Slowly the scene around him faded into the swirling light. The memory windows surrounded him once more. He saw his wedding day and still more memories of his friends at school. He saw the creation of the Marauder's Map and conversations with Professor Dumbledore, both as a boy and as an adult. He saw himself with Harry Potter, his best friend's son, and the battle at the Ministry the night Sirius died. He turned slowly trying to take it all in.
While looking into one window he saw himself holding his little son. Just like he had done with the memory of Dora he reached out to touch his child. Remus was swept down into the memory into his home just a few months ago. He saw himself sitting on the bed holding his newborn son. The infant's eyes were the same shade of brown as his mother's and at the moment his hair was an auburn color, though it had been black and red and blonde in the day after his birth.
Remus remembered telling the others all about Teddy and then rushing home to be with his family. He remembered being terrified of what his Lycanthropy would mean for his child, and the joy he felt when he held him for the first time. Remus was relieved that in Teddy's first two months there had been nothing remotely wolfish about him. It was still possible that he had inherited Remus's curse, but it was not as likely now.
Remus watched as his double and Dora carried on a conversation about their day old baby, but he wasn't hearing a word they were saying. He just watched, and as he watched he felt tears burning his eyes. He might never see his wife and son again. He might spend eternity watching, but not touching. He would rather have the darkness than the pain.
Remus hoped that the battle of Hogwarts had been won, and that if he could no longer protect his family that they would live in a world without Voldemort to threaten them. The memory Remus and Dora were smiling and talking, and Teddy was gurgling happily between them. Remus reached out to his son. To touch him. But his hand went through the happy picture before him. The light came again, to take him away.
In an instant he was back in the lighted dome. The images beckoned him to come and experience them again, but he didn’t want that pain. He saw Dumbledore's funeral and the thousands of people in attendance. He saw himself as a young child without the burden of being different. He didn't want to see anything else. He didn't want to watch his life; he wanted to live it.
Before Remus could decide what to do, a sensation that he had not experienced in the lighted dome captured him. He felt a sharp tug from behind his navel, the kind of feeling like that of traveling by portkey. He was pulled away from the memories and was spun around and around. Remus found himself in a dark forest surrounded by trees. Before him stood Harry Potter holding a stone of some kind. Remus didn't fully understand, but he imagined that he was not really back. This was no memory of his, but he was not free to join the real world either.
Remus looked around and saw three other figures standing next to him. All seemed to shimmer and glow, not unlike ghosts but not like them either. Remus looked down at his own hands and found that the same was true of him. Harry was the only one who looked normal.
Remus recognized the other figures without any difficulty, but with much confusion. Beside him stood Sirius, and James and Lily Potter, Harry's parents. He had watched Sirius die with his own eyes, and James and Lily had been dead for sixteen years. Perhaps he truly had joined the ranks of the dead. He didn't know how he was here, but he somehow knew that they were here to help Harry and that when their task was done, they would return to their separate worlds. Harry needed their strength now. He was preparing to fight Voldemort. To fight by sacrificing himself. All of this Remus understood, though he had no idea how.
Harry spoke about dying and asked questions. Sirius answered some and James and Lily answered others. Remus was still unsure how he felt about dying or if he was really dead, so he remained silent.
"I didn't mean for any of you to die," Harry said. "I didn't want any of you to. I'm sorry." He turned to look straight at Remus. "I'm sorry you had to die, right after you had your son, too."
"I'm sorry too. But I died so that he can live in a safe world." Remus was touched by Harry's concern. He was going to his own death, but he was apologizing as if the others' deaths had been his fault. Remus decided that he must be dead. Harry seemed to think so, and the others most certainly were. The four of them promised to stay with Harry until the end. Remus would do anything to take some of the pain away from him.
The trek through the forest seemed to take forever. James and Lily walked, or floated, on either side of Harry, and Sirius and Remus came behind in a sort of rear guard. When they reached the edge of the clearing, Remus felt himself being pulled away. He was slipping back away from the forest and away from Harry. He wished that he could stay and help. He only hoped that Harry's courage would be enough to stop Voldemort forever.
Remus was jerked away from the black forest, and he soon found himself back in the dome of colored light. The pictures surrounded him and the faces stared out at him. He stood still as he thought about what had happened. Harry had been going to fight Voldemort. Would he win? Could he? What had happened at the battle? Were they still fighting at Hogwarts even now, while he was trapped and powerless to help? His own memories of the battle were unclear. What had happened to him?
Remus was suddenly struck by inspiration. He couldn't recall what had happened, but he was surrounded by the swirling mass of his memories. Surely what he remembered from that night was here somewhere. Remus glanced frantically about. He had to learn what happened. Maybe it would tell him how to get back. There, on the other side of the dome was a flash of light and the leering face of Antonin Dolohov. Remus had been fighting Dolohov at Hogwarts. That must be it. Remus lunged across the dome to touch the memory before it transformed into something else. His hand went shooting through the image as his momentum carried him forward. Remus felt himself falling and saw images shifting around him.
He landed in Hogwarts. There he saw himself fighting Dolohov on a staircase. Hexes and curses flew all around and one whizzed through Remus's head. He didn't even feel it and assumed that like in the other memories, he would not be able to interact with those around him. Remus ran up the stairs to where his doppelganger was dueling Dolohov. By the time he got there, Dolohov and the other Remus were moving down the hall. Remus saw Bill Weasley dueling Alecto Carrow off to his left and Dedalus Diggle and a group of Hufflepuff students fighting with McNair.
Remus followed himself and Dolohov down the corridors and keeping an eye out for other members of the Order. The dueling Remus and Dolohov soon reached one of Hogwarts' many courtyards. There they circled each other menacingly. Remus stood between the two of them so he could see everything. The courtyard around them was empty. The duo continued sending curses at each other. There were a few narrow misses, but nothing serious. Footsteps sounded in the hall behind them, but neither Dolohov nor his double turned to look. Remus glanced behind him to see who was approaching. Bellatrix Lestrange walked out and into the courtyard.
"Need any help, Antonin?" she called. Her heavy lidded eyes flashed beneath her dark curls. "I would love to finish him off. He is family after all."
Now the memory Remus turned to look at the new threat. Remus frowned. He didn't remember any of this. He knew that he had fought Dolohov, but he couldn't recall meeting Bellatrix.
"Married to my little niece, aren't you?" Bellatrix crooned.
"No. He's mine, Bella. I fought him out here and I'll be the one to end it."
Remus watched and sized up the situation. Two against one. He could hold them off for a while, but not forever. It was only a matter of time before he fell.
"You wouldn't want me to be bored, would you Antonin? Everyone else is dying nicely and I have nothing to do. Besides, this is personal."
While the two Death Eaters talked, the memory Remus sent two stunning spells towards them. Bellatrix reacted quickly and deflected the spell without looking at him. Dolohov was less skilled in his attempt to defend himself. He only managed to deflect half the spell and his left arm hung useless and stunned at his side. After that the spells started flying from all directions.
Remus stood to the side and waited for the time when he would fall. A hex caught the memory Remus in the shoulder and a long deep gash opened up along his right arm. Remus glanced down at his arm where there was no such cut. The battle was intense, and Dolohov soon regained the use of his arm and attacked with a new ferocity. Remus saw himself send spell after spell at his attackers, and a few hit their mark. He still didn't remember the battle, but he knew that he would be the loser.
Dolohov sent rocks from the courtyard and chunks of stone hurling at his double in an attempt to distract him. One large chunk caught the memory Remus on the side of the head. Blood flowed freely from the head wound, but he kept fighting. Remus watched his blood flow from his double's head. He remembered that. It had come just before…….
Then there she was. Over the noise of the battle, no one had heard her footsteps in the hall. She came hurtling out of the doorway, wand in hand and pink hair flying. "Remus!" Her shout startled all of the duelers, and all turned to look at her. Remus saw an evil grin spread across Bellatrix's face.
"She's mine."
Remus's mind was a mass of confusion and emotion, and from the look of his double's face so was his. How could Dora be here? Why had she left safety at home to come fight? Why hadn't he remembered that she had been there? The memory Remus and Dolohov continued to fight, but Remus saw himself sneak glances toward the corner of the courtyard where Dora and Bellatrix were fighting. That lack of focus was going to get him killed, but he couldn't have done it differently. He had to know that she was safe.
Remus watched as the pairs continued fighting. He felt useless standing there. Terror filled every fiber of his being. Dora was here. She had been at the battle. What had happened to her after Remus had been defeated? Bellatrix was screaming and taunting Dora as she flung curses at her niece. Remus's double and Dolohov fought in silence punctuated by the loud explosions of their rebounding spells.
"No!"
The scream filled the courtyard. Both Remus' spun around at the sound of the cry; each seeking a way to help their wife. Dolohov, taking advantage of the situation sent a curse flying towards Remus's doppelganger. A jet of inky black shot from Dolohov’s wand. It wasn’t a spell Remus recognized, but there was no doubt that it was intended for his harm. The double raised his wand to ward off the attack, but it was too late. The spell caught him in the chest and sent him to the ground.
"Nooooo!"
Dora's cries again filled the courtyard. Remus watched as he lay motionless on the ground. He saw his wife run to his side, throwing curses over her shoulder as she went. He saw her take his hand, and prepare to defend him against the Death Eaters. He saw everything go black.
This time the darkness stayed. No light defended him with its gentle glow. He was alone in the consuming darkness. He must truly be dead. No, he couldn’t be dead. He had too much to live for. He had to return to Hogwarts. He had to find his wife. He had to protect his family. He had to live. He refused to die. Not like this. If only he could wake up. He had to wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.
***
Out of the Darkness by phoenix_song197
Chapter Notes: Still trapped in the hall of memories, Remus goes on a journey deep inside himself.
Chapter Endnotes: In this chapter I quoted directly from J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and she gets full credit for her genius.