it weren’t for those joyful moments with his friends, his wife and baby son and all those other special moments granted to him, he would’ve died a lot sooner than he did. Saved from a cowardly suicide, to live his life and die with glory in battle.
And what a glorious battle it was. Remus lived up to his Roman namesake (he liked to think). Never giving into the darkness that drove the poor souls who followed the most feared dark lord to grace the earth. And unlike them, he would do anything in his power to protect those he loved. Even if it meant fighting an unstoppable force that would ultimately result in his death. Oh and what a glorious death it was.
Remus can remember it as clear as day. The noise is what he remembers most. Shouting and screaming and the sound of the castle being slowly destroyed around him. The heat as well. Many people don’t remember the heat, but it was there. Sweat dripping from every man, woman and child. This came from the fear that struck everyone’s hearts. Not just from the ones defending the castle, but from the death eaters too. Everyone was afraid that in another second they would be dead. And for many, they were right. Remus himself felt that fear when Nymphadora turned up out of the blue to help fight. Terror clawed at him fiercely as he tried to make her go back and stay at home with their baby son, Teddy. But even for him, as soon as those words left his mouth, he knew it was hopeless. Dora was as stubborn as a mule, and it didn’t help that she was an Auror, a professional dark wizard catcher. Sighing Remus stopped pushing her away and let her fight by his side. Something he would deeply regret forever more.
So he pushed the fear back down inside of him and focused. Having a clear and emotionless mind was the best way to fight. So he and Tonks fought. Running to the aid of those who needed extra support and dodging spells and curses themselves. He was oblivious to everything outside his main focus.
Things had been going well for a while until they were running up a flight of stairs. A stray spell hit the stonework and exploded directly in front of Tonks causing her to fall down the stairs. Remus feared the worst, but she got back up again, a little bruised and bloodied, but alright. Heaving a quiet sigh of relief, he beckoned for them to continue up the stairs, but something flew past so close to his left ear, it singed some of his hair.
Spinning round, Remus came face to face with an unmasked death eater. He couldn’t have been more than twenty years old, but those eyes showed Remus more than he ever wanted. Fear drove this boy to do things he didn’t really want to do. But if he didn’t he knew he would die. Remus almost felt pity for him, but knew he couldn’t. A scared child is still dangerous.
So they started to duel. He wasn’t sure what Dora was doing but he could feel her moving about just behind him, probably fighting her own death eater. It didn’t take long for Remus to realise that this boy, no matter how scared he was, was stronger. And Remus wasn’t really that surprised. This death eater was at least eighteen years his junior. His stamina wasn’t like it used to be, he got tired more easily. It got to the point where it was all Remus could do to keep him at bay.
Though this wasn’t the first time he had got into a fight he couldn’t win on his own. Many years before, during the first war, Remus lost count of the amount of times James, Sirius, Peter and Lily came to his aid and he, them. Back then they had been an unstoppable force. But they were all gone now and his new friends and his wife were occupied with their own problems.
So Remus kept on fighting because it was the only thing for an honourable man to do. No Retreat, no surrender.
It was getting harder now. It felt as though all the strength that was leaving him was entering the body of the death eater he was fighting. He knew he couldn’t last much longer. And this was it, the death eater pointed his wand directly at Remus’ chest and screamed, “AVADA KEDAVRA!”
There was no way Remus could have moved in time to avoid it even as he saw the jet of green light head towards him in slow motion like an ethereal ghost.
But at the last second, something crashed into him and knocked Remus flat on the ground causing the curse to skim over the top of his head, narrowly missing death by a mere centimetre.
But Remus didn’t have time to feel relieved as the horror of what came next made him wish he had taken the curse on full force.
It was a scream that came from the something that had knocked him out of the way. The force of the curse had caused the person to jolt backwards and collapse on the ground behind Remus. And he looked at the face. Her face. Her body, lying there, lifeless. Dead.
Silence descended over the world, everything else was a mere buzzing of annoyance. The whole world stopped to mourn the passing of Nymphadora Tonks, but it was only Remus who noticed. He stopped what he was doing, not caring that the death eater he was fighting, the one who had killed his beautiful wife was still standing there. A drift of laughter reached his ears also. Remus, in his dillusioned state couldn’t pin point it, and didn’t care. His whole world had just crashed down around him. What would he do without his darling Dora? If he were to die too, what would it matter? He felt like he was drowning in his own grief, an explosion erupted that perfectly mirrored his feelings. It was now he noticed rubble, once part of the ancient castle lying discarded all over the corridor and shattered glass everywhere. Like his heart. Would it ever be mended? Remus felt like he sat on the broken floor forever, but it must have in reality only been a few seconds, as a familiar voice entered his grief stricken mind. ‘Constant Vigilance!’ Moody practically screamed. This shocked Remus back into action.
He sat there for a few more seconds cradling Dora’s body to his and placed a final kiss on her forehead. He had to listen to sense now, like he had so many times before. There would be a time for tears later.
So with his last ounce of strength, Remus stood up and prepared himself to face his wife’s murderer and do his best to exact revenge.
And that’s when the laughter pierced his thoughts again along with everything else. The battle was still roaring around him, the others oblivious to the motionless body on the ground at Remus’ feet. The pain he felt now turned to anger, and he was damned well going to use it. He spun around to deal as much pain to the death eater as he had done to him. But he was not there. The laughing continued. Then he spotted another body and a pool of blood slowly seeping around the head of …. The boy death eater. A shard of glass has lodged itself directly between the staring eyes of the dead boy. Pity rushed through Remus as he stared at the boy not long out of his teens, and was surprised. He should have felt satisfaction or at the very least frustration for not being able to deal the killing blow himself. But of course, that was not Remus’ nature. This boy was as scared as everyone else here. If you did not fight, you would die, simple as that.
And that laughter came again. Finally he tore his eyes away from the lifeless death eater and came face to face with Fenrir Greyback. For a moment they just stared at each other. Remus was not scared of this man, certainly not like everybody else was. Wolf versus wolf. The worst that could’ve happened already had thirty two years previously.
“I’ve been looking forward to this moment for a long time, Lupin.” Greyback flashed his yellowing teeth at him as he smiled.
Remus let no emotion show on his face, he was going to give nothing to this monster. And a monster he was. He looked positively rabid as he stood there with his wand pointed directly at Remus’ chest, wild hair dancing about his face, a terrible glint in his eye.
Greyback backed him into a corner while snatching Remus’ wand out of his unresisting hand.
“You know how I hate killing our own kind, but exceptions have to be made.”
Greyback started laughing manically again, but Remus still remained calm. Once again, nothing existed apart from these two werewolves, one manic and the other utterly cool and composed.
Remus was going to die and he knew it. But strangely he didn’t feel scared. In a funny sort of way there was a relief, a gladness to leaving this cruel world. And Remus almost laughed at the irony of the situation. Here he was staring death in the face, the very beast who had given him this cursed life was about to take it all away again. But he was not scared. He was ready.
Holding out his arms at his sides, he didn’t even flinch as the jet green of the killing curse enveloped his body. The last thing he ever saw was Fenrir Greyback’s sneering face, before he floated away.
What did Remus Lupin feel when death found him? Liberation. He was lighter than he had ever felt, the weight of the world instantly removed from his shoulders. At last he was free. The cursed life he once led had disappeared like a wisp of smoke, and he was glad.
Liberation by Phoenix alThor
Chapter Notes: A short fic about Remus and Tonks and their last moments.
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All characters belong to J. K. Rowling
Chapter Endnotes: So what did you think?
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