Alone in this world.
So alone
-Ascendio (Ministry of Magic)
“Go away.”
“Not until you tell me what’s wrong.”
“Nothing. Now leave me alone.”
“If you were just fine, you’d be with your friends, not all alone. Now talk.”
Lily Evans turned away from James Potter, tears pricking her eyes. Why did he even care? Why couldn’t he walk away, indifferent to her problems, like he would have last year?
“Are you… are you crying?” James said uncertainly, trying to see her face.
“What’s it to you?” Lily demanded, glaring at him with all the viciousness of girl who didn’t care about life itself.
“Don’t think that. No, don’t think that! You’ve got to… why is this so hard?” James burst out suddenly, raking a hand through his dark hair in frustration.
“What, pretending like you care? Just admit it. I don’t care if you leave me here. I’d be thrilled.” The bitterness in Lily’s voice surprised even her.
“No! No, I’m not pretending!” James said fervently. “I really do… just tell me what’s wrong!”
“All right, I’ll tell you,” Lily said, looking at him, eyes burning. “I’d rather this world lived and I’m willing to do anything to make that happen. Apparently…” Her energy ran out, vicious anger deserting her. “Apparently that’s not right. Apparently now I’m to be hated.”
“Who hates you? And what do you mean, you’d rather the world lived?” James asked promptly.
“Everyone I’ve ever known and been friends with,” Lily said quietly. “As for what I meant, I want Voldemort to stop killing, stop ending everything for people and I’m actually willing to fight for it.”
James seemed shocked, and Lily wondered for a moment if he was going to leave her there, hidden in shrubbery. She half wanted him to, half wished he wouldn’t desert her like everyone else.
“You’re the only girl I’ve ever heard say his name,” James finally said, seating himself in the dirt beside her.
“What does that matter?” Lily snapped, feeling almost scared of James for no clear reason.
“Everyone’s scared, but we’ve got to fight to end this,” James told her, not actually answering the question.
“No one else thinks that.” When did James get opinions, mature opinions? Who was the boy beside her?
“No, there are plenty. Me, Moony, Padfoot, Wormtail, umm… you,” James finished rather unconvincingly. Lily didn’t bother answering, since there was nothing to say, and after a few minutes, James stood, extending his hand to help her up. She hesitated, then let him pull her to his feet. She’d sulked in the bushes long enough.
“Thanks,” Lily said, standing awkwardly next to James.
“Yeah, see you. Sorry about… everything,” James said kindly before heading up to the castle. Lily watched him go, feeling confused. Where was the boy she had hated so much, the boy who asked her out every ten seconds and tortured Severus? What was happening to the world? Was it at all possible that Severus and James had switched places, her old friend now the villain and James on the side of good? What was going on?
Lily wandered back to her dormitory. She was hungry, but didn’t feel up to facing the other Gryffindors. When she entered the dormitory, however, two girls were already there.
“Oh, it’s you,” Kiran Nayar said rudely when she saw Lily.
“Where have you been all day? Crying in some corner?” sneered Emerence Fontaine, flicking her long black hair over her shoulder.
“Shut up,” Lily ordered, sitting down on her bed and doing her best to ignore the other girls. She took out a rather idiotic romance novel, the only book she had on hand beyond schoolbooks.
Kiran and Emerence had a loudly whispered conversation insulting Lily, but soon tired of that and left, seeking the other sixth-years they actually liked. When they were safely gone, Lily dropped her book and lay back on her bed, tears squeezing their way out of the corners of her eyes. What had brought them to act like this? They had been perfectly kind to her for the first three days of school, but when they found out she had differing views than them, they turned on her. Laine Rivera was probably the worst, but Kiran and Emerence were close behind. What hurt the most, however, was Arisa Barry’s betrayal, if she could call it that. They had been the best of friends since first year. She hadn’t turned cruel the others, but she wouldn’t speak to Lily, instead choosing to talk to Mary Macdonald.
Surprisingly, Mary was the most likely to still talk to Lily, or had been in the few days since her “estrangement.” It probably had something to do with her personal experiences with Dark magic. She actually understood how terrible they were, since those idiot Slytherins had cast some illegal curses on her in fourth year. But even Mary was acting much less friendly than normal.
"Where's my homework? Where on Earth is my homework?" a girl shrieked, bursting into the dormitory. Lily yanked the her velvet curtains closed, shutting out Laine Rivera, who was, judging by the loud thumps coming from the opposite side of the room, unpacking her trunk in a mad search for some missing essay.
Listening to her once-friend banging books around in frustration, Lily felt hatred as she had never before experienced rising in her. That girl, Laine Rivera, had been her friend, one of her best friends, really, and now Lily was just a girl she hated, mocked, and tormented. It didn't matter that they had spent years sharing a dormitory, not to mention all the times they'd cried and laughed together. No, all that was forgotten when Laine decided Lily wasn't worth it, didn't deserve to be her friend, just because she cared about what was happening to the world she had come to love. It was hardly Lily's fault Laine didn't agree, couldn't stand the idea, actually. And now Lily was doomed to be despised by the people who had once been sisters to her. But she was used to that, used to sisters turning on her. What did four more childhood friends matter, anyway?
Laine left, victorious, and Lily sat up, pulled the curtains slowly back from her bed, then ran. She had nearly reached the grounds when a hand grabbed her elbow and pulled her to a halt.
"Have you gone completely mental, Evans?" Sirius Black demanded, gesturing emphatically as he spoke, evidently forgetting he was still gripping her arm. "You can't go outside. Even I know that."
"Sorry, what's wrong with the outside?" Lily said irritably, removing his hand from her arm.
"No clue, but I was told to stop you," Sirius said cheerfully. "Now come along, Evans."
"Who said to stop me? And where are you going?" Lily snapped, glaring at Sirius's retreating back. Cursing under her breath, Lily caught up to him, annoyed, repeating, "Where are you off to?"
"You'll see. Now hurry up," Sirius commanded. Lily frowned. She rarely even spoke to Sirius, so why did he have to choose her to be odd to? And why today? She was feeling very annoyed with life today, and he was not helping.
"Where are we, anyway? I don't remember this door," she added as Sirius bounded through a dark, low doorway.
"No, you wouldn't," he said, grinning. "I've got her!"
James, Remus, and Peter came out from the depths of the dark, rather musty room, all smiling widely.
James went up to Lily, looked her in the eye, and said with a laugh, "Sorry about this."
"What--" Lily began, but James tapped her head with his wand and she fell to the ground, unconscious. Not the best day.